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InvisibleMOTH
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Hospital, meds...hard decisions.
    #5452121 - 03/28/06 05:19 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I had my first therapy appointment today.  I really liked the lady I spoke to, Deborah.  She is an elderly woman with pale blonde hair and a kind face.  I felt a good vibe from her immediately because of the "experience" she seemed to radiate and also her eyes made me think she was compassionate.  I was going to give her a "letter about myself" but I chickened out.  Instead, I just answered her questions. 

At the end, she said, "I'd like to be honest, but I don't want to scare you."  I said, "Go ahead and be honest."  First she told me I exhibited symptoms of bipolar disorder.  Then she said that she'd like me to be hospitalized. 

Not sure what to think, really.  In a way, going to the hospital would be a big relief.  Like you wouldn't believe.  I live with the constant fear that I may soon damage or disfigure myself so being in a safe place would take that fear away from me.  On the other hand, another fear emerges...being "trapped" in a "psychiatric facility," being forced to take medication, keep a regular schedule, do therapy all the time...(I've been inpatient before and know what it's like)...well, being AWAY FROM HOME...it's all very daunting.  And disturbing.  I'm not sure what to think. 

Yet at the same time...it would be such a big relief. 

So I told her, "I don't know."  And she said, "Well, at the very least, I'd like you to see a doctor immediately, before the end of the week."  I questioned further, and she said that she thinks I'm too vulnerable to make much use out of therapy and that I need medication to stabilize me first.  I told her I just want to know why I do the things I do.  She said it may be because my brain is wired and functions differently. 

So I don't know. 

I'm about to go on benefits from work and will see if they can cover any hospitalization.  She even wrote a note to my employer and called my husband.  Oh yeah, and she helped me sign a "no disfigurement or suicide" contract, which made me feel like a kid again.  I'm just very nervous about all this.  Overwelmed. 

I'm not looking for opinions with this post.  I have decided I'm going to do whatever I need to do.  I just wanted to write this post and see if anyone could relate to being hospitalized and if you feel you gained anything positive from the experience.  I don't remember much when I went inpatient as a teen.  Except I pretty much hated it (but then again I was in the adolescent ward, adult might be different). 

Anyway.  :confused:  I am concerned about this...and worried about taking meds.  She said she believes I'm bipolar which doesn't really surprise me.  (been told that before) And she said that the medications I was on before were not made for this "disease." 

Anyway.  Not sure what to do now.  Feeling overwelmed.  It just all seems like it's happening too fast.  Part of me wants to remain "unwell."  I told her that too.  Come to think of it I have a very strong compulsion to just run away from this whole situation now. 

Anyway.  :confused:


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Invisibleblink
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5452153 - 03/28/06 05:27 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Good Luck in whichever you choose :heart:

a suggestion: make sure that if you do go to the hospital, that legally, they cannot hold you if you want to leave again.


--------------------


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OfflineOneWhoHasSeen
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: blink]
    #5452201 - 03/28/06 05:37 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Well honey, you know that whatever you decide I will always support you and stand behind your decision.  All I want is what is best for you  :heart:


--------------------
A Temporal Anomaly


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InvisibleFreedomFight
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #5452295 - 03/28/06 06:03 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I wish you the best of luck. From you're posts I sense you are a beautiful person and I believe that you will get through this.

Let me say that hospitalization will only be effective if you believe in it. Make sure you can get out when you want to get out but try to be compliant with those who "know best" for the time being, IMO. My brother was forced several times to go inpatient and his situation was never not improved by it. I believe this was due mainly to his attitude and not the system. Again, good luck.


--------------------
I do not grow anything illegal.
I do not sell anything.
I am, however, a very curious individual.
I also try to be helpful.


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OfflineCherk
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5452432 - 03/28/06 06:31 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

if you think it might be a good idea to check yourself in then I say go for it, if you committ yourself I believe you are allowed to leave at anytime you wish

as far as meds, I've been on prozac for about a month now and I'm really enjoying the feeling of stability they provide, I don't think they are a long term solution but they can help you start to feel normal again so you can start to get a grip on some of your issues

of course you should research the meds the docs want to feed you on your own before you decide to start taking them

get better elle!  I want to see you well, you are a very special person :heart:


--------------------
I have considered such matters.

