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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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When life comes crashing down.......
#5437307 - 03/24/06 06:35 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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This is long but some advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Sorry if I sound like a little sissy here I'm just a wreck at the moment.
This 2006 year has been a fucking tough one, and I'm getting to the end of my rope .
Right before new years I got popped with an 8th of weed and now I'm in these drug class things. Well when I got caught my "girlfriend" Ell got caught too, but I paid for everything for her to get out of trouble so she isn't going through this classes ( her judge was more lieneunt then mine ) but I've been doing this for 24 days down.
Now this alone sucks ass, I'm a heavy smoker and have been for a good 5-6 years and not having any makes me stressed to all hell and back.
So now where my life falls apart.
I'm a pretty unstable person have moved around constantly but stayed close eneough to keep in contact with old friends. However within the last year all my friends took off. I didn't mind too much becuas eI had Ell, we've been together since we were sophmores, so 3.5 years solid. Everything was fucking incredible with her up until that drug shit happened.
Spending all that money and looking forward to what happened made me pretty down in the dumps, and I was relying on her for support. I think the problem was I was doing it too much. She goes to school and works 2 part time jobs to pay for her living.
But we had planned in june to move in together to make things easier for both of us and she seemed thrilled about it. We both had cash saved up to do it and I couldn't wait. The weird thing is she always seemed to be way mor ein love with me then I seemed to be with her. I was, however, going to propose to her next month .
SO now last saturday. We were having an arguement while driving because we couldn't find that damn place. She got pissed and said she was taking me home and going home and she wanted time to think. I though that was weird because we always argued here and ther eand she never needed time to go think. But she went home and apparently there was one of her roomates bfs friends there. She ended up eating some mushrooms and having a few beers. Needless to say they fucked...........
She comes over sunday and didnt tell me and we had sex and things seemed hollow inside her, and I could see the look in her eyes. The funny thing was I had never met this guy and she has never mentioned him but I knew from her roommate he hung out there sometimes. And I instantly knew who it was just form looking in her eyes. So I asked and she lied.
The next day on a whim I drove to her house and he was there hanging out with all their friends, and I took her into her room to talk. She didnt wanna talk there ( if we wouldve I wouldve killed that guy probably ) so we drove to a church parking lot. I asked if she kissed him and she gave me one of the most heartbreaking looks ever and then I knew what happened.
Since then I've been crushed. I love her so much and I don't want to be without her. I knew we needed time to think but she could've picked a better way than that. It was just a one night stand and she told the guy that ( we've been talking and I know when she lies and what not she's always very honest ) she said she did it because she wanted to make sure I didn't try to come crawling back after we sperated saturday. BUt now she seems to regret it and remembers how great we were together. BUt I feel like such a moron taking her back. I defiently love her with all my heart and I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is cry because I feel like half of me is dead.
I have a problem forgetting things so if we worked it out I'd always remember she fucked that guy. Man this hurts so bad. It sucks because everyone I talk to doesn't know what to say, and this is just a message board so I won't get what I'm looking for here. I'm just so desperate and alone......
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Schwip
Never sleeps.


Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 3,937
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5437702 - 03/24/06 09:37 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Wow....sorry to hear about your situation. That is a hard place to be in im sure.
Having never been betrayed like that , i dont know what to tell you.
But keep your head up! Things are always bad before they get better.
Do what you have to do and life goes on. Im sure you will have many more loves in your life.
Best wishes, -s
-------------------- -------------------------------- " If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made, and the people you've touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else. " .............. "MAN! You know there aint no such thing as left over crack!"
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JacquesCousteau
Being.


Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5437798 - 03/24/06 10:17 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Same here, I wouldn't really know what to tell you... but I feel for you. That sucks.
Hopefully someone can offer you something more useful...
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5438391 - 03/24/06 01:38 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Does it really matters that she had a one night stand? I know it hurt, but..... you love her and she's sorry for what she did and loves you back. Maybe what happened that night with her roommate and her bf was the thing that made her think about your relationship and what she really feels for you. You've been through hard and confusing times. Both of you. Not taking her back because of the pride seems exaggerated. If you really love her you must forgive her, cause you could of done something similar and you would want her to forgive you, right?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5438848 - 03/24/06 04:21 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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That's honestly my take on it right there. I KNOW I could forgive her because I have complete and unconditional love for her. It's just crazy because I'm not so sure she has that for me now. I mean if things had been going downhill she shouldve told me before turning to some other dude ( which I'm sure he jumped on a opportunity to fuck a chick that was already emotional). The thing is we are young I'm 20 and she's 18. I could definetly take her back, I just don't know if I could ever forget what she did. I'm actually dropping some cid with a bunch of really close friends tonight so hopefully I can work some shit out in my head.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5438986 - 03/24/06 05:16 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I whish you good luck and an excellent trip.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5439119 - 03/24/06 06:03 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks bro I appreciate that.
I haven't done any drugs in roughly 3+ weeks and I think have lucy guide me might make this all a little easier. I'm not in the greatest mindset but having all my friends around will make it better. Sometimes you've just gotta face the truth head on.....
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ReposadoXochipilli
Here, there, inbetween


Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7,501
Loc: Sand and sunshine
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5439427 - 03/24/06 08:11 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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good luck bro...
try to work through it and take your time, you are only 20 and you don't want to make any rash decions that could mess you up for a while.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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That acid was amazing, but unfortunatly I had a pretty bad trip. I fought the sadness for the first half and then I couldn't do it anymore. Luckily a couple of my friends talked to e for 3 solid hours, but really to no avail. I'm so goddamn depressed, angry, and suffering I can't figure out what to do.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5442585 - 03/25/06 10:54 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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As I sit here exactly one week later cradling a beer in my hand, I honestly wonder if I'm going to come out of this ok. Ell doesn't even goddamn know what she wants ( what can you expect from an 18 year old ) and I know damn well I want her. I want her more than anything else I've ever wanted in my goddamn life.
I want to kill this guy ( though he didn't make her spread her legs ) but I'm sure he didn't tell her she shouldn't. She told me she's going to be friends with him and I have to except that. Fuck that, plain and simple. How the fuck can someone be so cold hearted and selfish. Take a 1/4 of my life and do that. Goddamn I hate beer it makes me hate this situation even more but I can't smoke weed to relax.
I wish someone could just slap her in the face and realize what the hell she did. She said she somewhat regrets fucking him but mainly shes sorry because of how I feel. I can't accept that. She should be sorry for what she did in general not just because she hurt me.
I would have done ANYTHING for this girl. And now I can't cope with anything. Everything I do reminds me of her. The thought of trying to find another woman makes me think the same thing is going to happen.
I don't want to live my life insecure scared and alone. I don't want to think about her being with another guy when it's been us for so long. I don't want to have to call my mom my friends and people I haven't talked to in ages crying because I need someone to tell me something to make me feel better, especially when everyone is dumbfounded at the situation.
We've been that couple everyone idolized and thought would be together forever and own the world between us. I had so much goddamn love for her and I still do. Man I hate ranting I've been doing it for a solid week and it hasn't gotten remotely easier. If anything it's gotten ungodly worse. I don't wanna kill myself, but I don't wanna live with this pain, and feeling like all this is my fault.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5443224 - 03/26/06 03:53 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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No matter how used and superficial it may sound, it's just normal for you to feel like that. As it will be won't hurt so much in the future. Give it a rest. And surround yourself with friends that care about you, you'll need them cause it is going to be a hard time for you. And yes, most people when they're 18 don't really know that to do or what they really want. So it's up to you, it's up to what you want. If what was between the two of you was real, then you will both find a solution to get back together with no hard feelings. If it wasn't really real, it won't work. cause that's what happens when a realign gets "broken" and it has no strong support, it just breaks for good. And it means that it was not worth it. Either way, or is not to soon to see that, cause everything it's so recent and you hurt so much. And she's undecided. Wait and see what happens cause eventually you'll know what to do.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5443448 - 03/26/06 08:08 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I know it's supposed to feel like this, but jesus christ it hurts unbelievably bad. All I can think about is calling her and telling her I love her and don't care what she did. I want her back more than anything, but I don't think that's what I need. I've always been a somewhat unstable person but the best I've ever felt about myself and the world is when I'm with her.
Having close friends around is the only thing that slightly helps, but the hwole time I'm just waiting for an opportunity to call her or write her a letter explaining how I feel. I always knew I loved her, but until she stabbed me in the back I've never really realized I cared about her more than anything and would do anything to get what we had back. I'm giving her some space for a week and a half to clear her head and think about what has happened between us.
I'm just hoping she doesnt decide the exact opposite of what I did.
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5443563 - 03/26/06 09:15 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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So she cheated on you, she wants to be friends with the guy (whatever that means), and she doesn't express that much remorse about the whole thing.
Dump the bitch. Someone better will come along.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5443809 - 03/26/06 11:21 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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That's what most of my friends have told me. Not to sound arrogant but I am a good looking guy and I never keep anything bottled up, I'm very open to anyone that wants to listen and I'm very receptive to anyone that feels the need to talk.
It's just tough after 3.5 years when you're only 20, its practically a 1/5 of my life. I know I shouldn't be with a girl that would spend so much time with someone and still not be able to open up and express a problem, but instead go fuck another guy as an easy way out. Most of me wants to work it out with her, but I know I can't make her be a better person, that's just selfish on my part and she has to do that on her own.
I'm just gonna have a real hard time trusting again, and I'm still having a real hard time getting over her. We have been through a ton of shit and it was always us and the world ( in my eyes anyways, apparently not hers ).
It's just really hard to think someone better will come along when you've accepted that's the best thing that will ever happen to you for 3 years.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: When life comes crashing down....... [Re: vandago]
#5445044 - 03/26/06 07:39 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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It sucks how love overpowers anger, hate, happiness, and any other emotion possible.
I know she doesn't love me back, because she wouldn't, and couldn't do that if she did ( or at least regret it til she pukes ). But I still continue to call her and she still agrees to come over and sleep with me. I need help, literally, I'm completely and utterly addicted to her. I'd imagine this is what crack or heroin is like, When I have her I'm so content and don't care but when she's gone I need her so bad and call her expressing myself.
I need to find some random smoking hot chick to fuck around with for a while, maybe that will show me what I'm missing out on and I don't need ell.
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