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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Uncertain about tripping.
    #5331884 - 02/23/06 02:16 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Well I've had a few LSA trips, maybe 3-4 (i can't remember off the top of my head) and 2 of them were significantly "bad" or "scary" ....

I've been really feeling like I need to just get one good immersive and psychedelic (i haven't crosed the psychedelic threshold yet, just been REAL high) trip to get me to turn my life around..... but at the same time I worry that because I want to turn my life around, throwing psychedelis into the mix could mess me up pretty bad.

I have a TON of issues relating to fear. I'm quite terrified of society, have a lot of paranoid issues with government and whatnot.. I've been working on eradicating them and it's been going well. I even walked through a huge group of police while on LSA once, just one HBWR seed though, and it was easy to do and they didn't hassle me.

But.........

I recently had a VERY hellish time on weed, that's right just weed. If you remember my post I smoked some super potent stuff and had the television posess my thoughts and I was convinced that I was about to die and that perhaps I was even already dead. Everything was completely 100% synchronized [weed seems to do that and LSA doesn't seem to].

So.

I'm torn. I'm torn also on the philosophical issues of psychedelic use and whether they hinder your path to enlightenment or speed it up. I cannot see how my life would have ended up anywhere else but here, me using drugs.... but I'm not sure if it was the best decision to make.

I don't like the pressure of being a "deviant" and all the propoganda gets to me. I feel like most of my issues about tripping are just because its illegal, so it feels like I'm on my own, and that I'm almost crucifying myself saying "look at me I dared to step out of line" and its like painting a target on me so I worry that I'm inevitably going to end up in jail. [hbwr is not illegal though so i'm safe as far as i can figure]

I mean. This is not the fault of the psychedelics. It is the fault of a heinously EVIL society, no two ways about it. This nation is completely and totally evil and I'm not doing anythign WRONG. However the fear has a strong grip on me.

I don't know what to do. I really want to have an amazing experience, but I also feel that there are some things that I just couldn't handle, or my ego couldn't handle.

I mean I have experienced telepathy just while real stoned (i know that sounds skeptical but I have to trust my instincts and say it was real) and ...... what if I go..... so far out.... that when I come down I'm a completely evolved person? What if I change myself forever? I'm afraid of that.

But at the same time that.... that is exactly what I want. And so here is my theme, conflicting drives. Part of me wants to say yeah lets get fucked up, and lets sex up some hos. Part of me says no lets live a moral life and do all things in moderation and be patient and leave spirituality to sobriety.

part of me says i could fuck myself up. part of me says psychedelics do nto fuck you up unless you are completely resistent to learning, that even bad trips are good.

and everyone around me hates drugs. I don't know.

I want to trip. There's no denying it. But I also don't want to trip.

I want to clean my apartment. But I also don't want to clean my apartment. I want to start practicing tai chi again, but I also don't want to start practicing tai chi again. I want to stick with my major, but I want to change my major.

I'm split down the middle. I want to be a Buddhist but I don't. I want to be a Christian but I don't. I want to be agnostic but I don't.

What am I? I am lack of identity? I hope psychedelics can help, and I know LSA is vastly therepeutic just to let you feel good about yourself, but I also know that I have paranoia and deep fear locked up in me and the wrong kind of stimulus might set it off in a feedback loop.

I mean I saw two shiny red dots reflecting off of a cd last night and got SCARED thinking someone was fucking with my head. I knew it wasn't true but it still freaked me out. That's what my paranoia is like. It turns out the cd was reflecting lights outside which was really odd.

So I mean.

I need a strong will of a warrior or something. But I don't know what to do. You people are the only people that have reasonable opinions about drugs that can see that they are both harmful and extremely beneficial. Everyone else would be like "no drugs are bad you have to find spirituality another way" and then I'd be drouned by all the same opinions and probably end up swallowing my own beliefs and agreeing with them.

Because that's what I do, I'm rather spineless, if everyone is saying something it's really hard for me to feel otherwise even though I feel they are wrong. I guess it all stems to my will being DESTROYED in middle school, and I have never fully recovered.

But ah it's so fucked up.

The biggest thing is I don't want to be part of the game and have bad karma. I want to do drugs without being a drug user. Just once in a while, no attachment, no hinderance to liberation.... no defilement of the mind. I dont' want drugs to be another attachment like TV and internet and whatnot and.... I can cleary see them as being such.

But they TEACH me... I don't know how trip without tripping..... I lucid dream but it's not the same thing.

I dunno.

Help?
I'm not free, as far as laws are concerned. and so I have let the laws make me feel very oppressed..... which is sort of reflected in all parts of my personality.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/23/06 02:20 PM)


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OfflineGrapefruity
Lawn Gnome
Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 601
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: leery11]
    #5331914 - 02/23/06 02:26 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

First of all if you feel paranoid about government like you say, or anything else, and people around will tell you its irrational and all...Its not time to trip. also you seem confused about tripping or not , and thats not good. A trip in a way is you, amplified. The drug just induces your mind in a state of extreme sensibility. The drug is a key, to start a progressive expanding of your mind, good or not. With experience you can get it to be you, vanishing, your mind, expanding. If i can put it like that...

Have you ever tried anyhting else than lsa, if not, well you might want to try a gram of mushrooms or something. LSA is not a very friendly psychedelic in my opinion.

You be what you will be. Don't force yourself to be a buddhist or whatever. You havent been raised like that. Enlightment, I find, lacks the [i'm a (insert religion)] part....

