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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Have you ever been this far out?
    #5349085 - 02/28/06 12:04 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I'm rediscovering what marijuana is about but I don't know if it's good or bad.

So how do I write this? Well first I will give you the most basic synopsis and then I will try to describe in detail the trip (including me being on LSA).

I smoked and entered a state of pretty much ..... "split mind" for example instead of having thoughts carrying on in my head like "de de de...... i want to go eat some indian food" and nonsense like that.... the background noise in my mind was my own mind. So I was sort of creating a feedback loop.

This meant that the only thoughts I had were my thoughts, and I hesitate to call it "samadhi" or "zazen" but aside from me influencing myself I was largely thoughtless. This resulted in me not even actually sleeping the whole night but rather going in and out of a thinking sort of 25% conscious sleep without ever dreaming except for perhaps once.

So................. it's really out there I guess I'm going to have to write up a long story.

The day begun with a full stomach and 1 hbwr..... time to clean a little. But ah fuck it I'm done cleaning. Another hbwr. Goofing around a bit. Another HBWR. Retire to listen to some Godspeed you! Black Emperor...... because I think I'm coming up. It was pretty good.....

take another HBWR. I set up my DVD player to play waking life at some point, and end up taking a total of 5 HBWRs. So I watch waking life. I don't really feel that I'm coming up but get some great, heavy, and at times ominous insights from the movie. This movie basically shows you how to become immortal through lucid dreaming....... for real. You have to go on a journey like he did and just learn as much as you possibly can from your dreams, rather than using them as playgrounds for entertainment. And once you do that you can use them to shape your waking life to become more in tune with things and get what you want and need.

You also basically use the dreams to run into people who are exactly like you, but that you might have been overlooking.

So........

I got some neat tracers from moving my eyes, saw a girls face all melty and such, but that was about it. I went and listened to the rest of the GSYBE and didn't feel that high. Now this is an aside here..... why aren't I tripping? I mean..... this happened to me with DXM... I did it and I was like "i'm ...... sober" even though I clearly had a trip going on. This was much the same. Oh well.

So ............ I start trying to re-establish a connection to Jesus.... because I think that I believe in him. I know I believe in something and I want to connect to divinity rather than you know, being a glutonous sloth that's hurting himself with drugs.

So..... talk to some friends on AIM. Retire to bed.

Smoke a little and start working with auto-suggestion www.createwithintent.com right.... just asserting that I'm healthy, that I have healthy chi...... I come around full circle from inner thoughts (being stoned) to sobriety and then right back to being stoned by playing with my voice, it's hard to explain and doubly so since I don't particularly remember it right now.... but basically I satured my mind with helpful and healthy suggestions and realized that when you get stoned, all your preconscious tidbits come up into the conscious.

So I thought well hey now if I get real baked I'll fall back on all the suggestions and be able to really do some work.

Pack a bowl, smoke it like a champ. I sit...... feel the effects. Feel the changes in energy... much weight came into the root chakra..... chi starts to flow, I feel healthy despite having just bombarded my lungs with pollution....... I sit... pipe in hand. Not taking the next hit until my mind stops "zoning" out there.... and just basically feeling it out letting me know when to take another.

I take another.

I'm stoned like hell. Not the stonedest I've been in terms of "high" factor, but in terms of letting my mind free itself up, I don't know if I've ever been higher.

I lie down.

I'm now interacting with my own mind. Now.... do you all remember my thread where I tripped out real bad on weed? Well..... when I did I felt a strong connection to childhood.... okay but this takes the cake.

This state of mind. It was the state of mind of a man creating his own reality...... I don't mean that I created anythign, I just mean that's how it felt. [i hope i didn't create anything because i don't know what i'm doing yet!] but basically okay it reminded me of when I was maybe 5 or 6, and it was some sort of state where I had authorship and control over my mind and therefore the world because I was in check with my perceptions of the world.

But this stuff I'm remembering.... I don't think I've ever had it before.

So.... I think hmm okay. Well ..... maybe this is how you incarnate into a new life..... I don't know.