SIKE


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InvisibleLiz
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5452686 - 03/28/06 07:28 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I'm going to be blunt. 

If she thinks after speaking with you for 1 session that you should be hospitalized, than in all likelihood, you should be.  If you're not seeing her she does not get paid.  If you're in a hospital you're not seeing her - see where I'm going with this?  It sounds like her motives are probably just for your best interest.

If you feel like you can open up to inpatient care, then do it.  If you want to try taking some meds first and continuing to talk to her, then do that.  It's about what you think will work for you, and what you will feel comfortable with.  I've had a lot of experience with people who are bipolar, and the most important thing is that if you are, that you stay on your medicine, even if "you feel fine". 

Good luck Michelle, I think you're strong and smart enough to come out of this in a better state than you're in now, but most importantly, you're willing to do what it takes.  That's awesome. 

Keep us posted as to what you decide to do  :heart:


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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InvisibleNoetical
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5453965 - 03/29/06 04:16 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I had a situational not more then a month ago that was identical too a t.

They told me it what be in my best interests to check into a place for a month or two.

I didn't go because that would of sent me over the edge.


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5454038 - 03/29/06 05:53 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

If you have never tried medications....
Why not git it a try?

If your nervous about being hospitalized again just try taking the meds and continuing therapy.

They have helped my sister greatly.

The best advice I can give is to follow your guts.
Do what YOU feel is better in the long run.

Even if it may not be any fun NOW, if it may help you long term, it is worth a shot.


Regardless of the path you take, I hope things get better for you.
:hug:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future


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Offlinetengumai
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5454074 - 03/29/06 07:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Get a second opinion.


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Offlinetheorganicdomino
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: tengumai]
    #5454226 - 03/29/06 08:31 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

tengumai said:
Get a second opinion.




Absolutely!

If you want any info/advice I'm bipolar and no longer on medication, it took some time to get there though. Life still gets tough at times but there are many ways of dealing. Everyone has their own route through though.

All I can say for now is don't let people push you into making choices, let them guide you into making your own decisions.

Feel free to PM me.


--------------------
"You've got to get hold of the thread of marching time, pull the fuck thing down, get on the end of it and pang yourself to the infinitude of absolute mind"
Ken Campbell - Furtive Nudist

"The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced" - Aart van der Leeuw


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InvisibleTM
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5456673 - 03/29/06 07:38 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I once voluntarily commited myself to an inpatient facilty and found that it was pretty annoying and useless.
I was there for about 2 weeks. I hated being away from home and only getting breif visits from friends and family and being forced to attend group therapy sessions and private sessions where nothing was learned or accomplished.  The only positive thing about the experience was the food. The food was amazingly good there. You could eat all you wanted and it was high quality, flavorful and rich. I must have gained 3-5 pounds in that 2 weeks.

Michelle, you have to do what you feel is right for you and definitely get a second and third opinion so you'll have more choices and knowledge to work with. Please PM me and let me know about the therapy we discussed.

:heart:


--------------------
================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TMâ„¢ :cool:


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: TM]
    #5460426 - 03/30/06 04:20 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks for the replies. 

I took E on Tuesday and it gave me a chance for reflection. 

Honestly, I don't think a hospital would do me much good, aside from keeping me from harming myself (which you can always find a way regardless).  The fact is, I've been harming for over a decade now and it will never stop unless I just don't do it anymore.  It would be silly (or maybe I just don't want to) to sit here and say "I'm never gonna do it again," but I don't know that.  I guess I just don't feel bad enough right now to justify either meds or a visit to the hospital. 

Taking E reminded me of how psychoactives have always been beneficial to my brain.  They really help me change my thought patterns and if I can do that, I believe I can alter my own brain chemistry.  So that even if the compulsion to hurt myself is chemically based like what Deborah my therapist suggested, I believe the power of thought can shift my brain around. 

