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Psychonaut ![]() Registered: 11/04/03 Posts: 326 Loc: nURHEAD |
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hey,
I have panic attacks almost every day and have been extrememly depressed to the point ive attempted suicide a few times..(my dad caught me hanging from a belt in my bathroom). I started using alcohol almost everyday to deal w/ the anxiety and panic attacks. And while it helps when im drunk... when im coming off it usually makes it worse. I can't even sleep at night... i have nightmares of demons and people trying to murder me, I wake up several times during the night. I have been a heavy user of cannabis since I was 14yrs old but I recently cut back about a year ago. I can't go out in public without getting inside peoples mind's and have extreme panic attacks when out in public places. It's gotten to the point to where I wont leave the house unless im drunk. I'm a virgin people make fun of me for it because of my age. Also I have no sex drive at all and no interst in it. Anyone know?
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Stranger Registered: 01/16/06 Posts: 150 Last seen: 17 years, 2 months |
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Quote: You sound like me except for the drinking part. Today I stared at a piece of paper with a phone number on it for 40 minutes before I actually called it because I was so scared.
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I Tell You What! Registered: 06/24/05 Posts: 5,998 Last seen: 8 years, 9 months |
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Well I relate to not having a sex drive and being a virgin. No one makes fun of me for it anymore, I was mainly just made fun for it online... no one in real life really knows and wouldn't care anymore now that I'm in college and don't hang out with judgemental macho guys.
But you sound like you actually should get some counseling and medication dude...... that's not healthy or normal or right. Also JackAttack did you read my reply to that thread you made about your virginity a while back? Were you the one who made it? It seems so. I wish you both well. The path to healing is not necessarily easy but as long as you want to get better, sincerely truely want to, and make it your goal. You are already on it. Cut out negative influences from your life. Cut back on the weed and booze until you can eventually stop it, because you will learn to stop using it the hard way if you don't. It does NOT help...... I was flirting with anxiety and panic problems not more than a week ago for some reason....... weed contributed to it. You have to get hold of the emotional thoughts, the ones that say "something bad is going to happen" that seem out of your control, and you have to combat them and say to yourself, consciously, "no, it will be okay" until they stop happening. You have to learn to breath really deep and relax. You just have to look at yourself and ask why you feel the ways you do. And in all honesty you may very well need to go to counseling. But the bottom line... the foundation for all of it ... is simply a desire to improve. You already have this desire so EMBRACE IT..... I can't recommend meditation or yoga or tai chi enough.... anything to help you calm the mind and attain balance and restoration. Whatever you do, you will make it through if you trust in your will. Just setting the desire to make it through is enough, just keep trusting in it and being patient. If you want to be confident..... you ARE confident... wanting to be so plants the seed and it naturally grows, but you have to let it, and there will be obstacles and tests in the way that will force you to exert your confidence, whatever you have... maybe it's something simple like being able to go out in public a long time until the anxiety cuts down....... or maybe that's a challenge for you... whatever it is you will have to confront some fear, but go at your own pace and the fear starts to disappear on its own and you realize it isn't as bad as you were initially making it out to be. You have divinity inside you and you have peace and courage and strength inside you, you just need to water the seeds with patience and diligence...... it's okay to seek help...... but trust in yourself fundamentally. Think of yourselves as three yous...... one of them is perfectly at peace in YOUR shoes right now, one is the one that is having all the problems....... and you are right in the middle of the two, and each and every single moment you have a choice. Which me do I want to be? The old me..... or the new me? If you accept a new identity for yourself it will come. Make peace with going to sleep by balancing out a normal daily schedule.... have some relaxing chammomile tea before bed and spend a long