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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip.
    #5323084 - 02/21/06 06:23 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

it's all I seem to get when I eat psychedelics lately, and maybe that means it's time for a break. There's always just that big question, Who Am I? And How Do I Fit Into All This? When i tripped alone in my apartment it was an easy question to swallow, and everything felt like it was coming together to make me whole and connected but other trips than that recently have had me feeling socially awkward about my own existence. This weekend in Canada was one of the best tripping environments ever but the questions persisted in chasing me even there. I guess you can't escape the most important things you're facing, though.

Of the whole weekend the one thing that stands out above all others is when RandalFlagg sat down next to me on Saturday afternoon and asked me how my trip had been Friday night. I told him it had been pretty amazing, and he asked if I had had an epiphany. I told him I hadn't, and he wanted to know if I had been hoping/looking for one...I told him I try not to look for epiphanies in my trips, but sometimes when you eat a drug you can't help but think/expect/hope that you're going to get one. He just looked at me and told me he had been hoping for an epiphany when he went cross-country and saw America coast to coast, but that he didn't get one. And that was the end of that conversation.

I felt like one of The Lost Children this weekend.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisiblegoobler
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323090 - 02/21/06 06:29 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

that question wil go away if and when you are at peace with yourself


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Offlinestefan
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323121 - 02/21/06 07:08 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I guess you can't escape the most important things you're facing, though.




indeed. maybe try to figure things out your place in this world sober before you trip next time

+what goobles said


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021] * 1
    #5323124 - 02/21/06 07:17 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

The only way to true removal of such fears (yes, it is a fear) is through acceptance of it.

Acceptance of your own lack of knowledge. Acceptance of your own inability to answer these questions. You have to accept there is no specific answer for you to find, because you are floating down a river and are not in control of that river. It will take you somewhere, and it is your job to have faith that the river knows where to go.

Sometimes there are rapids, and sometimes there are calm serene summer float-alongs... but you have to roll with the punches, and always accept that you are not the one pulling the strings in 98% of what you experience.

This is how I have moved through these kinds of problems on trips before in the past, and it is how I get myself to shake the anxiety I tend to develop on a daily basis. (I smoke a lot of pot, probably has something to do with it.)

When I feel tense and anxious, I literally think through the realization that there's no reason for worry to an excess that allows me to take on physical tension from it. When I remember this, I relax both body and mind for the moment... if I've been having a really bad day, the calm will usually last longer as I revel in the peaceful state of mind.

Ironically, when I go through this course of acceptance of my lack of knowing, the true answer of who I am is revealed to me. I leave the mind. And in doing so, I realize my ability to exist as consciousness OUTSIDE of thought. In that moment, I realize myself.

What you are describing should be acknowledged as a predisposition to thought. It's not necessarily WHAT you were questioning, but the fact that you couldn't stop questioning that matters. The only answer that will stop the questions is universal acceptance.

...my 2 cents? :laugh:  :stoned:


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OfflineAngeloWish
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: stefan]
    #5323127 - 02/21/06 07:19 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It is part of the whole test pal.
Get it answered and work on that.
God, this is why i love psylocibin but i know it can be pretty tough too.
Good Luck!


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+'this' reality is the one i like the most+


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: AngeloWish]
    #5323129 - 02/21/06 07:22 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I think I need some psilocybin in me. It's been a while. My last 10 trips or so have all been on LSD, which while a good time, isn't always the Teacher that mushrooms can be.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibleblissedout
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323131 - 02/21/06 07:24 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I know what you mean. I used to have trips like that alot, back when I was in my early twenties. My trips would spiral into these thought loops that would not end, until I started coming down. I never could figure it out, until after I stopped tripping for a couple of years. My life was a mess, back then and I kept closing my eyes to it, thinking it would all work itself out. Well, I was wrong. Tripping wasn't enlightening me, anymore and I was just using it to get fucked up. Plus, I was not happy inside. I had alot of unresolved issues and I just needed to deal with it all, before moving on. Now, my trips are wonderful, again. I only trip on occassion now, though. Back then, I was selling sheets and tripping at least twice per week. Anyway, I'm sure you will figure it all out. You have a good head on your shoulders and aren't afraid of using it.


--------------------



:murray:


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Invisibleblissedout
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: blissedout]
    #5323132 - 02/21/06 07:25 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Jeez. My post sounds like an antidrug commercial.:crazy:


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:murray:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: blissedout]
    #5323153 - 02/21/06 07:41 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Naw, it sounds a lot more realistic than that!