But I was just ........ sort of creating everything......... like I started out with a mantra about Jesus...... and it lasted a very very very very very long time and the whole time it was just mental noise that was coming up.... it's like though I was thinking, I wasn't "caught up in thinking" and I was making footprints in my deep inner mind.

But I mean shit happened. Weird shit. My tai chi teacher says we come from and return to snakes.... and I felt that I had died... because my throat had clsoed up from cotton mouth and I couldn't breathe through my nose so it was like I was dead........ my energy dried up and depleted, as it does when you come down from being stoned...... and .... I felt myself turn into a snake.

It was like I was in the bardo, even though I wasn't in the bardo. I caught myself turning into different life-forms and was like "hey no, you don't want to do that you want to stay human" and though I was clearly in my room, could clearly get up and be alive.... my MIND went into "death" and/or "rebirth" and it was sort of unshackled.... but it had so much bad karma.

I'm such a confused person. So do I keep smoking up? Is this going to help me gain control of my life, introduce me to myself..... sort of let me burn through bad karma? Does weed burn you through bad karma? Or does weed create all this bad karma and leave you unhealthy?

I mean... like it or not... this is my god. I abandoned God and Jesus and all sorts of dogma and it turned me to drugs. And I smoked pot my first few times wanting to beleive in God.... and it did give me some conviction....... but........

is it not blasphemous to smoke weed to be in tune with God? Well isn't that the problem? The DOGMA says it is.... but you know.... I mean I believe in hell, I believe in reincarnation, but I mean... you pave your own road there it's not like you're doomed to be in hell.... you just have to live the right life and really try to be spiritual and loving whatever it is you're doing.

But............ I'm messing with things that I don't understand at all... I don't think I could ever go here, to this state of mind, sober.... not even in the lucidest and most inrospective of dreams would I necesarilly go this far.

But weed takes me there. And. It feels good. I mean it doesn't feel good to for example have a spider attack your throat chakra... but at least I know it's there and it means I have to figure something out, and perhaps fear is draining all my energy away [symbolized by my once phobia that I'm working on eradicating] and keeping me from using my throat properly.... ah so many things.

So many things. I feel like I could figure it all out if I kept toking up.... but I feel like it's killing me. I mean this voice popped up and said "suicide" and it was my voice...... after toking up majorly..... "suicide" and it made me think of that kid on salvia... and I was like "No i won't be that kid on salvia, I will use weed to LIVE" but...

what if I'm killing myself or giving me cancer? I mean it's to where.... I need to be able to take control of forces beyond myc omprehension to "force" myself to be healthy, to have a CHOICE to say yes I will smoke all the damn time and never get cancer and not even have bad congestion anymore...

It's like I'm either about to step off the edge into delusion or death via smoking way too much fucking weed [kinda worried about lung cancer] or I'm about to figure things out and find my place in life and just use it responsibly.

I mean I feel normal. Kind of sick and drained and my energy feels kind of bad, but it's nothing drinking a ton of water and doing some yoga today and exercising and eating healthy won't fix. I think I could fix all the imbalance just in one or two days really maybe even.

But I don't know.

What to do.

I mean do I just make the assumption that from here on out, no matter how confused I get, I will take all actions in accordance with living a righteous and/or holy life so that I can better myself as much as humanly possible? If I take that stance, will it create weed into a good thing and negate all bad effects, and teach me whether or not I should use it so that one day I might be like "well okay I don't need to use weed anymore?"

I mean... I just don't want a vicious cycle.... because I do feel cravings to smoke to fix my energy.... but WEED DOES NOT FIX MY ENERGY. It fixes it. Then I come down. And my energy is worse off than before.

But if I use it responsibly I don't see too much harm if any at all.

But in actuality I don't know what I'm doing at all... I know that alcohol is vile, alcohol took me to the exact place this high took me one night, but I was so drunk that yes I was dead.... but I was fucking DEAD .... in fact....

