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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated.
    #5442694 - 03/26/06 01:39 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers' souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that feuled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication

The poetry
That comes from the squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance

There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication

Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers
-Tool


---------------------------------------------



Okay. I have something absurdly important to share with you if you are having problems with anything in the thread title. The choice to be lonely stands in the choice to not communicate with other people. Do not censor yourself. Ever. Don't do it. Don't hesitate. When you censor yourself, you are no longer yourself and anything that you express will be a fake plastic manequinesh freakshow of a fake little crumpet of a person (not so great at poetry hmmmm).

If you are one just like me, but not as far down the path to realization of what is wrong...... try this..... please try it. If you read this and think it's a good idea, don't say to yourself.... "ah why should I bother". I'VE DONE THE MATH ENOUGH TO KNOW THE DANGERS OF OUR SECOND GUESSING. This means something. It's not just some "cool" song.... it really means something. To many it will be an irrelevant meaning, or they already get it. But there are a certain people who need to hear this, have perhaps heard it but not realized what it means.

When you censor yourself, you DESTROY yourself. I cannot be more literal. We light the fuel the fire then has burned a hole between us so we cannot see to reach an end/amend. Crippling our communication.

When you want to say something to someone. And you don't. You hestiate. That hestiation blossoms into a field of self-depreciation and you fall apart. You do it once and you will assuredly do it thrice. The pattern is set. You are stuck. You get used to it and you wonder... why the hell do I hurt?

When you censor yourself you tell yourself that YOU are not worth being YOU that you are worthless, that you dont' matter, that your desires, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and ideas don't matter.

I don't care if you're wanting to tell a clerk off becasue she misled you into paying for something that you didn't want or if you want to tell the girl of your dreams that you love her. Do it. No matter how small or how big. Do it. Be honest with yourself. Do not.... do not... do not... CHOKE on your emotions! This does not mean that you lash out at people in anger, there is a right and wrong way to express discontent with someone..... tell the clerk kindly "you really should ahve told me that before I ordered it" and if she seems snappy smile at her....... but DON'T HOLD IT IN... christ don't. You will lose all sense of what it means to be a human.

There is a hole.......... in me.... there WAS a hole........ in me...................

So...... I said that there was something I wanted those who find it attractive to do without hesitation... what this is....... is go to a normal and comfortable social surrounding..... maybe its a concert, maybe it's a coffee shop..... maybe it is a food court..... go to a place where PEERS are.

Sit.

Sit for a long time and collect yourself...... become peaceful and pretty much inconscpicuous in your surroundings so no one really notices or gives a damn about you............ (why should they they're all busy socializing, you are to observe them).

now....... look at people. There is no formula for this.... if you wonder "why are some people so loud" look at the loud people. If you wonder "does anyone think life is as beautiful as I do?" look around and find someone that you think does. Trust that upon asking the question your gaze will fall upon someone who may indeed find life beautiful. This is an exercise in self-trust moreso than psychic ability, who knows if this person is the same as you or not.

Just look at people.

Find ANYONE that strikes you as interesting and stare at them I mean this. I mean it completely and totally ..... stare at them...... your goal is to first of all see if they are even paying enough attention to look at you, and if they do, look back at them. Keep eye contact. Keep it as long as you can. Many people will look away....... what emotions do they look away with? Some in fear. Some in uncomfort.... some because they are insecure...... some will look right back at you for a very long time until you are the one who looks away....... then they will look away. Then you look back at them...... then they back at you.

This is communication.

What you will find is that many people are complete plastic and incapable of sending love and acceptance towards strangers...... now...... you do not want to look at someone with any intent in mind... you want to be peaceful you dont' want to freak people out.... don't freak them out. Leave them alone if they are bothered and don't look at them again, ever........

It's an exercise in self-confidence.

Pure intentions juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion.
When you find someone who will reciprocate... you have pure connection. You both accept each other, and whatever it is that lies behind both of your eyes. Do not judge... do not try to send emotions, send feelings.... you are just looking at this person and gazing into their soul. What are they? Who are they? Just look inside and see as much as they will let you, and they in turn will see you.

Never, ever.... ever............ second guess.

I have made severe mistakes in my life, but they have lead me to great comprehension and hopefully I am at a pivotal point in my life to "soften this old armor" .......... it's a little sad that it took a heavy metal band to lead me to these conclusions. And no it's not just them... its many things....... the right words at the right time read by the right eyes can save a soul.

Many will read this and not care the slightest. Someone will read it and be moved. That's all I hope for.

I don't know how to say it any other than Tool has. The song is for me.... it's for all those who feel desperately lonely and don't understand why, and who rationalize this loneliness, say "hey everyone is stupid and shallow anyway" many are, many aren't. It doesn't matter.

I missed an opportunity today... I was so close to it but I hesitated and the hesitated blossomed and the opportunity died. I hope that the rewards for pursuing would not have been great, that I have not cheated myself out of something.

I will probably see this girl again and I HAVE THE TOOLS necessary to put the pieces back together.

But ..........................................

fuck

do not

Desire. Desire is what got me. Desire is what gets everyone. If you want something from someone, you look at them as a product.... you look at them as something for YOU... you will miss out on all the real connections that are natural and perfect. And .... I'm at a loss of explanation I know this can be put into words.

But maybe I shouldn't put it into words. If you try the eye contact exercise in a public place you will learn to strip away your preconceived notions and ......... guess what...... if the stranger you're looking at comes up to you, you have an opportunity to meet someone new on completely neutral grounds. See what they want. Maybe that cute girl is just trying to get in your pants, you'll know immediately.

