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Shop: Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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OfflineQuadrant6
Blood Red Eyes

Registered: 07/24/03
Posts: 89
Loc: Holland
Last seen: 15 years, 28 days
My girlfriend and I
    #5519928 - 04/15/06 11:56 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hi everyone.

I hope some of you can help, and offer suggestions. I know this is pretty frequent, but I dont know what to do.

My girlfriend and I have been living together for 2 years. I am frequently getting thoughts in my mind about having regrets when I die, thinking I did something wrong. I feel like I am growing old fast, and I want to enjoy it while I can. That is not all though, just icing on the cake.

Between us, we have become really comfortable with eachother, and that magic seems to have worn thin. We hardly help eachother out, and dont fight, but are not always on the same page. I want to be free, and I dont feel like I am.

Our sex life is pretty much non-existant. This is my fault, as I am not a very sexual person, but on top of that...I dont find myself really interested in her all the time. She is beautiful, and all, but I think combined with the stress, or mental stuff, my body just doesnt see her in that way all the time. Only on occasion.

I dont want to waste my time, if things are not going to work out. I also dont want to force myself into a situation where I am compromising my own happiness to feel secure. But on the other hand, I dont know if I will find anyone else I get along with better, before her there was no one. I do love her, I just dont really see me living my life with her the way things are going, and I have tried to change pace a bit.

I dont know what to do

And if leaving her was an option, it seems like it would be so hard. We live together, most our stuff is mutual, we have 2 dogs, and I dont think she could take it mentally. There is not really a problem between us, so she would be pretty unprepared, as this would be unforseen...the problem lies within myself, but I need to take care of #1 first.

Any suggestions on how to handle this delicate situation?

I have tried "giving it time" and it goes away for a bit, and I get preoccupied with something else, and I always find myself back at this spot. It may not be meant to be, or it may just be parts of the rollercoaster, the ups, and then the downs...

I am so lost.


--------------------
"Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire."
Jorge Luis Borges


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Offlinefresh313
journeyman
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/01/03
Posts: 2,537
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5520071 - 04/16/06 01:10 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

have sex with other girls?
when she finds out shell be happy to leave you.


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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5520411 - 04/16/06 08:36 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

talk to her about how you are feeling, if you haven't. She'd be the best one to help you (both of you) through this. Also, don't forget you are free to leave her if you choose, whether you see it as an option or not.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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Offlinemr_kite
The Watcher
Male

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5521928 - 04/16/06 05:55 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I came out of a really serious relationship recently and it was me who split it up. Could have gone for ever, marriage and kids down the line I guess, we were living together and everything, but something just felt wrong...Somewhere I knew that it wasnt gonna be forever. It really messed her up, a lot more than it messed me up, and I hate that but thats life, things just happen like that sometimes.

I guess everyone has doubts in a serious, long-term relationship. Just cos you're having doubts doesn't mean its not working. The only way to deal with it is to talk to her about it. It's hard as fuck to do but you gotta get your feelings out there, you owe it to her. She deserves to know what you're thinking.


--------------------
let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love


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Offlinemr_kite
The Watcher
Male

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: mr_kite]
    #5521935 - 04/16/06 05:57 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Also taking a break can be good...if things arent improving then moving out for a good month can really make you see how you feel about someone.


--------------------
let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love


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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5522049 - 04/16/06 06:26 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

There is only one path you can follow.  And oddly enough you have to decide which way that is.

I agree that you should tell her how you feel.  If that makes it worse, then it obviously isn't working that well.  If it helps solve a problem.... Then wonderful :heart:

Conversation is the only way to fix relationship problems.  You can change the way you behave or change the way you act in hopes that you might get a certain reaction from her or the relationship, but if you don't get that reaction you desire you may blame her or yourself and make things worse.

Simply talk to her about how you feel, let her know you're serious about the topic.

Theres nothing human conversation cannot alleviate, even if it means abolishing the relationship, make sure its on good terms.

try not to point fingers, simply state you're feelings.

:heart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
Male User Gallery
Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Todcasil]
    #5522452 - 04/16/06 08:21 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Great advice. I agree

You MUST tell her this. It's only fair to her. If you love her, then you have to tell her. Pretty simple. Maybe then you two can think of a way to get some of that magic back. Take a break from eachother. Go on seperate vacations, but don't involve yourself with someone else though. Sure-fire way to fuck it all up.

Tell her exactly what you posted and go from there, it's really all you can do at this point.


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Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineDocPsilocybin
enthusiast

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 588
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5523168 - 04/17/06 12:07 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

You said it in yourself, look out for number one.

Forget everything else. Don't overcomplicate it with worrying about the results or the outcome. If you don't feel it's working, then break up and move on. The best thing you can do is to realize it and make a clean break.

I was with a girl for four years, the relationship was over after six months in reality but I didn't want to accept it. Comfortable. I realize now that I was holding myself back.


--------------------
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
-- Booker T. Washington


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: Quadrant6]
    #5576030 - 05/01/06 12:44 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

If you don't cherish every second you are with her, then you don't deserve her.

I'm willing to bet there is another person out there for you that you will have no doubts about.

And I'm also willing to bet there is a person out there who could care for her in ways that you can not.

So maybe you should try to stand on your own two feet like a man and do what's right for both of you. Whatever you decide, be true.


Edited by DoctorJ (05/01/06 01:26 AM)


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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
Re: My girlfriend and I [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5583584 - 05/02/06 10:09 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

And I'm also willing to bet there is a person out there who could care for her in ways that you can not.




This is always a very important thing to remember. If you truly love her, but feel that the two of you aren't right for each other, let her go so that she can find someone who will give her what she deserves.

It's easy to feel this way about ourselves while feeling so sorry for the other person that we don't make a move in order to protect them when in fact it's not protection, but a sort of captivity.


Edited by schapper (05/02/06 11:22 PM)


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