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peepeepottypants
Stranger


Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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At the end of a long relationship
#5396825 - 03/13/06 09:47 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm having a lot of trouble coping with the end of a 2 year relationship. Ive been head over heals for this boy since I met him 4 and half years ago, and we have had A LOT of baggage concerning our romantic relationship.
We are pretty much at the end of the rope, and teetering on never speaking again, and its really breaking me down, because I have never shared so much with someone in my life and I cant talk to anyone w/o getting a partial response.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do when a passionate relationship has sooo many rocks in it that it that falls completely apart.
Im feeling kinda hopeless in a lot of arenas because of this, and Im looking for some support.
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Herbus
...

Registered: 10/19/04
Posts: 1,477
Loc: Reading the map...
Last seen: 10 years, 23 days
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Approximately 63.5mgs of Christamine intravenous injection.
Little bit of the Lord is all you need.
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CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie


Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 6 months, 23 days
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These are one of the hardest lessons in life. Moving on.
You feel comfortable, yet tired of the same old shit. What else can you do? :hugs: Most of us have been through it and no matter how many times we do go through it, it never gets any easier.
I'm sorry that things haven't worked out. Time WILL heal. In between then and now, use friends for support. Try and do some things to keep your mind a little occupied.
Take care hun.
--------------------
The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.
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peepeepottypants
Stranger


Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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Re: At the end of a long relationship [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
#5396910 - 03/13/06 10:05 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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ugh, I supose thats what makes it harder. I have only 1 friend, and I do not feel I can discuss the matter with her, because I have known her breifly and do not wish to bring my mental side out to her.
I appreciate it though, thank you
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daimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
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Last seen: 12 years, 18 hours
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There's no real solid advice for these situations. You can search this forum and find plenty of input regarding similar circumstances, but it all comes down to you.
If it's the end, my best advice for you is to grieve a little, then move on. It happens to just about everyone at least once. Exercise, go for walks/hikes, drink yourself into oblivion and beat up a pillow, whatever it takes.
It can take weeks or months before one feels halfway normal again. Hang in there, and know that there's always people on the Shroomery to talk to.
God bless.
--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."
Edited by daimyo (03/14/06 01:01 AM)
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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If it really is at it's end, then you must move on. It's incredibly difficult, obviously, but don't hang on to something that you can already feel is coming to a close. Let it take it's course and move on from there. Don't force anything that can't really happen in the long run.
I look at everything this way. Life is all about chance meetings and the lessons learned from them. You meet people you'll know for years and you meet people who you only meet for mere minutes, but you meet them for a reason and that reason is to take you along your chosen life path. Every person you meet brings out a side of you that you, yourself, cannot bring out alone, and that's why breaking up with someone is extremely hard, because you feel that you might lose that side of you. Which is true, but once you meet the next person in your life who will bring that side back out, that side will be brought even more.
So go through all the required emotions, but don't let it be the end of you, because it won't be. 
Good luck and like the previous poster said, you've got The Shroomery here for ya.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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peepeepottypants
Stranger


Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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Thanks guys.
Its nuts because sometimes I feel fine about it, but it always creeps back in. Last night I went to bed, feeling halfway alright, and this morning I wake up from a dream about him, and I can NEVER remember my dreams.
The worst part about this is that just about all the things I enjoy are tied to him someway or another. I'd love to go hiking, but hes the one who really introduced me (that wont keep me from doing it, but you get the point.) I love drawing and being creative, but I really feel like he was my muse for a lot of my drawings, before the end of the relationship I could knock out 3 drawings a week, now I have no inspiration, the colors don't blend right and I don't even enjoy doing it right now. I was a crocheting addict and now I just dont feel motivated to do it anymore.
I didn't expect all these aspects of my life to be totally upset over this but I can't even do the things I enjoy without finding him there.
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Well, when you allow someone to permeate all aspects of your life like you allowed him to do, you can't really be surprised. All you can do is allow time to move forward while dragging you along. Eventually, you'll come to realize that these things that you enjoy doing are YOUR things, not the both of you's things (hows that for some sketchy grammar? )
When he no longer is a huge part of your life, you will no longer require him to be your "muse." All you can do is be patient, go through the required emotions and motions and learn what you're supposed to learn.
Goodluck.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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Metasyn
one

Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 239
Loc: PNW
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I feel your pain, because I am in almost the exact same situation. I had been going out with this girl who I assumed I would spend the rest of my life with for over three years and in the last few months she has simply stopped loving me. She no longer cares. I definitely still care.. now more than ever. It is incredibly painful the feeling of loss and rejection.
I have no road map out of this painful place, all I can do is sympathize. What I've been doing is trying to channel the pain elsewhere. Create art that expresses your pain (even if you're not an artist - I certainly am not). Exercise ... channel the emotions through the physical body. Try to move on by going out and meeting new people. I know its hard because one feels next to zero self worth in such a situation, but you'll find that if you put in a little effort and get even halfway decent results, it makes you feel so much better. Try to expand your spirituality. Meditate. Read some inspiring books (such as Conversations With God, The Prophet, Illusions, Be Here Now, The Third Millenium, etc).
One thing you should NOT do is cling to the relationship. At this point there is no way clinging will bring it back together. If you let go, maybe it will rekindle. Maybe not, but if not at least you let go.
Feel free to PM me if you want. I know what you're going through and a compassionate ear can make all the difference in the world.
Love and light to you
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Gillette
Jaded


Registered: 01/10/99
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Last seen: 6 months, 26 days
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Re: At the end of a long relationship [Re: Metasyn]
#5409388 - 03/16/06 05:14 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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you know, I just came thru the same thing. At the beginning the realization that its just not going to work is devestaing, its so disappointing. I thought everything I did was attatched to him...but then I took a step back and thought, was he really holding my hand while I did all this? and what things had I been putting off because of him, that I had loved to do before? And there it all was again, all crystal clear and just me, all me. Hun you'll feel a million times better when you realize you really are better off with out him.
It'll get better, it'll get easier and you'll come out of it and wonder how you could have ever let someone else get you so down.


pm me anytime.
-------------------- ~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~ A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
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peepeepottypants
Stranger


Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
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Re: At the end of a long relationship [Re: Gillette]
#5409594 - 03/16/06 06:01 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks guys.
Im starting to be ok about it. It tends to get to me in the morning and before I go to sleep. But generally I'm feeling a lot better. Its taking time and patience, but I'm not hopeless. I still don't think I can talk to him, because it still hurts, but I feel that the worst of it may be over.
I feel like Im looking at it all through more rational eyes now.
McKennaDMT- I agree, and I definitly am being more productive with sifting out his "presence" if you will, out of my favorite activities. Although I have not gotten back into a full swing with all my crafts, I no longer feel its because of him that I am lacking the drive. thank you.
Metasyn- You are totally right, looking for a productive outlet of some sort is very helpful. Ive been going on dayhikes more, and am planning to attempt to pick up wood carving, and it really makes me feel more stable. Also, it seems there has been a lot of interesting and occassionally positive coincidence, which helps me to feel that this is alright. I wish you ease at seeing through the hopeless aspect of these feelings. THank you for your response, I often find it helpful when someone else is feeling the same way, it helps shake the shroud of isolation. And know that I too am here to listen if you would like to cope together.
Gillette- Its great to hear from someone has recently gone through this, and feels a breath of relief. I definitly feel like I'm handling it better than I could be right now. And because of that, I'm feeling more confident about being on my own. I've definitly begun to stand far more firmly on my own two feet (most the time) and because of that, things are getting easier. Thank you, and if you have any relapses (although it seems you're doing well) My PM box is open to you.
THanks guys, I really appreciate that you've taken time to respond!
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browndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
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When the day's over, don't dwell on things when you reflect. But rather appreciate the lessons you've learned. Letting go and moving on is one of the hardest things to deal with, but one of the greatest lessons if you open up.
When I broke up with my first true love, she ended up puking on my shoe. Me? I felt like horse shit for a long time, but much like the worst mushroom trip I've ever had it's one of the most important experiences of my life. I don't even know if I've ever told her this because she's probably still hurt, but I hope that she appreciates everything that happened as well. Even though things don't always end up as expected, if you hold onto what's lost you will never be liberated.
Keep ya head up, take some time for yourself (Don't be afraid to cry) and then when you're done, move forward!
-------------------- When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop
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hybridphil
Student

Registered: 03/04/04
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Loc: Milky Way....they'll neve...
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Re: At the end of a long relationship [Re: browndustin]
#5665837 - 05/23/06 06:16 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm in the exact same situation too and I feel like my world is falling through because I thought that we were going to be together forever. I thought I had already learnt the lesson that nothing lasts forever. In the first conversation I had with my girlfriend before I started going out with her was that I can't trust girls. I opened up my heart to her and trusted her because I thought that she had loved me. Maybe she did, but if she really did, then why can't she make time for me, respond when I tell her I miss her, or just ditch out on all our plans. I almost can't believe this is happening and sometimes I think it's just a phase, and everything will return to how it was. But there's so many signs...I'm in such a fucking dilemma.
-------------------- Psilocybin anonymous
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