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 RandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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 Male and female friendships 
#5487080 - 04/06/06 05:15 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I was talking to a friend of mine (a guy) today. I asked him if he had pure friendships with any of the women that he knows. By this I meant were there any women that he is friends with and that he has no romantic or sexual interest in. He said "No. Every woman that I am friends with I either want to get in bed or I want a romantic relationship with". A lot of guys seem to feel this way.
I'm not like my friend. I am able to have a pure friendship with a woman. It is possible for me to be close to a woman, to talk to her, to care about her, to have an interest in how she is doing, and to have absolutely no sexual or romantic interest in her.
However, my friendships with women are different than my friendships with men. My friendships with men are more for comradery and "guy stuff". My friendships with women tend to be more about supporting one another and expressing caring. I truly enjoy close friendships with women because I am able to be more open with them about certain things. Also, I take a sincere interest in being there for a woman when she needs to talk or needs support. I can't engage in this kind of emotional intimacy with guys...it is just too weird. I can only open up about certain stuff to a woman.
I wanted to get some opinions from both men and women. Is it possible in your life and with who you are to have a pure friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Or do you always feel a sexual tension in the relationship?
Edited by RandalFlagg (04/06/06 08:43 PM)
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 Gillette
Jaded
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487452 - 04/06/06 07:23 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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Ummm I'd like to believe that not every guy I know wants to sleep with me.
I can say I have plenty of guy friends that I have no intention of sleeping with them, and I never notice any sexual tension, although I'm sure in some cases its there.
I do have 3 best guy friends, that I've known for about 10 years, one I did date, so he doesn't count, but the other two, I'm pretty positive theres nothing there, like we've even slept in the same bed and stuff, if anything was ever going to happen it would have already.
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~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
Edited by Gillette (04/06/06 07:24 PM)
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leery11
I Tell You What!
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: Gillette]
#5487510 - 04/06/06 07:36 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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the sexual tension must surely be conditioned.
yes i can, but i will want more eventually because i will feel so close to her and want physical affection (not necessarily sex)
......... now if she has a bf it's different... then i just .... it's little things like i'll enjoy her company and like it when she's nice to me and she'll make me happier than a guy would..... assumedly..... and i find her attractive and her gender makes me interact with her differently but i'm not plotting to seduce her and break up her relationships.
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daimyo
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487682 - 04/06/06 08:10 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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There's some girls I talk to that I don't actively pursue, but given the chance, 
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"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."
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RandalFlagg
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: daimyo]
#5487808 - 04/06/06 08:37 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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Hm....interesting.
So far we have the following comments:
Randalflagg: I'm able to be friends with women and have no ulterior romantic or sexual motives.
Gillette: I have guy friends and I hope they all don't want to have sex with me.
daimyo: I want to bang them all.
leery11: I'm kind of in between Randal and daimyo.
This is really interesting. I love sociological stuff like this.
Edited by RandalFlagg (04/06/06 08:39 PM)
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Liz
Owl Lady
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Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487842 - 04/06/06 08:47 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I have plenty of guy friends who are strictly platonic friends, who talk to me about their issues and I go to them about mine. I know they don't want anything sexual in our relationship. Whether this is because they know it would never happen, or because they know my boyfriend would stab them with a rusty fork in the eye, I'm not sure.
But yeah, I have plenty of platonic male friends who I have no interest in and have no interest in me. Not ALL guys are one track mind assholes 
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daimyo
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487904 - 04/06/06 09:04 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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Not all of them. Ugly ones gets no love.
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"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: Liz]
#5487905 - 04/06/06 09:04 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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Do you think it is easier and more common for women to have platonic views of male friends than vice versa? In other words, are guys more likely to be thinking of sex or romance in a friendship than a woman would be?
Bonus Question: What if somebody has a friend who is very attractive? Is this person able to completely view the friend as platonic or will there be desires and tension based on attraction?
In regards to that question, I personally have had very attractive female friends that I never even thought about sexually or romantically for a second. It's like my brain classified them as friends and I never thought any differently of them. But, I should add that I am incredibly picky when it comes to being interested in a woman.
Edited by RandalFlagg (04/06/06 09:07 PM)
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peepeepottypants
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487916 - 04/06/06 09:07 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I have had relationships involving both.
most of the guys Ive been friends with have been romantically or sexually motivated, at the time I was friends with them. I probably continued to indulge in the friendship because of the attention (although I did not reciprocate the intentions). but Id say since Ive grown up slightly all the guys Im friends with now are not sexually or romantically motivated towards me, otherwise I dont think I couldnt continue a friendship.