While stoned I thought to myself...... dude... you died that night, you got too drunk..... and now you're just now figuring it out.

I don't think so though, but ..... my mind went into death..... it's basically like...... sleep. Instead of sleeping and dying naturally [i'm going to say that we "die" when we go to sleep, mentally at least] you let yourself die by getting too drunk.... or getting really high.

but the getting to drunk just messes you up, but getting to high gives you oversight of everything and doesn't hang you over.

Umm.

Well to close this.............................

How do you use marijuana for shamanistic purposes to find GOD.... THE HIGHEST... the holiest... the divine within..... the human vessel of divinity.... not animal spirits... not devils and demons inner or outer ..... not other people.... not their delusions.... can you be a shaman, use drugs.... but use them to reach the true highest?

I take the assumption that there is a true highest. That meditation is the best way to get there, open that third eye... I had a vision of someone doing it and it was just so natural and right... the right way to get there.

But are drugs a wrong way? Are they a right way which is why society keeps you from them? Or are they an evil way which is why society keeps you from them? If so why do they let you drink? But ahhhh the religious right doesn't wnat you drinking either.... some of thema re moral and don't support war, but still dont' want you drinking.

You see? See where I am? I'm confused... but I find peace in it now... I don't care so much that I'm confused rather just hope to be guided to the inner light and love.

But man.... if I smoke... I want to get out of this lower plane and I want to use it to dwell in the upper chakras... I think I went straight into the root, which is why I became a snake.

Thanks to anyone who reads. Please use weed responsibly.
edit: umm side note. Marijuana frees you from the conditioning of the sense of "time" i.e. oh damn i gotta go do such and such at such and such time. It lets you live your reality at your own pace... you don't look at the clock and go "ah i have to go out soon" you go out whenever the fuck you feel like it and the clocks and pressures of society mean nothing. Of course you have to keep a schedule sometimes and you can do that, but you do it in a different way, you just chill at your own pace and don't say "well at 5:30 i'll leave" no it doesn't matter when you leave.... it's not about leaving... it's about getting there.

Just GET THERE.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/28/06 12:15 PM)


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InvisibleFunkyLoFi
Existing

Registered: 07/18/05
Posts: 1,542
Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: leery11]
    #5349265 - 02/28/06 12:54 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

A very wise friend once told me his purpose for using psychedelics was to be able to one day have the same energy about himself sober as he does while on the drugs. That thought has stuck with me for years now...and I personally see that as my mission. 

You have helped me break with the idea of "oh, it's just weed" and over-abuse the hell out of it.  This happened nearly minutes ago.  I have made a conscious decison to make a change in my life.  I believe this change will allow me to continue my evolutionary process.

Have you ever read the Celestine Prophecy?  If not, you should pick it up.  It's speaks in great detail of coincidences and the reasons for meeting the people you do.  Recently I have been able to realize the reasons for my interactions with certain people.  We all have something to teach each other.  We are all each others guide! You may have guided 10 people on their individual paths today, and not even known it.  You have guided me...and now maybe I guide you.  As you begin to notice these coincidences and see that everyone has something for you to learn you can almost begin to see your path.  You notice why you crossed paths with so and so.  You realize others are just important in your journey as you are.  You can realize that we are all one subjectively viewing ourselves as individuals.  Nothing happens just by chance...it is all meant to be how it is. You already contain all the answers, we all do! You just have to ask the right questions.

I will continue later, got food on the stove. :heart:


--------------------
All the people you knew were the actors


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OfflineTangerines
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Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: FunkyLoFi]
    #5349384 - 02/28/06 01:24 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Leery I am not exactly sure but I think I have had some experiences very close to yours. It is soo hard to explain though. I used to smoke weed ALOT. Then one fateful night I smoked so much I melted into oblivion. From that day on I could never nejoy marijuana the same again.

One specific time I remember was afew weeks agao. I was at the woods with a friend of mine. Oh and I dont know if I am really in tune with my chakras but I have been trying I really have. Anyways we smoked a few bongs. As soon as I let out my first hit I knew this was going to be a rough experience.

