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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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"Growing up?"
#5340622 - 02/26/06 11:01 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Since I turned 23, I've been feeling more "grown up." The "girl image" I have of myself has transformed into something else entirely. I no longer consider myself youthful or worthy of wasting time. If a stressful situation comes up, I am more likely to sigh and relax into it, instead of freaking out and causing problems for myself and others. My personal habits have remained the same, but I just feel more mellow.
I was wondering about this shift. I can feel it. I think it's because I am fully engaged in the reality game now and am aware and satisfied with it (because I have no choice). I go into work every day, even when I feel like shit, even when I'm in pain, even when I'm anxious, even when it seems excruciating, I still show up for my shit everyday to attack the job at hand.
Well. I think that can do things to a person. That level of stability, I mean.
I've never been so stable before. Part of me despises it, and another part is urging me to go with it. Right now, I feel like I have no choice. I seriously feel like I need my job to survive. The thought of losing it really disturbs me. Even as I grit my teeth against the policies and rules and restrictions I have a smile on my face, determined to do my best in the niche that I've created for myself. I'm kind of "undercover," living and working within this reality of the illusion, making connections with people to get myself by. And I'm satisfied with it, because I know that's what I have to do. For awhile, at least.
I know there are a lot of people in my age group on this forum. Do any of you people feel a sense of "age" descending upon you? Does anyone have any comments about growing up = riding your own wave in life? I wonder if it's just the sense that I "belong" somewhere that is helping me to feel this way. Or maybe a bone of discipline is finally developing in my spine. 6am wake up's every day will do that to anyone.
Anyway, I'm curious about what EVERYONE'S experiences with "growing up...." are...
if you don't mind. 
Does anyone have periods where they just feel more "grown up?"
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5340688 - 02/26/06 11:25 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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"It took me a long time to become young, but now I'm finally there." Bob Dylan
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5340695 - 02/26/06 11:31 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel like I've grown up immensely over the last 3 or 4 years. I find that I'm more calm and under control than I used to be. I'm much more responsible than before, and just feel more balance in my life.
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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I am much less responsible. I started caring less what others think of me. I withdrew from most people, keeping a close circle. I am more calm though, my emotional range and thought life have shifted dramatically. My perspectives and views have been turned upside down. My goal oriented motivation is blown. My will to act is gone. I like to chill out.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: dorkus]
#5340768 - 02/26/06 11:54 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel like I've wasted too much time doing that and now I'm running out of time to get my act together.
So I guess my fear of that could possibly be motivating my new motivation.
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5340806 - 02/26/06 12:06 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I don't know what it means to have ones act together anymore. It should be sufficient to stay happy and kind. I'm staying on welfare at the moment, but plan to work a year at a wwo volentary farm after this summer.
My ambitions are lowered. Might get a real job eventually, but I doubt I will be a typical responsible citizen. I just want to chill out with the people close to me, make some art maybe and keep letting go. I always loved to laugh. 
eta: If someone told me I would die tomorrow I wouldn't feel like I wasted life at all. It would just end. I'm only here now, and my inner states won't change character if I "become" something. I like to unbecome and unlearn.
Edited by dr_mandelbrot (02/26/06 12:12 PM)
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: dorkus]
#5340864 - 02/26/06 12:23 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, my problem is that I believe my life has a "mission" and a "purpose."
Crazy, huh? 
There are certain things I desire to experience and unless I experience them, I will be living this life again.
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Cherk
Fashionable


Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5340947 - 02/26/06 12:48 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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IMO most westerns view growing up as becoming more and more attached to their life's drama. Not coloring out of the lines, getting those TPS reports in by friday 
it's all the same thing
To me 'growing up' is the process of self-discovery, nothing more.
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5341126 - 02/26/06 01:40 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
EllemyshShade said: Well, my problem is that I believe my life has a "mission" and a "purpose."
Crazy, huh? 
There are certain things I desire to experience and unless I experience them, I will be living this life again.
I always appreciated your craziness and consider myself a member of Club Crazy too. Sometimes I get invited to meetings 'for madmen only'. 
Who knows though? You might be right, but I don't believe we're solving a riddle. I hope it's just a ride. A one way ticket back into our nature as no-one. My home is the sea.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: dorkus]
#5341217 - 02/26/06 02:15 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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WEll, there's no riddle to solve, unless you are looking for a riddle to solve. 
I am...it keeps me entertained.
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Cherk
Fashionable


Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5341272 - 02/26/06 02:39 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
EllemyshShade said: WEll, there's no riddle to solve, unless you are looking for a riddle to solve. 
I am...it keeps me entertained.
Well at least you're aware of the futility you're putting yourself into It is important to stop casting yourself into illusion if you wish to become closer to god. Why waste your time looking for something that you know is not there?
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
Edited by Smoker For Peace (02/26/06 02:48 PM)
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: Cherk]
#5341463 - 02/26/06 03:24 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I need a reason to live otherwise...I cannot live.
The only thing that keeps me here is the riddle that I imagine exists, threaded through everything, for us to follow...
I'm "engaged" in my physical reality, but I'm also 'taking notes,' talking to people, comparing and collecting experiences with real human beings in universes alien and yet similar to my own. It's fascinating, making that connection with other souls, creatures on different vibrations then my own, as we help one another knowing or not on our individual paths to NO-WHERE (or maybe everywhere??!)
It's exciting...I do consider life unfathomly exciting, most of the time, if I think about it...
It's all a petty illusion, a staged act, a silly game, but it's so much FUN! (GOD) 
Now what were we talking about again?
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Darkcloud
tiwkcuFtsilihiN


