|
Liz
Owl Lady



Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5461803 - 03/30/06 09:46 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
If you are bipolar, and in my honest opinion, you seem like a text book case, you are limited as to how much you can control your own mood. You NEED medication to help stabilize the ups and the downs. Not to sound like an asshole, but taking E was probably one of the worst things you could have done, because while it made you feel good (short term) it's only going to further complicate the chemical imbalance in your head.
I know so so soooo many people who are bipolar, most noteably an ex of mine and his mother. It's very genetic, and he exhibited the exact same symptoms that his mother did. She was constantly on and off of her medication. She'd take it, and complain that it made her feel like a different person, because at first, I'm not going to lie to you, it probably will. The high points will feel a lot less high, but on the other end of the spectrum, there wont be as many low points. You'll be a bit even keeled and for a while, you might even feel emotionLESS. People hate that, understandably. But then you start to get used to the medication, and you become YOURSELF again, just a little more stable, and without the constant see-sawing of emotion. The mistake most people make is, when they get to this point, they think that they are "cured" and stop taking their medicine, confident that they can maintain this stable state without it. They can't. My ex saw his mother stop taking her medicine and try to committ suicide. She tried many many times. Because of this, he blamed the medicine, instead of the fact that she was not taking it properly, and refused to seek help.
I can only imagine how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that this may be beyond your control. I am a total control freak myself, and this situation would piss me off to no end. But Michelle, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Whatever chemical imbalance you have going on is not something that you can trip and sort through on your own. It's a serious medical condition that requires serious medical attention. In your post you make reference to "you" not being able to maintain your own happiness. You're a smart girl, and even though I know you hope and WANT to work this out on your own, I think if anything, you're going to make matters worse, because you're setting yourself up for failure, and I think you know that. And I think you're scared to take the steps you need to take like medication, or hospitalization, because you don't know what they will bring next, and you're terrified that everything will change. But the vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself for you, although familiar, is not the way you should be forced to live. If you start taking medication and give it a chance to work for a while, and you hate it, and it's awful - you can stop. Nothing bad can come of that. If you opt for hospitalization, and hate that, and it doesn't help - you can leave. Your life will be waiting for you when you get out. You have a faithful husband, a supporting family, and a ton of friends who love you so much.
Do yourself a favor, and at the very least stop taking E. Please. If you want to trip and think things over, go for it. But when it comes right down to it, the sooner you start medication to right what is wrong with the chemicals in your head, the sooner they will start to take effect, and the sooner you can get a handle on this. Do it for your family, your wonderful husband, but most importantly hun do it for yourself. You deserve to be balanced, and be in control of your life, your feelings, and your ups and downs. You deserve to be able to maintain your mood. Look within yourself, look to the past, and look at how long you've been enduring this. Now look towards the future. Don't you want it to be different and better for you and your loved ones?
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
|
Noetical
Flip Horrorshow

Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 9,230
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5462048 - 03/30/06 10:54 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
EllemyshShade said: I'm scared it will take things away from me.
I was afraid of the exact same thing. But from my experience the only thing it took away was my instability.
|
DICK
Stranger
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 555
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5462145 - 03/30/06 11:24 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
EllemyshShade said: Also, honestly I view psychedelics as a medicine for the soul.
of course... but also remember you only take medicine when youre 'sick'. quitting for a while might do more good than harm. after, not only will your mind and body be refreshed, but as you embark again in the experience it will be even more intense and new.
about blowing it all up... how bout you contract me? then you can claim all damges to insurance and you and your hubby can run away in the wilderness and have angry monkey sex
|
The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5462194 - 03/30/06 11:39 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
EllemyshShade said: I believe the power of thought can shift my brain around.
That's all it is, sis. Your thought defines your concious. You concious is your viewpoint and the reasoning behind how you act. You need to find a way to live healthy and be happy because that's what pretty much everyone needs. I don't mean to sound superior (and honestly who would brag about this), but I'm the kind of person who can get away with being very depressed. I might bite my nails and turn into a hermit with a mean disposition, but that is hardly at your level where you want to hurt yourself and stuff. That is the kind of decision that is very troublesome to me. Obviously, we've both had problems that effect our dreams and every day goals. And that is the stuff that will keep you going in life. You need to find a way, just as I am, to overcome.
This is the same advice I give to everyone because it is honestly the best thing that you can do for yourself. Eat right, sleep right, workout. I saw some of your pics and you look overweight by more than a few lbs. I think that is really like carrying a weight on your shoulders all the time. Being fat and unhealthy effects you negatively, both mind and body. You should find a way to become truly healthy and enjoy the natural high of life. It will never come to you easily. That's just not how it works. We are meant to work hard and play hard. When you can do both at the same time, you win.
I honestly don't know what you capable of, but I think your first priority should be your diet and general lifestyle. Eating effects how you feel. Why eat bad stuff when it only tastes good for 5 seconds and then you feel bad for hours after? Learn about nutrition and make that change. Make sure to stay active. Long walks rock. Swimming. Crunches. Whatever works. My favorite kind of work is bodyweight exercise. http://www.bronzebowpublishing.com/
You'll find that getting in touch with your body is a very 'spiritual' experience. Chakras are not a myth. Circulation + electrical pathways need daily attention. Wonder why you feel so good after a long hot shower? Wish you could keep a smooth, easy-going feeling with you all day? Learn how your body works. Hard work is the only way.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
|
MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5462870 - 03/31/06 06:19 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Ouch. Well, I thought I've been doing decent with my weight considering that my wedding rings never stay on anymore at work. I've lost them three times now in the tub.
Clearly I haven't gone far enough.
|
niteowl
GrandPaw


Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 16,291
Loc:
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5462901 - 03/31/06 06:49 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
There's a lot of good advise being given out here.
The one thing I would like to add.
Try the meds to see if they help, if not then you haven't lost anything.....and you can then say "At least I tried"
If you keep doing the same thing and getting the same result.......try something different.
-------------------- Live for the moment you are in nowDon't be bogged down by your pastDon't be afraid of what lies in your future
|
Dexter
Mad scienstist


Registered: 11/16/05
Posts: 44
Loc: Netherlands
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: niteowl]
#5463258 - 03/31/06 09:22 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Hi,
There's a lot of things said about it already, but I thought I'd add my view (being a non-diagnosed Biploar patient, yes non-diagnosed, so maybe I'm just plain crazy, who knows.). You could try to eat right (done that, lost 40 pounds), sleep right (Tried that, but if you have too much on your mind you just won't be able to sleep, at least I'm not.) and work out (done that, I benchpress 200 pounds now instead of 100). You could try E to renew yout life energy (Tried that, works fine for about two weeks, to bad you can't take the stuff every 2 weeks), also you could take a break from it all (tried that, all my problems returned when I came back). You could try making it all go away by tripping your brains out (tried that, and again and again and again, to the point that it's no fun anymore, only temporary results, some good some bad.) All these things have helped me tremendously, but none "fixed" my situation. Since I admitted to myself there's something seriously fucked up about the way my brain works two years have past and no one can say I haven't tried, but I'm just unable to get there all by myself. Nothing to be ashamed of, altough I still am, and still haven't sought help yet. There's one thing I can tell you about the medication tough. I've done some extensive reading on bipolar disorder (In fact I'm a first year psychology student, started the study to maybe understand myself better.)and Lithium (which I assume you'll be prescribed) isn't all that bad, you can't compare Lithium to stuff like Haloperidol to mention one. Ofcourse, your highs won't be as high (my main problem), but those highs are unnatural just as your lows are. The high a bipolar person experiences is much much more intense than that of a "normal" person. I understand you don't want to miss these, neither do I, but what if you could, perhaps in combination with an anti depressive agent (if you want to), create a lasting hypomania??? I'd trade in my extreme high/low pattern for a little high all the time in a minute if I wasn't so chicken to seek professional help. Also after being stable for a while you can cut down the Lithium to a maintenance dose and raise it when you feel it's necessary. Especially on a maintenance dose you won't notice much of the lithium, but when you raise the dose it will kick in immediately, instead of after two weeks. Wow, pretty sound advice from someone too chicken to deal with his own issues if I may say so myself.
I wish you all the best and I hope you have more guts than I do, and please don't have yourself hospitalized unless you feel there's no other way (If you haven't tried the medication yet there still is another way).
Feel free to PM me.
-------------------- I've recently started my own weblog, you can find it here: Dexter's Adventures
Edited by kwiebuz (03/31/06 09:33 AM)
|
The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5463952 - 03/31/06 01:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
EllemyshShade said: Ouch. Well, I thought I've been doing decent with my weight considering that my wedding rings never stay on anymore at work. I've lost them three times now in the tub.
Clearly I haven't gone far enough.
Sorry, Ellemy. Keep in mind that I have no problem with people's weight so long as they're functional. I mean.. some people just have different ideas about what they want with their life and some people can hold on alot of weight and still be happy. I just feel that you need to do whatever you can to search for inner peace. You seem like you're wound up way too tight sometimes.
Just make the good changes that will lead to long-term success. Don't get obsessed with it. It's simply a good goal to have. A year from now, you could be 20 lbs lighter and much stronger. Wouldn't that be nice? You can live 10 or 20 years longer. That's nice for sure. =) You can be grammy Ellemy, the one who stayed in her grandchildren's lives until they were all grown up.
That's what it's for. Being healthy is the only way to go.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
|
e3k
Stranger

