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Anonymous

but why?
    #537259 - 01/31/02 10:55 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I spend all the free time I can find searching the internet, reading and printing articles. Night and day I feel like I'm on this quest that never ends. Every topic leads to another...

I've read about all sorts of ancient civilizations, the myan calander, egypt, astrology, psychology, all major religions, everything psi, meditations, astral projection, chakras, energy, brain circuits, everything psychedelic... it never ends. I am thirsty for this knowledge.

But why?

I'm 23 years old and I still have yet to ground myself in reality and set up my future. I've often wondered if I am just keeping my mind off of my responsibilites with all of this, but I started this mad quest when I was working full time and had my own apartment, blah blah blah...

What's it all for, why has it consumed so much of me, when will it end? What am I doing with my life? Where is all of this taking me? Why do I have so many questions?


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OfflineCynicalMagician
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Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 231
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #537262 - 01/31/02 11:02 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I asked myself the same question after doing the same kind of thing a while ago, so I guess I feel similarly. The answer I came up with was that I'm looking for an answer to the question of life the universe and everything, having had some trouble applying 42. Thus far said quest has been fruitless, but it's pretty entertaining. And that's what it's all really about.


--------------------
----------------------

"Order some golf shoes," I whispered. "Otherwise, we'll never get out of this place alive. You notice these lizards don't have any trouble moving around in this muck - that's because they have ~claws~ on their feet."


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OfflineSwank
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Registered: 12/29/00
Posts: 83
Last seen: 15 years, 1 month
Re: but why? [Re: CynicalMagician]
    #537269 - 01/31/02 11:13 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

The book "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn might get your mind thinking in a different way. You might not agree with it, but it's always good to consider different theories on life.


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OfflineCynicalMagician
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Registered: 08/28/01
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Re: but why? [Re: Swank]
    #537296 - 01/31/02 11:38 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

That's an awesome book. I read it a year or two ago. Should look at it again though.


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----------------------

"Order some golf shoes," I whispered. "Otherwise, we'll never get out of this place alive. You notice these lizards don't have any trouble moving around in this muck - that's because they have ~claws~ on their feet."


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OfflineMentalHygene
otherworldly

Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 192
Loc: Somewhere...Under the rai...
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: but why? [Re: CynicalMagician]
    #537309 - 01/31/02 11:48 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Contrary to popular belief, you don't actually have to know what you want in life. Look at all the robots out there that go about their daily jobs, and are totally unhappy! Yet they will be the first ones to tell you to pick a career and go to college. Just be happy man! Maybe your purpose is the journey to a higher mental state! Keep it up, It will help you in anything you chose to do!


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"WHATS THE USE OF AUTONOMY WHEN A BUTTON DOES IT ALL?"


Edited by MentalHygene (01/31/02 11:50 PM)


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Invisibletak
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Re: but why? [Re: MentalHygene]
    #537341 - 02/01/02 12:15 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

There is a deeper meaning to the movie "The Matrix" I suggest you follow the white rabbit.


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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OfflineTimeleech
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Registered: 10/04/01
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Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #537359 - 02/01/02 12:47 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Firstly, RootTak-Ninja-Man: "There is a deeper meaning to the movie "The Matrix" I suggest you follow the white rabbit. "

The Matrix isn't even close as to how deep the alleged rabbit hole goes. It's a nice introduction to questioning reality for the masses though, although I find most people just say, "what if?", shrug, and forget about it... Just had to get that off my chest, been in there for a long time, no critisicm towards you!

Smack: i see you are 23 years old, I see the number 23 all around me lately. A while ago I told my friend to look for the number (heck, even the car we were sitting in at that moment had 23 knobs, the gas station open to 23:00 etc. etc.)
What is the meaning of this? I don't know. What has it to do with your questions? And your question about the questions? Well........:

I have no idea what the 23 thing means, but I find myself puzzled, and amuzed, bedazzled and flummoxed (as my sig says), and I think this is the proper, in fact, the only *logical* thing to do.
You still don't see wher I'm heading, right? Me neither. But let me tell you this:
I had a fairly wiggly outline of my life. I wanted to study Computer Science. Then Physics, then maths, then semantics, then graphic design. I ended up with Comp. Sci.
After 1/2 year of that, now I find myself quitting all that, and planning a year long trip to australia, perhaps even longer, in order to incorporate the rest of the world on my journey.
I just don't feel like studying what I do at the moment. It's boring.

Iv'e been infected with a rather intense cheerfullness and optimism lately. It tells me to do what I want. And I want to travel. Iv'e always been anxious about money. Gotta have at least 2-4000 on my account nowadays to feel safe. Well, it's closing in on 2000, and rapidly declining. And instead of the anticipated anxiousness, I feel more and more free the less money I have.

It might be irresponsible of me to do so, but, and here's the nut of what I am trying to tell you, I'm not sure what to do. So instead of doing something I might think I want. I will do something I know I would regret I did not do when I grow older. I don't even know now, if iv'e ever go and study again. Something I was 100% sure of before, no matter what! Creativity is my game, as your profile tells me your's is too :smile:

So much for my future plans. Iv'e always thought 10-20 years ahead. That's too far. I can't get a grip on what lies ahead in 5-10 years, but 1 year is ok I guess.