It felt like my head unfolded itself and everything within it flew out. I think this was my third eye. My thoughts were almost primitive like like I did not have control over them. I did, but not to the same degree as when I am sober.

I keep getting higher and higher. I got this pain in my lower back. Not too painful but certainly there. Like where my hip bone meets the spine or around there. I think this was my root chakra as well. And something changed in my throat or something because I found it weird to have spit in my mouth and I really didint know how to swallow it. I think this was my throat chakra. So i spit. It felt like the spit was my ego leaving my body. very bubbly. Its almost like I could swallow and depending on where in my mouth I swallowed would change were the spit went to. It is odd i know im just recounting my experience.

Now that I think of it, maybe all my my chakras seemed to open up for some reason like a divine truth I needed to reveal to change my ways(though I have not found it yet). I would notice everything I did. I could not move without questioning why did i move my arm from my leg to the bench? or why am i looking out of hte corner of my eyes and not straight forward like a normal person(I find myself thinking about the ways my eyes are positioned alot in school and its sorta weird at times).

We walked to a nearby stream through the snow and as I walked my legs felt...odd. Like they were different. Or I just perceived them differently. They started to hurt after a while so I sat down on a log and was determined to sort this out. I sat and shut my eyes and let nature take me away.

This is when it gets crazy. I got this 'vision' of a weird crazy scientist who did something with DMT and made a correlation of greatness and it was ME. I think it was that I made a connection between DMT trips and entering different dimensions or soemthing like that. This freaked me out. I did not want to be known as a crazy weird scientist even though deep down I belived it(and still do, about the different dimensions that is).

I got this feeling that my family would not talk to me anymore and everyone would think I was crazy. I do not know why but it scared me at the time.

We then left and I could not drive so my friend drove and I just sat and shut my eyes the whole way home.

I am done with recreational weed. After that I have seen what it is capable of. It was almost to the calibur of salvia. Now when I am with friend and am offered to smoke i simply decline it without feeling weird(like i used to). I try to explain to them my thoughts but they think I am weird. I wish my friends would see and feel the stuff I do. I feel like they are still stuck in the reality force fed to us while I have been liberated of it(partly).

ALso does anyone else seem to see energy when they are high? I swear I can see energy.


Edited by Tangerines (02/28/06 01:58 PM)


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OfflineKaleidoscope
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Registered: 12/02/05
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Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: FunkyLoFi]
    #5349389 - 02/28/06 01:25 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

You are a Christian with Buddhist personal philosophies is what I gathered from this post. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying because my belief system is based on the same things, Tibetian Buddhism and Christianity. As far as what you said about smoking ganj being blasphemous, I don't believe it is. Anything in moderation will not hurt you. Take the Buddhist model of cyclic existance. Life here is suffering. That suffering can be alleviated but never escaped while inside of cyclic existance. Now, if you smoke weed to get in touch with your inner self and god and that is your reasoning for it, then by no means is it blasphemous. It will always remain enjoyable because it will be a growing experience. If you smoke to get high, then eventually the ganj will become detrimental, habitual, and a form of suffering as well. That IS blasphemous. The difference is not in the action but the intent. I don't know how you view god, but in my belief system I am, in a way, god. Not in a conceited selfish way but merely as a part of him, his physical manifestation. The only way to know god is by knowing yourself and anything you can do to know god will make you a better person. There are numerous reference to weed in the Bible as a positive force. So if you find weed to be useful to get in touch with god. By all means you should use it for that purpose, but do not treat it like alcohol, or it will treat you badly like alcohol.

You should try reading some Berkeley...I have a feeling you would really like some of his ideas, he was a bishop and a philosopher. A lot of his ideas are very interesting.