It's just an exercise in looking within yourself by looking at others. It's a rambling disjointed post..... it's the best I can do... there is so much more to say but I'm at the conclusion. I really hope this made sense to many and helped at least one. I was so self-conscience that I couldn't make eye contact for more than a few moments with family and friends......... but this........ a stranger across a room? It is the absolute perfect exercise. It has helped me quite a bit.

I dunno.

Just muse over those lyrics if you feel lonely. You choose to be lonely by censoring yourself, the more you censor yourself the more social phobias and inexplicably miserable amounts of anxiety arise, which convince you that you should continue being more and more isolated. Look over the lyrics.

Peace and namaste.  :heart:

Also you are the best source of truth ever, if you find 80% truth in what I say.... thats YOUR truth, not mine. It doesn't matter what a fuck I say, I'm simply sharing my truths with you, so that some people will see enough of their own truth in it to put together their own jig-saw puzzle and improve their relationships with other people.

Trust yourself and your feelings and intuition...... ala Tool, great messages sometimes.... worship them? No.... they probably call themselves Tool becasue anyone who takes them seriously enough to worship them is just that.... a tool. Truth is in you and whenever someone says something that strikes you as familiar, it's beacause it resonates with YOUR INNER TRUTH... it's not that they are to be followed blindly or the opposite chastised and shot down. It's in you... you have to turn inward and put trust in yourself.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (03/26/06 01:44 AM)


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InvisiblePsychoChipmunk
Small, Furry, Disturbed

Registered: 01/08/05
Posts: 389
Loc: A hole in your back yard
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: leery11]
    #5444372 - 03/26/06 05:39 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

I enjoyed reading this, thanks for posting it.


--------------------
\m/


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OfflineWysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 6,641
Last seen: 3 months, 13 days
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: leery11]
    #5444400 - 03/26/06 05:48 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Yes I've had a lot of similar feelings lately :thumbup:


--------------------
GET MAD SWAG MONEY BIG PIMPIN


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 11 months, 2 days
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: Wysefool]
    #5446670 - 03/27/06 10:49 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Instead of simply giving into impulse and not giving any conscious consideration into how it is that one wishes to present themself, thus how one wishes to interact with the world, I would personally recommend to enthusiastically engage in reflection, embrace calculation, and analyze.

I personally do not buy tripe that would go so far as to say "do whatever you want to do, whatever feels right, in this moment, do not hesitate!" under the assumption that performing conscious reflection and analyzation of the situation and oneself is denying one of being who one is.

The fact of the matter is that, as human beings, we exist as the culmination of more sensory data, experience, and thoughts that we could ever memorize, record, or register in our consciousness. Not only that, but, within this present moment, we are transforming ourselves. This present moment is a blessed oppurtunity to consciously choose who we are to be.

If some aspect of ourselves disagrees with the manner in which reality presents itself, i.e., someone cuts you off at an intersection, and one feels to instantly react with an angry explosion of noise, I highly doubt that not resisting the urge is a denial of who one is, but is one granting oneself the oppurtunity to choose who one is to be.

The emphasis is to be placed on consciously choosing and considering all of our actions and behaviors in this moment, not surrendering such ability to our set patterns that have become instilled within us as the result of remaining unconscious.

The fact is that there is no way in which we act that defines or denies some (falsely held) identity of who we are, our nature is that of a constantly transforming state of being resultant from conscious awareness that has no true identity, no true form, but that it simply is.

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: fireworks_god]
    #5447463 - 03/27/06 03:10 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

I agree completely. I know I phrased it to sound like I was advocating your example but that's not the case. I find that we automatically know what we need to do at every given moment.

So for me, you don't really have to think...... if you have to think you will be thinking. The second thoughts are done and it's time to put those thoughts into action is the second that they were meant to be utilized and hesitation causes problems. This is when we "ight the fuel" and it's time to put thoughts or emotions or random abstractions into motion. But this is where people like me have difficulties and it leads to us suppressing our true wills and in my case is largely responsible for me not feeling free to be "myself" rather being sullen and unexpressive. This is reflected physically by a dysfunction in the root and sacral chakras. [Though today I did tai chi and then meditated on the root in class and it really helped me feel so much more open and easy-going.]

I mean it's like typing. When I type this I may not submit everything and I don't just constantly tap, there are breaks and pauses for reflection and contemplation.

But I just think we have everything on "tap" that we need and hesitation is a dangerous business.

For me if someone cuts me off my reaction is not to go run them off the road and kill them..... it is probably to avoid being cut off in the first place. And if someone makes me angry I will know what to say to stand up for myself without being confrontational or hostile.

Not always, but yes this is a good point because it requires a good deal of ego-dissolution to be able to act in a semi-spontaneous (which should be called "reactionary" and "open") manner without doing things that you will regret from negative emotions and ignorance.

That's why I titled this thread the way I did, because explosive or extroverted people don't really need to read it, this line of functioning mainly applies to myself and people like me who have probably spent enough time in contemplation are introverted enough to be able to put instant-speak and expression through "intuition" if you will to use.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (03/27/06 03:12 PM)


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Offlinedoxhevex
If it fits inyour mouth, it'sEDIBLE
Male

Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 97
Loc: Pennsylvania...unfortunat...
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: leery11]
    #5450091 - 03/28/06 08:41 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

i saw schism and i had to read this post further. that song does have a lot of meaning. its cool that someone took the time to write something that can help others.
i couldnt help but laugh when i read about the staring excercise! i do that all the time!
thanks for the post.


--------------------


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OfflineMaitereya
bohemian

Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 120
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: How tho choose to be alone, empty, and isolated. [Re: doxhevex]
    #5452512 - 03/28/06 08:50 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

good post. i feel isolated but in a different way, i hang out with people on an almost daily basis, but i still feel isolated. i know why too, i dont say what i want, i try to be nice so i dont cause an argument or confrotation. thats my hang up. mmm im gonna go meditate on this.


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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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