The problem is, as it always was, feeling the DESIRE to not hurt again.  The desire to hurt is always there, and that's why Deborah thought I needed to be hospitalized.  It's not that I'm suicidal right now, it's just that acting on one of my injuring fantasies could cause me to severely injure myself to the point of death.  But right now, that seems far away, like those thoughts belong to a different person.  It's odd to think that person is me, because I feel so positive and upbeat right now. 

Like taking E gave me a "leg up" on my own head.  Honestly guys, most of my issues come because I have a humongous ego that is overgrown.  It really needs to be chopped back.  I know exactly what is wrong with me.  I have a huge ego.  I just need to destroy it.  The E forced my ego to relax for awhile and now I am looking forward to my next big trip, hopefully with cactus in a week or so.  The only time in this past decade I haven't been interested in injuring myself at all for a long time was after I suffered complete ego dissolution. 

I don't need a hospital or medication right now, I don't think.  I mean, I'm not saying I'm never going to need it, I just don't need it right now.  Instead, I just need to trip more and appreciate existence more and think positive.  I do feel like I have the power to be happy, like it's within my grasp.  I just have to be happy.  And focus on that.  I'm tired of being sad and self-destructive.  It sucks I'll always carry the threat of self-harm with me.  I mean, can I really expect a mental hospital to take my compulsion to harm away?  No, because I'll carry the memory.  As long as I have the memory of that first time, I'll always have the potential to do it again. 

So until they invent a pill or technique that can erase memory cells, I think I'll avoid hospitals and medication.  Or at least until I have a breakdown and truly need to be contained.  Really, this is my journey so I have to travel it alone.  I got a therapist to help me through the sink-hole parts that are really bad, but that's all I wanted.  I figured that the therapist would try and get me to do all that other stuff, but that's just not what I feel I need right now.  A hospital/medication is likely to just make me dwell more acutely on all the things wrong with me.  Trust me, I don't need that.  I need to see the positive in life for awhile. 

Anyway...it's nice my therapist cares enough to recommend those things.  I just am not at the point where I desperately need those things RIGHT NOW.  I'm not saying I never will.  Just not right now.  I don't want to fuck with how I'm feeling right now.  (which is pretty energetic, content and happy :smile: )


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InvisibleTM
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5460566 - 03/30/06 04:43 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Ahhhh... I'm so glad you're on the road to better mental health.

Sometimes your own prescriptions (or those of intelligent friends) can be more helpful than any professional could possibly fathom. :wink:

Good luck with your ego-destroying experience with the Mescaline trip. Personally, I've never been there and I don't feel the need to go, but maybe someday I will. :heart:


--------------------
================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TMâ„¢ :cool:


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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5460925 - 03/30/06 05:54 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hope things work themselves out for you. I don't know if more drugs is the answer though unfortunately it sounds like you have already had plenty and where have they taken you thus far? To the state your in now and your still looking at them as being the answer? God bless Ellemy take care of yourself.


--------------------
-QuantumMeltdown

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
  -Mark Twain

"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters  hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett


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InvisibleLiz
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5460980 - 03/30/06 06:05 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Eh...I'm going to be honest with you, because I would hope you would show me the same courtesy.  In my humble opinion, I don't think that tripping and rolling are any kind of long term solutions for you.  I know that you did recognize in your post that you may in the future seek additional help, but I feel like you're just putting off the inevitable because you're hesitant to go down the route of medication or hospitalization. 

I understand that logically you feel like you can just STOP yourself from harming yourself, and just not do it anymore, but if you've been doing it for this long, I don't think that just because you rolled a few days ago and you're feeling happy, you should lose sight of the fact that you probably need medication and/or professional help to deal with your problems. 

You are likely bipolar, and right now you feel happy, and I'm glad that you do.  But in all reality, you're going to feel down again soon - and then what?  Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the sooner y ou start on medication and the sooner you accept that you need help with this, the sooner you'll stop turning to psychoactives to sort things out, and most importantly, the sooner you'll get well.  That's all I want to see, is you get well.

Good luck Michelle, with whatever route you decide to take  :heart:


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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InvisibleNoetical
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Liz]
    #5461396 - 03/30/06 07:48 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I 100% agree with liz. Not going to the hospital is one thing but rejecting all help and treatment is entirely different.

