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Tyrone_C
Stranger

Registered: 07/13/05
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Last seen: 17 years, 6 months
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"What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report
#5331750 - 02/23/06 01:35 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Before you start reading I'd like like to give a bit of a warning. Due to the fact that this is a large dose trip report, your probably expecting to hear some pretty trippy stuff. I will go into detail about visual and physical distortions, but the majority of this report will be about the mental. I have a very rather clear memory of how my mind fell apart, and that was the "highlight" of the trip so to speak, so that will be my focus. The first chunk of the report is going to make this paragraph seem obsolete, but it took a while for the insanity to kick in. I know it's long, but it has a happy ending, and its a good example of what shrooms can show you. Enjoy 
Before getting into the trip, I think it's important to mention whats going on in my life at the moment, because it was the cause of my mental dismay. Pretty much everyone around me is telling me I'm fucking up, I'm not saying they're wrong, but it's causing me a lot of anxiety. Essentially, everyones telling me I'm wasting my life. People are pushing me to go to college or university, but I really just don't think I'm ready yet, and I'm really not too keen on going at the moment. Right now I'm writing. There's a lot going on in my head right now, I'm not sure if it's temporary or just a part of growing up, but either way I want to take advantage of that and write.
I'm really pissed off by the fact that we're born into this society and then we're stuck here. Any effort to get out results in all those around you bringing you down and picking you apart. I want a simple life, if I could have things my way I'd build a cabin for myself and live in nature. This way I wouldn't be contributing to the destruction of the Earth, and I would be at peace. Instead of putting all my garbage in a landfill somewhere, I wouldn't be creating any garbage at all. I'd just be able to sit and write, with the exception of coarse of getting food, but hey, I'm not a lazy person. Essentially people are telling me this idea is whack, and I need to grow up. I'm not saying they're wrong, I really don't know, but it's really difficult to figure things out when you don't have confidence in your own beliefs, which is a good setup to go completely whack if you ingest enough shrooms.
Sorry I had to include that, but I believe it was necessary. Now onto the report.
At 9:25 I officially swallowed a large mouthful of shrooms. I can't be exact on dosage, but I bought a half O and ate about half, so I'm guessing it was around 7 grams. Within 20 minutes I was already feeling it. This time I didn't have the usual uneasy feeling I get while waiting for the trip to kick in, but instead it was replaced by a nice blanketing euphoria. My dad and sister were home, and I figured I should spend time with them while coming up. They didn't know I was tripping of coarse, but I figured I should be with my family before the long night ahead of me.
Within 30 minutes of dosing, I began to feel really weird. I knew I was going to trip hard, but I was much more excited than scared. By the 35 minute mark I got my first visual distortion. Large bright orange/yellow spots began to pop up all around. These spots didn't look like they were on objects so to speak, but more that they were on my eye, blocking my view. They were slightly transparent, so I could manage to see through them, but it wasn't easy. I quickly decided it was time to go to my room before anyone knew something was up. Before going there I looked in a mirror and my pupils were absolutely huge. They always get big, but not this big. There was literally like a millimeter of iris showing.
I turned on the TV and hopped into bed (40 mins after dose). Pretty much right as I got in, I got a weird feeling in my stomach. I've heard this be described in trip reports before, but I've never experienced it. It kind of felt as if my insides were collapsing and therefore pulling the rest of my body towards it. I know this doesn't sound to appealing, but it was rather fun.
Then I noticed my walls. My walls have a rather interesting colour pattern. The initial paint was a dark yellow, and over top of that a lighter yellow was painted on using a cloth, enabling both colours to be seen. This created and interesting effect with my TV. Every time the screen flashed the walls would change colour. I should probably add that the only light in my room at this point was the TV, so it's colour flooded the room. Not only was my wall changing colour an interesting effect, but the lighter colour on the paint stuck out. It was very 3D looking and I was amazed at it for quite some time. After what seemed like a long time of enjoying this, the walls began to "breathe". Another thing I've heard often but never experienced.
I've never really got a description on what that means before. It makes perfect sense to someone who's seen it, but to someone who hasn't - well for me at least - it is difficult to imagine what a breathing wall looks like. For anyone who wants to know, look down at your chest/stomach, and take the deepest breath you can. See how your chest puffs out and your stomach goes in, then vise-versa? Well thats what a wall looks like when it's breathing.
