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PhytoExtractum Shop: Buy Bali Kratom Powder

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
More Stupid Shit, can anyone advise?
    #5346334 - 02/27/06 05:36 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Maybe this is just RealLife? but my brain has been in a bad spot.

I don't know what went wrong. I think it started sometime last week, with missed doses of meds and going to the shrink and diggin' up bad shit.

The rest of the week was ok. But once again... I didn't miss too many doses of this drug I consider to be less critical to my mind state, yet I am in one helluva funk.

And coping with having to borrow money from the rent's, money that would take years to pay off and could have as well gone to a nice new car, to instead pay for hospital bills, medications, doctor bills, etc.

I got the fuckits. I fear it is going to interfere with my schooling. I already have predicted that I will miss class tomorrow (and won't write an essay tonight) because I'm getting sick. No bullshit, I really am getting sick though, it sucks.

The thoughts, negativity, feeling like I'm losing my grip, it's all been more present recently than ever. I was doing good for a while. But now I'm not satisfied. I want shit to be chaotic. Is that what it is? My mind is a wreck, I don't make sense to myself anymore.

I feel helpless and trapped. My paycheck covers a small portion of my bills, thus I feel my spending cash is borrowed. Each smoke I light up, is borrowed. Do I really need these medications? They are not natural, they feel dirty, like a synthetic pollutant coursing through my veins, an unnatural object tearing through the organic matter called me.

If I feel this way, how much are those drugs helping? I mean, would I be better off not using them as a crutch? I am losing faith in western medicine. It is one big money making machine. Do they really have me in mind when making a drug that has the potential to make me dumb as a rock? Is it possible to lead a normal, healthy life without those drugs?

I am looking for liberation, answers, hope. Nobody around me (family) seems to question like I do, instead they accept that some pill is going to maintain an "illness" or "disease"... Am I getting paranoid? What the hell is happening here? I make no sense to myself, reading the sentence I just wrote. It's like I'm a broken record, playing through a broken needle.


Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 02:16 PM)


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Offlinefresh313
journeyman
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Registered: 09/01/03
Posts: 2,537
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: More Stupid Shit, can anyone advise? [Re: poke smot!]
    #5346569 - 02/27/06 06:41 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

  :mushroom2: be here now :mushroom2:

:mushroomgrow: You cant be In your thoughts AnyMore  :sun:


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: More Stupid Shit, can anyone advise? [Re: fresh313]
    #5349644 - 02/28/06 02:18 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I agree.


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