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Limelight
IntrepidTraveler


Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want...
#5516894 - 04/14/06 06:52 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I just had my first ever beer-in-the-shower... and it was great. Out of nowhere I thought of the root of all my insecurities and things which I don't like about myself. I don't ever really know what I want. All my thoughts don't have 'conclusions' so to speak. This is manifested in many areas. In class... I often think about the object at hand, but I never really relate it to other things, i dont "link" thoughts together in my brain. Therefore it gives the impression that I really live in the moment. It comes out in girls in that I'll do stuff with random girls and I won't really know what I'm doing, i don't have goals. It comes out in conversation when I say somewhat random things (this isnt bad in this respect, people generally find it intriguing), but i would still like to address the issue.
I would really like to know how to fix it! Is this a maturity issue? The bad part about this is... what you tell me, I might not really "believe." I will see that, yes, you said it.. BUT (another big problem of mine), because I saw you say it, and I don't have a definite direction in mind.. I'll only question the current thought at hand, and find things wrong with it. Therefore, people often give me great, true, advice, and i'll think about it until I can find a way where the advice doesn't apply anymore, and I'll only think of more advice. It's like trying to fix a broken hammer with the same hammer. It's like this because I need to USE the aspects which are "broken," in order to fix those same aspects. I need to make goals, to fix problems. But I dont really have this ability in the first place, so it makes it harder to fix the problem. For this reason.. I'm hoping someone has some really damn good advice Or at least something to say which I can "grasp on to" for good.
Any insights?
PS. I think im doing pretty well for being pretty buzzed. Ironically this post probably is x100 better than my sober posts, where I over-explain for pages and pages.
-------------------- "The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."
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Limelight
IntrepidTraveler


Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5516902 - 04/14/06 06:58 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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It's like I'm almost not "smart enough" to think of consequences and results (yet I often play out scenarios in my head).. how is this possible?
Antoher thing is, when I smoke marijuana, I find that I analyze tons of shit, and it's so mindblowing to me. It all "makes sense." I think this is because it gives me a sense of direction which most people naturally have. When I'm high, im just like "DUDE.. this makes so much fucking sense." and everyone else is like "yeah...."
Its like they already "figured it out."
Its like i dont have the mental capacity to move to the next level of thoughts.. im stuck on the bottom of the ocean, only able to move a few leagues at a time, unable to ever reach the surface (the goals of life, what i want, the basic END RESULT of my thoughts).
-------------------- "The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."
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Limelight
IntrepidTraveler


Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5516906 - 04/14/06 06:59 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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And as another consequence, my mind often just zones out about random things. Even if they are related to the topic, they arent always related in a constructive way.. its just thinking, not actually MOVING towards what I want (because I dont know what I want...)
-------------------- "The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."
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Limelight
IntrepidTraveler


Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5516931 - 04/14/06 07:14 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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And as a final addition.. nothing really "makes 100% sense" as a result. I can definitely understand things, enough to interact with people in a completley non-schizophrenic way, but things don't seem to ever "click." ... like never. and i dont remember things all that well
-------------------- "The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."
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KingSpade
Seeker


Registered: 09/16/04
Posts: 993
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5517297 - 04/14/06 09:30 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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The human mind is so confusing dude..Props to you for being able to put all those thoughts down in words, because i cant even begin to explain how fucked up i think my own brain is!
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Abrainspot
Stranger

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 1,500
Loc: Rewind
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5517324 - 04/14/06 09:43 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Limelight said: It's like I'm almost not "smart enough" to think of consequences and results (yet I often play out scenarios in my head).. how is this possible?
Antoher thing is, when I smoke marijuana, I find that I analyze tons of shit, and it's so mindblowing to me. It all "makes sense." I think this is because it gives me a sense of direction which most people naturally have. When I'm high, im just like "DUDE.. this makes so much fucking sense." and everyone else is like "yeah...."
Its like they already "figured it out."
Its like i dont have the mental capacity to move to the next level of thoughts.. im stuck on the bottom of the ocean, only able to move a few leagues at a time, unable to ever reach the surface (the goals of life, what i want, the basic END RESULT of my thoughts).
I had the same effects when smoking pot, so i stopped. From my experiences pot can really fog up reality
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ExplosiveMango
HallucinogenusDigitallus