--------------------

Purple haze, all in my brain, lately things just don't seem the same. Actin' funny but I don't know why, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: Kaleidoscope]
    #5349488 - 02/28/06 01:46 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

LoFiFunk said:

You have helped me break with the idea of "oh, it's just weed" and over-abuse the hell out of it.  This happened nearly minutes ago.  I have made a conscious decision to make a change in my life.  I believe this change will allow me to continue my evolutionary process.




wonderful!
Quote:

  It's speaks in great detail of coincidences and the reasons for meeting the people you do.  Recently I have been able to realize the reasons for my interactions with certain people.  We all have something to teach each other.  We are all each others guide! You may have guided 10 people on their individual paths today, and not even known it.  You have guided me...and now maybe I guide you.



well wow this is just definitely accurate and/or coincidental.

See I was out eating lunch, and I was walking to go find a seat and I saw a girl who's shirt said "bardo" on the back and I was like "No that can't be right..... does that say bardo?" and it did say bardo. It right freaked me out, given that I think marijuana takes you to the different bardos [i've been in clear light before even when i first started smoking... i think the tibettan book of the dead isn't about death as much as it's about people using psychedelic drugs, or probably about both] and so I stifled my urge to talk to her.

Then I was like, dude.... are you going to live life or are you going to destroy yourself? Go talk to her. So I asked her about her shirt and told her about the bardo is and said I had just been thinking about such things. We clicked.... on a friendly level. She mentions she has a boyfriend who is a "Buddhist" but at the same time he isn't one, because it's just the one religion he would choose if he had to choose one.

THAT IS ME. That is exactly what I am right now... though I don't denounce the notion of Christ I am more of a Buddhist than a Christian but more of an agnostic than anything.

It was neat. We were both wearing purple too. It's just like waking life.... the story about Phillip Dick, and instead of ignoring some guy he went and confronted him and was met with complete and total synchronicity.... ahhh..... "I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing."

We just have to act on what we feel is right but make sure those actions are out of love or compassion or even logic and reason, not out of negative emotion. This period in life is so critical with all the "terrorism" and everything, you absolutely cannot be afraid of it or hate ANYONE no matter what you are told to do. 

Quote:

You already contain all the answers, we all do! You just have to ask the right questions.




Hmm. This.... but this is tough.... if so why humans? It would seem as if we have fallen from grace and are attempting to climb back up to it. Or that God does not exist yet, we have to create him by having all humans merge into a collective consciousness.

See this is the problem, the self is not permanent.... the goal is to make it so, so that you can evolve beyond birth and death. But given this..... why.....? A start? Why do you have to go through the human drama..... ? Why figure out you have divinity in you, why not be that divinity in the first place

It as if we are climbing out of hell. Ah the issues are so complex and unanswerable.... I know I'm here and therefore have the tools I need.... I just need to know that I'm using them properly rather than going astray and that all paths are right paths, for all people.

Thank you though friend!  :cool:

Thank you very much Tangerines.... I used to be able to see energy if I really worked on it... but then I stopped being able to as I began to abuse weed. That's a crazy experience.....

Kaleidoscope thank you especially as well, you've given me hope that I am indeed living my life correctly. Furthermore it doesn't seem so important to be on the "right path" (i mean, the desire to do so automatically puts you there, based upon where you are with your current karma, no?) but its important to realize that anyone who tries to force you into thinking you are on the WRONG path just does not know what they are talking about.

I realize that Jesus is a ticket "out" for many people, even if Jesus isn't real... the faith and the hope and the moral lessons put them exactly where they need to be. But I also cannot help but see the war on drugs as explicitly evil.... and anyone who attempts to force you to live your life, not as an individual, but as THEY do... is misguided.

That's what part of this trip was. All this dogma. What my tai chi teacher says about snakes..... what Tool says [i think Tool = sexual energy, a hard concept to really type out without being crazy but I think they channel male sexual energy into their music] what the Bible says what the cops say... why listen to the cops yeah right.... that's a horrible way to live yet I'm still afraid of and hate them.

I shouldn't do either... I'm sure I can slip through the cracks if I live morally and interact with them as humans, rather than people with badges and guns...

but......  I saw a lot of my dogma, and the only thing that was truly real was my voice saying "wait no is this true? hmm i don't know" and you know then even I saw a vision of myself which surfaced amongst the 2d CEVs that were all cluttered and chaotic, it was just me talking to myself.... with shorter hair. The me that first moved in to college.