Registered: 04/06/03
Posts: 1,331
Loc: USA
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5344924 - 02/27/06 11:20 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I consider it a biological process. I'm in my early 20s, so I'm starting to feel it as well.
To me, it's good in a way...since it allows you to have a more realistic outlook on life. Some things are more accurate in the way you perceive them. It's less of a haphazard stab at things. But the bad part is that it seems like we are giving up the fight on some of our dreams, and basically becoming calmer since we no longer have the will (or Will?) to preserve them.
It seems like I am being chained down, but I can't resist it!
Humans are supposedly pretty set in their ways by around age 25.
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BlueCoyote
Beyond


Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 16 days
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5345028 - 02/27/06 12:03 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Some always will carry the universal secret of g*d inside them and never fully settle down on materialistic perspective, as this perspective is only temporary. One normally will loose it anyways, before leaving this place again.
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy


Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 18 hours, 27 minutes
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5345052 - 02/27/06 12:11 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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im almost 25, and i still have quite a bit of growing up to do. i feel it coming on pretty fast, with a hint of anxiety. moving out, getting on my own and finding out what the fuck i wanna do with the rest of my life is all on my to do list for the very near future. big changes are underway as a result of my need to "grow up". im excited, i think its something i need. but at the same time, fuck i dunno. responsibilities? yikes.
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Lakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
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If I had an idea of what it was to grow up I would've been utterly disappointed, because there's nothing to latch on to as an adult. Each year more and more barriers are torn down and there is less left to cling too, including ideas of myself and norms for what a human should be.
Some people create some focus in their life, or express an array of interests, to use as a measuring stick by which to calculate the progress of their lives. This is a matter of following conceptions of a path of life; having a view of what life is, or should be like, is perhaps the one idea, the one ideology, most dangerous to life itself. Point away, point away. If things are answered and settled then look again for something that is being concealed in the well-functioning ideology of daily life. How does one judge what "growing up" and "adulthood" are? Yes, by borrowing someone else's concepts that have no bearings, nor meaningful overlap, on even the simplest life.
Then there are some people that occupy themselves with hobbies, instead of always doing what they want to do they fill their sparetime with semi-idle neuroses. These toilers are simply waiting for inspiration or fear expressing themselves.
Growing up? No, it's never going to happen, because there is nothing to grow up to, there is nothing to compare one's growing with.
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy


Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 18 hours, 27 minutes
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ive always felt that there are two different types of "growing up". the first being societies view of the grown up.... getting a good job, getting married, a dog, 2.5 kids, mortgage, credit cards, debt, etc. settling down, getting in a rut paying bills and taxes, and watching the world fly by. most of us (or at least i) feel pressured into this, "what are you going to do with your life" attitude. and by the age of 25 i already feel like maybe ive missed my window to be "successful" by their terms.
then theres the other kind of growing up, which i feel most of the people trying to get me to grow up need a good dose of. growing up to me is more than just getting older, having a family and becoming more "successful" and "responsible"... at least as far as their definitions go. its deeper than that. finding peace, finding happiness. thats what we all want. and i guess the path to those are what i call growing up.
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Dreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster


Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: "Growing up?" [Re: MOTH]
#5347982 - 02/28/06 01:04 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel Old, but when i think about it, i realize that i, and most of the people i know are still babies in the scheme of things. Thats why it pisses me off when my girlfriend gets bummed about how old she is, or how its "bad" for her to be dating someone my age. Age is just a number, and its all a matter of perspective. When you think about "growing up", its just how certain people react to age. Like, i went, and saw B.B. King last night, and marveled at the Energy, and positive vibrations this man was giving off. He had more life, and spirit going on than i do. Than i see other people who are getting on in years acting in many ways, mostly emotionally like children.
God gives you a whole lifetime to Experience and learn lessons. Some people waste the whole thing, others just take alittle longer than others to learn similar lessons.
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Lakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
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Quote:
wrestler_az said: ive always felt that there are two different types of "growing up". the first being societies view of the grown up.... getting a good job, getting married, a dog, 2.5 kids, mortgage, credit cards, debt, etc. settling down, getting in a rut paying bills and taxes, and watching the world fly by. most of us (or at least i) feel pressured into this, "what are you going to do with your life" attitude. and by the age of 25 i already feel like maybe ive missed my window to be "successful" by their terms.
then theres the other kind of growing up, which i feel most of the people trying to get me to grow up need a good dose of. growing up to me is more than just getting older, having a family and becoming more "successful" and "responsible"...
Maybe it's good that you missed the window, because then you can say out loud to yourself that it's gone. Or? But this what I'm talking about, there is a lot of self-deception and inauthenticity in settling down. But maybe there's just as much in avoiding settling down. There are other roads and thousands of people are walking them and are very happy.
"What are you going to do with your life?" is a question that usually means "What the hell are you doing with your life?" It's very Platonic thinking, it implies many shoulds, many tomorrows, many self-tortures, and many lies.
Quote:
... at least as far as their definitions go. its deeper than that. finding peace, finding happiness. thats what we all want. and i guess the path to those are what i call growing up.
I wish you immense chests of peaceful treasures while you grow up as yourself!
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mr_kite
The Watcher


Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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I think growing up is gradually becoming accustomed to (and acceptant of) one's weirdness, and maybe even delighting in it. Frequently. When you finally get old you merely realise that you're actually completely crackers and have been all along, you've just been trying to appear as normal as possible.
-------------------- let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love
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