I can somewhat relate to the distance you feel between now and your past thoughts. I was doing very well for awhile and I couldn't comprehend how I could have possibly thought or believed the things I did before. They felt like they were the thoughts of an entirely different person.

I decided to go off my medication, first little bit was fine but after a while it all started creeping back. I went back on my meds and continued counselling and have been doing better since.

The meds and the counseling aren't going to take away your individual intricasies or sedate and 'normalize' you like so many people are afraid they will.

What they can offer is a greater level stability of thought and emotion.


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OfflineDICK
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Noetical]
    #5461476 - 03/30/06 08:06 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

how about this, taking a break away from all drugs period and setting a goal for yourself... a new hobby if you will. something that you really want to do, something exciting that youll always look foward to

i wouldnt like the idea of me getting put on meds, since even though it *might* help, it dulls the senses and the have other unwanted side effects.

look most of the problems and pressure goes through, like lack of purpose in life etc... are do to this society we live.

how about taking a vacation?

you have a husband. help each other.

i think you just need a major life change cause youre sick of yours right now. i dunno, im the new kid here :wink:

but going into a psyc ward? i believe that will have a bad impact more than a good one.

just blow it all up and leave! take a break from it all


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: DICK]
    #5461530 - 03/30/06 08:21 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Well, I fantasize about throwing it all away and going to live wild and free in the wilderness, like in a tree or something, but I have things that need me here. 

Liz...grr.  I know you make valid points.  :frown:  I don't really know what to say.  I know (suspect vaguely) that this happiness I am experiencing will end.  In fact just writing that line I am at tears.  I know it will end because every time I can't maintain it.  This makes me feel really shitty.  But I feel like I am always at the verge of maintaining balance, all the time...like if I just try a little harder I can make myself be balanced and saintly, almost.  Like I feel I am almost Jesus except for the fact that I am also a putrid, demonic creature of blackness.  And that if I just TRY...I can be all light and goodness.  So that's why...well, I don't know why I don't want to do medication but something about it really scares me.  I'm scared it will take things away from me.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5461647 - 03/30/06 09:00 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Also, honestly I view psychedelics as a medicine for the soul.


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Offlinemichael_lifshitz
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5461764 - 03/30/06 09:27 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Personally, I don't have much experience with this kind of thing. But here are some thoughts I have on the subject.

Right now you are feeling up? You have felt up before. And you usually go back down if I am understanding correctly.

It seems to me that while you are feeling so up and wanting to maintain it, it would be a great time to have some professionals help you out and help you maintain that. It seems like also the professionals will just bring you so much valuable information on yourself that won't nessecarily be what you feel is true or right, but it will certainly put things in a new perspective, which I think can be very beneficial.

It seems checking into some professional help now would be much better than checking in while you are down. Now you have such a head start, maybe you can really fix this and get well. If you go back down again then it will be a much longer way back up.

Just some thoughts. All I know is that you deserve to get well, and you seem like a lovely person.

Good luck with whatever decisions you do end up making.



:heart: :shineon: :smile:


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InvisibleLiz
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5461803 - 03/30/06 09:46 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

If you are bipolar, and in my honest opinion, you seem like a text book case, you are limited as to how much you can control your own mood.  You NEED medication to help stabilize the ups and the downs.  Not to sound like an asshole, but taking E was probably one of the worst things you could have done, because while it made you feel good (short term) it's only going to further complicate the chemical imbalance in your head. 

I know so so soooo many people who are bipolar, most noteably an ex of mine and his mother.  It's very genetic, and he exhibited the exact same symptoms that his mother did.  She was constantly on and off of her medication.  She'd take it, and complain that it made her feel like a different person, because at first, I'm not going to lie to you, it probably will.  The high points will feel a lot less high, but on the other end of the spectrum, there wont be as many low points.  You'll be a bit even keeled and for a while, you might even feel emotionLESS.  People hate that, understandably.  But then you start to get used to the medication, and you become YOURSELF again, just a little more stable, and without the constant see-sawing of emotion.  The mistake most people make is, when they get to this point, they think that they are "cured" and stop taking their medicine, confident that they can maintain this stable state without it.  They can't.  My ex saw his mother stop taking her medicine and try to committ suicide.  She tried many many times.  Because of this, he blamed the medicine, instead of the fact that she was not taking it properly, and refused to seek help. 

