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OfflineClammyJoe
Azurescen Head
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Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 3,691
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Scared of Ego loss
    #5493420 - 04/08/06 03:26 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I ate about 2.3 grams of wood loving Cyanescens, and gradually things go brighter, the world got larger, and colors started to flow. For some reason the people who I planned on tripping with didn't feel anything (or so they said) and I was left by myself, and they went to bed, so I was left alone tripping in my bed with all the lights off.

I figure since I'm not tripping too hard I might be able to lay down and just have a nice blissful experience... I was pretty much wrong. I would close my eyes and my vision would be engulfed by colors and shapes and patterns, and it was very enjoyable, but eventually these visuals manifested themselves into deeper and deeper thoughts, and I could feel myself on the very brink of breaking through and letting go, and I would entertain the thought of just going a little deeper, becoming a little more enveloped in myself, but I would quickly panic and stand up and roll out of bad, very disturbed of the idea of letting go. I repeated this several times until I came down, and frankly, I was a little disappointed in myself.

How can I bring myself to the point of no return? I really don't want to dose high and have no choice, I want this to come from my own will, and to explore inner self on my terms, not my dosages terms... if that makes sense?

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Invisiblekaniz
That one, overthere.
Male

Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 4,166
Loc: Ontario
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5493434 - 04/08/06 03:29 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

The higher you dose, the less choice you have in the matter. At lower dosages, you can will yourself into ego loss though medidation. At higher doses, it can force you there if you like it or not, and trying to fight it will turn into a roucher expierence.

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OfflineSchwip
Never sleeps.
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Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 3,937
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5493442 - 04/08/06 03:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i was having the same "problem"...... the thought of just totally letting go scared the ever living shit out of me....

and my last experience with mushrooms is described perfectly the same as what you posted.
since then i havent had the time to take anymore trips....something i feel the need for and will do this summer.......

it will be interesting to see how others respond to your post


--------------------
--------------------------------

" If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made, and the people you've touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else. "

..............

"MAN! You know there aint no such thing as left over crack!"


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OfflineBirds_Can_Swim
Fish Can Fly

Registered: 03/29/06
Posts: 1,269
Loc: Right in front of you, du...
Last seen: 17 years, 10 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5493444 - 04/08/06 03:33 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I don't know why anyone's scared of Ego Death

For me, it's one of the most bizarrely entertaining experiences in the world

There's probably a way you can go insanely deep, but it depends on you


--------------------
There is no valid reason why you should be reading this

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Invisiblekaniz
That one, overthere.
Male

Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 4,166
Loc: Ontario
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: Birds_Can_Swim]
    #5493447 - 04/08/06 03:34 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

and, why the fear of letting go? you will come back - your ego is a pesky little thing which will always come back. Not like your going to lose it and have it be gone forever.

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Offlinekungpow
SeasonedPsychonaut
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Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 1,669
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Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: kaniz]
    #5493527 - 04/08/06 04:00 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I myself don't understand why you are so afraid of ego loss. This is an experience that I have been looking for, for the past year and have come short of luck. I recently started meditating in my search for egoloss, but again I have not achieved it. I believe that once I have an egoloss it will be easier to attain. Hopefully I will be having one soon. I was going to have a very in depth and spirtual high dose trip last wed. but I had a bad day at work and thought that wouldn't be a good idea. I am now preparing for my next trip to be a very in depth trip. I don't know when I will be able to do shrooms again but hopefully when I do I will be ready.

~Peace out


--------------------
Monotub #3 - check out my best grow to date!!!!


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OfflineLion
Decadent Flower Magnate
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
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Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5493582 - 04/08/06 04:17 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

TheMadConductor said:
I ate about 2.3 grams of wood loving Cyanescens, and gradually things go brighter, the world got larger, and colors started to flow. For some reason the people who I planned on tripping with didn't feel anything (or so they said) and I was left by myself, and they went to bed, so I was left alone tripping in my bed with all the lights off.

I figure since I'm not tripping too hard I might be able to lay down and just have a nice blissful experience... I was pretty much wrong. I would close my eyes and my vision would be engulfed by colors and shapes and patterns, and it was very enjoyable, but eventually these visuals manifested themselves into deeper and deeper thoughts, and I could feel myself on the very brink of breaking through and letting go, and I would entertain the thought of just going a little deeper, becoming a little more enveloped in myself, but I would quickly panic and stand up and roll out of bad, very disturbed of the idea of letting go. I repeated this several times until I came down, and frankly, I was a little disappointed in myself.

How can I bring myself to the point of no return? I really don't want to dose high and have no choice, I want this to come from my own will, and to explore inner self on my terms, not my dosages terms... if that makes sense?


The idea of your will being involved in ego loss is somewhat paradoxical: you are essentially saying you want to be able to will yourself to lose your will. I've never personally experienced ego-death, but I don't know if I would be able to if I wasn't forced into it by a higher than normal dose.


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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OfflineClammyJoe
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Posts: 3,691
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Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: Lion]
    #5494257 - 04/08/06 07:26 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks everyone for your input.