time relaxing...... have someone come over and sit with you a while in the evenings if you are bothered by being alone..... or talk on a phone? or do whatever you do to calm down..... then when you get ready for bed VOW to use your sleep to become a better person. In your dreams, BECOME who you want to be..... in your dremas you can easily encounter panic situations but transform them into healthy ones..... just lie in bed and make up your own dream while you fall asleep... imagine that you are doing whatever it is you want to do, as a brave warrior... or an explorer.... or whoever you want to be....... and then ask to be allowed to have this dream when you go to bed. and each time you wake up, think about the dream again. any time you have a nightmare....... relive the dream in your head with your imagination but change it into a happy dream... dont' attack the murderers because they are part of you...... instead transform them into friends... maybe if you dream someone comes up and punches you.... when you wake up .... change it .... think someone comes up and hands you an angry letter they wrote, and you can read it and understand why they are mad, and then make friends with them. and if you wake up from a nightmare and still feel trapped in the dream world, this is perfect chance to relax and go right back in and make peace with the things... if something scares you you don't have to confront it, you can turn a monster into a small puppy, and then ask it to be nicer, you can do whatever you want........ just don't lash out at your dreams or they will lash out at you. It's just one step at a time, and while you're reading this, or choosing not to read it... are you reading it from the positive self that says "fuck i might not feel great now but I can easily become a better person" or are you saying "this is bullshit i hate my life and i don't want to do this." Mental health is not about the future, it's about the present. You have to build a bridge overy scary and ominous territory in order to find peace, and you have to start building it right now. and right now too. and later when you are done reading. The thing is, you build it simply by wanting to. Even if this sounds like optimistic bullshit, it doesn't matter...... you are NOT a fixed perspective, you are not a pessimistic or an optimist or anxious or calm. You are whatever you accept yourself as being. If you truely want to be confident with girls (not saying that you do, this is just an example) then envision in your head what that is like and just do it. Practice it in your dreams. Write stories where you behave how you would like. Believe that you can and take it a step at a time. I hope this helps you in some way. There is no set path other than your own... this is just the best I can write to try and get you started.... CUT OUT all bad influences... all of them.... doesn't mean you can't occasionally smoke but until you get balanced don't do it, and dont' drink either....... stay away from bad friends...... bad influences.... but don't hide from your problems and issues..... tackle them as best as you can.... and don't be afraid to ask for help. peace. ![]() also try free-form writing.... making a post a really long one just keep typing whatever comes into your head without thinking about it or judging it it doesn't have to be about anything it could be about what you are feeling or what you would like to feel or how yoru day went or philosophical thoughts or poetry or a story just keep writing as long as you can and work on getting it to where as soon as you think something it's already down in words.... you can then come back and read it and see things that you might not have realized before... and if you want to you can post it.... that's the best way to really tackle complex issues is to just openly write about them without worrying how the typing looks..... this is how i'm writing this yellow portion and how i wrote this entire post and how i write most posts....... it's very beneficial in understanding yourself and what you believe and what your perspectives are. -------------------- ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Edited by leery11 (03/29/06 08:20 PM)
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The GuitarVillai Registered: 09/27/04 Posts: 1,706 Loc: California Last seen: 12 years, 8 months |
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I have had some of those same symptoms before. I dont know what it is, but to me it seems like a repressed memory maybe from your childhood or earlier on in your life is causing it. I would get some counseling if I was you so the problem does not progress.
-------------------- There is not a lot of difference between a fox hole and a grave; but knowing that you dug your ditch and climbed in anyway.
