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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
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Have you ever?
#5332985 - 02/23/06 08:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Thought or attempted to run your car off a cliff or into a tree?
I almost went off a cliff with a 500 ft drop tonight. Don't really have the greatest reasons for it, but for some reason, at pretty much the last crucial second, I pulled back and ended up messing my car up on the guards/meridian that was in place a few feet down the road.
What a chicken shit hey? Like I've always wondered why I don't have the balls to go through with it properly when I really want it. Is it just because I'm a coward?(And already being a coward for wanting it makes me double the coward ). Or is their some part of me that really wants to go on? Because if there is...why can't IT come out any other time besides that last crucial second?
Feeling the bad, Forgetting the truth, Medicating the pain, Wanting to jump from that roof.
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Help on the Way
Slipknot420

Registered: 08/12/00
Posts: 2,893
Loc: Another World
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333003 - 02/23/06 08:37 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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maybe there is a reason you are supposed to be here
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*Divine Moments of Truth* "Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns - it calls me on and on across the universe" ~ John Lennon "Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right" ~The Grateful Dead "Religionists, with their guaranteed eventual paradise, of which they know nothing, taking it all on 'faith,' can't be expected to understand or sympathize with those with a yen to storm the Gate of Heaven and see for themselves what all the praying's about!" ~Robert Hunter
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker


Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333004 - 02/23/06 08:38 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Perhaps your will to live overtook your suicidal urges?
And no, I've never been tempted to kill myself that way. If I killed myself, I would do it in a different method than driving my car off a cliff unless that was the only possible method presented to me.
-------------------- So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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Liz
Owl Lady



Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333008 - 02/23/06 08:39 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I've never wanted to kill myself that way. I mean, when I was a teenager, I thought about suicide, as I think a lot of teenagers do. but why driving off a cliff? I wouldn't want to have time to think about it/regret it on my way down to my death.
Also, don't kill yourself. There are always better solutions than that. Plenty of people to talk to and to listen to you, and I'm sure plenty of things you have yet to experience on this earth.
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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Spooge
The Nutter
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Ravus]
#5333012 - 02/23/06 08:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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It wasn't something well thought out or planned. I was just driving, lots of thoughts and I had a chance to take a BIG plummet and with no thought at all decided I'm gonna do it...but like I say, then IT, from somewhere back in my mind, stopped me at the last second.
Maybe one of these days, that voice of reason/action won't be there. Just telling myself that scares me.
A lot of mixed feelings lately about a lot of stuff. I guess this is my way of "reaching out". I dunno. I guess it's been awhile and just wanted to say hi to people
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible



Registered: 01/29/03 
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333018 - 02/23/06 08:43 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I've thought about running my car off the road at high speeds or into a tree, moving car, ect many times, but never in a suicidal way, just thinking about the destruction that would happen.
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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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TYL3R


Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,493
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ditto
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Spooge
The Nutter
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It WOULD be a lot more effective for my sake to run into an oncoming rig at 120mph....but I would never do something like that.
Sure I'd be harming a few people with my death, but I would never take someone with me..ever.
What logic hey
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333021 - 02/23/06 08:45 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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You aren't a chicken shit, dude. People confuse depression with cowardice alot of times and our spirit is what ultimately helps us out, in these times of desperation. I have thought many times of driving into a tree. I went through a long bout with depression, back when I graduated high school. My life was messed up, back then and it was all my fault that it was the way it was. I was just looking for an easier way to do everything and this included ending my life.
It gets better. The more that you do to keep yourself occupied, in your day to day life, the more things will work themselves out. Working and doing things like growing a garden, or some kind of task that involves you just being by yourself, but working helps you to think about alot of things and it gets some work accomplished, in the meantime.
I'm not giving you a fail safe method in dealing with your depression. I am just hoping to give you some ideas as to what you can do and to let you know that there are people that care about you. Suicide is such a selfish and destructive thing. You wouldn't be doing ANYTHING good by doing it. I hope you work this out, man and if you ever want to talk, or anything, just give me a shout and we'll have a pow wow.
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horha
trout