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineYoschie99
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323200 - 02/21/06 08:17 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
I think I need some psilocybin in me. It's been a while. My last 10 trips or so have all been on LSD, which while a good time, isn't always the Teacher that mushrooms can be.




i think LSD leads to much more personal insight in normal dosages than mushrooms.. the mental aspect of mushrooms is so numb compared to acid, i think.. unless it's in high doses.

i don't know what to tell you about your trips lately... experiences with psychadelics are such personal things that i don't really think that anyone can tell you why you keep asking the same question but yourself. 

so, good luck.. i wouldn't be surprised if you get the same question(s) from mushies as you have from 'cid.

:smile:

yos-

ps. drinks sometime?


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Offlinetheorganicdomino
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323211 - 02/21/06 08:25 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It's funny because my trips recently have been more about splitting my psyche into different characteristics and seeing my mind as a choir of voices rather than a singularity. If one choirister gets out of tune the others can bouy it up a bit, if ya get what I mean.

I've been pushing myself to really ring the changes each trip these days

eg

During my last (mushroom, I only do shrooms these days) trip I put on Bjork's Medulla album - I'd never plan to listen to it during tripping as it's very weird and dark in places, but fucking hell if it didn't push me into a frame of mind which helped me resolve a massive backload of issues I had with myself about past relationships with women and helped me understand the odd (in a good way) relationship I have with my wife.

Also I earlier in the same trip I found myself in hellish, nightmare world of glass panes, road signs and flashing siren-like lights - which I understood to be how I feel about my job. But slowly as I dwelt on the imagery, maintained a focus on what was so disturbing about it, and detached myself emotionally the lines of all the details bled outwards of my field of vision, through me and into me and I realised that my annoyance with work was entirely of my own devising.

What's my point, er it's in there somewhere. Sometimes its good to face what we fear the most in a trip instead of trying to guide the journey in a mellow, freak-out free, paisley-pattern navel gaze.

I've always found shrooms to be harsh, but rewarding if you work on problems with them.

Or you could do some Salvia - that'd be a kick to your head!


--------------------
"You've got to get hold of the thread of marching time, pull the fuck thing down, get on the end of it and pang yourself to the infinitude of absolute mind"
Ken Campbell - Furtive Nudist

"The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced" - Aart van der Leeuw


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323246 - 02/21/06 08:48 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I can't think of ANYONE I have ever known that has not at one point or another asked themselves that question. It is the question that generally determines the path in life one takes.

Some end up deciding that they are their money, and then lead a life where they try to get the most money. Others decide they are their social position, and so spend their lives trying to be the best and most powerful. And then there are those who admit that they can never truly "know" who and what the Self is, rather they can only "Be" and in so doing open themselves up to the constant unfolding of Reality.

I'd recommend you check out the book "The Book" by Alan Watts. Also, I've found dosing on LSD, then putting on eyeshades and listening to music (classical is best IMO) is extraordinarily therapeutic, it can put you in touch with yourself. MDMA is also good for this.

Tat tvam asi, brother.


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323251 - 02/21/06 08:50 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Heh. I guess that's as good a question as any to ask yourself when you're tripping. As far as insights/epiphanies go.. I usually have them unintentionally during every trip.. but it's usually like really basic stuff. But it's interesting because my question sort of parallels yours. 

I had a pretty crazy trip on friday. How to possibly explain what was going through my head.. well this has sort of become a constant, in my last couple of acid trips around groups of people. I am already a pretty introspective guy, and I think when I trip, I become overly self-conscious sometimes. It usually starts with me thinking that I do have this certain role in any given community, and that I am not fulfilling it to my best ability. Such as, holding back in conversation.. not speaking my whole mind on an issue when it comes around. This usually leads to thought loops of self-overanalyzation.. I know.. bad right.

So this weekend when I was tripping.. everyone was conversating... and I was sort of there listening to 9 different conversations at the same time. And it seemed in some way, everyone was saying something that could relate to me somehow. More than likely the work of the ego.. but very interesting nonetheless. I thought everyone was conspiring to (among other things..) get me to move to canada, and start a reggae jam band. I think that was the most "normal" thought that went through my head that night. The others I can't even explain. Like when trendal started talking about it being a big movie with explosions and the whole 9 yards, and shroomism is the star... I was just starting to trip. Trendal you weirdo.  :grin:

Somehow when I'm tripping.. I interpret everything going on around me to relate to me.. like some sort of freaky cosmic mirror. Everything everyone says.. to the most mundane thing... has some deep significance to me. And what can I do.. I just try and flow with it.. or tell myself it's all a part of the illusion, and I am just ascribing my own interpretation of events.. but sometimes things are just so synchronious I can't even help it.

