My first trip and first trip report. I need to work on writing trip reports, as this one describes events more than mindset.
This is a very long and in depth trip report, which some (most) people may not want to read in entirety. If you want a shorter read, you can skip to the red text below the long paragraphs to get a sentence summary of the paragraph.
If you only decide to read one thing, please read the ?Overview? section at the end along with my theories.
Hopefully someone can explain to me why my trip wasn?t at all what I expected, and if the experience I had was what you feel on shrooms.
Pre-Trip Considerations:
I brought 6 .5mg clonazepams for which I am prescribed for anxiety attacks.
Both of us were first-timers.
I have had depression, anxiety, and have been going to a psychologist for the last 5 years. I?m generally just not a happy person. This was foremost on my mind before tripping, but did not affect the trip to my knowledge.
Trip Report: Ingestion:
12:00 P.M: Both participants, V. and I, eat a light lunch, eat very little/nothing after that.
7:00 P.M.: Shrooms were eaten, half an eighth (16th) for each person. By this point, I have hunger pains because my metabolism is very fast.
7:02-7:15: We walk into town to get food, decide on Chinese, and order takeout.
Come-Up:
7:20: Only 20 minutes after I eat the mushrooms, I check the mirror in the restaurant, my eyes are already fully dilated, I look down at the wood table and the grain is moving. I didn?t know it would come on so fast. Uncontrollable smiling and some laughing, but I also feel jittery; shaking my leg, need to move around, tapping, etc. 7:25: We become slightly uncomfortable, have to leave the restaurant and stand outside. Food seems to be taking forever. Slightly nervous.
7:30-7:35: We go back in the restaurant, couple is bickering, turn right around to avoid ?Bad Vibes?. Lady at counter brings food out to us. We cannot wait to get the fuck home to ?Safety?.
7:35-7:40 We walk home at the pace just short of a jog. Melted salt on the ground patterns and moves slightly, V is obviously feeling the effects more; I have to keep him moving towards home. I swing bag of food while holding it. It seems as if something inside is alive and moving in the bag. This does not bother me. This is my last real distortion of reality.
7:40-8:00: we arrive home and we both breathe a sigh of relief. We sit down to eat our food, I am starving. We eat half, and lose focus; the trip really seems to be kicking in. We go to watch T.V., but I cannot focus on the screen. My vision deteriorates, and everything seems fuzzy. Cannot follow what is going on on the T.V., cant listen to music, still feeling very jittery. V. begins to really get nervous, talking about skulls and this ?not being what he expected?. By this point he cannot work the T.V. remote and is scared. I remind him he took mushrooms, that what he is feeling will be over at midnight, and that I have anti-anxiety pills if he does freak out or get too nervous. He asks for one, I take one look at him, and I give it to him. He has a look of lost terror on his face. He swallows the pill, as I give him repeated instructions to chew it and put it under his tongue. He finally realizes he?s supposed to chew it and leave it in his mouth (for faster absorption) but its too late. He thinks he is going to die, since he didn?t chew it but instead swallowed it. At this point I am not dealing with my own trip but I?m completely focused on helping my friend. He calms down for a bit, and immediately I get nauseous. I tell him I need to go throw up. I panic and take a clonazepam, laving it under my tongue so it will reduce my anxiety within 10 mins. He takes me upstairs to the bathroom. But by this time I am nauseous, can?t see well, and am very confused. I walk straight into a wall, hard, before making it to the bathroom. I close the door, sit down on the toilet, take a deep breath, and immediately calm down. My vision clears, and I realize I am soaked with sweat, and pale as a sheet so I take off my sweatshirt. Meanwhile my friend went into the other room and called our mutual friend in a state of panic, saying I am freaking out and he needs him to get over to the house now. I come out of the bathroom much more composed, and find him babbling to our friend. He hangs up, and I call the friend back, apologize (he was in the middle of a family dinner), and tell him everything is O.K., and that V. is freaking out. I find the most comfortable room (the guest room I was to sleep in) and sit on the bed and breathe and put on Neil Young, which calms me down. V. is obviously tripping really hard, and I tell him not to leave my sight, and have to remind him every few minutes what he has taken, etc. We talk a little about our expectation of what would happen and what is actually happening, and talking calms him down. He is obviously having waves of tripping and waves of anxiety.