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Psychonaut ![]() Registered: 11/04/03 Posts: 326 Loc: nURHEAD |
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Quote: I am currently seeing a psychologist. Sometimes I don't even know if he's listening to what i'm saying. I don't even see an ounce of compassion in his eyes. Alot of times he will just listen but not make any comments or will come back with a lame response or he will talk about something totally unrelated to my problems like he's trying to waste time. I've been to 3 different psychologists and none of them seem to give a damn about me. I truly want to get better and have been working on this for a few years. I have taken almost every antidepressant on the market and none of them have helped me, in fact, a few of them have made it worse. Everytime I talk to a doctor about this all he wants to do is put me on a fuckload of pills. You talk as if it's something so easy to get rid of. I can't just rehearse lines in my head and make it go away. Each panic attack is different and when i'm having one I can't just say "it will pass, ill be alright" because it doesnt make it better. And even though I sometimes know intellectually there is nothing physically wrong I can't stop the sense of foreboding. I've tried deep breathing, meditation, excercise, teas and a few natural rememdies and none of them have helped me. It's easy to say "it will get better have patience, youll be alright, you're not searching hard enough" but the fact is no one here truly knows what I am experencing. I don't ever see myself having enough confidence to go out to public places. And I don't see myself being totally cured. I think the my only hope is death. I do hope I can get better but so far it's not looking good at all. I've been shut up in my house for 4 and a half months unable to socialize with others and I feel as if im going downhill. Everyday I think about ways to kill myself. My dad was very abusive towards me as a child, even though I know he really didn't mean to because he was brought up in a similar manner. I've been admitted to several mental hospitals. The doctor put me in a holding cell for 2 weeks before I got transferred to the mental hospital. I was throwing up blood and almost died while I was incarcerated. I tried to tell them about my medical condition and the pigs running the facility did not care if I lived or die.. I was a caged animal in their eyes. The sheriff use to beat me and handcuff my legs and my arms behind my back overnight. The doctor at the mental hospital almost killed me w/ a combination of meds she had me on and I was picked up by an ambulance. I've had alot of friends, some of who I trusted most, betray me and stab me in the back. I have no idea how I am alive and typing this right now. I have been so close to death, so many times I could smell it. It seems as if i'm at the lowest point a human being could possibly get. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. --------------------
Edited by FurrySheep (03/29/06 09:32 PM)
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The GuitarVillai Registered: 09/27/04 Posts: 1,706 Loc: California Last seen: 12 years, 8 months |
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I think you just posted what the issues are that cause this. I agree that the meds wont work because if medication actually fixed problems the drug industry would be out of business. They just make the symptons go away for a while. I really think that talking about these issues in depth (maybe even under hypnosis) can help you deal with them. A lot of times there are repressed memories in peoples lives that can cause all this pain and torment. Now I am not an expert, but based on cases I have read in psycology classes and such, this seems like a text book case. I would get a counselor (one you trust) and talk about these things.
-------------------- There is not a lot of difference between a fox hole and a grave; but knowing that you dug your ditch and climbed in anyway.
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Stranger Registered: 01/12/03 Posts: 5,139 Last seen: 16 years, 6 months |
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Binging on alcohol can definetly cause some weird "night-terror" sleep interferences. Sometimes it makes me get stuck in a loop of dreaming, realizing im dreaming, waking up, and realizing that I am dreaming yet again, and then i wake up, and then i realize im dreaming again, etc. It can also induce nightmares for me.
Id stay away from Alcohol if I was you, pick up a healthier habit like smoking weed everyday. You'll sleep great!
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Bilbo Baggins Registered: 04/06/04 Posts: 1,382 Loc: The Shire Last seen: 16 years, 10 months |
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Eat, work out, sleep. Make sure to do all 3 every day.
http://www.frixo.com/sites/fitness/exercises/crunch.html You can do a few sets of these when you wake up in the morning. Stretch after every shower. Bam you will feel hellof better. -------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Psychonaut ![]() Registered: 11/04/03 Posts: 326 Loc: nURHEAD |
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no it's not repressed memories what causes this problem it's a chemical imbalance in my brain.