After keeping my dazed "Whoa!"'s to a minimum, I once again looked at the time. It was only 55 minutes after dosing, and it seemed like much much longer. If eyeballing such a large dose wasn't stupid enough, this puts the icing on the cake. I was in such awe and euphoria, I decided I wanted to trip harder, so I popped another eyeballed dose in my mouth. This one I'm guessing was about 3 grams, it could have been more, but I'd say it's more likely it was less. Maybe 2 grams minimum, putting my overall dose at 8-11 grams. Despite all I've read, I was confident I was ready. Guess not.
Then King of the Hill came on. I happily watched for a while, when I started to notice some intense distortions. Any time I've every watched TV while tripping, nothing on the screen has ever been distorted. On my first trip (2 grams) I was in a giant playpen with a liquid floor (I guess those were some VERY potent shrooms) and still, the TV was completely normal. Not this time.
Suddenly the characters on the show started to look really weird. For a second they would look skinny, then they'd stretch out to look fat. I'm not talking about their entire body's, but just there faces. At first I figured it was just the cartoon, but once the faces distorted even heavier, I realized the second dose was kicking in. Judging by the time in the cartoon (I stopped looking at the clock at this point), I'm guessing this was about an 1.5 hours after the initial dose, and half an hour after the second. The distortions on the faces were EXACTLY like in Fear and Loathing, in the scene where he's on acid and has to talk to the woman at the hotel. Not when she turned into a lizard of coarse (I think she did if my memory is correct), but when her eyes would get really big then her mouth would stretch out etc. This looked absolutely HILARIOUS on King of the Hill, but then Bernie Mac came on.
I've never watched the show before, but holy shit. Everyone on it looked absolutely terrifying. I think this was due to the fact that I wasn't familiar with the characters faces (except Bernie), so for all I knew these distortions weren't distortions at all, and they actually looked like that. By this point I was in a state where I didn't want to get up, but after 20 minutes of watching I couldn't take it anymore, so I got up and changed the channel. I got the same uneasy feeling with every unfamiliar show I flicked to. I felt really scared and alone, until finally I found a show I was familiar with...The Simpson's. As you can tell, this is where I was beginning to get very mentally unstable, but this was only the beginning.
It was one of the newer episodes (where Marge does steroids). This again made me feel uneasy, as I find the newer episodes have a lot less character and spirit than the older ones. They seem to have lost the old Simpson's feel. I was okay for a while, but suddenly the question that started it all popped into my head "Am I supposed to find this funny?". Again I felt alone, I felt as if I was the only Simpson's fan who was no longer humored by the episodes. Then I felt bad for the writers of the Simpson's. I saw how well it was put together and how much time and effort many people put into making it, and I felt extremely guilty for not enjoying it like I should. Then I got a feeling they knew the episodes where getting worst, and it was driving them all insane. Being the longest running cartoon series, they must have a lot of pressure to keep it alive, and all of a sudden I felt so bad for ever losing my interest in it.
Luckily before this guilt continued anymore, South Park came on. Well...I was lucky for a few minutes at least. By this point I was pretty confused. It was about the gang all reaching puberty and having their periods, if I'm not mistaken. This confused the shit out of me. I forgot the true nature of South Park, and began to take it far too seriously. I was trying to figure out how the fuck they could be having periods, I thought I missed something in sex-ed or something. I think now that they were all lying to each other just to fit in, but at the time I just couldn't figure this out. Looking back on this it's pretty damn funny, but it was terrifying at the time. At this point I turned my TV off and decided it would be best to just lay there to gather my thoughts and try to calm down.
I guess I had been moving around a lot, because all my covers were a complete mess. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, but I was too fucked to do a thing about it. I then turned over on my stomach and put my face in my pillow. Suddenly I started laughing uncontrollably. This is when I knew I was going crazy. Not simply due to the fact that I was laughing for no particular reason - that happens to me a lot - but because I was laughing even in the uncomfortable unhappy state I was in.
Then the audio hallucinations began. If anyone has seen the movie Trainspotting, recall the scene where his parents lock him in his room and he begins to have withdrawal. Remember that repetitive beat/song that you hear in the background. Well yeah, that started repeating over and over in my head. I couldn't figure out what it was from until this morning, but all I know was it was annoying the fuck out of me. Soon, I heard snoring. I'm not sure if it actually was my dad snoring or not, but I don't think so, because I've never been able to hear it from my room before. Either way, I just couldn't take it.
I then started thinking about my situation and problems with society as I mentioned before the report. I couldn't figure it out. I feel so strong that I'm right, but how could I be when all the ones around me I love and trust are telling me otherwise? This frustrated the hell out of my, by brain felt as if it was going to explode. I began to feel really sick, and knew I had to talk to someone. No way I was going to wake my dad or sister up to see me in this drugged up state I was in, so I decided to go on a quest to get to my computer.