Edited by peepeepottypants (04/06/06 09:10 PM)
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Liz
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Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5487983 - 04/06/06 09:26 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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See, I'm not a good one to ask, because I'm in a committed relationship, so let's pretend for a sec that I wasn't.
If I was single and friends with a hot guy, it really depends how long I had known him. If we were well in to the "friends only" territory, than we would be just friends. If we were just getting to know eachother, well, then why not see what happens 
I don't think guys are any more guilty than women in scoping out "friends" as potential bed buddies. I've done it when single (sometimes succesfully, sometimes not) but yeah, I think both sexes will strike when the opportunity presents itself. 
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Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
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wilshire
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5488101 - 04/06/06 10:00 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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Is it possible in your life and with who you are to have a pure friendship with a member of the opposite sex?
generally only if they're a friend's girlfriend or a girlfriend's friend.
also...
you should have specified "preferred gender" not "opposite sex". this question is heterocentric.
 
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Colonel Kurtz Ph.D
What What?
Registered: 07/22/04
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Loc: Shadow Moses
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 Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5488168 - 04/06/06 10:21 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I find this topic very interesting as I've wondered about it myself a lot of times.
I only have 1 (there are more but I see them like once a year) female friend that I don't feel atracted to, and mostly because she is more of a man than I am and there's some artistic competition going on that creates some tension for me.
In most cases when starting a friendship with a girl I'm not physically atracted to there's a point where I feel so comfortable with her emotionally than I still want something more to happen.
So yeah, generally speaking I'm atracted to my lady friends, but that doesn't mean I'm actively pursuing a relationship either. Let's say that I'm open to developments
Quote:
Bonus Question: What if somebody has a friend who is very attractive? Is this person able to completely view the friend as platonic or will there be desires and tension based on attraction?
Desires and tension for me 
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pshawny
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5488295 - 04/06/06 11:08 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I had a good friend in high school that was a girl. I had no interest in her sexualy, just friendship. She was overwieght and I just wasn't attracted to her. I could never have a hot girlfriend and not think of her sexualy, it's just not natural.
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DoctorJ
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5488299 - 04/06/06 11:09 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I pretty much want to bang any hot chick I met, unless her personality is so bad it cancels out my libido. The only chicks I can be 'just friends' with are chicks who, for whatever reason, I am unattracted to.
anyone who answers differently is a liar.
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The_Hobbit
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: DoctorJ]
#5488359 - 04/06/06 11:35 PM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I had a friend who's a beautiful girl. At first, I was just talking to her to hit on her. But over time, I've come to realize that we are better as friends so I stopped thinking about that.
Basically, it would always be in my mind to want physical contact because that is just natural. And if she wanted to get intimate, I would definitely do that. But, as things are, I filter those thoughts or just smile at myself for thinking anything like that.
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Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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goobler
Reanimated
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Posts: 48,909
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5488988 - 04/07/06 05:11 AM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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two simple facts that make platonic friends
#1 the thought of sex comes up every so often
#2 you are smart enough not to act on it
we are sexual creatures, sex in in our mind 24/7, none of you can dispute that
its how we temper it that makes us who we are
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Cosmic_Dragon
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5489002 - 04/07/06 05:35 AM (18 years, 14 days ago) |
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I'd have to say 14/15 of my friends are guys...I'm really like one of the guys...I've had probably like problems with one fourth of my guy friends liking me too much and showing it.......
I don't really think it matter on the sex, but rather the individual....I know some guys who are sex minded, some guys who aren't.....some girls who are sex minded, some girls who aren't......
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goobler
Reanimated
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everone is, some just keep it well hiden
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Cosmic_Dragon
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Re: Male and female friendships [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5489051 - 04/07/06 06:19 AM (18 years, 13 days ago) |
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True...everyone thinks of sex...but sex rules over some people a lot more then others...some people may only think of sex every so often....while some every 5 minutes....some people don't really seem to care about anything else but getting laid but some other people seem to care about morals, or feelings, or money, faith, religion, ecosystem, bunny rabbits......lol.......etc...blah blah blah...more then they do sex...
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goobler
Reanimated
Registered: 02/24/03
Posts: 48,909
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eh, like I said its what we act upon that defines us to others not what we are thinking
quess what I'm thinking about right now
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