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InvisibleMOTH
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I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good.
    #5371585 - 03/06/06 04:48 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I was on this mental health board that I frequent and they all know I'm a drug user there.  Usually nobody gives me crap about it because the message board is specifically for people with mental problems (specifically for people who injure themselves). 

Well today, I decided to go on there and write about how low I was feeling today after overindulging on xanax and beer last night...blah.  Everyone already thinks I whine too much on the Shroomery so I try to spread my issues around a bit.  Usually the people on the site are really cool...but now I'm understanding that they just can't relate...

ANYWAY :smile:

Here is one of the responses I got:

Quote:

The best thing you can do is keep away from mind altering drugs, as boring as that may be and as much as you think they are helping you. They aren't, they mess with the chemical make up of your brain and can cause some really serious problems. I know an acid casualty and believe me you *don't* want to be one, it might seem like its doing you the world of good right now but in the long-term its only going to make your mental health worse.






Maybe it's my state of mind...kinda cranky...but WHOOOOO...I got pissed.  Here is what I wrote back...I felt all fired up and shit...

*
*

I was death before I tried psychedelics. They are a tool of consciousness, and have done more in helping me identify my purpose and faith in life then ANYTHING *ANYTHING* I've ever tried before. The proof is in my life. I'm used to people invalidiated my experiences with psychedelics but I still get annoyed when I get the odd person here and there who cannot accept that others besides themselves can get POSITIVE experiences from drugs. They (psilocybin in particular) are being used in research studies across the globe to treat people with depression, OCD and a myriad of other psychological disorders.

If anything, tripping has taught me that life is ANYTHING but boring. I spend most of my time sober now and witness the divine everywhere I look. Using entheogens is sacred and not to be taken lightly EVER. *ever*

Look Mab. I respect you but I started this thread asking to help cope with a drug experience that was not pleasant for me and the last thing I expected was a lecture about a different drug that has been been nothing but positive for me, and which this thread isn't even about. Not all drugs are created equal.

There is NOTHING similar about Xanax and psychedelics, aside the fact that they alter your brain chemistry. If you want to talk about altering brain chemistry, why don't you give the thousands of people on this site who take prescription drugs that alter their brain chemistry to aid them in living healthy, productive lives the exact same lecture. The only difference is that their "drug of choice" is socially acceptable and that's not enough of a difference for me because a brain is a brain, and a chemical is a chemical as far as the brain is concerned.

For the record, we all know an acid casualty, someone who perhaps was not educated or cautious or respectful about their drug use. Or maybe, (because it happens) they simply could not cope with the experience they had. It happens, which is why education is paramount and necessary if you are going to tamper with mind-altering drugs. I can tell you I've probably done about 20x more research on the drugs that I choose to put in my body then the ones that the docs freely prescribe to the patients that walk in through their doors. I don't know too many people who bother to throughly investigate what they put into their bodies.

I also know casualties from car accidents but does that mean I'm never going to drive a car? No.

My point is. I feel you had no right to come into this thread and LECTURE ME about a drug totally unrelated to the drug that I am currently attempting to integrate into my life right now, to learn from the experience. A drug which has healed me in just about every way imaginable, and the journey is ungoing, whether I am taking a psychoactive drug or not. Because you see, it's all the same trip, whether you're on a drug or you aren't.

I posted this so that I could just get some feedback from people who have taken Xanax in this way and maybe to get some support from anyone who has been where I am at.

I am very upset that Mab sees fit to make a flash judgement on a non-destructive method I use to heal which is no different then the meds she pumps into herself every day to help herself to heal. We each have our own way of healing our internal wounds and I have chosen mine and I have never looked back, even when a difficult experience crosses my path. I am happier then I've ever been since I've started using psychedelics, but this topic was about a difficult experience I had with XANAX, not what MAB THE MODERATOR personally thinks about my chosen method of self healing.

For the record, just so there's no misunderstanding: I will probably never take Xanax again. There was just nothing in it that my spirit needed.
*
*

That's what I wrote...and if she responds...well, let's just say I'm in a fighting mood and I don't care if I get banned.


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InvisibleFreeker
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371604 - 03/06/06 04:52 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Fight the power, everyday

:hug:


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InvisibleTM
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371616 - 03/06/06 04:56 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Way to telly 'chellie. :lol:


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================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TMâ„¢ :cool:


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Invisibleblink
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. *DELETED* [Re: TM]
    #5371650 - 03/06/06 05:05 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Post deleted by blinkidiot

Reason for deletion: Im sorry



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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: TM]
    #5371657 - 03/06/06 05:08 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Let the truth be told.