What made this especially difficult was the fact that I was horribly paranoid about waking my dad up, so I had to get there in the dark. This is hard enough to do sober, but when on a massive amount of shrooms, it was almost impossible. Going down the stairs wasn't that difficult, I was having a bit of trouble walking but the main problems were confusion and visual distortion. Usually even at night I can see enough to find my way around, but when everything I could make out is flowing and and melting into one another, I would have probably been better off with my eyes closed.
The second I got to my basement I realized I had made a horrible mistake. I was completely confused. I still knew the layout of my house, but I had no clue where I was, other than the fact I was in my basement. Soon I caught on to the quiet hum of my computer, which was very hard to catch because of the repetitive song playing over and over in my head. Finally I made it to my chair and sat down.
I went on MSN, and no one was on who I was comfortable talking to, so I decided the best place to come was here. I was able to log on surprisingly easy for the state I was in, but actually making a post was rather difficult. I scanned the screen for a while looking for the "post" link, I managed to figure it out and start the following thread:
Thread
After making the thread I became even more uncomfortable, started to get really cold, and broke out in a sweat. I then heard someone wake up upstairs and go to the bathroom. I was absolutely terrified they were going to come down, so I put my head down and pretended to have fallen asleep at the computer.
Luckily no one came down - good thing I had kept the lights off. After a while of actually trying to fall asleep, random noises in my basement started to scare the shit out of me, so I made my way back to my room. It was a bit easier to find my way this time, but it was still quite a challenge. I got back in bed and realized I was just going to have to wait it out.
All of a sudden I started thinking of random people in my life, some I had interacted with that day, and some I hadn't talked to for a long time. Either way, they were all people who were telling me I was wrong in what I wanted to do. I then flashed back to certain moments I had interacted with them, one at a time, and saw their own weaknesses. I know this sounds a bit cruel or harsh, but really it wasn't. I love these people, and I wasn't trying to bring out the worst of them, but I realized that I'm not the only one who's unsure of their beliefs.
Every single person I know has had moments of unclarity or confusion, it seems so clear now, but before this I was completely blind to this fact. Sure, they're positive what I'm doing is stupid and immature, but who's to say they all don't have beliefs that everyone else shoots down? Are my friends and family going to do something or not do something just because everyone else insists on it? No, they're going to follow their beliefs, may it be right or wrong. Before trusting anyone else, the best thing to do is trust yourself.
Once I figured this out, I managed to calm down. I still felt completely and outright insane, but at least I was conforted by the fact that I would be thankful for this insanity in the morning, which I most definitely am. I used to feel I was ignorant by saying only I know whats best for me, but really, that is the case. I'm not going to tell other people whats best for them, what gives them the right to say that to me?
All of a sudden a line from The Trial (a song from The Wall) started repeating in my head. "I'm crazy, I'm crazy, someone has taken my marbles away!" or something to that extent. All I could do was laugh, because I knew that was true, but no longer did it cause me dismay, I was perfectly fine with it.
I then started seeing beautiful artwork. If only I could draw, I'm confident I could make some pretty amazing stuff. I can't really describe most of what I saw, but one example was of a short skinny man, almost gnome-like in a very strange position. One of his legs was pointed behind him, almost as if he was trying to kick someone from behind. His leg was bent slightly, and his arms were over his head (elbows pointing strait up, and forearms pointing behind him. There was a mushroom connecting the point of his to to his arms, almost as if it was a part of him. This description doesn't really make it sound all that cool, but it was really beautiful. May I add that this wasn't really a visual, but more of an image in my head. Kind of like when you try to remember what someone looks like, your not actually seeing their face, but you can somehow tell with memory and see the image in your head. It was like this, but a lot clearer and a lot more detailed. Next time I shroom I'm definitely going to get a paintbrush, lots of paint and a canvas. I'm really bad at drawing, but hopefully that doesn't matter as long as I can get the art that I'm seeing onto paper.
After this the trip started to dye down, and I think the last time I looked at the clock before resting my head a final time it was 2:00 am. I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep at all, and just lay there in a half-awake state in pure awe, but I can't exactly be sure. Either way, it was a terrifying and beautiful experience, and a good example of how mushrooms can make a very confusing situation simplistically clear. I'm not sure how I'm going to act on my realization yet, but either way it has made me a lot more confident in my beliefs and a lot more sure of myself. Sure it doesn't make me think I'm any more right, but at least it taught me it's okay to be wrong, because unless somehow we can see the whole picture, it can't be any other way.
Thanks for reading, and happy shrooming
Edited by Tyrone_C (02/23/06 01:41 PM)
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Toddo
Stranger