Registered: 07/12/05
Posts: 3,222
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5517601 - 04/14/06 11:44 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I think actually realizing this feeling about yourself and making an effort to address it is the first step in "fixing the problem".
I doubt you'll find any shortcuts through the rest of the steps... they will probably take time, and luck, and effort... and nobody can garauntee where the steps will actually lead you.
If you feel like the realization of this 'flaw' in yourself is the beginning of a 'journey' to change that flaw... why not explore a means of travel?
realization -> contemplation -> action
Figure out some way you can actually help yourself, in a way that you will then believe you've been helped. I would expect this to relieve anxiety about being a broken hammer.
-------------------- Know your self. Know your substance. Know your source. The most distorted perspective possible is the perspective that yours is not distorted.
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ExplosiveMango
HallucinogenusDigitallus


Registered: 07/12/05
Posts: 3,222
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Limelight]
#5517608 - 04/14/06 11:46 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Limelight said: nothing really "makes 100% sense"
I don't imagine ANYTHING makes 100% sense to anyone other than god.
-------------------- Know your self. Know your substance. Know your source. The most distorted perspective possible is the perspective that yours is not distorted.
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hoboblues

Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 610
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#5517663 - 04/15/06 12:10 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm pretty sure those are all symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder.
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nub
Plobable


Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 204
Loc: little district
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: ExplosiveMango]
#5517685 - 04/15/06 12:23 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I am god hes who i be and no-one thing i know make nothing sense to me.
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oblivia
Stranger
Registered: 01/14/06
Posts: 90
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: nub]
#5518056 - 04/15/06 05:45 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm starting off with an example here. A scientist had set up a table in a mall with on it four identical leggings. He would then ask people which of the four leggings they liked best. Other experiments have proven that people tend to like best, what lies left(or right, I can't remember). But now the people would stand in front of the table, with the most left-ish legging in their hands and they would tell the scientist they liked it best because of several reasons(stretchiness, texture. softness). You may have noticed what is really going on here. The people that participated we're telling the scientist why they preferred that particular legging based upon complete bogus which they actually believed themselves.
That's your brain playing tricks on you. Because people couldn't figure out why they liked it best(they were unaware of the fact people like stuff that lies on the left side) they just made something up and would believe it.
This happens to us everyday when we see something happening of which we don't know the reason for happening. It's the brains mechanism to fill up the holes. Now when people notice their own behavior and they can't really explain it, people are still going to try to fill up that hole. Sometimes drawing conclusions about their own life that are not real.
I think you may have done the same thing by telling yourself you are abnormal and stuck in your thoughts. But what would you expect? To be the same as everybody else and always be enlightened about everything?
I did the same thing too in my life at some point. I actually felt I was somewhat abnormal for not wanting to interact with everybody, hating to keep conversations going and getting tired of so many people talking. I was wondering whether weed was making me socially withdrawn, that kind of stuff. Around that time I had to make a decision about what I was going to study. I took a test to find out in what direction I should be looking for. This same test also measured some other stuff. And what turned out, I'm above average introvert. So not wanting to interact with everybody, hating to keep conversations going and getting tired of so many people talking was entirely normal for me.
I know there are quite some statements in this post for someone without any psychological degree. But I got this information from an article in the Psychology Magazine, written by someone with a bunch of degrees in psychology. What I mostly hope for, is that you can relate to this post and realize that you are perfectly normal.
P.S. Concerning ?the other people seem to have figured it all out? part, they don't have it all figured out. It's just a front.
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ilovemushies
NeedsInspiration


Registered: 04/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: New Jersey
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: I feel like I'm in a constant state of not knowing what I want... [Re: Abrainspot]
#5518079 - 04/15/06 06:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
jst31 said:
Quote:
Limelight said: It's like I'm almost not "smart enough" to think of consequences and results (yet I often play out scenarios in my head).. how is this possible?
Antoher thing is, when I smoke marijuana, I find that I analyze tons of shit, and it's so mindblowing to me. It all "makes sense." I think this is because it gives me a sense of direction which most people naturally have. When I'm high, im just like "DUDE.. this makes so much fucking sense." and everyone else is like "yeah...."
Its like they already "figured it out."
Its like i dont have the mental capacity to move to the next level of thoughts.. im stuck on the bottom of the ocean, only able to move a few leagues at a time, unable to ever reach the surface (the goals of life, what i want, the basic END RESULT of my thoughts).
I had the same effects when smoking pot, so i stopped. From my experiences pot can really fog up reality
agreed
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