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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Hey....
#5370431 - 03/06/06 10:59 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Long time no talk.......I'm home for once, so I figured I'd pop in and let everyone know I'm still alive.
Anyway, I appreciate all the love and support from everyone, I saw that thread awhile back, didn't know what to say though, and didn't have much time...so I said nothing, and I have to apologize for that, you deserved a response...I should've said something, but once those walls come up only a couple people can penetrate.
I thought I'd been strung out before, I thought I knew all that addiction could be......I was wrong, dead wrong. I can hardly believe some of the shit that's gone down in the past few months, the person I am, and the life in general......if any of you have read the book Dark Star about Jerry, the parts where they talked about him when he was at his worst describes my state exactly, I got chills reading it the other day. He was a rock star though, and didn't have to resort to any crazy shit to cop his dope, I've done some shit I'd never, ever think I'd do.
Anyway, I'm not trying write a fucking novel or anything, just update those concerned. Well, one of my best friends is on the run, and other is off to rehab again today, so I guess now is a good time to try to clean myself up and put my life back together...I don't even know if this is possible, but it's worth a shot. I know I'll definately never be the same again, but whether that's a good or bad thing who knows, I have learned and grown a lot from all of this...I just hope I can do something with it, and find happiness and peace without the smack.
God bless all of you, and much love, DS
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Boom
just a tester

Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
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Good to see you alive and posting..
Keep up the fight
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In(di)go
People of the sun.


Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
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good to see you around, man... much blessings to you... hope you can make it out of that hole...
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blink
eye of horus



Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,349
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
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Re: Hey.... [Re: In(di)go]
#5370482 - 03/06/06 11:15 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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keep on keepin' on
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Tattoo
Thread Killer


Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 1,574
Last seen: 8 years, 25 days
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Re: Hey.... [Re: blink]
#5370487 - 03/06/06 11:17 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I dont know you, but I wish you much luck bro
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one nigga run, two nigga run
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Hey.... [Re: blink]
#5370488 - 03/06/06 11:17 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Being human is hard work. 
Best to you....
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OneMoreRobot3021


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
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Be well, stay safe.
-------------------- Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake. -Erik Davis
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AislingGheal
A wave on the ocean



Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 988
Loc: Northern Ohio
Last seen: 2 years, 5 days
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Quote:
so I guess now is a good time to try to clean myself up and put my life back together...I don't even know if this is possible, but it's worth a shot. I know I'll definately never be the same again, but whether that's a good or bad thing who knows, I have learned and grown a lot from all of this...I just hope I can do something with it, and find happiness and peace without the smack.
You can do it, and it's worth doing. Best wishes to you.
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"I hate having to pick between the lesser of two evils. But I'm glad Obama was elected. McCain was another war monger. I'd rather deal with our country going into debt than trying to take on afghanistan...oh wait FUCK!" - Fungus_tao
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Hendostan


Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
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hey brother, you don't know how relieved i am to hear you're ok....i had bad feelings about that junk...you're an intelligent individual with much love and much to contribute to our world, i hope you realize that. good luck with the struggle, i know it's not easy. glad you made time to say hi, i'm always on AIM if you need an ear.
hendo
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Thanks for all the kind words and support...I really appreciate it; every little bit helps. I love heroin so much, I don't know how or even if I can live without it...my whole life revolves around the shit...and the way it makes me feel... It's going to hurt to not do it, it's going to hurt really fucking bad. Hopefully I can find something or someway to make my life happy and peaceful without it.
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Pirate_Patrick
Stranger

Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 342
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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You can do it man. I've seen other people do it. It will be hard. It will be painful. Sometimes an enviroment change can help a whole lot. Peace to man, and you'll get out of this shit soon.
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danamine
oldster


Registered: 01/31/05
Posts: 620
Loc: MA
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Dark Star. I recently got clean after about a year and a half on the deez. I went to detox in january, was forced by my treatment team to tell my parents everything, moved back home with them (and am still currently living with them) have been going to AA/NA meetings and honestly, it's been the BEST THING I've done in my life. I know exactly how you feel, dope was my sun, my moon, it was everything to me, but once I got clean, I realized just how little it really is. The stuff ruins us, we aren't our best when we're on or around it and when we're addicted, we aren't our best at all.
I hated the sick, week and a half of pure hell followed by a few weeks of mood swings and anxiety, but I got through it and you can too. My habit was sizeable, about 2 grams of powder a day IV, but with suboxone, support from the treatment team and some great people I met in detox, I am happy to say I'm clean now. If you need to talk, send me a PM and I'll be happy to give you my e-mail or my AIM, (check my profile cause they're both in there as well). I won't judge you man, I've been there too and I know what you're going through. Please get in touch if you can.
Peace Dan
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Cherk
Fashionable


Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Bro you're either gonna get off now and stay clean or you're gonna keep going and hit absolute rock bottom where you'll either die or finally come around. I hope you choose to stay clean now. Find something to take your mind off it, if you're just sitting around in your crib all day there's always going to be that temptation to head on down to the streets and score. Get a job, or a hobby, volunteer somewhere, anything to keep you off that shit. You have to establish a life without smack, I bet it sounds fucking impossible right now, but it isn't. I wish you luck man, I don't like seeing my brothers suffer like this.
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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THE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,409
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Glad to see you are safe and seriously thinking about cleaning up. It's going to be the hardest fight of your life but it isn't impossible, nothing is impossible for that matter. It's all mind over matter my friend. Good luck to you bro.
-------------------- m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Hey.... [Re: danamine]
#5380395 - 03/09/06 07:32 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks for the hope man, thank all of you for your encouragement and suppport, the love in this community is amazing....it's a shining example to humanity. I definitely need to make it to the NE gathering this year and meet you guys and girls in person. Dan, you post is very hopeful, and very helpful...I'm definitely going to take you up on your offer to talk, thank you all again, God bless.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Hey DarkStar! I hope you are doing well. We are getting ready for the summer season, around here. I love the Spring! Everything working itself out, for you?
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman


Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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dark star, thank god :gri:  this is gonna sound lame but i was actualy thinking of you yesterday.  glad your back brother make it count
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Aninator
Flashtique


Registered: 01/03/06
Posts: 2,228
Loc: Philadlephia, PA
Last seen: 7 months, 2 days
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Well I dunno you either, but my heart goes out to you. I truely hope you get out of this rut. I think one thing that's evident is that you love life and being alive. Have that thought be part of the motivation to stop. and it's totally possible to stop. I had about 4 cousins who were all borthers and sisters. They all did heroin. One of them died becuase he was so fucked up that while eating a pretzel he choked. His 3 other siblings then quit and now they're doing pretty fucking amazingly. You want to be alive and live life. It shows in your post. You have the power to do it. The power of self is unbelieveable. and best of luck to you sir.
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