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morphogenetic
Stranger
Registered: 03/02/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 17 years, 5 months
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ugh, friendship
#5479603 - 04/04/06 03:37 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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So.. Lately I have been wondering about the validity of a friendship of mine, and it has really been biting at my nerves.
I have this friend who I made an amazing bond with last summer on E. We had this great friendship going, and then suddenly, she turned around and basically said she is too good for drugs and that everything that happens on the is fake. This really hurt my feelings, because it made me feel like our relationship didnt mean anything to her, because it is fake and was formed with the help of drugs.
I dealt with this until around Christmas, I suggested the idea of all of us(me, her, our group of friends) going ot have "family" photos taken(my friends and I are really close and do pretty much everything together). She sent this email out to everyone talking about how it was such a creepy idea and that it was like some creepy, inbreeding mennonite family. This really hurt my feelings once again, and changed our relationship AGAIN.
Now, since last thanksgiving, I have been having a lot of problems...anxiety, family troubles, depression. I never sleep, and have been battling with an eating disorder and continue to for the last long while. I find drugs to be helpful and therapeutic for me. This doesnt mean that I cant find the good side in normal, everyday life, but drugs are always a nice little boost for me to get up off of the ground sometimes.
So i sent out a quote the other day, a bit of food for thought about maybe testing people for greed and hunger for power woudl be just as beneficial as drug-testing. This spawned into a huge argument, mainly with this "friend" of mine. She made personal attacks on both my boyfriend and I, made fun of my eating disorder and was very disrespectful to a lot of our friends in general. in the end, she said that what set this whole thing going for her was a comment my boyfriend made a long time ago, which made her see some segregation between those of us that do drugs, and those who don't.
SO this whole problem is going on, and the ones she has the problem with never even had the slightest INKLING of any of it. She is a philosophy student, and is busy pointing out why she is right and everyone else is wrong. ANother friend of mine and I sent her emails explaining and apologizing, and she sent back long elaborate emails to us. My boyfriend sent her an email trying to apologize and work things out, and she ignored it. Last night he sent her a second one, to which she relpied completely dismissing him and saying "I dont have the time or the energy to point out every one of your fallacies".
Is this not incredibly disrespectful? is it fair for her to want everyone to love her, yet she continues to treat other people horribly? Is it stupid of me(like she said) to have had my feelings hurt in this process? I am a firm beleiver in protecting the ones you love first, and my boyfriend has been around much longer than she has.
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Rambel
Stranger

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 128
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Drop her and count your blessings. I am annoyed with her just from reading that email!
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Shroomism
Space Travellin


Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: ugh, friendship [Re: Rambel]
#5479759 - 04/04/06 04:22 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I agree. This person sounds like much more trouble than they are worth.
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peepeepottypants
Stranger


Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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She totally loses.
you need to step away, and not respond to her.
cut her completely she is using you as a stepping stool for her own self indulgent pride
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Osker246
Stranger


Registered: 07/10/03
Posts: 1,479
Loc: Washington
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Yep I am going to have to agree with everybody else here. From the way you are expressing your feelings, she seems to be a total bitch and not worth your time. Friends will always come and go; so dont stress over it too much. There are millions of other people out there which I can guarantee would be more interesting than your so called "friend".
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mrsautoman
Don't DriveAngry


Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 166
Loc: Dirty South
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
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I think everyone in this thread is right. But you sound like you need a little more closure.
I'd recommend writing a note. Tell her what you told us, adjusted for brevity. Tell her that no matter how contentious things are now, that you valued her friendship. Tell her that no words that have been exchanged will erase the Agape that you felt for each other. Let her know that you will miss the connection you had.
Then let her know you don't allow people to treat you and your partner with disrespect. Let her know that anyone in your life who does not contribute in a positive way is someone better left in memory.
Then if you don't feel like sending the letter, burn it. Either way, expressing the totality of your feelings in writing will be cathartic for you. Don't carry the bitterness and confusion of this with you anymore. When you have learned all that you can, you have done all that you can do.
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~I was born of a voice untimely, the so-called echo of a man's ordure~
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morphogenetic
Stranger
Registered: 03/02/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 17 years, 5 months
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Re: ugh, friendship [Re: mrsautoman]
#5483154 - 04/05/06 02:31 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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aww...thanks  you guys are amazing...
I will definitely take your advice
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: ugh, friendship [Re: mrsautoman]
#5483533 - 04/05/06 04:19 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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mrsautoman....
that's some good advice. Do you think it even works for relationships that have long since been stagnant?
I had a bad situation with this girl.... really bad.... and I think she still doesn't like me, is freaked out when she sees me on campus..... and..... that there should be a resolution between us.
If I were to write a cathartic letter, overview it, sit on it a while..... send it.... think it would be a good idea? This girl supposedly has some mental problems, she had a most unfortunate uprbrining and experienced loss more than any human ever should have had to..... and even her "friends" don't entirely like her because of her eccentricity and odd natures.......
she is an interesting person and could be capable of opening up to healing and love, and I have no idea how her life is doing. I do care. Not a ton.... more what I care about is just making sure that we don't hold grudges against each other, because I'm willing and wanting to forgive her, and even talk to her.
But.... it's been..............3 to 4 years. I even randomly sent her a Tool concert we went to together in the mail for her birthday, but did not write her a note or anything. Just becasue I thought it would be such a nice gesture. But what if it freaked her out?
I feel like amends should be made in such situations. So perhaps I should write one of these letters and debate sending it?
part of the issue is i, not intentionally, wronged her tremendously, and she, not intentionally, wronged me tremendously.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (04/05/06 04:20 PM)
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mrsautoman
Don't DriveAngry


Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 166
Loc: Dirty South
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
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Re: ugh, friendship [Re: leery11]
#5486328 - 04/06/06 12:00 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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All I can say is to temper your desires for closure/reconnection with the degree of vulnerability you want to project.
That's why sometimes you burn the letter, and sometimes you send it.
Only you have enough background information to determine this.
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~I was born of a voice untimely, the so-called echo of a man's ordure~
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Rambel
Stranger

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 128
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: ugh, friendship [Re: mrsautoman]
#5489703 - 04/07/06 11:37 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
mrsautoman said: Let her know that anyone in your life who does not contribute in a positive way is someone better left in memory.
I like that. Great advice!!!
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