As for reality, well, I can only laugh. If I wanted to, I guess I could get declared as a schizo by any shrink on the spot. As you say, it never ends. I too am thirsty for this knowledge. This knowledge currently being the knowledge of what life is like on a string. No security net attacted. Upon reflecting on my life I have developed a strong faith in the Dao. If I walk the Way, I will be fine.
That may not be the cause for you though, but don't worry to much. Anxiety becaus you are anxious about being anxious etc. I have not grounded myself at all, I prefer to be a roaming spirit. But that may be a sad excuse for fucking up my minde/life. I'll never know, and to be honest, I don't want to.

Now iv'e registered in my peripheral vision that you went through something with your family a little while ago and moved away. I feel sorry for writing this massive mess and it's almost as if I am trying to steal your misery from you (if that is what it is). I'm just kinda trying to share my story while giving onlye the vague directions I can give at age 21. Take it as wisdom or as nonsense. I just felt the need to try and attempt to begin to give an indication of helping a fellow young man some honest advice.

Nuff for now. iv'e exposed myself enough for today I think, and you are tired and bored of reading this exaggeratedly long post...

Oh yea, try to see the number 23 wherever you are. It might tell you something. I'll let you decide what it means... :wink:

Damn, iv'e read through my post, and it's an incoherent ramble likely to do more harm than help, but I mean every word of it :laugh: 


--------------------
--
Eternally boggled, flummoxed, bewildered and surprised.
theophagy.org


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OfflineTimeleech
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Registered: 10/04/01
Posts: 590
Loc: Norway
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: but why? [Re: Timeleech]
    #537364 - 02/01/02 12:52 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

DAMN! I just realized maybe a couple hundred people are gonna read this! Embarrasing.... Oh well, to heck with it...


--------------------
--
Eternally boggled, flummoxed, bewildered and surprised.
theophagy.org


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Invisibletak
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Re: but why? [Re: Timeleech]
    #537384 - 02/01/02 01:09 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

MY ex girlfriends favorite number was 23, we often saw 23 everywhere also...it was quite weird


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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Anonymous

Re: but why? [Re: Timeleech]
    #537517 - 02/01/02 05:31 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

december 23, 2012


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: but why? [Re: Timeleech]
    #537540 - 02/01/02 07:15 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

If I'm not mistaken, Robert Antoine Wilson's book 'Cosmic Trigger' goes into depth about the number 23. Just the number 23.

As for me, during the past year I see 222 everywhere. The other night I woke up at exactly 2:22 AM. I happen to glance at my watch or clocks during that minute. At Taco Bell my order number came to 222 and the price was $4.44. Etc., etc.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #537545 - 02/01/02 07:41 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

This is why the Zohar (Jewish Mysticism) states that higher pursuits should not be made before the age of 40. Like yourself I filled my life with esoteric interests that were devoid of the Earth element. I'd come to class after an intense acid trip and some thoughtful and perceptive stranger would say, 'Hey man, you need to introduce some 'Yin' energy into your system.' I was not becoming psychotic, but I was not grounded, and as a young Yogi/Neo-Platonist/Acid Head, I believed the Earth, my body and matter in general needed to be transcended. Like Icarus, if one flies too high - too close to the Sun - a dangerous ego-inflation will occur followed by a sudden deflation (and one's 'wings of transcendence' will be lost). That means a plunge into the dark waters of the unconscious.

Sometimes I tell people that instead of sleeping at odd hours to astrally project; or constructing a magic circle and 'instruments of the art;' or practicing celibacy and vegetarianism along with yoga practice, etc....I should have been pursuing a practical education, and chasing girls and drinking beer like average guys in my 20's.

I did follow my bliss, and things Eventually turned out quite nicely (I am indeed fulfilled), but the road was very lonely. When I left pre-med to become a useless philosophy major...that was the beginning of a gradual realization that fulfillment was not gonna come through the college-marriage-children-career-retirement-grandchildren trip.

My advice is to start with a firm foundation. Focus on earth-plane realities first. Your esoteric-cosmic Gnowledge will increase with age as the need to establish your place in the world lessens. Don't lose this balance. That doesn't mean to forsake spiritual pursuits, it means get a job during the summer and bank some money instead of, say, holing up in your room to meditate/trip/read etc. The Buddhist Stupa - a symbolic structure based on the chakras, has a broad cube at its base for stability. Establish a base upon which to place your ladder of ascent. Peace.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineSypriss
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Registered: 01/31/02
Posts: 17
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Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #537559 - 02/01/02 08:53 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Hey man, My name is Sypriss, and I wanted to say that it doesn't matter if you are 65 and ungrounded in this "life". I would love spend my entire life searching for truth. Fuck settling down and conforming to this 9-5 world, when there is so much more to be grasped. We have strong souls and minds, and in todays society it's anti-cool, to have little money in place of peace of soul and mind. It's a choice that every soul has to make, whether to keep searching for the truth, or to conform. I think your "quest" is a noble one.
And if that wasn't what you were trying say I apologize in advance.