Registered: 07/09/04
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Tyrone_C]
#5332282 - 02/23/06 04:57 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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well.. sounds interesting. Shrooming with family that dosent approve of drugs can add a nasty part to the trip. Im happy to hear your ok and everything worked itself out.
I like to eat mushies on clear crisp mornings, with nothing but me and nature to observe.
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Tyrone_C
Stranger

Registered: 07/13/05
Posts: 426
Last seen: 17 years, 6 months
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Toddo]
#5332344 - 02/23/06 05:12 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, I plan on eating the rest of my half during the day, which I've never done before, I'm going to wait till a day when it's relitivly warm so I can enjoy the fresh air. I'm tired of being confined to a house, the last two trips I've had all I really wanted to do was go for a walk during the comedown.
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inv3rse
OP-4Warez/0day-warezon Rizon


Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 312
Loc: Denver, CO
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Tyrone_C]
#5333737 - 02/23/06 11:52 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tyrone_C said: Yeah, I plan on eating the rest of my half during the day, which I've never done before, I'm going to wait till a day when it's relitivly warm so I can enjoy the fresh air. I'm tired of being confined to a house, the last two trips I've had all I really wanted to do was go for a walk during the comedown.
Very interesting story...glad to hear it turned out for the better. - Walking is very relaxing on a come-down. I use to enjoy walking on the beach with no shoes on during my comedown after my experiences in California...try it out.
-------------------- "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." "Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - -the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant." Hunter S. Thompson.
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Ginseng1
Elegant Universe


Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: inv3rse]
#5336611 - 02/25/06 12:09 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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awesome report man.
alot of the stuff you were saying earlier about building a cabin and fishing for food or what not is alot like the state of mind that I used to have.
i'm not sure about a damn thing nowadays, all I know is that you should live your life how you want, who gives a fuck how other people think you should live your life??
Right now, I'm lost in trying to figure out the next step in this thing called life, but I'm not worried about it, and I'm not worried about what people might think. I just wanna be me, but I also do want people to like me, so I do understand your confusion with all these people telling you that you're one wacked motherfucker.
I dont wanna live in the woods in a cabin and just chilling all day, I want to make money, and be my own boss, and have a fun and exciting life, because at the end of this journey (life), I'll have a neat little story to tell the other spirits floating around, not some boring cabin story.
feel me?
-------------------- Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...
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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Ginseng1]
#5337119 - 02/25/06 03:50 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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thumbs up champ
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Shnezbit
Psycho-naught


Registered: 09/30/04
Posts: 1,202
Loc: The Threshold.
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: indica]
#5340469 - 02/26/06 09:56 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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cool report man. very detailed and thorough. i think your a good writer. maybe you should look into doing something that utilizes your writing talent.
i appreciate reports like this 'cause i've been there before a few times and i'm sure i'll be there again a few more times. reports like these stir up memories of my own experiences and give me good food for thought as i compare my experiences to yours.
i also enjoyed the 'live report link'. that guy posting those baby pictures was craking me up.
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congo
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Shnezbit]
#5341730 - 02/26/06 04:26 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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iv,e lived in the woods in a cabin i built for 14 years. your then see soceity or people in it in a very different way.your see there falsehoods or in other words like they were put on a planet with abousutly no idea what or why there doing it .there only answers come from there family soceity religon.your see that living outside it.anyway that trip sounded deep and i think you relized something deep.i almost flet i relized it.deeeeap.if you want to know more about living in the woods just ask.
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kaniz
That one, overthere.


Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 4,166
Loc: Ontario
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: congo]
#5342252 - 02/26/06 06:47 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Good trip report - and many of my trips can relate in some ways to what you went through.
and generally, some of my most profound trips have just been when I've eyeballed my initial dose, then eye-balled a 2nd, 3rd, and some-times 4th dose :P I tend to prefer eyeballing over exact measuring.
Edited by kaniz (02/26/06 06:51 PM)
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Tyrone_C
Stranger

Registered: 07/13/05
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: kaniz]
#5342780 - 02/26/06 08:27 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks for the comments.
Congo I do have a question actually. I've been told by many people that due to our social nature as a species, it would be impossible to live in isolation for a long period of time. Some people have actually told me that I would eventually die. This sounds a bit off to me, I don't plan on never seeing anyone again, but chances are I would be alone for a majority of the time.
I personally am not a particularly social person, sure I like people and all, but compared to most people I know, I'm very solitary. I have a feeling that I wouldn't feel alone, because I love nature and think I would be quite at home, but how possible is it that I would get out there and quickly realize that it won't be possible to live in solitude for a majority of the time. Also, would I be destroying the balance of the ecosystem around me by living there? I know I will have to make some sacrifices such as cutting down trees and gathering food, but if I'm diverse in what I get and where I get it, can I live in harmony with everything without messing it up? If the answer is no, then would I at least be doing less damage than I'm doing living in this modern society, producing garbage and pollution?
Thanks.
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congo
Stranger
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Tyrone_C]
#5345607 - 02/27/06 02:29 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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well thats slightly behond what im doing .i live about a mile into the woods.and i socialise if i want.i by food in shops but try and make things pick herbs grow stuff.i don,t fully understand how far away your considering,if your considering complete imersion ,long way ,day or to walk to nearest person ,then now i will be gussing,but that will be pretty hard .i, will think about that a bit more get back to you on that.of course you cause less damage to eviroment than normal living and you can be proud of that sure of that.if you could find a friend who would do it as well i would say that would be worth finding.i moved into the woods to find the meaning to life and its a good place to do it.
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congo
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: congo]
#5345657 - 02/27/06 02:48 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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if you really lived isolated for along time and you had food you wouldn,t die.you would come to terms with what your doing and why.if your reasons are good enough and you belives them ,then your probaly have a good time.
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Tyrone_C
Stranger

Registered: 07/13/05
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: congo]
#5350750 - 02/28/06 07:34 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Alright thanks.
I was talking about total isolation, but you've given me something to consider as a more reasonable alternative. Much appreciated. I still don't think I'm ready to go on that journey, but someday I think it will be the life for me.
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funluvinfiona
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: Tyrone_C]
#5356568 - 03/02/06 08:02 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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you are not crazy thinking that. i think the exact same thing so if your crazy so am i. i hate the way humans have ruiend this planet. filled it with concreate roads and buildings and plastic. theyve destroyed it and soon theirs gonna be no planet left. once i finnish my degree in zooology im gonna go and join one of the tribes in the rainforest and live off the land. it is totally possible, people have been doing it ever since we first evolved. and do you know huluconogenics origonated from the tribes in the jungle who still use them today to see into the future and talk to their gods. pretty cool!! andyway, that way of life is called shifting clutivation. they clear away a small area of the rainforest, by burning the trees but they only burn certain ones. this creates fertile soil for growing crops.they leave some trees dotted about so that when they leave the trees will regenerate.they plant lots of fruit trees like mango and papya for food and to keep the soil fertile. they keep the same area for growing crops and other food for about 10 years, while every fue years they move the area theyve cleared for living in so that the forest can regenerate. anyone can live off the land, you just have to know how. we are all animals, we have the animal instinct built into our genes. its just people in todays modern society have forgot our natural instincts and replaced them with technology. people today are lazy, they use technology to do everything for them, and their destroying the plannet in the prosess.
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funluvinfiona
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Re: "What the fuck did I do??" - a large dose shroom report [Re: funluvinfiona]
#5356592 - 03/02/06 08:07 AM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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i agree with your total isolation aswell. people are the cause of all suffering emotion makes you suffer- people make you emotional= suffering if you get away form people you get away from the suffering, theirs no one their to upset you. everything else that happens is just nature, its supposed to happen. xxxxx
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