|
deadhe4d
what?

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Friend of mine told me she got raped...
#5540804 - 04/21/06 11:47 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
A few weeks ago this female friend of mine told me she got raped in December by a close friend of her's (a friend she had for 2 years). This totally blew me away and I am wondering how should I handle this type of situation? I told her that I am always there to talk if she needs it, I even suggested to her that she should see a counselor.
The crazy thing is that the guy who raped her apparently used a condom, so there is no physical evidence of the event happening. The day after she went and got a rape kit done, but they didnt find any sort of fluids or hairs from the guy. But they did find some internal bruising and cuts.
Anyways, I am wondering what I should do to help her out. On top of that I am interested in her in a romantic way, but since I found out that this happened I was totally blown away, not knowing what to do or say.
Any sort of advice would prove to be helpful.
-- ~~Thanks brothers~~ --
-------------------- "If you get confused, listen to the music play" -- Franklin's Tower -- Grateful Dead
|
jcdangerously
I'll Cut You

Registered: 04/08/06
Posts: 422
Last seen: 17 years, 7 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5540838 - 04/21/06 11:57 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
The best thing you could do for her is to be an ear for her if she needs to talk. Suggesting she go to counseling might help, too. Incidentally, don't be surprised if she loses it around you once in a while. Women can have rape flashbacks in the same way that a vietnam vet might have a war flashback. If something like that happens, just remind her that everything's ok. Don't try to hold her or make her listen to you, but do what you can in a nonaggressive way to help her out.
Quote:
On top of that I am interested in her in a romantic way
I wouldn't. I dated a girl who was a rape victim for two years. It changed her whole personality in a way that would take pages to describe. Suffice to say, if you're really interested, then let her come to you. But I wouldn't pursue it. She's probably very emotional and may even seem a little bipolar at times.
All I can say is that if you do get into it with her, you're in for one hell of a ride.
As for the guy that did it to her, if you actually know him, you should disguise your face and curbstomp that waste of DNA.
--------------------
|
Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5540848 - 04/21/06 12:00 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Here's a good starting point: http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/
IMO, what is most important is not saying the right things, but being a compassionate listener. She will need to go through her healing process in her own way.
|
deadhe4d
what?

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: jcdangerously]
#5540852 - 04/21/06 12:01 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
As for the guy that did it to her, if you actually know him, you should disguise your face and curbstomp that waste of DNA.
Odd thing is that she lives two houses away from the guy who did it, and I know who he is what he looks like and where he lives, but I am not going to do anything for a while. I see him at random house parties around campus and Im waiting for the right time when I see him again at one of these parties. Gonna tell him I gotta show him something, then bring him outside and beat the living piss out of him, to say the least.
-------------------- "If you get confused, listen to the music play" -- Franklin's Tower -- Grateful Dead
|
Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5540867 - 04/21/06 12:05 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Being arrested for assault and battery will not help your friend, and may cause you a great deal of trouble.
|
deadhe4d
what?

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: Veritas]
#5540877 - 04/21/06 12:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I am a pre law student actually, I know the penalties of these sorts of incidents. I was actually thinking about something a little more crazy... I know quite a few homosexual males... To say the least have one of them have their way with him after he is passed out or drugged. 
this is all hypothetical though... just to give him a taste of his own medicine.
This is not a serious comment, but there is nothing I can do to him without some sort of potential risk.
-------------------- "If you get confused, listen to the music play" -- Franklin's Tower -- Grateful Dead
|
Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5540884 - 04/21/06 12:10 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
IMO, doing anything to him would be a waste of your time and energy. Focus on your life and helping your friend.
|
deadhe4d
what?

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: Veritas]
#5540887 - 04/21/06 12:12 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Veritas said: IMO, doing anything to him would be a waste of your time and energy. Focus on your life and helping your friend.
Well stated.
-------------------- "If you get confused, listen to the music play" -- Franklin's Tower -- Grateful Dead
|
Todcasil
rogue DMT elf


Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5541217 - 04/21/06 02:24 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Revenge is a tool for those weak in compassion.
If you are interested in her you may have to take it slow, Id do as others suggested and let her come to you, just be yoruself, eventually make your case known (your feelings) and see how she responds. ALWAYS see how she responds first, never assume anything.
You seem like a decent guy from the 200 words ive read from you so i think if you just trust in respect and romance youll be okay
-------------------- Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect GODDESSES Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud GODS. ~Casil
|
eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5543108 - 04/22/06 02:54 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
deadhe4d said: I am a pre law student actually, I know the penalties of these sorts of incidents. I was actually thinking about something a little more crazy... I know quite a few homosexual males... To say the least have one of them have their way with him after he is passed out or drugged. 
this is all hypothetical though... just to give him a taste of his own medicine.
This is not a serious comment, but there is nothing I can do to him without some sort of potential risk.
i dont know, i actually like this idea. as wrong as it might sound to some of you, i do believe that sometimes revenge is needed. sometimes people should feel what its like to be on the recieving end of their work, know how it feels. had someone raped one of my friends, i dont know how id react, but it wouldnt be pretty.
comforting your friend is obviously a must, the most important thing you should do. dont try to force her to talk or anything, jsut be available for when she feels she needs or wants to talk. you know she will because she already told you about it happening right. when she is ready to move on to the next step in healing, she will do it herself.
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: jcdangerously]
#5543447 - 04/22/06 09:36 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
jcdangerously said:
Quote:
On top of that I am interested in her in a romantic way
I wouldn't. I dated a girl who was a rape victim for two years. It changed her whole personality in a way that would take pages to describe.
Don't make a rule out of it. I went through something like that and it all depends on how determined you are to got over it. I'm not saying it's not hard, cause it is but she'll get over it if she feels she's protected and understood. The guy who did that to me got away with it and I was only 16 when it happened. When I went to tell my mom what happened to me she first thought I was lying, and she was sure about me lying for an year or so. And all that just because she said I was "a rebel teenager" - whatever that means and that I said that only to find an excuse for not being home when I should because I was avoiding seeing her ( we had a fight earlier that day) When she finally believed me, it was too late to do something. But y friends and my boyfriend which I had back then really helped me a lot. Still it was hard. But I got over it sooner then I expected, because I wouldn't let that fucking bastard to mess me up more then he did. People went through much more crazy shit then that and turned out ok. Just have patience with her and remind her of all the beautiful things life has besides the bad ones. And try to explain her that nothing in the world deserves to ruin your mind and your life. Oh yeah.... and one more thing, help her to get the fucking bastard if you can.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
THE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,409
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5552106 - 04/24/06 07:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Maybe she's full of shit and just wanted to see if she could get any sort of a reaction out of you?
-------------------- m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
#5554355 - 04/25/06 09:18 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Wow dude, you must be really smart, how did you come up with this amazing idea?
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5554460 - 04/25/06 10:19 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
He came up with the idea because it's a possibility. There are plenty of women who have "regrets" after doing a one night stand. Then there are women that may just lie outright; the Duke lacrosse team has raised the issue.
So what happened after the rape kit? No police report, no nothing? She just went to the hospital, they found a lot of "bruising and internal cuts" and then she decided "nevermind, I'm not filing charges"?. Sounds to me like something may be a lil fishy.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: badchad]
#5555069 - 04/25/06 02:19 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Well yeah, you could be right, but the reason she didn't go any further could also of been that maybe she was terrified of all the hell was about to follow.... could be that too, anyways, if he really raped her then when deadhe4d maybe offers to help and she refuses, that could be the answer... But what I am trying to say is yes, there can be women that that feel ashamed by one night stands, but there are also women which are so scared and get so traumatized after a rape, that they just cant' do anything to get the sick fuck which did that to them.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5555091 - 04/25/06 02:26 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
RAPE STATISTICS
In the U.S., 1.3 women are raped every minute. That's 78 rapes per hour.
1 out of every 3 American women will be assaulted in her lifetime.
1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
78% of rape victims know the attacker.
Rape has a devastating impact on the mental health of victims.
31% of all victims develop Rape-Related Post Traumatic Disorder (RR-PTSD) sometimes in their lifetimes. Based on U.S. Census reports on the number on women in the United States, 1.3 million women currently have RR-PTSD, 3.8 million women have had RR-PTSD and roughly 211,000 women will develop RR-PTSD each year.
Only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police. In a survey of victims who did not report rape or attempted rape to the police, the following was found as to why no report was made. 43% thought nothing could be done. 27% felt it was a private matter, 12% were afraid of police response, and 12% felt it was not important enough.
http://www.thehelpline.net/Abused.html
In addition, rape victims are often put on trial along with their attacker. Their sexual history is dragged into court, the defense attorney attempts to portray them as loose and immoral, and their family and friends get to sit in court and watch. In cases of acquaintance or "date" rape, the defense attorney will attempt to prove that the sex was consensual, and that she was "ashamed" later of her immoral behavior.
|
deadhe4d
what?

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
#5555155 - 04/25/06 02:47 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I never really thought of that before, that could be a possibility...
She said that she went to the police after the rape kit was completed and filed charges, all the police did (according to her) was question the suspect and essentially let him go, because he denied it and there was no concrete evidence pointing to him raping her, besides her word. On top of that we have a couple classes together and in one of our classes this speaker came in from a local rape crisis center to talk about rape and what people can do to better their lives after being a victim of rape. She sat through about five minutes and then she said that she had to leave. Obviously something was bothering her or otherwise she would have stayed to listen to the speaker and maybe help her through her "trauma".
I have not known this individual for a long time, so I cannot say if she is a liar or not... but my instincts tell me that she is not.
-------------------- "If you get confused, listen to the music play" -- Franklin's Tower -- Grateful Dead
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5555709 - 04/25/06 06:02 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Well yeah, that's true, yhe polices lets one go if there is no hard evidence (ex. witnesses). But this doesn't really mean that he didn't do it. As well as it could mean that you can't be sure if he did it. But also take notice that there are people which might seem ok but this doesn'e mean that they are not able to rape.... Draw you onw conclusins, but before that, think hard if she might have an ACTUAL and SOLID reason to lie to you...
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
trauma47645
The MushroomKing


Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 771
Loc: Somewhere in this place c...
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5555729 - 04/25/06 06:09 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Personally I hypothecically have access to an unregister .45 and 15 in the clip and one in the hole.. So I would put so much lead into that assholes non-vital parts that you could use him as a pencil
|
goobler
Reanimated



Registered: 02/24/03
Posts: 48,909
|
Re: Friend of mine told me she got raped... [Re: deadhe4d]
#5557726 - 04/26/06 07:00 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
do you go to Duke?
|
|