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Madtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers


Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,287
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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Where I'm At Right Now.
#5409254 - 03/16/06 04:48 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I've never posted here before, but I just need to rant for awhile, and I figure if I put it here, I wont bring everyone else down w/ me.
That said, I've completely fucked up my life in the last 6 months. I'm a Geophysics Major here at UW, I'm a senior, pretty good grades until lately. I need like, 12 credits for graduation. One Good Semester would do it. So whats my problem?
I wish I fucking new. I cannot even get up lately. I havent been to class in a month. Any Class. I used to fucking LOVE what I do. I love traipsing through the mountains, looking at formations and outcrops and figuring out what makes things this way. I love nature and trees and rocks. I used to love my classes. It sounds nerdy, but I'm a science geek.
I hate it all so much now. I owe close to 40K for a degree which I'm not going to get. Student Loan people are knocking on my e-door. I havent told my parents any of this shit. Its not like they're paying, I'm paying for it myself. But I have a job, and I missed it today, and my emergency contact was my Mom's house. So she just called me today wondering why my JOB was calling me when I should be in SCHOOL.
I just dont know what to do. I'm honestly fucking clueless at this point. I'm in a huge hole here, and have nobody to blame but myself. I cant believe all this shit has gone so wrong. Things were awesome 6 months ago. I dont know what happened....
Its not like I'm suicidal, I dont want anyone to get that impression. I know life will get better in the long run, but its just the point that I'm in now is SO DARK that I cant see where the fuck I'm going. I dont have a plan anymore....
I guess my Semi-Plan is to work for the rest of this semester, work my ass off this summer, and hope that I can make enough to go back to school next semester. But thats looking at coming up with 3K for this place I'm living, 4 or 5 K for school, and another 1K for books, all before next August. This is going to mean very very soon I have to start working 16 hour days.
Fuck. I dont even know what the point of posting this is. I'm so completely overwhelmed. I've been crying like a fucking bitch for the last 2 hours. I'm just completely shut down to everything....
-------------------- After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action. If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it. - Ernest Hemingway If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it. In the law courts, in business, in government. There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent. -Cormac MacCarthy He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus
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Gillette
Jaded


Registered: 01/10/99
Posts: 4,058
Last seen: 6 months, 26 days
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hey, its ok.
its completely ok to be right where you are right now. I think most of us have been there. That was last Mar-April for me. I'm in debt, like you don't even know, I just know oneday I'll pay it off. Last April I was just a few credits away from getting my BA Degree, but was going to drop out. I did the bare minimum of anything I had to do, and otherwise slept and cried. School is stressful, everything about it is, life is stressful.
You'll come around, keep writing it out, go with it, its perfectly fine. You'll be just fine.
-------------------- ~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~ A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
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GWARrior
Weirdo


Registered: 03/15/06
Posts: 7
Loc: CT
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
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Re: Where I'm At Right Now. [Re: Gillette]
#5410634 - 03/16/06 11:06 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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ahh, well thankfully i am only a junior at uconn but i feel exactly the same. stress is bearin down on me maaannn! hey, for books, all i can say is search online! half.com, amazon.com, etc etc...i saved mad loot (>250). but i know its not the money. its the inevitable pressure of a real life of real responsibility and knowing that you have to answer for you indefinately, at least for me. but look at it this way, you dont want to turn out like my 30 year old brother with no job, no car, no money and nothing else really. think of the opportunity you have and the opportunites that others have wasted and run with it. thats what gets me to my 9 a.m.
-------------------- A highpowered mutant never considered for mass production
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Where I'm At Right Now. [Re: GWARrior]
#5414376 - 03/17/06 08:01 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Good job on having a plan and having the balls to really fear the path before you. That means that you are atleast aware of how much pain you're about to put yourself through.
Just remember.. take 1 step and don't look back.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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spock
journeyman
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,165
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Re: Where I'm At Right Now. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5417621 - 03/18/06 11:35 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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dude you got this far now get that fucking degree. you won't regret it. you are to close to the finish line to take a rest or start thinking too much. just do it. good luck man.
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