I do think we have God within and the God within is the same as the external God..... but it's still such a mess... I still have much doubt and fear.

I do worry that smoking weed will destroy me, but I know there is truth in your words. It really is okay to use it moderately because, first of all, to suddenly say fuck you to weed, is to say fuck you to myself... since I AM THE ONE who wanted to smoke it in the first place.

So I'm basically rejecting myself. That's my biggest problem. I reject my sexual desires and use religion to say "ah okay who needs sex, it's evil" and it's not evil, it just.... it can be abused just like weed can. I see virtue and merit in having a "wife" but I don't inherently see premarital sex as evil either.

and umm........... you know all these things... I'm constantly doubting and censoring myself, and when I'm stoned I stop doing it.... but thats why I get anxiety, though I dont' doubt myself anymore while stoned... I doubt the weed. I ask, is the weed good to use? No. That's my answer. That's the problem But it isn't good or bad... how can it be?

That's where the confusion is. I'm still not sure. I feel like toking up again like this maybe even today again.... but........... I guess I don't see anything wrong with doing it once in a while. I'm trying to sort shit out and weed has helped me with that more than psychedelics. and is easier for me to endure than psychedelics.

It's all awash in confusion though.

what the weed taught me a long time ago, on an almost salvia like high... is that "all that's necessary is a will" my single biggest problem. People live my life for me. My family sheltered me too much. My religion oppressed me and scared me too much. My country betrayed me and everyone else and took all our freedoms away. No where in my life can a strong will be found... but it can be found INSIDE ME. and every time I do something pure and honest that I feel like I should do, instead of stifiling it away and being passive.... I bring that will out.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/28/06 01:53 PM)


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OfflineKaleidoscope
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 674
Loc: the 28th dimension
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: leery11]
    #5350160 - 02/28/06 04:22 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

It's sounds like to me you have things pretty well figured out. In fact you are so similar to me in what you believe from the descriptions I've read it's really scary. I hope for your sake that you figure everything out that is bothering you...I feel that once you have all your questions answered, and they can be answered, you will reach that place that you are striving to get to.


--------------------

Purple haze, all in my brain, lately things just don't seem the same. Actin' funny but I don't know why, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky.


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InvisibleFunkyLoFi
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Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: leery11]
    #5350379 - 02/28/06 05:37 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

leery11 said:
Hmm. This.... but this is tough.... if so why humans? It would seem as if we have fallen from grace and are attempting to climb back up to it. Or that God does not exist yet, we have to create him by having all humans merge into a collective consciousness.

See this is the problem, the self is not permanent.... the goal is to make it so, so that you can evolve beyond birth and death. But given this..... why.....? A start? Why do you have to go through the human drama..... ? Why figure out you have divinity in you, why not be that divinity in the first place




It is not just humans.  We may think thats its only humans, but that's because thats what you are at this time.  It is not only humans that make up God. God is everything and nothing. There is nothing that is not part of God.

As to why must we find the divinity in ourselves? We don't have to, it will just happen eventually.  I believe god has created life, our world as we know it, so that everything that is known can be experienced. Let me rephrase. What good is knowing everything and nothing if you can't experience it. God as a whole is lonely and bored, for he already has the answers...there is nothing to do, except be perfect. Because of this, God creates life, so that he may be able to feel and encounter all that is possible through all of us. 

