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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 8,388
New Tool Album Review
    #5360471 - 03/03/06 04:05 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

This could be disinfo, one never knows.
but "chugga-chugga" sounds about right.

*edit* BMB confirms @ TA, it is real and TOOL is pissed.

From Andy King, TotalRock? New Album playback at 10, Golborne Road, London W10 - February 20th 2006... 4pm and 7.30pm

There is something delightfully Toolian about staging a series of European album press/radio playback and ?meet-the-new-Record-Company? dates whilst not only not revealing the name of said new album but also keeping all the track titles themselves firmly under wraps.

For your roving Tool reporter, this presents two particular difficulties ? firstly it makes accurate reviewing a task almost as hazardous as Quail shooting whilst under the influence (perish the thought that anyone could even contemplate such foolishness) and secondly it prompts momentary, and forgivable, cynicism along the lines of ?They?re ?avin? a larff! This is just an elaborate, fake decoy album!?. Oh shit, there I go with those hunting expressions again.

Today (and I use the word entirely accurately - as my Tool obsession squirts into me such blind courage as to prompt me to lurk, contrary to Record Company wishes, in the shadows for 90 minutes - so as to catch both the 4pm and 7.30pm playbacks) - today, the Record Company has displayed a remarkable degree of Tool-savvy by booking an unheard of pub-for-bohemians in West London?s debatably fashionable and trendy (or downright dangerous ? unless, like me, you have at least two layers of hoodies on top of your baseball hat) W10 area. 10, Golbourne Road is at the foot of one of London?s once most notorious and scary tower blocks ? Erno Goldfinger?s (not to mention The Clash?s) Trellick Tower ? now perversely, and miraculously, transmogrified into one of the City?s most desirable residences. It sez ?ere.

It?s a joy ? in this day and age and with such a multi-million selling global mega-band (yes, it really is true, fans!) ? to immediately bump into ? of the band casually swigging beer from bottles (or, somewhat surprisingly, Starbucks from a paper cup in Maynard?s case) and chatting amiably with the assembled mid-afternoon gathering of hacks. It?s always a joy to meet a man so much ?his own man? and Maynard, as usual, manages to take such an expression to dizzy new heights. As inscrutable as the bastard offspring of Chairman Mao and Wallace & Gromit?s Were Rabbit (slightly caught in the headlights of my immediate and presumptuous ?hail fellow well met? self-introduction) Maynard professes to ?feeling a little jet-lagged? and at once hops off to safer environs. Meanwhile big haired Danny and Justin look, for all the world, like a brace of goddamn hippies from the Bong Shop down the road. As has been revealed ? Adam has remained in LA ?directing the video?.

After a 30 minute delay in proceedings ? caused by a tardy and self-important bunch of hacks creeping out of some rank corner of the evil EMAP Empire (they?re all Borgs, we suspect) the Anonymous Playback of The Nameless Songs commences? ?probably nearly in their Final Running Order?, we are told. Readers will, hopefully, forgive any inaccuracies in reportage. On first listen I surmised this was an 9 track album, managing to squeeze this figure up to 10 on second hearing, whilst having confirmation from the band that it was, in fact an 11 track album. (They thought).

Queens Of The Stone Age, The Melvins, Turbonegro, Satyricon, Weezer and Hole. Hmmm... Joe Baresi?s CV might not be an immediate one to catch the attention whilst puzzling over a new Producer for a band such as our heroes. But then, Tool never have been noted for the obvious, the easier, softer way. The band dynamic IS different on this work. But it?s a challenging difference ? perhaps no great surprise for a band which often borders on the recalcitrant. As might have been expected from a ?guitar-oriented? knob twiddler? the guitars are very much to the fore. Perhaps more so than on any work since Opiate. And there are other notables ? but more of those later. What we have here with The Album With No Name (rather a good title, boys? why not go for it? Surely it?s not too late?) is yet another milestone in the journey of one of the most innovative of rock bands of the last 30 years. It?s a Rollercoaster. It?s difficult (?Hurrah!? I hear you yell!). It?s at points dense, frustrating and impenetrable (?Wahaay!?). On occasion it provides the band?s most commercial work to date. At worst, it heavily borrows hooks and snippets from, mainly, the Lateralus album. At best, it?s soaring and stunning and staggering ? an exercise in aural, no sensory, exploration. In short, it?s the new Tool album and it?s [Email]f@!#[/Email] great?

