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Tasty_Smurf_House
Stranger


Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 8,657
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Communication problems are crippling my relationships.
#5522693 - 04/16/06 09:25 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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My girlfriend broke up with me today. When she was talking to me I noticed her mention about how I don't listen. I asked her why she hadn't talked to me about a lot of the things she said previously and she told me that she has talked to me about them numerous times. The same problem I had with my last girlfriend. They tell me the same things over and over again and five minutes after i'll have forgotten or it never sunk in or never even processed in my brain.
I'm extremely pissed off and frusterated with myself over this. They always say I need to work on it and try harder. I honestly have no idea how. When they speak, I hear. I hear what they are saying and I will be listening yet nothing ever seems to register or come of it.
On top of that I have a habit of thinking about other things while the person is talking. I don't mean to do this but it happens and I don't know how to stop it. I also interrupt a lot and quite often at very bad times when something important is being discussed. When I do get around to say what I'm trying to say, it's not uncommon for me to start to get confused about what I am saying or trying to say and say things that may not be true but I think are true during the moment. I can get very confused to say the least.
I don't even remember what my point is or what I'm trying to say other then help!
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf


Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: Communication problems are crippling my relationships. [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
#5522853 - 04/16/06 10:06 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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This may sound strange...
Try to imagine what they describe as they describe it...
Let them make there point without interrupting, listen like a story is being told, when they describe themselves or their situation, imagine it like a hero adventure scenario, and THEY are the hero.
They have a point, weather it be something was unfair, they are sad, they are frustrated, they feel under appreciated or perhaps they feel great or they are excited... etc.
YOU MUST LISTEN TO THAT POINT.
many words will be spoken, let them talk, unless its APPARENT its a dialogue it almost ALWAYS is gonna be a monologue when they are having problems which means they talk you listen.
So all you need to do is get past the words and find the story that they're telling you, and find out how it made them feel.
YOU CANNOT CORRECT THERE PROBLEMS. they simply want you to know and understand how it made them felt. This often leads to making love, woo!
Details may or may not be important, but whats important is that you know the cast of characters (usually her and a antagonist) and a scenario and how it made her feel.
You don't have to agree with it, you may think shes weak willed or shallow or simple minded or WHATEVER in which case all you must do is understand how she felt. You don't have to tell her how YOU feel.
If they ask, then you tell them. THEN you tell them how you would react in that situation.
this parts real important too,
STOP DOING SO MUCH DRUGS IF IT GETS IN THE WAY OF RELATIONSHIPS.
I don't know if that applies, but ill just leave it as an open statement of opinion 

-------------------- Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect GODDESSES Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud GODS. ~Casil
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HighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Communication problems are crippling my relationships. [Re: Todcasil]
#5523194 - 04/17/06 12:28 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Haha looking at it like shes the super hero and just turn her friends into the cast. Genius!
Edited by HighGuy (04/17/06 12:29 AM)
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Communication problems are crippling my relationships. [Re: HighGuy]
#5523523 - 04/17/06 05:18 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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You don't have to agree with it, you may think shes weak willed or shallow or simple minded or WHATEVER in which case all you must do is understand how she felt.
/\
Exactly. Remember that you have to keep your integrity and stand for what you beleive in, but at the same time respect what she thinks and relate to her dilemna.
But I think that is a step above where you're at. You're not considering how you need to react to what she's saying. You're considering how you can react, period.
I feel your dilemna, dude, because I've had the same trouble with social exchange. Things are all well and good over the internet where points are made in a nice paragraph form, but in real life you have to deal with emotions and scattered ideas and put it all together into something that makes the most sense. Sometimes you will take in a whole minute of someone's conversation and be able to respond with a simple few sentences because you understood there point in general. Other times they will be talking and talking and you just have to follow what they're saying to get to that 1 or 2 specific important points, which you hold onto until it's your time to respond.
This is not easy stuff because how you deal with other people's thought process is by filtering it with your thought process, which is effected by how you condition your mind to work as well as your mind's inherent ability to take in + understand information. This is a process that can take you days, weeks, months, years to build up. People are constantly evolving into new and better philosophies and learning new ways to adapt to change and deal with the struggle of every day life. That's just how it is. That's why you can talk to some old dude and his way of talking can be so much different than yours. But you should realize.. whether it's some 7 year old or a 70 year old - common sense is common sense, wisdom is wisdom, and a point is a point. So long as you have the right intentions and the abilitiy to follow through with a true expression of your logic + feelings, it is universally understood.
Now.. what can you do about this? The answer is simple. Evolve. Never stagnate. Grow every day. Grow every hour. Live your life with a flow. Don't get caught up when you don't understand. Don't focus on the problem. Focus on the answer. Never stagnate.
You need to learn how to understand you own way of thinking + dealing with everything. You need regular exercise so that your mind + body, which are one in the same, can function properly with good chemical processes and electrical pathways and all of the kinds of energy exchange that happens from keeping yourself active and healthy. Meditation is also key. There is thoughts that you will feel.. thoughts that shape your understanding and lead you down a true road of worthy exploration. You need to try to understand and try to live for your purpose.
Keeping all of these things in mind and living healthy will have a huge impact. You simply cannot keep up with someone when you are stuck in a negative pit and they are trying so hard to help themselves and help you. You can't be perfect, but the point is that you try. I truly beleive that, so long as you try and you have some good common sense, you will get by just fine.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Communication problems are crippling my relationships. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5526845 - 04/17/06 08:33 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have hard times paying attention too, not to conversations (seems like I have to remind people what they were saying --though i interrupt them so they forget--) but in class lectures.
I hear it. I'm not aware of hearing most of it, and most of it slips out of my head.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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kotik
fuckingsuperhero


Registered: 06/29/04
Posts: 3,531
Last seen: 4 years, 24 days
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Re: Communication problems are crippling my relationships. [Re: leery11]
#5528237 - 04/18/06 02:51 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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maybe u just need a girl that doesnt talk as much
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.
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