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Offlinezappa
please excusethe filth, yourmom was justhere
Female User Gallery

Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 256
Loc: motor city madness
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
i wrote a poem
    #5463491 - 03/31/06 10:56 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

my life is lost in the mist.
i must find it.
i pass through doors of clouds,
but cannot unearth it.

i walk in a lost
aurora of my mind,
searching rampidly
for the soul i once preserved.

i cleanse my mind
with dreams of freedom.
freedom from conformity
in a society of plastics.

i flow
hypnotically downwards.

large beasts with
serpentine heads
breathe fire
onto the darkened
crystal curtains.

a passage way
melts down before me.
with closed eyes,
i enter.

looking through
my transparent eyelids,
i can see a
distant realm.

i gaze upon the large
marble stepping stone.
a beautiful white angel
is bathing my soul
in a fountain of liquid mirrors,
which reflect dreams,
and show the limetless
visions of man.





what do you think? :mushroom2:


--------------------
:blackspy: :whitespy: :snowman: :farmerdance: :scaryshroom: :bananahorsey: :bananabang:

I :heart: GARY SINISE!!!!


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Offlinezappa
please excusethe filth, yourmom was justhere
Female User Gallery

Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 256
Loc: motor city madness
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
Re: i wrote a poem [Re: zappa]
    #5481642 - 04/05/06 05:21 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

nobody appreciates poetry. :wander:


--------------------
:blackspy: :whitespy: :snowman: :farmerdance: :scaryshroom: :bananahorsey: :bananabang:

I :heart: GARY SINISE!!!!


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: i wrote a poem [Re: zappa]
    #5482352 - 04/05/06 10:45 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

It's a bit cryptic, and the form changes are a bit random.

It's not bad... but it could use some work.

I enjoyed the phrase,


i flow
hypnotically downwards.


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Offlinezappa
please excusethe filth, yourmom was justhere
Female User Gallery

Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 256
Loc: motor city madness
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
Re: i wrote a poem [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #5486456 - 04/06/06 12:38 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

i know, the conformity part doesnt fit. its hard to work on that. ive been trying to fix this for a long time, but i guess i kinda just gave up.
that "i flow hypnotically downwards" part reminds me of jim morrison. i saw him durring a trip, and thats what he said to me. (he came right out of a poster, and started talking to me.)


--------------------
:blackspy: :whitespy: :snowman: :farmerdance: :scaryshroom: :bananahorsey: :bananabang:

I :heart: GARY SINISE!!!!


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