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gotmagog
searching fortruth andlogic...

Registered: 01/18/04
Posts: 239
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
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Again Depressed -even in Paradise
#5388635 - 03/11/06 09:36 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I am again confronted with the impossibility of controlling feelings. I was for 3 weeks in Thailand, and i saw much beauty there and really liked it, and i thought it should be like paradise and i should be grateful that i have the money and opportunity to do such a trip.
But still, what should have been heaven turned almost into hell, because i was on this trip with a girl i am deeply in love with, but she ignored me and wants only to remain friends. I could not concentrate on the beauty around us, because i would think of her and close we were on this journey to asia for 3 weeks, and yet how far far away shhe is from me.
Buddhism says that passion leads to suffering , and i really felt that love can turn a good life into hell sometimes. I wish i could just snap out of it, enjoy things as they are, but it is not so easy to do. A guy who values his own fun might have just said "fuck it" and go to a Go Go bar, sex is cheap and is everywhere, but i guess i preferred to be romantic and suffer, even though my "girl" friend preferred to flirt with guys and have fun.
Now i am back at home, showing pictures to friends and stuff, pretending that i had the best time of my life, and it was , but it was the worst as well. But i can't complain to anyone that i was unhappy there, i guess i may show the unhappy loser side of my personality only to online forums, but hide it carefully from my real life friends, have a mask for happy confidence for them...
Sorry if i bored you with this ?ranting about hurt love feelings, but this time I really felt how heaven and hell are just creations of the mind and that passion leads to disappointment at the end. I also felt ungrateful, why can't i enjoy what good there is in my life, and should focus on what i desire and want? What was the real lesson of this Thai Trip? I feel that trip is the correct word, because after 3 weeks of sleep deprivation, amazingly beautiful new places and love pains, i was in a really strange place. Several days afterwards i still try to cope with its infliuence and try to bring back the good memories(objectively thinking, this was the best adventure of my life and i met many many new people and places, and enjoyed them, and i loved how big and amazing the world is) and also analyze why i had pain in my soul there, should i fight for her, or just forget her and move onwards...
By the way, i wonder whether the moderators feel this should be in the mental well being forum, or just in the travelling one. Maybe i will add more later, i hope that you will enjoy at least the pictures, and probably give me some advice about true happiness and attachement and love.






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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: gotmagog]
#5388934 - 03/11/06 11:57 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I can relate on a much smaller scale.
I was in a very self-destructive relatoinship but could not see it at the time............
We went on an expensive-ish trip, but still in America. She broke up with me on it and completely ruined what should have been a great time.
It destroyed me quite a bit............ even to the point where I almost forgot that the trip happened then I remember after a while and was like "huh............... ?"
A Buddhist nun said to someone at a Dharma Talk once, that celibacy leads to a miserable life though....implying that if you're just going to be a normal follower its probably better to attempt to have harmonius relationships with women rather than to avoid them because of the more philosphical "relationships lead to hell" issues.
But yeah that sucks a lot.............. I don't see how you can do that to someone on a trip with them, you should have either refused to go and broken up before it, or waited until it was completely over....
but I don't have much perspective on what it's like to be the woman.
Sorry dude............. Thailand looks AMAZING though.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: gotmagog]
#5389133 - 03/11/06 01:00 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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thailand sounds amazing! its a small dream of mine to go there, mainly cause i love muay-thai...
but this "passion leads to disappointment at the end", i think it can go both ways, when you become passionate you expose yourself. you climb up an a ledge and jump. if it doesnt work out you fall and hurt yourself. the higher you go, the more itll hurt. but if you can fly, then its the best thing you will ever feel. i see no future with this girl. i say let her go an forget about her, even if you have to break up your friendship with her. unless youve known her for a long time and she is like, a really really close friend, i high recomend you break it with her. shes only gonna stop you from meeting other girls. you might meet another girl you can be jsut as passionate about, but you wont see her if youre vision is still clouded by this girl.
next time you go to thailand and you dont have a new girl to go with, call me
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery


Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: gotmagog]
#5389423 - 03/11/06 02:51 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I know how you feel, bro. I'm in the same situation. What has helped me tremendously is to Love my female friend (who is seeing another guy) unconditionally. That means I do not expect nothing in return from her and that my love for her is all I need. It can be hard to make the switch from being in love (and demand something in return) to simply Love though. But it can be learned and it makes things much easier.
Good luck!
--------------------
"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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gotmagog
searching fortruth andlogic...

Registered: 01/18/04
Posts: 239
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: redtailedhawk]
#5391162 - 03/12/06 06:26 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well i have known this girl for over 5 years, and she has been my roommate for the last year too, so i can'T just walk out of it, i will have her as a part of my life for much time to come, and should try to make it harmonious. It really pisses me off, in our relations, that we enjoy drinking, smoking weed, travelling, studying, cooking, etc., everything possible, like perfect friends together, but she is just no in love with me and would not even try a one-night stand with me because "I value our friendship much and sex would spoil it"
Now i am in doubt whether i shpuld just love her unconditionally, or become a bit more distanced and ignore her for a while, to have time to meet other girls and get over her.
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery


Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: gotmagog]
#5391344 - 03/12/06 09:10 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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You can still love her and have other girls if that's what you want and need.
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"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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henry21
Stranger
Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 29
Last seen: 16 years, 8 months
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: redtailedhawk]
#5394372 - 03/13/06 05:45 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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well..I know everyone watever they may won't console you presently. Because your wound is fresh..but trust me these things will fade away with time. And a day will come when though you will remember her but the intensity will get reduced. Cheers!
-------------------- Try diflucan for fungal infections
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gotmagog
searching fortruth andlogic...

Registered: 01/18/04
Posts: 239
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
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Re: Again Depressed -even in Paradise [Re: henry21]
#5398862 - 03/14/06 11:58 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, the intensity is already a bit reduced, i am still depressed but getting better, i guess i will forget after a while and remember only the good moments. And i think positively, maybe the Pain was not in vain and i have learned a valuable lesson.
And i also learned how inconvenient it is to fall in love exactly with a close friend of many years, and she is also a roommate. We see each other all the time, even if i wanted to be alone for a while, this makes healing a bit longer and more painful.

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