And I think psychedelics, along basic teachings, can send you on a spiritual path. But it has to be in you before you take the drug. A knowledge, anything.You can take the idea of many religions and find your way from there.

Try to get away most possible from ego games when tripping. Like oh, im breaking the law, like you said. Or any i'm, or I bla bla...

It seems you are kind of the personality to have a bad trip. Be careful if you take lsd sometimes. Its far more potent than lsa. I learned the hard way...


Edited by Grapefruity (02/23/06 02:40 PM)


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: Grapefruity]
    #5331923 - 02/23/06 02:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I know all religions have value, it's just that I highly identify with the practical way Buddhism is set up.

and I don't know about shrooms, I know someone who openly claimed (in public) that he grew and he seems like a cool guy but I don't necessarily trust him (or most people either).

the drugs I've done are DXM (never scary), LSA and salvia.

i mean i really do want to trip but i'm doubtful.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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OfflineGrapefruity
Lawn Gnome
Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 601
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: leery11]
    #5331963 - 02/23/06 02:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Did you like the salvia trip? How was it?

Anyways shrooms are a good gentle psychedelic in low doses.


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OfflineTrippy_Search
I'm trippin' man
Male
Registered: 12/09/05
Posts: 201
Loc: TX
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: Grapefruity]
    #5332156 - 02/23/06 03:51 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

hell yeah dude dxm trips can get pretty intense and scary


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: leery11]
    #5332273 - 02/23/06 04:53 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

If you need to trip, you will trip.  It's as simple as that.  And only you will decide whether this is so. 

When the time comes, I bet you will find what you need.  I suggest you try mushrooms.  They magnify the soul.  They've been very helpful for me (and those I know) in resolving internal issues.

As for yours, you sound like me.  I am divided all the time, about everything.  Rare are all my "parts" in unity, heh.  Tripping has definately not "united" us, but it has given everyone a louder voice.  :tongue2: 

Whatever decision you make, have faith in it. 

:heart:


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: Grapefruity]
    #5333087 - 02/23/06 09:05 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Grapefruity said:
Did you like the salvia trip? How was it?



No. I realized that I had fallen into nothingness then these little guys were holding up realities in tv like boxes in front of me perhaps they would have been going in a spiral had the visions been more defined.

and they in particular represented some issues i had at the time of whether i should be here or home with my parents, so one of them sucked me into my backyard and this freaked me out and i got up and looked at my room and was like "whaaa................... at?"

then i fought it off and was terrified and still coming up on the weed i just smoked.

but man thinking about it right now, i can almost kind of feel it and..... something about that trip was real familiar even though it was my first salvia breakthrough. I wonder if its either what dying is like, or what its like for young children to dream and interact DIRECTLY with their karma rather then getting caught in egoistic fantasy scenes.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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OfflineGrapefruity
Lawn Gnome
Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 601
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: leery11]
    #5333140 - 02/23/06 09:19 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

leery11 said:
Quote:

Grapefruity said:
Did you like the salvia trip? How was it?



No. I realized that I had fallen into nothingness then these little guys were holding up realities in tv like boxes in front of me perhaps they would have been going in a spiral had the visions been more defined.

then i fought it off and was terrified and still coming up on the weed i just smoked.






Hmm sounds familiar!

I really think you should try lsd or mushrooms...you might really like them. But start low.


Edited by Grapefruity (02/23/06 09:21 PM)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: leery11]
    #5333914 - 02/24/06 01:47 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

sounds to me like you are a poet.
your concerns are real, but you have an even higher value to the art of life, and the art of phrasing your sensitivities.

both directions on each of the mentioned issues or polar axes need to be explored to find where you feel most balanced - most balanced for creative movement not stasis.

if i could chose one strong direction in this it would be tai chi.

if i were paranoid i would wait to trip until that passed


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineSapphireCat
Seeker
Male

Registered: 11/29/05
Posts: 613
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #5334107 - 02/24/06 04:27 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i'd say you should deffinately start your tai chi again. There's a good chance it will relax you to the extent that you can shrug off some of the fears, or else just try simple meditation and think about nothing, just let thoughts flow in and out of you. I wouldn't recommend tripping just yet until you feel confident that you want to.


--------------------
Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Uncertain about tripping. [Re: SapphireCat]
    #5334370 - 02/24/06 08:57 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks guys. I have a lot to think about and am not sure ... the issue with tai chi is basically a self-worth issue, in that I have stopped applying myself to it so now I think "oh well I'm terrible at it anyway, why bother?" and it's just symptomatic of myself in general and perhaps how I set myself up to fail at things.... I'm not entirely sure on that though, its not done deliberately.

But I had a dream last night where I was kind of freaking out about something on TV and then when I got lucid this guy came and told me that I shouldn't trip. I don't recall exactly how the convo went, if he meant that I Just shouldn't trip right now, or if I shouldn't trip ever..... but I asked him to return in the future when I was considering such things and he said he would once in a while.

So I think I'll put tripping off for the time being, though I still really want a psychedelic-ish experience very much so.

I don't trust the only guy I know who has shrooms because of a recent drug bust and the fact that he was open to random people saying he used drugs and grew mushrooms (or that they were easy to grow rather) ....

I'm sure he's trustable but it's just my paranoid drive. After the heat coming down I don't know if I want to go asking him for a shroom or acid hookup.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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