Think of God as a large ocean. Every drop of water in the ocean is just as important as any other in making up the ocean. Now think of each individual as a wave.  Your wave forms its own shape, moves at various speeds, is unique etc.  No two waves are indentical. Your life is a wave, as is mine.  Even though we form our own identity as a singular wave, we have never seperated from the ocean or God. So even though we are looking at ourselves subjectively, we are still part of the ocean.  Eventually when our wave crashes to the shore and our energy fades, we return to the ocean (God), to one day form another wave.  I hope you followed that, it's the best analogy I can think of!  :sun:


--------------------
All the people you knew were the actors


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: FunkyLoFi]
    #5350393 - 02/28/06 05:40 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

My little story of my own deepthness of thought, and how I changed my own life on a trip:

I realized on a long and very emotional mushroom trip (40 fresh Azurescens, I don't know how I kept myself together) that smoking myself retarded fixed nothing, all it did was make me lazy and stupid. I realized that we were all living our lives behind a "haze" and weed didn't help us with our lives, nor did it really even help us cope, all it did was make us forget. Everyone agreed with me while they were tripping, but I guess the herb is just too tempting for them, I was the only one to quit. Since that trip I've only touched it once, and I really had a horrible time. I could feel my thoughts being slowed and dumbed down by it, and I was just ready for it to be over. I've swore off weed for good, and any drug thats opiate based. I've dedicated myself to Knowledge, Understanding, and my greatest teacher, the mushroom.


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OfflineDICK
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Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 555
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5350581 - 02/28/06 06:35 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

wow simply wow... after reading the following posts I am sure we are all connected someway...

Lately though Ive been having bad trips exactly as described by all here (its funny, every trip anyone has had that Ive read here Ive had too...!) Im not planing on smoking anytime soon since I have to reanalyse my intents and Im VERY confused now if its even right to smoke...

But if I do, I would do it with the outmost of respect and alone.

Something I feel when Im high is that I forget how to breathe or better yet that I have absolute control of everything and I have to do everything in an orderly manner for example, yesterday after getting really high I went into my room and locked myself in, where I stood in one spot for wht seemed eternity. I wanted to pee soo bad but a voice or something kept telling me to wait. Everything would come at the right time. That I shouldnt think about it since everything should happened naturally. I ignored this uncomfort which annoyed me but I felt as if I were counting every cell in my body and cleansing or becoming 'one' with it. I kept inmovil when I felt my pinky twitch, but it was natural... my pinky let out this tiny earthquake that followed through all my finger then hands and arms and as I did my body moved with it... Before I knew it I was doing what seemed like a martial art dance (haha) and I felt all this energy around me. I felt I could jump be anything do anything... It was weird but my trip went downhill after that.

What does it all mean?


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Have you ever been this far out? [Re: DICK]
    #5350787 - 02/28/06 07:45 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DICK said:

Something I feel when Im high is that I forget how to breathe



hmm yeah this distresses me.

when i smoked up my throat clogged up and I all but stopped breathing the entire time. Sure I breathed. But not in a restorative way. It was like I was dead. I had to breathe through my mouth, too.

That's what worries me, my energy is clearly fucked up and blocked..... like the throat especially but the heart also, and the root seems shut off somehow. I dunno. This is why I'm wondering if smoking is killing me.

Quote:


What does it all mean?



Well tai chi is all about spontaneous movement like that.... and tai chi and weed seem to go well in the occasional rare circumstance..... it's like you're falling over but then you catch yourself and turn the act of falling into a dance.... that's what it was like for me to try to do tai chi while on LSA once.... very spontaneous feeling.

I think I know what you mean.

I'm torn because I want to learn much much more and smoke a lot, but I clearly feel my health slipping away. My head is clogged up and my nasal cavities are dry and hard to breathe through and if I could clean my head out and breathe deep then I think it would clear my lungs a bit, but I don' tknow.

I think I may go to a doctor and have him assess my respiratory condition tomorrow so as to ascertain whether or not this is a habit I should continue. But argh.

I want to go trip out right now you know? I've seen too much to want to sit here idly, but if marijuana is a visionary and sacred drug, why would it be destroying my energy? But why does it ACTIVATE my energy until the high wears off? Is marijuana like an energy enema? Does it suck all the energy right out of you? I dunno.

http://members.tripod.com/~parvati/psyyoga.html
this is a good read. I think basically weed and all psychs are fine to use but you have to use them as meditational tools and only once in a while.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/28/06 08:42 PM)


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