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InvisibleStonerguy
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371666 - 03/06/06 05:10 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Ask her about all the apap, caffine, and other OTC drugs put into there bodies that can do a hell of alot more damage.


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yawn...
SG


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: blink]
    #5371704 - 03/06/06 05:21 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

No.  It's all hearts and smilies and kittens and bunnies for emoticons.  :rolleyes:

That's why it's supposed to be a safe place for you to just bitch about whatever's bothering you and how it relates to the urge to injure.  She's a mod, she should know better then to DARE fuck with me when I'm crashing emotionally from too many depressant drugs in a short amount of time, and all I want is a little bit of support, comfort and reassurance that everything's gonna be okay. 

The posts that talk about how much they've slashed themselves to pieces get MUCH MUCH more empathetic responses then a thread about someone who is just trying to make sense of the HUGE memory gap caused by an "evil" ( :rolleyes:) drug.  Then she DARES to LECTURE ME about a mind-altering method I use for self-healing just because it's an ILLEGAL DRUG?  When every goddamn person on that site is on some type of mind-altering medication to help them cope??!! 

Oh fuck no. 

Is she that big of a fucking, narrow-minded hypocrite??!  Is she that fucking stupid to not see the difference??!  Soemtimes I hate (as in *********HATE*******) that site because it's mostly comprised of people who are obsessed with making a production about injuring themselves.  I'm not obsessed like that anymore, but I do struggle whenever I am under stress to resist the urge and I should have the right to go there just like everyone else and ask for support, even if my stress is drug-induced (Xanax). 

Memory loss really scares me (I'd black out and do terrible things while drunk when younger) so I kinda just wanted...well...a hug.  :crazy:  If I want comfort and affirmation and to resist injuring, I go to that site normally.  But now I'm feeling totally ostrasized and pissed.  I'd say I'd never go there again, but where else could I go when I get into a freaky state of mind.  :frown:

So yeah, I'm just totally disappointed by that ignorant (and off topic lecture) response. 

Anyway. 

GRrrr.


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371727 - 03/06/06 05:30 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

There's always the mental and physical well-being forum here, I'm sure there's people here that wouldn't mind talking to you about it.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5371824 - 03/06/06 05:56 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

The last time I posted in there I got shit like this:

"Why are you always posting in here?"

in a pseudo-condescending internet "tone."

So I try and avoid that place now. I don't want to annoy people with my petty, insignificant issues that don't matter. So I go other places that specialize on that type of thing. But after I get banned at this one place for my advocacy on drug use that will end.

Unfortunately, no matter where I go I can't find total acceptance of myself by others so I just stick to my journal now.


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371844 - 03/06/06 06:02 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, if it helps at all, I'm sorry that a majority of the human race is ignorant, I know how irritating and even depressing it can be.


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OfflinePhoshaman
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5371858 - 03/06/06 06:06 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

internettttttttttttt


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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5371864 - 03/06/06 06:08 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

People are willing to listen and be understanding for so long but once it becomes more of a trend where you tell them your problems they really don't wan't to hear it anymore because they all have problems of their own unfortunately. Sometimes you just got to suck it up life isn't always great sometimes it sucks too.


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-QuantumMeltdown

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
  -Mark Twain

"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters  hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett


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InvisibleKoala Koolio
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Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 7,752
Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: blink]
    #5371936 - 03/06/06 06:45 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

blinkidiot said:
do they have a :stfu: emoticon there?




Yeah, but Leary is a mod there too, har har har.

Sorry, couldn't resist. :smile:


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You're not like the others. You like the same things I do. Wax paper, boiled football leather... dog breath. We're not hitch-hiking anymore, we're riding!


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OfflineDreamer987
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: MOTH]
    #5378874 - 03/08/06 07:25 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I again want to apologize for your experience. I should have cut you off earlier. Memory loss can be very scary. Mabey your negative response was due to a Pavlov's dog type reflex.
After my trouble with alcoholism, anytime i would drink, i would wake up the next day with an incredible dread. Not a hangover. But a fear of "did i black-out, and do some crazy shit again."

You gotta admit, it was a pretty good time tho.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: I went off on someone...and FUCK it felt good. [Re: Dreamer987]
    #5378887 - 03/08/06 07:28 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I had a GREAT time, hehe...my brain just can't handle depressants. 

Alcohol or pills...I don't need any help getting depressed, ha. 

I enjoyed the time we spent together and I have the bruises to prove it.  :wink:


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