At the end of the day.. acid trips make you analyze the fuck out of stuff. At least for me they do. And you may not always get the answer you want. But I always see it as an opportunity for self-improvement.. and try to use it for that. My acid trips of the past two years or so, have dealt with me not being able to function as I should in social settings (i.e - not talking enough.. being too withdrawn) and so I try to overcome that.. and the best I could come up with is.. You're all against me!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. I can't even form a coherent enough sentence to express my thoughts.. it's sort of frustrating.

It's really weird.. because I used to be the total opposite when tripping. I used to be this talking machine that would just release my thoughts as they came stream-of-consciousness style... I'd talk about all kinds of stuff. Now it's like I'm overly self conscious and I analyze what I say before I even say it, and then that ends up just crashing the train, and all I can get out of my mouth is some half-digested paradox that everyone thinks is just me being insane. But whatever. I suppose the answer lies somewhere in the middle.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Shroomism]
    #5323254 - 02/21/06 08:53 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for posting that, man, I feel like I understand so much about your trip that I didn't while it was happening. It puts the whole "You're all against me!" thing in perspective.

I tend to struggle with the same notions, my "Who am I?" questions are often about my place in a social setting. Am i talking enough, too little? Am I monopolizing conversation? Am I exerting power over a communal setting? Is the music I want to play my way of forcing my trip on everyone else?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323259 - 02/21/06 08:56 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

And of course, while I'm tripping, i don't actually want to TALK about all that...so it stays inside, and goes around and around and around and around.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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OfflineSpenny
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323263 - 02/21/06 08:58 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I almost always get that trip on DXM. That's why I stay away from it now a days, that, and it's nasty. This has never happened to me on shrooms or LSD though..=/ Maybe something underlying is really digging into your skin, you're the only one who can figure it out, god speed.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Spenny]
    #5323264 - 02/21/06 08:59 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Well, these questions persist in my mind in my daily life. Even right now, on the walk I just took to the cooler to get a bottle of water. Who am I, what am I doing, why don't I write, do I want to do drugs or be sober. Blahbity blah blah.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Shroomism]
    #5323268 - 02/21/06 09:02 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Self-consciousness is a bitch. I find that pot especially tends to bring it out in me, and sometimes more major psychedelics can too. It's difficult, but you gotta remember it's all in your mind and you must have courage. Let people see who you are, and if they don't like it, then fuck them! But 9.9/10 times, people will laugh and enjoy your authenticity.

If only I could remember that myself!  :tongue:


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleBoom
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323279 - 02/21/06 09:06 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

My last trip I kept asking myself a similar question, I kept thinking about how school is important to bang out and finish it, so I can make a lot of money. 

My trips lately have been showing me that I really want to be successful, and not just settle for a sub-par existence.  I feel like a hardcore Republican when I trip :lol:


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323281 - 02/21/06 09:07 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Exactly man. Other people will probably tell you.. you're worrying about it too much.. but I think these trains of thoughts are probably healthy as long as they are not leading off into weird directions. Who am I is a very big question. A question some people spend their whole lives trying to figure out. I think the answer is.. you already are who you are... but by asking yourself these further questions.. you are helping yourself to constantly evolve... adapt to your environment.. and that's a good thing in my opinion. It's like a self-checking mechanism.. .keep yourself in check.. make sure you are in line with the 'community'. But it's also an inhibition thing.. that's where I think alcohol comes in.. maybe I should drink more of it.

Like I didn't really mean to say you're all against me... but that was like the closest thing in english I could possibly say that related to what I was thinking at the time. I don't really think you guys are all against me :smirk: But if you're trying to kidnap me to canada and start a reggae jam band.. well...

I think in the end, we probably do worry too much, and is the cause of these strange trips. Because like it or not, everything you do has some kind of effect on the people around you.. but the crazy thing about subjective reality is... that everyone interprets it differently. You can do one thing, and ten people will look at it ten different ways. So I think as long as you're not hurting anyone.. and no one is complaining.. then you should be good. Unless you're around people like me, who suffer in silence and have a hard time expressing their feelings. But that's my own damn fault, and I'm working on it.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Boom]
    #5323282 - 02/21/06 09:07 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Ha, well I'd say that's a great thing to get out of a trip.  A desire to make something of yourself, and to make money while doing it. :thumbup:


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Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: dblaney]
    #5323293 - 02/21/06 09:10 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

dblaney said:
Self-consciousness is a bitch. I find that pot especially tends to bring it out in me, and sometimes more major psychedelics can too. It's difficult, but you gotta remember it's all in your mind and you must have courage. Let people see who you are, and if they don't like it, then fuck them! But 9.9/10 times, people will laugh and enjoy your authenticity.