I can only imagine how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that this may be beyond your control.  I am a total control freak myself, and this situation would piss me off to no end.  But Michelle, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.  Whatever chemical imbalance you have going on is not something that you can trip and sort through on your own.  It's a serious medical condition that requires serious medical attention.  In your post you make reference to "you" not being able to maintain your own happiness.  You're a smart girl, and even though I know you hope and WANT to work this out on your own, I think if anything, you're going to make matters worse, because you're setting yourself up for failure, and I think you know that.  And I think you're scared to take the steps you need to take like medication, or hospitalization, because you don't know what they will bring next, and you're terrified that everything will change.  But the vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself for you, although familiar, is not the way you should be forced to live.  If you start taking medication and give it a chance to work for a while, and you hate it, and it's awful - you can stop.  Nothing bad can come of that.  If you opt for hospitalization, and hate that, and it doesn't help - you can leave.  Your life will be waiting for you when you get out.  You have a faithful husband, a supporting family, and a ton of friends who love you so much.

Do yourself a favor, and at the very least stop taking E.  Please.  If you want to trip and think things over, go for it.  But when it comes right down to it, the sooner you start medication to right what is wrong with the chemicals in your head, the sooner they will start to take effect, and the sooner you can get a handle on this.  Do it for your family, your wonderful husband, but most importantly hun do it for yourself.  You deserve to be balanced, and be in control of your life, your feelings, and your ups and downs.  You deserve to be able to maintain your mood.  Look within yourself, look to the past, and look at how long you've been enduring this.  Now look towards the future.  Don't you want it to be different and better for you and your loved ones? 

:heart:


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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InvisibleNoetical
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5462048 - 03/30/06 10:54 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
I'm scared it will take things away from me.




I was afraid of the exact same thing. But from my experience the only thing it took away was my instability.


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OfflineDICK
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5462145 - 03/30/06 11:24 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
Also, honestly I view psychedelics as a medicine for the soul.




of course... but also remember you only take medicine when youre 'sick'. quitting for a while might do more good than harm. after, not only will your mind and body be refreshed, but as you embark again in the experience it will be even more intense and new.

about blowing it all up... how bout you contract me? then you can claim all damges to insurance and you and your hubby can run away in the wilderness and have angry monkey sex:grin:


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5462194 - 03/30/06 11:39 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
I believe the power of thought can shift my brain around.



That's all it is, sis. Your thought defines your concious. You concious is your viewpoint and the reasoning behind how you act. You need to find a way to live healthy and be happy because that's what pretty much everyone needs. I don't mean to sound superior (and honestly who would brag about this), but I'm the kind of person who can get away with being very depressed. I might bite my nails and turn into a hermit with a mean disposition, but that is hardly at your level where you want to hurt yourself and stuff. That is the kind of decision that is very troublesome to me. Obviously, we've both had problems that effect our dreams and every day goals. And that is the stuff that will keep you going in life. You need to find a way, just as I am, to overcome.

This is the same advice I give to everyone because it is honestly the best thing that you can do for yourself. Eat right, sleep right, workout. I saw some of your pics and you look overweight by more than a few lbs. I think that is really like carrying a weight on your shoulders all the time. Being fat and unhealthy effects you negatively, both mind and body. You should find a way to become truly healthy and enjoy the natural high of life. It will never come to you easily. That's just not how it works. We are meant to work hard and play hard. When you can do both at the same time, you win.

I honestly don't know what you capable of, but I think your first priority should be your diet and general lifestyle. Eating effects how you feel. Why eat bad stuff when it only tastes good for 5 seconds and then you feel bad for hours after? Learn about nutrition and make that change. Make sure to stay active. Long walks rock. Swimming. Crunches. Whatever works. My favorite kind of work is bodyweight exercise. http://www.bronzebowpublishing.com/

You'll find that getting in touch with your body is a very 'spiritual' experience. Chakras are not a myth. Circulation + electrical pathways need daily attention. Wonder why you feel so good after a long hot shower? Wish you could keep a smooth, easy-going feeling with you all day? Learn how your body works. Hard work is the only way.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5462870 - 03/31/06 06:19 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Ouch. Well, I thought I've been doing decent with my weight considering that my wedding rings never stay on anymore at work. I've lost them three times now in the tub.