Kaniz, you do have a point about coming back, but when it was happening, I didn't even think about what would happen after, just what was about to happen. I think the mind has some built in defense mechanisms to prevent these sort of things.

I'm actually very curious about ego loss, and want to experience, but reality always seems to get the best of me, when I'm too messed up to understand, its there to comfort me, and let me keep my hold. I think I need some isolation from normal objects and scenes in my setting for this.

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Invisibleso_me_tuo
Stranger
Registered: 02/03/06
Posts: 90
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5494278 - 04/08/06 07:32 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

the thing is ego loss isnt something that you can want because if you want it then that is part of your ego. your ego doesnt already exist its all how you put it. you should read texts by spirtual dudes who write books. and get as far as you can with out the mushrooms then let them take you. it really is better to ease into it with yourself then use some catalyst I my opion any way.

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OfflineEquilibriuM
dream stalker

Registered: 07/17/05
Posts: 2,323
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5494285 - 04/08/06 07:33 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

your ego doesn't want to lose control. This is very common. there is no secret trick... you just gotta do it.


--------------------
HELP!!!!!!!!!

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: kungpow]
    #5494322 - 04/08/06 07:43 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i lose ego when i sleep every night. why is ego loss on mushrooms different?


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: TODAY]
    #5494379 - 04/08/06 07:57 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

yeah, exactly, kinda.

I would keep almost entering a dream like state while I was awake. It scared the hell out of me for some reason.

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5494425 - 04/08/06 08:11 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

well, we lose ego when we sleep right? i mean the definition of ego loss is separating self/cognitive processes from environment right? Well, if i can dissasociate myself from the environment through sleep it should 'feel' the same as if i had dissasociated myself from the environment on shrooms right?

part of the reason that a dissasociative experience on shrooms is so strong, to me, is because it hurts so much to get to the point where you loose yourself. when i eat shrooms i get super anxious and waves of uncomfortability and paranoia, etc. i've never experienced ego loss fully on mushrooms but when i got close i fought it all the way. this made the comedown and eventual sobriety a bang of an event. i appreciated my uninfluenced brain alot when i was finally off of the shrooms.

when we sleep its not too big of a deal to lie down and close our eyes (its actually pretty comfortable...duh) so when we drift off to unconciousness (an ego-less state) there is no pain or mental trauma. although, when i'm sick and i'm trying to sleep but can't its quite a hellish experience and actually reminiscent of psychedellia/psychosis and when i finally fall asleep and wakeup realizing i'd drifted off, i'm really happy and grateful that i finally got to sleep.

i hope you all can understand the comparisson that i'm making. that's about all i have to say right now before it turns into rambling.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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Offlinessjwizard
Stranger
Registered: 09/01/05
Posts: 206
Last seen: 15 years, 2 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: TODAY]
    #5494901 - 04/08/06 10:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i understand that atemt tp keep a grip on reality its allways there. all i can say is just let go forget that its happening become engrosed in the experence and see what happens. another less ritualistic means of doing this would be take some disacociatives and hang on cus your gona be there quick. DXM or ketamine would be my recomendations there and for some reason it doesnt seem as harsh as the dissacociation on mushrooms but then again thats all those drugs do. i will never advocate the use of PCP but it can get you there but i wouldnt recomend it. and the last option of course is take some mushrooms and when your brain isnt paying attention take some more it will ease you into an overwhelming dose rather than just showing up like high im the 6g dose you just took say good bye to reality!. anyways you seem to be on the right track just take it easy you will get there if thats what you wish.


--------------------
All statments, Imagery, and Ideas contained therin any postings are meerly retold sotrys of fictional acts created by a figmant of the universe imagination.

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OfflineDeaf
Stranger
Registered: 07/02/05
Posts: 19
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: TODAY]
    #5494993 - 04/08/06 11:03 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

TODAY said:
well, we lose ego when we sleep right? i mean the definition of ego loss is separating self/cognitive processes from environment right? Well, if i can dissasociate myself from the environment through sleep it should 'feel' the same as if i had dissasociated myself from the environment on shrooms right?

part of the reason that a dissasociative experience on shrooms is so strong, to me, is because it hurts so much to get to the point where you loose yourself. when i eat shrooms i get super anxious and waves of uncomfortability and paranoia, etc. i've never experienced ego loss fully on mushrooms but when i got close i fought it all the way. this made the comedown and eventual sobriety a bang of an event. i appreciated my uninfluenced brain alot when i was finally off of the shrooms.

when we sleep its not too big of a deal to lie down and close our eyes (its actually pretty comfortable...duh) so when we drift off to unconciousness (an ego-less state) there is no pain or mental trauma. although, when i'm sick and i'm trying to sleep but can't its quite a hellish experience and actually reminiscent of psychedellia/psychosis and when i finally fall asleep and wakeup realizing i'd drifted off, i'm really happy and grateful that i finally got to sleep.

i hope you all can understand the comparisson that i'm making. that's about all i have to say right now before it turns into rambling.



When the burning of poison through your veins becomes as tormenting as the realization of existance, you understand that breaking the chains of reality is your only means of escape.