If only I could remember that myself!  :tongue:




Awesome advice. I need to remember that, like all the time.
Like I'm so afraid I'll say what's on my mind and people will just laugh at me or something. Then I do... and they do laugh... but in a good way :grin:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Shroomism]
    #5323300 - 02/21/06 09:13 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

You know what was weird?  When you said "You're all against me!" I thought it was hilarious and so did WoodsCall and we both laughed at you. My next thought was "oh man if he really does think we're all against him, and we just laughed, he probably sees us cackling with maniacal laughter or something."  The next thing I know you're running down the stairs cackling. :lol: Good times, good times.


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Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibleblink
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323312 - 02/21/06 09:17 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

there was a LOT of giggling coming from woods and shroomism.

it was infectious.  :grin:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: blink]
    #5323317 - 02/21/06 09:19 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Yup, Shroomism would laugh and then Woods, and then neuro and then me...and someone would ask what was funny and the honest answer was nothing and everything.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Offlinenotapillow
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323320 - 02/21/06 09:20 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

dont worry robot. it will all become clear in time. i also find that looking for answers during the trip will often lead you back to where you started. alot of questions i had where answered as a result of my trip last sunday. and the weird this is i never even asked the questions. i remember walking to the cliffs overlooking this beach and i was standing right on the edge looking out over the pacific ocean with the clear night sky above. and the sky started raining colors, i could see the web or rainbow energy linking this world to every other star in on the horizon. and at that moment i understood everything. or rather i knew where i fit into that web. time became nothing. i could speed it up and see the cliffs melting into the water. my part in this world is simple. i came to the conclusion that people often dramaticly overthink there place in the universe. all you have to do, is live sleep and die. and if our luky you will get to see somthing like that inbetween :smile:


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: blink]
    #5323321 - 02/21/06 09:20 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

That was some funny acid. The first hour I couldn't help but laughing my ass off.. everything was just so damn funny.


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323382 - 02/21/06 09:51 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Okay, after reading this whole thread I've come to some semi-conclusions of my own.
Mind you, they're just MY OPINION so take this all with a grain of salt.

I think that all of these similar feelings that were shared and the fact that you all were familiar with each other on an
intellectual level, but not so much on a communal or societal or physical level led to a subconscious and small paranoia.
It manifested itself and amplified differently in each person who was effected by it.
IE: Shroomism's "You're all against me" thought and OMR's "Am I being too manipulative?" concern.

As far as the "Who am I?" question, well, if that's been going on for some time in many trips, I could only guess as to
why. The possibilities are endless. I'm sure though that once you get a better handle on what the future holds for you,
that question will not pop into your head as often, if at all.

I cannot wait for the NE2006 gathering. This thread has strengthened my desire to be a part of the goings on.

What a blast we're gonna have. There's so much I can't wait to experience and can't wait to have you guys join in the FUN.


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================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

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Invisiblegoobler
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323389 - 02/21/06 09:53 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
You know what was weird?  When you said "You're all against me!" I thought it was hilarious and so did WoodsCall and we both laughed at you. My next thought was "oh man if he really does think we're all against him, and we just laughed, he probably sees us cackling with maniacal laughter or something."  The next thing I know you're running down the stairs cackling. :lol: Good times, good times.





too bad noone camcordered it


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: goobler]
    #5323400 - 02/21/06 10:01 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

goobler said:
Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
You know what was weird?  When you said "You're all against me!" I thought it was hilarious and so did WoodsCall and we both laughed at you. My next thought was "oh man if he really does think we're all against him, and we just laughed, he probably sees us cackling with maniacal laughter or something."  The next thing I know you're running down the stairs cackling. :lol: Good times, good times.





too bad noone camcordered it [/quote


On his way down, he fell down the stairs.  It was REALLY loud too. :lol:


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323410 - 02/21/06 10:03 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Are you sure I fell down the stairs? I remember jumping down the stairs. I don't think I fell. I fell out of my chair.. I remember that. Almost landed on Link heh.


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Shroomism]
    #5323414 - 02/21/06 10:04 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

double post?
.
.
.
V


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Edited by simisu (02/21/06 10:17 AM)


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Shroomism]
    #5323415 - 02/21/06 10:04 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Ohhh man well we wer eall wondering what the loud sound was, it really sounded like you had fallen down the stairs. Jumping down them makes sense for that though.

You were in the living room when Woods did a cartwheel on the coffee table, right?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323424 - 02/21/06 10:08 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

No I missed that damnit.. but I saw pictures :grin:

simisu - yeah man that's it. I'm against myself.