Track 1 (7min 3sec). Mesmeric start. Hypnotic beat. Jagged, angular off beats. Familiar trancey passages punctuated by a guitar part reminiscent of an older Tool track. Tribal drum beats [Email]f@!#[/Email] with a lovely melody and climax with Maynard?s vocals. I am going to cry.

Track 2 (7min 12sec) Melodic intro with almost balladic vocals from Maynard. Lighter feel (almost, dare I say it, APC-tinged) but not for long. Danny gets stronger ? Baresi releases our tubthumper and the feel gets much heavier into ?chugga chugga? off beats. Then ? here?s some unusual guitar work. Man, it?s almost Hendix-like! Then back into a heavy tribal groove. I fight off the urge to masturbate furiously.

Track 3/4 (This is either one 17 minute monster or two tracks ? of 6min 20sec and 10min 26sec ? only the Gods Of The Stinkfist know the answer). Whichever it is ? DO NOT SMOKE THE WEED WHILST LISTENING TO IT! Starting with Buddhist temple-flavoured gong tweaking the collective nipples of Kraftwerk, a deep sphincter-rumbling bass and om chanting might recall ?Parabol?. After 3 minutes of this nerve-wracking niceness, all Hell breaks loose with mega-heavy riffdom before slipping back into spaciness after 30 seconds. Like an epileptic convulsion in a night of deep sleep. Hawkwind does Greensleeves whilst Pink Floys look on. The Record Company people are starting to look nervous and uncomfortable as if they have seldom HEARD anything so strange and worrying. What the [Email]f@!#[/Email] is this? Let me outta here! I need to go snuggle the Radio One Playlist! Suddenly it?s a crazed sea shanty for whacked-out space travelers. ?You?re the only one who can hold your head up high. It?s my time now? my time now? give me my? give me my?? duets Maynard with himself. Danny fights free of the evil clutches of Dr Baresi and goes off on one. Adam?s guitar recalls something off Lateralus again. It?s Triad, I think, but it?s almost impossible to identify one riff whilst another song goes on. The musical equivalent of rubbing one?s head and tummy simultaneously in different directions. They?re doing this on purpose to [Email]f@!#[/Email] with our heads. Bastards! Returns to full-on rhythmic Toolishness to end. No it isn?t the end. It doesn?t end like any other song ends. Tool never ends. I?m losing it. Therap me now, please.

Track 5 (Probably. 6min 11 sec definitely). Oooooooh. This is THE one. Ya know what, pluggers? Radio might even go for this! Maynard?s vocals at the start are quite extraordinary. Place equal parts of Chris De Burgh, Tiny Tim and Bilal The Muezzin in a blender and run for your life. Easily the most commercial track to date. In fact, easily the most commercial track Tool have EVER done. That guitar is waaay strong again. Did Adam bribe Baresi? This is still twisted. It?s hard but commercial. The end spells a relief as climactic as a boil bursting. I go ?Yessssss? and the whole room of cool jouros looks round at me as if I?m a Bateman cartoon ?The Man Who Ordered A Pork Sandwich In Blooms?. This is a SERIOUSLY awesome track. Just you mark my words.

Track 6 (1min). In which Maynard becomes a Native American for no good reason. Strange, but we like a bit of strangeness.