Clearly I haven't gone far enough.


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5462901 - 03/31/06 06:49 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

There's a lot of good advise being given out here.

The one thing I would like to add.

Try the meds to see if they help, if not then you haven't lost anything.....and you can then say "At least I tried"

If you keep doing the same thing and getting the same result.......try something different.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future


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OfflineDexter
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: niteowl]
    #5463258 - 03/31/06 09:22 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hi,

There's a lot of things said about it already, but I thought I'd add my view (being a non-diagnosed Biploar patient, yes non-diagnosed, so maybe I'm just plain crazy, who knows.). You could try to eat right (done that, lost 40 pounds), sleep right (Tried that, but if you have too much on your mind you just won't be able to sleep, at least I'm not.) and work out (done that, I benchpress 200 pounds now instead of 100). You could try E to renew yout life energy (Tried that, works fine for about two weeks, to bad you can't take the stuff every 2 weeks), also you could take a break from it all (tried that, all my problems returned when I came back). You could try making it all go away by tripping your brains out (tried that, and again and again and again, to the point that it's no fun anymore, only temporary results, some good some bad.) All these things have helped me tremendously, but none "fixed" my situation. Since I admitted to myself there's something seriously fucked up about the way my brain works two years have past and no one can say I haven't tried, but I'm just unable to get there all by myself. Nothing to be ashamed of, altough I still am, and still haven't sought help yet. There's one thing I can tell you about the medication tough. I've done some extensive reading on bipolar disorder (In fact I'm a first year psychology student, started the study to maybe understand myself better.)and Lithium (which I assume you'll be prescribed) isn't all that bad, you can't compare Lithium to stuff like Haloperidol to mention one. Ofcourse, your highs won't be as high (my main problem), but those highs are unnatural just as your lows are. The high a bipolar person experiences is much much more intense than that of a "normal" person. I understand you don't want to miss these, neither do I, but what if you could, perhaps in combination with an anti depressive agent (if you want to), create a lasting hypomania??? I'd trade in my extreme high/low pattern for a little high all the time in a minute if I wasn't so chicken to seek professional help. Also after being stable for a while you can cut down the Lithium to a maintenance dose and raise it when you feel it's necessary. Especially on a maintenance dose you won't notice much of the lithium, but when you raise the dose it will kick in immediately, instead of after two weeks. Wow, pretty sound advice from someone too chicken to deal with his own issues if I may say so myself.

I wish you all the best and I hope you have more guts than I do, and please don't have yourself hospitalized unless you feel there's no other way (If you haven't tried the medication yet there still is another way).

Feel free to PM me.


--------------------
I've recently started my own weblog, you can find it here: Dexter's Adventures


Edited by kwiebuz (03/31/06 09:33 AM)


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5463952 - 03/31/06 01:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
Ouch. Well, I thought I've been doing decent with my weight considering that my wedding rings never stay on anymore at work. I've lost them three times now in the tub.

Clearly I haven't gone far enough.



Sorry, Ellemy. Keep in mind that I have no problem with people's weight so long as they're functional. I mean.. some people just have different ideas about what they want with their life and some people can hold on alot of weight and still be happy. I just feel that you need to do whatever you can to search for inner peace. You seem like you're wound up way too tight sometimes.

Just make the good changes that will lead to long-term success. Don't get obsessed with it. It's simply a good goal to have. A year from now, you could be 20 lbs lighter and much stronger. Wouldn't that be nice? You can live 10 or 20 years longer. That's nice for sure. =) You can be grammy Ellemy, the one who stayed in her grandchildren's lives until they were all grown up.