Registered: 02/20/04
Posts: 72
Last seen: 14 years, 7 days
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Dexter]
#5470345 - 04/02/06 09:20 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
thanx kwiebuz, now i now what to advise to my exgirlfriend. antipsychotics suck (personal experience, but for psychosis very helpful). lithium could be an acceptable alternative for her.
|
Cherk
Fashionable


Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5472198 - 04/02/06 08:30 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
here is a site I've found much truth on http://www.swamij.com/karma.htm#samskaras this will give you an idea of where your thoughts and actions come from
--------------------
I have considered such matters. SIKE
|
Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Cherk]
#5473728 - 04/03/06 07:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
michell i don't belive anyone as conciuse to her problames as you needs hospitelizetion and i'm glad you're not jumping to your therapists que... it would probably feel alot better to validate your self to the world and your self even, that you are "crazy" or "disfunctional" or whatever but you're right that would just mean getting stuck on your destructive patterns rather then climbing out!
if you are indeed bipolar, medication can help but don't let them give you any prozac or shit like that!!! it's your call though... that therapist has her own reasons for seggusting all those things (maybe she feels she can't really deal with you or she's afraid to be responsible?)
you are capable of dealing with this! most people are capable of dealing with things but society dosn't give the mind credit... we'd rather bank on medications or forced hospitelizetion or whatever. what you need is to find some comfidence in your self and be proude of your self for the person you are! hopfully this therapist can help you realize that... but don't let her belittle YOU and YOUR MIND by refering to you as a crazy person and sending you to some hospital to be medicated and treated like a stupid baby which doesn't know what's good for it...
and also, take your time and don't rush your self (these things take time and you can't expect a hit of MDMA or a trip to mascal land to make you get up in the morning and feel normal... what's normal anyway? therapy takes time, change takes time and it always ebbs and flows!)
have fun!
--------------------
   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
|
MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: Simisu]
#5478436 - 04/04/06 09:15 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks, I needed to hear that because that's what I've been thinking too! Therapy continues tomorrow and I will tell her that I haven't done as she asked because I am not comfortable with it. The thing is, I KNOW that the only person who can help me is me. That's what makes everything so tricky. And so simple, if I only desire it to be.
Off to work...
|
DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5478670 - 04/04/06 10:40 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
EllemyshShade said: I had my first therapy appointment today. I really liked the lady I spoke to, Deborah. She is an elderly woman with pale blonde hair and a kind face. I felt a good vibe from her immediately because of the "experience" she seemed to radiate and also her eyes made me think she was compassionate.
uuuuuhhhhh.... You really can't tell if a person is compassionate by looking in their eyes. Compassion comes from someone's actions, not their face. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone (especially a doctor) based on looks alone.
|
cybrbeast
Up, then down, then...



Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 4,777
Loc: event horizon
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
|
Re: Hospital, meds...hard decisions. [Re: MOTH]
#5479319 - 04/04/06 01:56 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I'm bipolar too. I took the route of trying everything myself and I've been hospitalized against my will twice in manic situations. I think what really gets me in manic times is the not sleeping part. Like 5 days in a row with almost no sleep. Then I get a bit crazy and unorthodox. Then they pick me up and put me in the looney bin. I resist the system and they put me in an isolation chamber (I've even been strapped to a bed) for days or inject me with heavy calming agents. And I've never been violent to people, just to objects. I never want to be hospitalized again. I can't stand other people having so much power over me and abusing it. After the high comes the normalisation and then the low which is the worst, which is barely liveable. The depressions are the worst, but almost no one notices you when you're depressed, so they all think you're normal again.
So I've started taking medications a few months ago. I take Lamictal which is supposed to work extra good against depression. I feel pretty good now. I don't know if it works for the manic periods because they usually happen in the summer. If they don't I will have to take Lithium which I'm really scared of. Lithium has many side-effects, basically toxic. And probably no tripping ever. Cause Lithium combines badly with tripping. Erowid Lithium interaction experiences : One person was rushed to hospital. The two others had seizures... 
If the medication works I will really miss the highs where I'm still in control. I'm much more sociable when I'm hypo-manic. I lose my fears and I can pick up girls. This is something I'm very afraid of while in a normal state, and it's impossible while I'm depressed.
--------------------
futuretribe.space
|
|