[Can?t focus on music or pictures, jittery, nervous, V. freaks out, takes anti-anxiety, I do too, I go to throw up, but don?t, Instead I sit on the toilet and compose myself. My trip is past peak.]
8:30-9:30 By this point I say fuck my trip, push it to the back of my mind, and focus on making sure V. stays under control. I didn?t know at the time, but I had passed my peak, and after this was much less nervous, but also not tripping anymore., He calls a girl who offers to come over, since she has tripped before, and wants to get away from the peoples she?s hanging out with. She comes over and talk to V. He is unintentionally a dick to her, but she takes it in stride, knowing that he?s tripping, and talks with him. The friend who I got the shrooms from comes over to smoke and check out how we are doing. By this time I have no visual distortions, very little mindfuck, and besides my wild thought patterns where it takes me 40 seconds to explain something simple, I am down. We go outside to smoke, I take a few hits, and then we sit at the kitchen table and talk about god-knows-what. We realized that V. is upstairs alone so we go up to check on him. We find him standing at the top of the staircase, inside, wearing a hat, heavy jacket, really big sunglasses. He announces ?Hello, I am Andy Warhol, welcome to my house.? We go with him, asking him about his Campbell?s soup can painting, and other things, as if we were talking to Andy Warhol. He shows us that he is wearing a shirt with Charles Manson on it, and talks about how he thinks about death. He asks us if he can use our skin as a canvas to paint a picture when we die. This weirds me out, and I pray that the shrooms didn?t cause a psychotic breakdown turning V. into a killer.
[Girl who has tripped before comes over, so does friend/shroom supplier. V. thinks he is Andy Warhol, and is tripping HARD. I am much more sober, I smoke a little, but my trip does not come back or intensify.]
9:30-10:30: V. is convinced he is dying. He asks everyone to feel his head for a fever, 2-3 times each. He lies in his bed, still with his sunglasses and jacket on still, obsessively taking his temperature. We all stand around the bed, and he talk about his deathbed, and how he?s going to die. He does not seems scared that he is ?going to die?, but rather is enjoying everyone standing around him while he is on his deathbed like a scene from a movie. We stay in this room for a while, talking again about nothing in particular, with my trains of thought completely scattered.
Conclusion:
10:30-Midnight: We go downstairs, I am almost back down again. More idle chatter, I express amazement that I could have such a light trip while V. had such a powerful one. Girl and shroom supplier friend leave. V. is fully down by now, and get out of bed, realizing he is not sick, and comes back downstairs. We both sit and talk for a bit, to ?integrate our experience.?
Overview: V. decides he is never doing shrooms again, and I agree that he shouldn?t, because it seems to bring out a really evil and dark side of him. I express disappointment, because I am surprised at the fact that I had no interest in music because I couldn?t focus on it, had very little increase in visual beauty, and had no interest in the Dali prints which are on many of V?s walls. Overall I found the trip to be extremely strong and fast in the beginning, followed by a period of feeling nice, but not tripping which slowly settled into the comedown. I had no realizations, was unable to focus on any self-reflection, and the trip didn?t really seem to do anything for me. I would like to do shrooms again. But I want to wait until summer and do them during the day in nature, which would be the exact opposite scenario. The coming up anxiety was so bad though, that I am hesitant to do them again for a while. My one DXM trip before the shrooms was much more enjoyable, where I felt connected to music, colors were brighter, and there was no anxiety.
My theories:
1. My very fast metabolism, coupled with not eating since lunch, made me trip hard and fast, and the shrooms were out of my system quickly. 2. Taking the clonazepam stopped my anxiety, but also stopped my trip.
If you?ve made it here, thanks for reading, and I hope someone can help me with why I tripped so intensely, uncomfortably, and for such a short time.
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