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... Registered: 10/12/05 Posts: 999 Loc: Tx Last seen: 8 years, 3 months |
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Quote: it took me along time, and alot of patience, but meditation has helped immensely. i would recommend it above anything else. -------------------- "Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" -Groucho Marx
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Psychonaut ![]() Registered: 11/04/03 Posts: 326 Loc: nURHEAD |
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meditation doesnt help
--------------------
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fuckingsuperhero Registered: 06/29/04 Posts: 3,531 Last seen: 4 years, 24 days |
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Quote: you didnt mention your age, but im guessing you are at least 18 ![]() but besides that, I'll just throw 2 cents in here: if you have a feeling that psychologists don't care about you, its because its true. and to those that realize this, or to those which arent easily influenced, hypnosis is not a very realistic option. I'd love to debate that issue... as for drugs, yep same thing, at least for anything other than curing infections / swelling / pain / etc. anything that alters your attention span, emotions, sleeping patterns, eating habits, etc. etc. I see as criminal, but whatever they make money. give it a few years if you can bear it, but to me, having 4 months to myself, alone would not be the end of the world. In fact I would probably get a lot of things done that I have been putting off. I have to admit that I also went for a period of time where I would stare at phone numbers for a while before calling, or just avoid the phone period, from a mix of anxiety and really just not wanting to have the fucking phone stuck to my head all day ![]() eventually, that went away because you cannot survive in this world without interaction in person, or at least by phone. I mean you could order everything off the internet, but that would be quite an extreme. long story short, if you are still fairly young, chances are you will be ok. now if you are having panic attacks to the point where you can't breathe and need someone there with an inhaler or smelling salts, then obviously you are already at an extreme. Quote: i could not imagine being able to even understand what meditation means, if you are constantly using drugs, or in a suicidal state. not to be disrespectful in anyway, but are you positive you have meditated before, and not something else? Edited by kotik (03/30/06 05:18 AM)
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... Registered: 10/12/05 Posts: 999 Loc: Tx Last seen: 8 years, 3 months |
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Quote:
-------------------- "Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" -Groucho Marx
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Stranger Registered: 03/27/01 Posts: 2,360 |
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This may seem totally out in left field, but seek out a shamanic healer.
I know it sounds like witch-doctor bullshit but being that you are in the shroomery and seek out spiritual experiences there is a good chance that it would be most helpful. I have read up on shamanism and apparently they are able to help out when western medicine fails. I myself have used yoga, meditation, and Qi Gong and find they are extremely helpful. I am looking at Shamanistic healers myself but haven't actually met with one. It sounds though as it is the right ticket.
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Ganja Man GoneWi Registered: 06/08/05 Posts: 222 Loc: Cloud 9 |
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Check your thyroid. I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, its a combo of bipolar and schizophrenia..... but I have hyperthyroidism which makes me seem 6000% more bipolar. I started a medication called tapozole... and a week into it I see a major difference. Without insurance the blood test cost me $14... and they test for TSH, T3, T4 and maybe one or two other hormone levels dealing with the thyroid. And my medication is only $19 without insurance, the generic is methimazole.
I've got the depression, the voices, the hallucinations, paranoia, etc., etc., etc. I've attempted suicide, and everything else. Turns out my condition isn't that bad.... it was my thyroid intensifying something that was already there but manageable by itself. Don't give up, I've found my way through 3 years of total hell and torture. I feel for you, but I'm living proof that despite having a mental illness you can still have fun with life with minimal mental glitches as I call them. Meditation never helped me because all I hear are voices, but in this category I think its each unto their own. -------------------- "... Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Genesis
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Stranger Registered: 03/27/01 Posts: 2,360 |
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This is a good point.
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which apparently contributes to depression. It is true that the thyroid matters a lot in how you feel and think.