Track 7 (Maybe. Could be two medium length tracks and a terribly short one, too. I?m now losing the will to live with the stopwatch. It?s 14min 45sec of music, whatever). Guitars to the fore again. One long note with almost blues-like, overlaid note progressions. [Email]f@!#[/Email] me, it?s House Of The Rising Sun cut with Ketamine. There are unsettling whispers and talking. Is this a bad trip or a psychiatry session? Come to think of it, is there a difference? ?How Are You Today??? ?Tell Me Everything? then THWACK! Into such a breathtakingly slappy, powerful riff kick that I?m actually physically winded for a nanosecond. Demonic, growling, rap noise over rhythmic heavy heavy groove. Forget the Were Rabbit jibe. This is a [Email]f@!#[/Email] full-on, nasty, shaven headed WEREWOLF. A lightbulb goes mental in the room. The Record Company almost lose all cool and run for it. I damn nearly join them but now I AM crying. I am gulping back wracking sobs at the sheer Toolishness of this monstrous, magnificent track. This is the real deal. Again snippets from Lateralus. You ARE playing with us. You ARE! This is Tool?s equivalent of ?spot the Hitchcock in the Hitchcock film?! But I don?t care. It?s like The Best Of Tool in one song. The Bomb. It ends like the violent end of a violent life. And then it ends again. Unless that?s another track, of course?.

Track 8 (6min 44sec). Odd noises. Sea shore meets ironworks. Ever see the cartoon meisterwerk ?Spirited Away?? You MUST! In it there is a character called Kamajii The Boiler Keeper who has 6 arms and an army of small black coals. This sound is similar. Soon joined by elastic bass and drum twangling over multi-layered Maynard whisperings and chanted vox. Shades of Pink Floyd again. Shades of the more ?moody? Lateralus tracks again. Reflection. Disposition. Tribal and hypnotic.

Track 9 (9min 04sec. I think). Melodic, slow, hypnotic. Almost balladic. Wall of Sound build-up. Danny does some Bamboo pole-type drumming into big riffage. Big, big sound. Tool at their weightiest. It?s almost Chinese at the end. I can think of worse things to be like. Perhaps the boys have their eyes on the World?s fastest developing market?

Track 10 (OK it?s 11 but I?m [Email]f@!#[/Email] if I can work out how we got here). The walk out track (their description not mine). Oddness. The Noodles of Satan.

And that?s it. First playback and Maynard bids us farewell. ?Hope you enjoyed it. If you didn?t we could put on a little Green Day for you??. Second playback and Justin apologises for not being The Arctic Monkeys. We smoodge and chatter. We remember that Danny is actually the World?s nicest (and tallest) man. If only I could feel as comfy in my skin as he does. That?s it ? go on, compare my insides with his outsides. We rejoice in the fact that ? of Tool is, in fact, English. We clamber onto our pushbike past legions of hoodies whilst the Tool Carnival ups and offs to Amsterdam. [Email]f@!#[/Email] knows where THAT playback will take place but I have a shrewd idea or two?


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 8,388
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5365494 - 03/04/06 08:56 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Why doesn't anyone ever reply to my posts???

Am I smelly?


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InvisibleYrtlzmo
Female
Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 2,623
. [Re: Middleman]
    #5365498 - 03/04/06 08:59 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

.


Edited by Yrtlzmo (02/06/13 03:43 AM)


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Offlinealarmist
fade like a sigh
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 214
Loc: canada
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Yrtlzmo]
    #5365512 - 03/04/06 09:04 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

may 2 is the rumored date, the wait is almost over  :smile:


--------------------
there's no love in fear


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OfflineAislingGheal
A wave on the ocean
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5365564 - 03/04/06 09:25 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

I'm looking forward to the album and the preview you posted was great reading, I love highly descriptive reviews. This in particular -

"Track 2 (7min 12sec) Melodic intro with almost balladic vocals from Maynard. Lighter feel (almost, dare I say it, APC-tinged) but not for long. Danny gets stronger ? Baresi releases our tubthumper and the feel gets much heavier into ?chugga chugga? off beats. Then ? here?s some unusual guitar work. Man, it?s almost Hendix-like! Then back into a heavy tribal groove. I fight off the urge to masturbate furiously."

I'm still laughing at that one!

I'm intrigued by this "unusual guitar work, almost Hendrix-like!", Adam is such a unique guitar player, I can't wait to hear this.


