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InvisiblePsychoslut
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
    #5540984 - 04/21/06 12:56 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

If you are about to say this thread sucks this has been posted 334 times already and is old please refrain yourself cause its the first time I saw it.


DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY : That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


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[quote]KristiMidocean said:
Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]

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InvisibleMushmanTheManic
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Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Psychoslut]
    #5541094 - 04/21/06 01:34 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: MushmanTheManic]
    #5541365 - 04/21/06 03:14 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

DESCARTES: the road doesn't exist, and frankly Im not sure if the chicken does either.

PLUR HIPPY: There is like, no other side, because all sides are one, like, you know? everything is one. The conflict is only like the illusion that the chicken is apart from the other side...... because it is like, already there.

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OfflineTheGus
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #5541636 - 04/21/06 04:54 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

psilocyberin said:
DESCARTES: the road doesn't exist, and frankly Im not sure if the chicken does either.

PLUR HIPPY: There is like, no other side, because all sides are one, like, you know? everything is one. The conflict is only like the illusion that the chicken is apart from the other side...... because it is like, already there.





strangely enough the hippy makes perfect sense


--------------------
"It is easier to teach a computer to play chess than to build a mudpie."Sherry Turkle Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts"-Einstein
:mrt: I pity the fool who break traffic laws with $870,000 of drugs in the car.      -mo0nlite_sonata
Psythos

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InvisibleLuddite
I watch Fox News
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Registered: 03/23/06
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: TheGus]
    #5541794 - 04/21/06 05:39 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Astral projection has been called bilocation. A better question would be, why did we incarnate here at this time? I was looking at the Hubbert peak oil curve one day recently and thought about how the peak was at the middle of my statistical life span. Maybe I chose the 1950's to come here.

Edited by Luddite (04/21/06 05:42 PM)

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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: TheGus]
    #5541813 - 04/21/06 05:50 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TheGus said:
Quote:

psilocyberin said:
DESCARTES: the road doesn't exist, and frankly Im not sure if the chicken does either.

PLUR HIPPY: There is like, no other side, because all sides are one, like, you know? everything is one. The conflict is only like the illusion that the chicken is apart from the other side...... because it is like, already there.





strangely enough the hippy makes perfect sense




of course the PLUR hippy makes sense to a PLUR hippy.

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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Psychoslut]
    #5542691 - 04/21/06 11:28 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

AYN RAND:

If you have ever asked the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" it is you to whom I write. Is is you who for centuries have held that chickens are either food on your plate, or vermin on the road, giving them no alternative with which to live a life consistent with their values.

Throughout history there have been two kinds of chickens which have come into power whenever society abandon reason -- The Butcher, and The Semi. The Butcher succeeds by the very virtue of those they enslave, by deceiving chickens into believing that they are fulfilling their "Destiny" or entering "Nirvana," by sacrificing themselves for "The Chicken Coup." Under The Butcher, the chickens offer themselves to slaughter. But The Butcher ultimately must rely upon The Semi for survival, an agent of fear and muscle with which to dominate those who reject the creed of self-sacrifice. The Semi survives by running straight over any chickens in its path. But The Semi is also dependent on The Butcher for justification of its slaughter.

In either case, the historical product is the mass slaughter of innocent chickens. The Semi which does not regard the values of the lives of the chickens runs right over them, and The Butcher which does not regard the value of the life of the individual chicken leads them to mass extermination for the Whole. These two alternatives are manifestations of the same false ideology -- the lack of recognition for the rights of the individual chicken.

But politics is always a compliment to culture. When you hear the phrase "Why did the chicken cross the road?" -- this is your cue to run. The chicken who says this gives up his ability to think, leaving the world to the Semi's and Butchers. He comes in many forms, passivism -- giving up the world to The Semi's as the Butcher, or aggression -- giving up the world to the Butchers as a Semi. Each false alternative is a manifestation of the same deliberate attack on the chicken's rational faculty.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The question is impossible to answer -- we are given no information as to which chicken and which road. We are given only two abstractions without context.. The question itself implies either rationalism, that knowledge is not based in reality -- or empiricism -- that knowledge bears no relation to how chickens think. The question is a society-wide symbol of epistemological disintegration. Its cultural/linguistic function is to compliment The Butchers and The Semi's, by severing the chicken's mind from reality and leaving him to wallow in what he cannot know. Only by rejecting the question altogether, and its political implications, can chickens be saved from mass extermination.





--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

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InvisiblePsychoslut
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #5544119 - 04/22/06 01:16 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Well Ive raised chickens and have observed there behavior. Chickens are very simple creatures. They don't give a shit about anything but eating, drinking, reproducing, and sleeping. That is all they do. Throughout the day they constantly roam around plucking the ground for tiny insects. Unless there was more chickens on the other side of the road for it to reproduce with the most reasonable answer for me would be that he simply wanted a fresh patch of grass to find bugs in.

simple.


--------------------



[quote]KristiMidocean said:
Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]

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OfflineTurn
Hey Its Free!

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 367
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Psychoslut]
    #5545893 - 04/22/06 11:23 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.



hehehe

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Offlinedr0mni
My Own Messiah
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Turn]
    #5549278 - 04/23/06 09:27 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

I love the Ayn Rand one Scorpivo!!

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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Psychoslut]
    #5549440 - 04/23/06 09:59 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

REDNECK: Because he hated America!


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OfflineBlueCoyote
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: Silversoul]
    #5549802 - 04/24/06 12:22 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Jewish GOD: Paradise lies on the other side of the road.
Devil:  The road leads to paradise.
Rationalist: Make paradise on your side of the road. The other side doesn't exist, because I never saw a chicken crossing the road.
Pagan Mystic: I saw a bird fly in the sky. You're a chick ?

(perhaps I missed the point :lol:)


--------------------
Though lovers be lost love shall not  And death shall have no dominion
......................................................
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."Martin Luther King, Jr.
'Acceptance is the absolute key - at that moment you gain freedom and you gain power and you gain courage'

Edited by BlueCoyote (04/24/06 12:25 AM)

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Offlinefresh313
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road? [Re: BlueCoyote]
    #5549940 - 04/24/06 01:28 AM (18 years, 1 month ago)

ram dass : his awareness of the moment in turn caused the karmic unfolding process to occur and the next thing he knew he was here now, on the other side.

macgyver : to retrieve his swiss army knife that was left over there while he was defusing the bomb.

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