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I Tell You What! Registered: 06/24/05 Posts: 5,998 Last seen: 8 years, 9 months |
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Quote: I know what you are talking about unfortunately. Quote: Then I would scrap everything I said about psychiatric help, it can work, and I was just assuming that you had not undergone it. If it is hindering your progress then I would quit the medications very very slowly over time, gradually weaning off. This will yield terrible withdrawals, hellish experiences though.... unless done gracefully and gradually.... I went through quitting INSANE amounts of effexor, they tripled my dosage within the span of a month simply on the grounds of "how are you feeling?" "not good" "okay lets up the dose" ..... repeat 3 times the 3 times I saw them each week. Quote: yeah you can dude..... you just have a LOT to work through. It isn't easy but it's simple. Something will click for you friend, something will click to signify improvement...... all those things are excellent routes to healing and I'm sorry it didn't work for you.... maybe you need something different. Is there nothing, no matter how drastic, besides death that would yield significant changes at least to make your life really intersting and worth pursuing? What if you went on a trip to a foreign country ..... what if you got into college and studied abroad...... is there nothing no matter how extremely outrageous and fantastical that you could do in the world to help? What if you went on a huge nature hike with a camping program with like 5-6 people for a week.... college universities often offer such programs and generally you can participate even if you aren't a student. Quote: No we don't. But you have a choice in it getting better no matter how fucked up it is. And at the bottom line it is about patience no matter what the circumstances are. I'm very sorry to hear all this....... all I can really offer is my support. ![]() I hope these institutions of torture and depravity crumble under the very judgemental eyes of a suddenly awakened mass of previously apathetic souls, and that no injustices like you suffered are ever tolerated again. This is truely unfortunate.... but are you going to let it rule the rest of your life, or even drive you to death? What more fitting of a punishment for that sheriff, for those human beings, than to overcome everything they put you through and overshadow them as a being more alive and special than they ever would be, to see that their cruelty and desire to completely ruin your life failed right in their face, and that soon they will pay for their deeds. and they will my friend. They want you to hate them. That gives them power over you....... it is...... incomprehensible and I'm very sorry to hear about it. But you still have an option to be alive. And so far, that is the path you have chosen. It's over, and you're here right now, and right now is an opportunity to be free. You're the best source of inspiration and advice you've got... you're the only one that will ever give you as much love as you deserve. And you deserve love. You absolutely do deserve it. ![]() Like you said, it's as low as you feel it could possibly ever be........ you have great things in store for you man! You cannot go that low without having a high point eventually. What ever decision you make I hope it is the right one for you to live a happy life...... no one can tell you whether it's right or wrong to kill yourself, but this decision is clearly being made not by you, but by everyone who has ever abused you and wished to destroy your life and will and freedom. You can overshadow them and become a truely great person, or you can let their damage continue to eat you away. I really don't know what to say to any of this..... but you have my complete support and you can make it through. I don't know why that shit happened to you, but it's over, it's up to you whether you give the abusive ones in your life power over your will....I'm not big into religion right now but last night I read a Bible passage randomly : "Ask God to bless those who persecute you--yes, ask him to bless, not to curse. Be happy with those who are happy, weep with those who weep. Have the same concern for everyone. Do not be proud, but accept humble duties. Do not think yourselfs as wise. If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with wrong. Try to do what everyone considers to be good. Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God's anger do it. For the scripture says, "I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord." Instead, as the scripture says: "If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them a drink; for by dong this you will make them burn with shame. Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with good." Romans, 12:14-21 My take is this, you burned through almost all karma that a human being could possibly ever burn through...... now is the time to plant good seeds..... what you went through was terrible and it hurts to read.... but you have an OPEN FUTURE NOW..... if you withold any and all judgement (and I can't ask you to do this, it would indeed be trying) on those who have wronged you, instead attempt to understand what drove them to have power complexes, or like you said your dad learned to be that way..... if you understand and forgive, their karma is ENTIRELY on them and they will reap what they have sown..... I don't know if you believe in karma..... it's not to say that anyone deserves to suffer, it is just simple cause and effect, the actions of your current life come back to you in the future..... do not look at it as that you deserved punishment, for you DID NOT. Do not look at it as even they deserve punishment, for they may liably well have already sufferend tremendously in order to be the uncaring un-compassionate individuals they are...... rather just simply look at it as cause and effect. To do and wish good will to all is to free yourself. This is the basic message and story of Jesus... he accepted every evil thing done unto him and wished his persecutors well, for this he ascended....... this is the basic story of all religions, be