--------------------

"I hate having to pick between the lesser of two evils. But I'm glad Obama was elected. McCain was another war monger. I'd rather deal with our country going into debt than trying to take on afghanistan...oh wait FUCK!" - Fungus_tao


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OfflineAislingGheal
A wave on the ocean
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Registered: 02/22/03
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Yrtlzmo]
    #5365573 - 03/04/06 09:27 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Skeet Skeet Skeet!  :laugh:


--------------------

"I hate having to pick between the lesser of two evils. But I'm glad Obama was elected. McCain was another war monger. I'd rather deal with our country going into debt than trying to take on afghanistan...oh wait FUCK!" - Fungus_tao


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 8,388
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5366514 - 03/05/06 06:29 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Jinx's (educated) guess for TOOL V title = LOtUS

I've been known to be wrong, time will tell.....


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5368089 - 03/05/06 07:35 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

It was posted on their site the new album would be called 10,000 days, but I suspect this is just another one of their gags.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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OfflineHix
Animal Mother
Male

Registered: 02/20/06
Posts: 299
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: barfightlard]
    #5368464 - 03/05/06 09:52 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, they know they'd lose about 70% of their tool-fan-asshole fan base if they sold out to some pussy name like 10,000 days, I'm expecting more too.


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OfflineBlastrid
e l e m e n t al i t y
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Registered: 01/14/02
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Hix]
    #5369509 - 03/06/06 03:26 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hix said:
Yeah, they know they'd lose about 70% of their tool-fan-asshole fan base if they sold out to some pussy name like 10,000 days, I'm expecting more too.




What the hell does that mean?



It's official on the Toolband.com website. it's '10,000 Days'. Unless you sincerely dispise the band (or more specifically, despise the composite fan of stereotypical characteristics you have in your head), there isn't really a whole lot you can gain or lose opinion about a band based on that much information...
:rolleyes:


--------------------
Blas'?trid (bl?s tr?d)
    n.  3rd generation derivitave of a combination of 'bastard' and 'blasted'.  Used as both an insult or an expletive.
    ex.  Blastrid!

Stereopattern  <--My music.


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 8,388
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Blastrid]
    #5369748 - 03/06/06 05:20 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Word up B.

10,000 days? Pffft, I'll believe that one when I see it.

Remember when they announced TOOL IV would be titled Systema Enc?phale?
Then at the last minute it turned out to be Lateralus?

opiate, undertow, aenima, lateralus, 10,000 days?

It just don't fit...


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Posts: 17,191
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5370970 - 03/06/06 03:51 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, I dont beleive it's gonna be called 10,000 Days either.

Disturbed's album was called 10,000 Fists. No way there gonna name the album that close to Disturbed's.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineCosmic_Dragon
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5373778 - 03/07/06 12:39 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Man...I nearly creamed just listening to your description!! good work!! lol.... I can't wait to listen  :laugh:


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
Not here
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5378088 - 03/08/06 06:24 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

As hard as it was, I didn't read that review because I'm sequestering myself from the whole project until I have it in my hands. I want to listen to it with no preconceptions except the album art.

BTW the real new album name is not "10,000 Days", it's "Iced Pee."


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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InvisibleLiquidkick
H2O
Registered: 05/03/02
Posts: 2,635
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #5378144 - 03/08/06 06:37 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

wait a sec someone leaked the album?


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Hix]
    #5378309 - 03/08/06 07:18 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hix said:
Yeah, they know they'd lose about 70% of their tool-fan-asshole fan base if they sold out to some pussy name like 10,000 days, I'm expecting more too.




Lol, they wouldn't loose any fan base because of an album name. If the album turned out to be garbage(which it wont) then they might. Even if that happened I would still love their other work.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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OfflineCatalysis
EtherealEngineer

Registered: 04/23/02
Posts: 1,742
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Middleman]
    #5378372 - 03/08/06 07:32 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

I can understand why tool is pissed. That has to be the worst "review" I have ever read.


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InvisibleMiddlemanM

Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 8,388
Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: Liquidkick]
    #5380066 - 03/09/06 03:54 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Liquidkick said:
wait a sec someone leaked the album?




No, someone just leaked a review of the album.


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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #5380190 - 03/09/06 04:57 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

CyberChump said:
I want to listen to it with no preconceptions.





agreed.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Re: New Tool Album Review [Re: wrestler_az]
    #5380510 - 03/09/06 10:45 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Ya thats why I didn't really read through that. I've read a band interview. No need to spoil to album.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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