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 292
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333041 - 02/23/06 08:52 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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dude you really should find a friend or someone. having thoughts of suicide is not just something that happens.something must have led up to this.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333061 - 02/23/06 08:58 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I almost ran my taxi into the support piling of a bridge, I wasnt suicidal, some dumb fuck made a comment about robbing me and asked what I'd do about it, I stompped the gas and at around 100mph headed for the concrete.
he quickly told me he was kidding, I told him I wasnt.
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Spooge
The Nutter
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333067 - 02/23/06 08:59 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hey thanks. Yeah, your suggestions are all good and all. I went through a HUGE bout of depression when I was a teenager/graduate from highschool. Many years, I hated myself, the world, feelings of love, etc.
I did a lot of things you suggested and actually, with some psychedelics in my diet, went through quite a transformation.
I think depression is total bullshit(as a clinical term anyway). I'm not going to say I have depression.
I'm just going to say, I feel on the edge of a VERY nasty fall into a bad place that I won't ever be able to climb out of. Like seriously, going to have to be locked up and restrained for the rest of my life. I'm falling somewhere dark and deep...and as much progress as I'd like to say I've made in my life...it feels like I've been destined for this dark hole for quite a few years. I don't think anything is going to help.
Having no family in my life anymore can't help, along with all this pressure from society and the nasty people in it and probably the biggest thing......realizing the fucked up things I do, even though I know they are wrong and then predicting, then watching, karma opening a can of whoop ass on me(and knowing the outcome, I still keep doing bad shit is what is really fucked up). I let the smallest things effect me in the biggest ways...and I should rephrase that...it's not a matter of let. I have no choice, whatsoever. And this is something I KNOW that no amount of "reprogramming" is going to chance. This is who I am. I'm very sensitive to everything internal and external.
I also might just be having a bad day/week/month or year
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Boom
just a tester

Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333070 - 02/23/06 08:59 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I've had flashes of thought like everyone has, (not suicidal..just a "destructive" notion to smash up shit..) I've never actually had that thought connect with my physical reflex to jerk the car into a guardrail though.. More of a vision like a movie scene..
I think acting on that signifies some sort of cry for help or someting, i dunno
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Spooge
The Nutter
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Prisoner#1]
#5333074 - 02/23/06 09:01 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Prisoner#1 said: I almost ran my taxi into the support piling of a bridge, I wasnt suicidal, some dumb fuck made a comment about robbing me and asked what I'd do about it, I stompped the gas and at around 100mph headed for the concrete.
he quickly told me he was kidding, I told him I wasnt.
hehe that is SOO me
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Boom]
#5333079 - 02/23/06 09:03 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, it was the gaurd rail and my quick jerk to live that saved my ass. It's hard to explain, but at the peak of this road(with the bank off to the right), the rail doesn't start right away. I was going for the cliff, then the sudden jerk to live i guess and next thing I know I'm fucking my car up on the guards.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333095 - 02/23/06 09:07 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I know this may sound strange, but go to church, or do some theological studies to find what best suites you. You never know. It might help. Finding a good girl is also a big help. Not one of the typical street bitches that will just drag you further down, but a good, wholesome chick that cares. This is easier to say than to do, though. That's where churches come in handy. You will always meet some of the best girls in church. Sounds funny, I know, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about. Plus, it will help you find some peace, maybe.
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Boom
just a tester

Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333099 - 02/23/06 09:09 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker


Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333109 - 02/23/06 09:11 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Or he could join a cult. I hear those add a lot of meaning to your life.
The last thing we need is another fanatical Christian, and suicidal people who feel "saved" by Jesus are almost always fanatical.
The original poster should go to a psychiatrist.
-------------------- So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333111 - 02/23/06 09:11 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Well, I've already went through all the religious/spirtual stuff and actually, I've found a really nice wholesome girl. I know 2 actually.
That's like saying a drug will solve your problem. No ones going to solve or help my problems but me. At first it might mask the pain for awhile, or relieve tension, or whatever...but in the end, it's going to be all and only up to me.
And me = piece of shit
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Ravus]
#5333116 - 02/23/06 09:14 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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That's not what I meant, Ravus. Just because I was referring the guy to a church, it doesn't mean that he MUST become fanatical. I know alot of great people that are devout Christians. You shouldn't categorize like that. That is just a biproduct of ignorance.
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Ravus]
#5333117 - 02/23/06 09:14 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
The original poster should go to a psychiatrist
As much as agree with your thoughts on the church...
I might as well go to the church before a psychiatrist 
I'm much against "psychiatrists" and all that..in my opinion only, garbage.
I already know, and very confident actually, about what he would have to say. I'd either be diagnosed with bi-polar or some type of schizophrenia(they add a new sub-category every other day ) or some plain ol' simple depression with a hint of ADD perhaps(or ADHD...there's lots of these too) and then he'd try to sign me up for therapy session or something similiar and give me a wackload of medications, each one fucking me up more then the next, until I'm a zombie and just another "new age" burnout
Edited by entityexperiment (02/23/06 09:18 PM)
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Boom
just a tester

Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333149 - 02/23/06 09:22 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I was merely agreeing that those religious girls could really get into a broken man
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
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Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333156 - 02/23/06 09:24 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Tommorrow I'll wake up at 5am to go to my meaningless job, where I don't fit in at all, and do a grueling 12 hours of labour, only to get off work to find myself wondering why I even go.
To make money so I can live in a place I don't want to, self-medicate with beer/dope, eat all sorts of foods with who knows WHAT in them, while being stuck in overwhelming/akward social and emotional situations everyday?
It must be tough being a north american hey? I read something like that over and think "oh woe is fucking me". Think about growing up as a kid in iraq, mexico, turkey, or wherever.....where a person would KILL to have my problems. But then again, do they really have first hand experience about what happens to their brain in a setting like this? Humans weren't meant to live and feel like this.
So at the same time, I'm feeling horrible and all this...but then I think, what the fuck am I whining about. Like I say, very mixed feelings and I'm soo sensitive to all this shit around me.
Just a bad day guys. I really shouldn't of said anything
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333177 - 02/23/06 09:28 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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On the contrary, I think you did good by expressing these thoughts and getting some feed back on them.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Boom]
#5333181 - 02/23/06 09:29 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Booooom said: I was merely agreeing that those religious girls could really get into a broken man
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: blissedout]
#5333183 - 02/23/06 09:29 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, I'll agree you're probably right
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Ravus
Not an EggshellWalker


Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333232 - 02/23/06 09:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
entityexperiment said:
Quote:
The original poster should go to a psychiatrist
As much as agree with your thoughts on the church...
I might as well go to the church before a psychiatrist 
I'm much against "psychiatrists" and all that..in my opinion only, garbage.
I already know, and very confident actually, about what he would have to say. I'd either be diagnosed with bi-polar or some type of schizophrenia(they add a new sub-category every other day ) or some plain ol' simple depression with a hint of ADD perhaps(or ADHD...there's lots of these too) and then he'd try to sign me up for therapy session or something similiar and give me a wackload of medications, each one fucking me up more then the next, until I'm a zombie and just another "new age" burnout
That would be my fear also, in case my suicidal thoughts ever began to take over. However, in my experience, the detrimental effects that psychiatric meds have on people in need of help pale in comparison to the detrimental effects religion has on people.
Plus, on the bright side, you can stop taking meds, but it's much harder to stop believing in all that ancient nonsense.
Have you tried creating your own meaning in life through art or such pursuits? Perhaps you could try writing down your experiences, such as the one you began this thread with, and making a novel out of it. That's how a lot of classics, like A Scanner Darkly, Requiem for a Dream and Naked Lunch begin, though of course the authors take a lot of creative liberties in tying together the experiences of themselves and people they've known in these books.
-------------------- So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Ravus]
#5333259 - 02/23/06 09:47 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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DrunkenAttempt
Chemically Inclined


Registered: 03/10/05
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Nova Scotia, CANADA
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Spooge]
#5333276 - 02/23/06 09:51 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Don't do it man...trust me i've been in that situation plenty of times and i know its total bummer...fuck what other people think. start and band or something, music its a great way to supress depression...good luck dude
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  Nature is my God, Science is my religion.
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Spooge
The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
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Re: Have you ever? [Re: Ravus]
#5333281 - 02/23/06 09:51 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, I really have pretty simliar beliefs on religion.
But I do feel that both(the world of doctors, psychiatrists, meds VS. Religion) are equally dangerous. Of course, I also think it depends on each individual person. I know I couldn't go down either route.
I really like your posed question.
"Have you tried creating your own meaning in life through art or such pursuits?"
I'm not to sure. I guess I haven't, no. I mean, I've gotten into a lot of things over the years, writing poems/songs, playing music, meditation, etc. I do find writing to help, although I have no articulation whatsoever. I'd never write a book or anything. Well I might write one, but would never attempt to get it published But when I'm in the dumps, I write a lot of short poems and whatnot and of course, it does help.
I think an author that writes a book about his experiences AND takes the experiences of people around him and molds them to fit a full story, is pretty neat stuff.
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