That's what it's for. Being healthy is the only way to go.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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Offlinee3k
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Registered: 02/20/04
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Last seen: 14 years, 7 days
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Dexter]
    #5470345 - 04/02/06 09:20 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

thanx kwiebuz, now i now what to advise to my exgirlfriend. antipsychotics suck (personal experience, but for psychosis very helpful). lithium could be an acceptable alternative for her.


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OfflineCherk
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5472198 - 04/02/06 08:30 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

here is a site I've found much truth on
http://www.swamij.com/karma.htm#samskaras
this will give you an idea of where your thoughts and actions come from



--------------------
I have considered such matters.

SIKE


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InvisibleSimisu
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Cherk]
    #5473728 - 04/03/06 07:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

michell i don't belive anyone as conciuse to her problames as you needs hospitelizetion and i'm glad you're not jumping to your therapists que... it would probably feel alot better to validate your self to the world and your self even, that you are "crazy" or "disfunctional" or whatever but you're right that would just mean getting stuck on your destructive patterns rather then climbing out!

if you are indeed bipolar, medication can help but don't let them give you any prozac or shit like that!!!
it's your call though...
that therapist has her own reasons for seggusting all those things (maybe she feels she can't really deal with you or she's afraid to be responsible?)

you are capable of dealing with this! most people are capable of dealing with things but society dosn't give the mind credit... we'd rather bank on medications or forced hospitelizetion or whatever.
what you need is to find some comfidence in your self and be proude of your self for the person you are! hopfully this therapist can help you realize that... but don't let her belittle YOU and YOUR MIND by refering to you as a crazy person and sending you to some hospital to be medicated and treated like a stupid baby which doesn't know what's good for it...

and also, take your time and don't rush your self (these things take time and you can't expect a hit of MDMA or a trip to mascal land to make you get up in the morning and feel normal... what's normal anyway? therapy takes time, change takes time and it always ebbs and flows!)

have fun!
:sun:


--------------------
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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Simisu]
    #5478436 - 04/04/06 09:15 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks, I needed to hear that because that's what I've been thinking too! Therapy continues tomorrow and I will tell her that I haven't done as she asked because I am not comfortable with it. The thing is, I KNOW that the only person who can help me is me. That's what makes everything so tricky. And so simple, if I only desire it to be.

Off to work...


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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5478670 - 04/04/06 10:40 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
I had my first therapy appointment today. I really liked the lady I spoke to, Deborah. She is an elderly woman with pale blonde hair and a kind face. I felt a good vibe from her immediately because of the "experience" she seemed to radiate and also her eyes made me think she was compassionate.





uuuuuhhhhh.... You really can't tell if a person is compassionate by looking in their eyes. Compassion comes from someone's actions, not their face. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone (especially a doctor) based on looks alone.


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Offlinecybrbeast
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Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
    #5479319 - 04/04/06 01:56 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I'm bipolar too. I took the route of trying everything myself and I've been hospitalized against my will twice in manic situations. I think what really gets me in manic times is the not sleeping part. Like 5 days in a row with almost no sleep. Then I get a bit crazy and unorthodox. Then they pick me up and put me in the looney bin. I resist the system and they put me in an isolation chamber (I've even been strapped to a bed) for days or inject me with heavy calming agents. And I've never been violent to people, just to objects.
I never want to be hospitalized again. I can't stand other people having so much power over me and abusing it.
After the high comes the normalisation and then the low which is the worst, which is barely liveable. The depressions are the worst, but almost no one notices you when you're depressed, so they all think you're normal again.

So I've started taking medications a few months ago. I take Lamictal which is supposed to work extra good against depression. I feel pretty good now. I don't know if it works for the manic periods because they usually happen in the summer. If they don't I will have to take Lithium which I'm really scared of.
Lithium has many side-effects, basically toxic. And probably no tripping ever. Cause Lithium combines badly with tripping.
Erowid Lithium interaction experiences : One person was rushed to hospital. The two others had seizures...  :frown:

If the medication works I will really miss the highs where I'm still in control. I'm much more sociable when I'm hypo-manic. I lose my fears and I can pick up girls. This is something I'm very afraid of while in a normal state, and it's impossible while I'm depressed.


--------------------
futuretribe.space


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