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InvisibleGratos
Just thinkin anddrinkin
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Posts: 1,374
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5495105 - 04/08/06 11:41 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

FWIW Ive never got to the point of ego loss with mushrooms but have with LSD. No need to fear my friend, IME its a state of pure bliss (my experiences are with LSD though). No need to be a "man" anymore, I can openly discuss anything with my friends without fear. No need to think Im 'superior' to my friends or those around me anymore, Im simply a person and so are others, we are equals (it just comes naturally), none are better or worse then others and its so beautiful. I can truly look at myself without fear and I can accurately judge what needs changed in my character without pride or fear. They were indeed the best, most spiritual experiences of my life. Mush is a little rough on the come up (IME) and unfortunately with the experiences Ive read and my own experiences with it ino the last year or so Im a little scared of mush but, from the trip reports Ive read it can definatly get you to a similiar state of being.

Edited by Gratos (04/08/06 11:43 PM)

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: Deaf]
    #5497406 - 04/09/06 06:32 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Deaf said:
Quote:

TODAY said:
well, we lose ego when we sleep right? i mean the definition of ego loss is separating self/cognitive processes from environment right? Well, if i can dissasociate myself from the environment through sleep it should 'feel' the same as if i had dissasociated myself from the environment on shrooms right?

part of the reason that a dissasociative experience on shrooms is so strong, to me, is because it hurts so much to get to the point where you loose yourself. when i eat shrooms i get super anxious and waves of uncomfortability and paranoia, etc. i've never experienced ego loss fully on mushrooms but when i got close i fought it all the way. this made the comedown and eventual sobriety a bang of an event. i appreciated my uninfluenced brain alot when i was finally off of the shrooms.

when we sleep its not too big of a deal to lie down and close our eyes (its actually pretty comfortable...duh) so when we drift off to unconciousness (an ego-less state) there is no pain or mental trauma. although, when i'm sick and i'm trying to sleep but can't its quite a hellish experience and actually reminiscent of psychedellia/psychosis and when i finally fall asleep and wakeup realizing i'd drifted off, i'm really happy and grateful that i finally got to sleep.

i hope you all can understand the comparisson that i'm making. that's about all i have to say right now before it turns into rambling.



When the burning of poison through your veins becomes as tormenting as the realization of existance, you understand that breaking the chains of reality is your only means of escape.




ummmmmm, care to elaborate? i'm not quite sure what you mean and in what context you mean it in.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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OfflineDeaf
Stranger
Registered: 07/02/05
Posts: 19
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: TODAY]
    #5497750 - 04/09/06 07:56 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

My point is that I've been where you seem to have been. The pain becomes so immense that the only alternative is to break through.

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: Deaf]
    #5497809 - 04/09/06 08:10 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i've been there too...i just couldn't let go. i would have liked to because it would have taken me away from the pain...i just couldn't. i understand your point now, i just need some practice letting go before i loose my ego forever.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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Offlinesome1whoisntme
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Registered: 09/21/05
Posts: 882
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Scared of Ego loss [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5497835 - 04/09/06 08:17 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I would close my eyes and my vision would be engulfed by colors and shapes and patterns, and it was very enjoyable, but eventually these visuals manifested themselves into deeper and deeper thoughts, and I could feel myself on the very brink of breaking through and letting go, and I would entertain the thought of just going a little deeper, becoming a little more enveloped in myself, but I would quickly panic and stand up and roll out of bad, very disturbed of the idea of letting go. I repeated this several times until I came down, and frankly, I was a little disappointed in myself.




Quote:

part of the reason that a dissasociative experience on shrooms is so strong, to me, is because it hurts so much to get to the point where you loose yourself. when i eat shrooms i get super anxious and waves of uncomfortability and paranoia, etc. i've never experienced ego loss fully on mushrooms but when i got close i fought it all the way. this made the comedown and eventual sobriety a bang of an event. i appreciated my uninfluenced brain alot when i was finally off of the shrooms.




I 100% agree with the above.

I had read about ego loss and tripped on mushrooms many a time before I got to "the decision point" where you let go and break through to the great beyond or fight, and I fought it tooth and nail for what seemed like hours. The farthest I got, I'd JUST gotten to the point where the physical pain stops and you break through, but it scared the living shit out of me. I was tripping too hard to remember what ego loss was or what to expect (dose was 4g POTENT cubes[creeper on WBS], 3.5g bud in brownie form)

I was positive if I let go, I would die. I have a feeling the pot brownies I ate added to this. I'd like to try a higher dose of mush some time without so much weed. The high doses of each synergized in a way that made me very uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, You just can't have one without the other, but I didn't like that much.

I want to trip again some time, and feel confident that now that I've experienced it, it won't be so hard to fight the break through next time. Next time, though, is going to be a long time from now. I have some spores stashed away for a couple years down the road. I tripped too much this past year though. I need to integrate right now. Not time for my next lesson yet.

So the moral of the story is, if you eat a mushroom sandwich made with pot brownies, prepare for a fuckin' ride, man!


--------------------
"Ignore the distortion you're forced to percieve and believe that what supercedes is love, but who agrees?"

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