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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Drug jokes
#5332371 - 02/23/06 05:22 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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A giraffe sits in the forest plugging up a bong with sticky weed. Suddenly a rabbit comes running past.
"Oh no!" The rabbit says, "You shouldn't do that, it's better to run with me! Please run with me!"
"Hey, now I think of it he's right!" the giraffe thinks, he throws the bong away and goes running with the rabbit.
A little later they see an elephant getting ready to snort a huge line of cocaine.
"Oh no!" The rabbit says, "You shouldn't do that, it's better to run with me! Please run with me!"
"Toot!" says the elephant, blowing all the cocaine into a cloud of dust and so the three of them run through the forest.
On the edge of the forest there sits a lion with a belt around his arm ready to shoot up some heroin. When they are near he gives the rabbit a huge punch with his paw.
The rabbit lands unconscious in the nearby bushes and the elephant and giraffe start screaming that the lion should keep his paws to himself.
"Well bugger that!" the lion says, "every time that damn rabbit's on ecstasy everyone has to run through the forest with him!"
Dutch LOL
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Liz
Owl Lady



Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Asante]
#5332387 - 02/23/06 05:27 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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Noetical
Flip Horrorshow

Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Asante]
#5332398 - 02/23/06 05:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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i liked it too
one thing i noticed is that the being animals dosn't really add anything to the joke but if they were people it wouldn't really work
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Asante]
#5332414 - 02/23/06 05:36 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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lol, cute
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Liz]
#5332420 - 02/23/06 05:37 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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marijuana
what to do: eat, play video games what to say: dude, like what to break: the bong what to say the next day: dude, you like, so broke my bong last night.
cocaine
what to do: more cocaine what to say: I dont do cocaine anymore what to break: wedding vows what to say the next day: im never doing coke again
crack
what to do: armed robbery what to say: freeze what to break: your mothers heart what to say the next day: nothin, your lucky if you post bail
"excerpts paraphrased from a shaky memory from the book MODERN MANNERS"
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible



Registered: 01/29/03 
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Asante]
#5332494 - 02/23/06 06:02 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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hahaha I didnt see where that was going, good stuff
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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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coda
Banjo Goiter


Registered: 03/20/01
Posts: 8,750
Last seen: 10 months, 3 days
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"im not addicted to cocaine, i just like to smell it." -Richard Pryor
-------------------- To get really high is to forget yourself. And to forget yourself is to see everything else. And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe. And I think every human being should be a conscious tool of the universe. . . . -JG i really am glad you came back to us instead of taking the other path. *hug* -A_S (RIP your final words to me will never be forgotten)
 Don't fuck with the laughing jesus.
Edited by coda (02/23/06 06:04 PM)
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inv3rse
OP-4Warez/0day-warezon Rizon


Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 312
Loc: Denver, CO
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DRUGS
These days, pressure to do drugs is all around, so it's vital that you reach your kids early. Here are some tips for talking to them about marijuana and other illegal substances.
* Tell your kids that if they ever do drugs, CIA Director William Webster will think they are losers.
* As an alternative to drugs, suggest "cool" drug-free activities, like making a bird feeder out of a milk carton or interviewing local seniors about what the olden days were like.
* Before engaging in any stressful discussion with your children, take a moment to smoke a bowl or two to relax. Scare your kids straight with the terrifying tale of the time you were 16 and did bong hits in the back of an El Camino outside a Kansas concert.
* Explain that only lowlifes like pro athletes and rock stars use drugs.
* Kids may ask too many questions. To save time, just explain to them that the powder-filled balloons will keep them from getting sick on the plane ride back to America.
* If your child must use drugs, make it a culturally enriching experience by hiring a certified shaman to take him/her on a traditional peyote vision quest.
* As an alternative to harmful drugs like marijuana, encourage your kids to experiment with safe, legal substances like cigarettes and alcohol.
* Be direct, brief, and to the point. Remember, you only have about 45 minutes or so before the acid really starts to kick in.
* Today's kids place an emphasis on good "vibes" in a conversational setting. Accentuate the site of your talk with black-light posters and lava lamps. Keep the lighting dim, hanging wall-sized tie-dyes or tapestries over exterior windows to blot out all sunlight.
* Explain to your kids that the reason they call it "dope" is that you have to be a "dope" to use it. From then on, the mere mention of "dope" will flood their minds with terrifying imagery of "being a dope," scaring them off drugs forever.
* Record your conversation with your child, then unspool, cut up and reassemble the recording at random. Use the resultant juxtaposed fragments to predict the future in a process similar to the throwing of the I Ching.
* Ask the editors of Highlights For Children to repeat the strip in which Goofus OD's and chokes on his own vomit in a bathroom stall at the train station.
* Before bringing up drugs with your kids, hook your turntables up to a wah-wah pedal.
From: http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/family/talkingdrugs.shtml
-------------------- "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." "Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - -the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant." Hunter S. Thompson.
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In(di)go
People of the sun.


Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Asante]
#6326876 - 12/02/06 10:47 AM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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two potheads are sitting on the couch totally stoned out of their minds... the bell dings...
half an hour later one of the potheads says to the other "dude, i think there's someone at the door"
another 25 minutes later the other one answers "yeah man i'd better open the door"
he stands up and goes to the door and when he opens the 3rd pothead is standing there and goes "dude how did you manage to get to the door so fast?"
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Krishna
कृष्ण,LOL


Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,285
Loc: oakland
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: inv3rse]
#6327810 - 12/02/06 04:12 PM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
inv3rse said: * Be direct, brief, and to the point. Remember, you only have about 45 minutes or so before the acid really starts to kick in.
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Scott Bennett
Lucrative


Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 17,730
Loc: Toronto
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Re: Drug jokes [Re: Krishna]
#6327820 - 12/02/06 04:15 PM (17 years, 1 month ago) |
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I thought I said no.
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It's just some nights, you really want to go out, get some hot bitch to dump Goose down your throat and snort coke off a stripper's tits.
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