--------------------
"Some say we'll see armagedon soon, I certainly hope we will, I sure could use a vacation....."


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OfflineKeepAskingTime
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Registered: 05/14/01
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Re: but why? [Re: Sypriss]
    #537939 - 02/01/02 05:41 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I would reccommend not conforming to a [too] grounded lifestyle. That to me is a way many take ignorantly fooling themselves into comfortable numbness. Not contemplating pain and not trying to find a fucking way out of this place- gets you nowhere [man]. Keep on keepin' on brother. Each moment stems possibles from an infinite possibility. You never know where you're going. Live in the Now, embrace your self and all that is. Follow your path- the Way. Trust yourself.
Expand your mind.
Push the envelope.
Holy shit! It bends!

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.

Spiral out. Keep going, going...


--------------------
I'm praying for infinite lapdances in heaven and an infinite supply of cocaine to snort out of Angelina Jolie's ass crack.


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OfflineNextGenHippie
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Registered: 03/30/01
Posts: 311
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Re: but why? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #537980 - 02/01/02 06:47 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Like Icarus, if one flies too high - too close to the Sun - a dangerous ego-inflation will occur followed by a sudden deflation (and one's 'wings of transcendence' will be lost). That means a plunge into the dark waters of the unconscious.

Perhaps. But that deflation is the start of a new path. I think I balance someone else, or a group of others with my Yang energy, when I fall, they will rise to balance me.


--------------------
[pot]Think left and think right[pot]
[pot]and think low and think high[pot]
[pot]Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try[pot]
-Dr. Seuss


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OfflineTimeleech
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Registered: 10/04/01
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Re: but why? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #537998 - 02/01/02 07:11 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I know markos, it works with any number. R.A.W. also suggests looking for coins on the ground, which is bound to be more productive... :smile:

I think it is true what you say about grounding oneself. The way out is the way through. So in order to trancend the flesh/physical as many here seem eager to do, the only *real* way (imho) is to live life. Even care about the mundane stuff. It is not without reason that buddhist monks also work hard, in addition to their more spiritual pursuit.

The risk of walking alone is a lack of alignment and feedback, which can be harmful. One should firstly ensure the body's needs so it is able to house the spirit in the many years of spiritual practise to come, if one wishes to pursuit it.



--------------------
--
Eternally boggled, flummoxed, bewildered and surprised.
theophagy.org


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InvisibleJellric
altered statesman

Registered: 11/08/98
Posts: 2,261
Loc: non-local
Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #539000 - 02/03/02 03:48 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Somewhere I read, "Seek ye first the kingdom of god, and all other things will be added unto you." From the time I was little I tried to follow that advice and it has served me well. The vast majority of people follow the blueprint society lays out for them, never questioning..they "live", going to school, getting a job, having kids, retiring, then being dropped into a six foot hole at the end of life. Maybe towards the end they start looking deeper into what they were taught about spirituality as kids.

To me they have it backwards. Spiritual knowledge is for living life as well as what comes after..so cut yourself some slack as you are still young. Look into what is behind life even as you live it. But don't be a total slacker either. If you are waiting for certainty about things before you "get going", you will never get going. Instead of progressing downstream, you may flow into a holding pool on the side- cut off from one good thing the main current does provide: Energy. Stagnation sucks. Paralysis of analysis is one danger of the contemplative life. Avoid it. It will sap your strength.

-Jell


--------------------
I AM what Willis was talkin' bout.


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InvisibleRevelation

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Registered: 08/04/01
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Re: but why? [Re: Anonymous]
    #539477 - 02/03/02 07:14 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I read that life is less about learning and more about experiencing. Your questions are an expression of yourself. It doesn't matter if they are answered because I believe that in the end we will see all there is to see and know all that needs to be known. We all get there in the end, some faster than others. That's the way I see it anyway.


--------------------


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InvisibleUlysees
Power of Lard

Registered: 10/06/01
Posts: 5,060
Re: but why? [Re: Revelation]
    #539665 - 02/03/02 11:05 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Where the hell did this thread come from? I'm all over this shit. (The directionless anxiety no future what the hell am I doing shit.)

Well, just thought I'd poke my head in and say hello. Hey Smack, you still wanna go to Egypt? I've got Toronto and Africa on my list now, but I've got to see some wonders of the world too.

Our culture has raised our expectations to levels attainable only through the forfeiture of most of ones life. We believe we need mutual funds and insurance and a mortgage, and if we don't have all these things we don't feel secure. All we really need is food and shelter. Some of us are stuck somewhere in the awkward middle, too afraid to go ahead, unwilling to go back. We will not surrender to "careers" that everyone wants us to have, because those careers will surely devour our lives. We will not revert to the gerbil behavior laid out for us, we will not take up our positions running in the wheel just to keep the wheel running until we die. We've got to break on through to the other side... there is no other peace for us.

Or maybe I'm crazy.


--------------------


Edited by Ulysees (02/03/02 11:08 PM)


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Anonymous

Re: but why? [Re: Ulysees]
    #539691 - 02/03/02 11:40 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

but you want to pay your bills, right? pay for the cost of living, to have food and shelter...

would you rarther have a career, or a shitty job?


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