loving... be kind.... accept your karma and by being loving and kind you will not create any more ill karma. The answers are in you, finding them out may be an extremely challenging process but you are already on the road to recovery! Stick to what works and never abandon the search. You can use this life to be the strongest person in the entire face of the world for having endured and perservered, and the worst is almost over! Or you can give up and throw in your cards for a random hand.... and hope things are better next time around. I would just keep in mind this: Do you recall choosing to have this life? What makes you think tossing it away will lead you to better futures or simple nonexistence? I would stick with what you have and work with it. You have the tools you need and if you ever need help you can come here, you can PM me....... you have my full support and well wishes and I'm sure those of this community at large. ![]() Namaste Quote: I'm a psych major and I can tell you that is untrue. Anyone who claims that either wants your MONEY or doesn't know better. Psychological disorders are caused by multiple spectrums of issues..... and the thing is for example being absued can CAUSE chemical imbalances as you become depressed and your neurotransmitters start to function differently.... but the problem isn't your chemistry, it's what happened to you in your life. It's environmental, its social, its congitive, it's everything but biological really IMO.... based upon what you have told us. THOUGH you are fucking things up by drinking too much and getting high too much and that can easily create a chemical problem. I have a friend who was abused though not nearly as bad as you and went somewhat schizophrenic from not sleeping for a week.... he was put on medication and it doesn't work for him and makes him feel worse too... his issues are numerous but I would wager not very biological either. Chemical imbalances are a result of other imbalances weaving a pattern into your brain dude. Generally what they do is medicate and counsel because medication does improve mood fairly quickly and counseling then helps work out moods, but it's not because you have chemical problems, it's just because they want to stabilize you and like handing out pills. And friend meditation does help..... go live in a monastery! I swear dude, that's a fantastic idea. If you are considering ending your current life and surrending to forces beyond your comprehension why not just go instead run away to a monastery and ask them to help you balance your life out... become a monk, I bet they would take you in even if you didn't want to learn their religion, just to get PROPER TRAINING...... In high enough levels of jihana, you have no body. You are liberated from connections to this world... you feel no pain. It works it is just a very long path, which is why I say, you're living in your house for 4 months, why not go live with some peaceful loving monks!? They will show you patience, tolerance, and compassion..... and Buddhism is the most practical guide to ceasing suffering that I've ever come across, that's the point of the entire religion. -------------------- ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Edited by leery11 (03/30/06 11:10 AM)
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I Tell You What! Registered: 06/24/05 Posts: 5,998 Last seen: 8 years, 9 months |
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And... finally......... seeking out a shaman is an excellent idea if he is a legitimate source.
I also highly recommend lucid dreaming because, and though I have not used them for this application, you can encounter the very true deepest source of all your problems and fix it symbollically. You can encounter as much fear as you can tolerate and even moreso, and you can transmute it and thereby heal yourself. You can dig deep into your mind and go into the darkest most hellish places conceivable only to find that they turn into paradise once accepted and stepped through... you can go through your shadow and come out the other side. You can heal with them. I don't know why I have not used them more extensively for self journeying but just last night I talked to a "demon" or "spirit" about hell and he advised me as to how it is not as solid a place as you would think and I awoke feeling less worried about this silly notion of damnation. The dream started with him clawing at my throat and I simply asked him why he was doing it and talked to him. He was neither friendly nor evil and had quite a bit of information for me... I accepted as much as I was ready to hear and bid him ado... and woke up. He actually seemed to be the spirit of my dog. But... I digress..... this is one way where you could have a nightmare (though he was not hurting me by clawing at me) but you can simply take this and befriend it and learn from it. It's like psychedelic drugs, but it's a free high and it happens every night. If you go to bed WITH A FIRM DESIRE to heal, you will make progress in your dreams. Guaranteed, it may take a few tries to notice and categorize, but it works, its shamanism, its pscyehdelia, and it's free and natural and requires no talents other than falling asleep in a sober mind so as to not inhibit REM. -------------------- ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
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Ganja Man GoneWi Registered: 06/08/05 Posts: 222 Loc: Cloud 9 |
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Counseling helps alot... but it takes a while to find a cool one that you click with. It took me 2 years and 6 psychologists later I found a good one.... only to have her quit her job and move after 8 months. So now I'm looking for another but it helps when you find the one that really helps, you'll know on the first visit usually if its going to work or not. If they just repeat what I say in different words... time to move on. Depending on where you live... there's usually public programs and the such for those without insurance and its free.
-------------------- "... Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Genesis
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