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InvisibleSimisu
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Simisu]
    #5323426 - 02/21/06 10:08 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

@shroomisem and OMR

this few posts made me feel so good and yet SO bad...
you see... these are exectly my problames (only with weed... i've never had any expiriance with diffrent psychodelics but i bet all this is the weed rather then the acid... or more so anyway)
i could describe my self word for word with both of your posts
i wanted this epipheny by going to canada for a long trip... to loosen up and learn something about my self and the world
i really wanted to be at the gathering but i knew i wouldn't be able to shake my self free of these fears and infact i reconed that going to canada while maybe a great expiriance will not solve my problame

i feel bad becouse i should've knowen all of you would understand...
so i'm still here in israel "safe" in my room but i'm constantly wasting my time insted of having faith and trust and doing what i really want to do!

shroomisem becouse you're not content with your self (be it low self asteem or social fear or whatever) you hear it and see it in what other people say or do! it's amazing how the universe is crule with these synchroniseties but like dblaney said 99.99% of the time it's all in yr head. the fucked up thing is, even when you know it you simply can't disregard it. becouse even if other people don't think "against you" you your self does! belive me i know how you feel... no metter what i do i'm stuck with this feeling whenever i'm stoned in a social situation... that's why i've stopped smoking around people (and whenever i DO i'm quickly reminded why i need to stop)

so the important thing is to shake loose from these fears... to abandon the question and really accept your self and the world!
not to be afraid to make mistakes (i'm sure you're both very smart individuals and are able to deal with your mistakes!!!)

lot's of good advice on this thread but no one can teach you how to except your self! cannabis and psychodelics can be very powerfull mirrors but they're still just a mirror!


--------------------
:mushdance::sanpedro::peyote::mushroom2: :heart: Shr:supershroom::supershroom:mery :heart: :mushroom2::peyote::sanpedro::mushdance:
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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Simisu]
    #5323434 - 02/21/06 10:10 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

You already posted that. :tongue:


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323470 - 02/21/06 10:18 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
You already posted that. :tongue:




i dunno why but insted of editing it double posted...


--------------------
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323495 - 02/21/06 10:26 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I enjoy 'who am I' trips, but probably because I am always suspicious of who I may be.  :tongue2:My last trip was a trip of this nature, defining what is Self and what is ego.  I love going into the parts of my consciousness and being surprised by aspects of who I never thought I was. :mushroom2:

However, being confronted by the question too much can be wearying.  It might mean you're looking for something, a secret to yourself.


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OfflineAninator
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Simisu]
    #5323595 - 02/21/06 10:46 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I think JacquesCousteau hit the nail on the head.

I feel like i've had the most success in my quest of self when i am just in synch with myself through acceptance. acceptance of being what i want to be and doing what i want to do, whenever it comes to me. and i think it's also to important to remember that you aren't always gonna have insightful collected deep thoughs. sometimes your in limbo. sometimes you just are, sometimes you're filled with emotion and sometimes you're not. we're always in different states of mind.

Also it's really important to remember what i believe Blink said that being that you are always changing, you're constantly gonna be searching for yourself becuase you're no longer the person you once were. you've just evolved into a different one. and here is where you have to accept things. accept the fact that you don't know cuase it's ok and you don't have to know. laugh at it. stare and the sky or a blade of grass and fascinate yourself with simple things. try deep breathing exercises and put yourself in deep state of relaxation and drinking LOTS of water. rediscover the things that inspire you and exist in those moments of inspiration as long as you can.

These are things i always try to do when i wanna feel myself.unfortunately i feel like this has lead to a great deal of social isolation. BUT i feel better doing it. aware of myself rather than not aware.

One more thing i'd like to comment on is what OrganicDomino said about his job and how he realized that his fears were of his own devising. I've totally felt that before. In october i took some san pedro an mushrooms a week later during those two trips i realizedthat things in my life are attached to emotion such as people, places, objects. and when i though about the ones that made me sad i envisioned ... a road in the cosmos of my brain if you will, that's the only way i can escribe it. it was a road that lead one object to an emotion, in this case sadness. i then realized that i had the power to make that road disappear and let it lead to any other emotion. it was the most intense realization of the power i had over my mind, becuase i realized that i creat everything, my mind creates everything therefore i have control over it. or at least my perceptions of it.


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: notapillow]
    #5323663 - 02/21/06 11:10 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

notapillow said:
dont worry robot. it will all become clear in time. i also find that looking for answers during the trip will often lead you back to where you started. alot of questions i had where answered as a result of my trip last sunday. and the weird this is i never even asked the questions. i remember walking to the cliffs overlooking this beach and i was standing right on the edge looking out over the pacific ocean with the clear night sky above. and the sky started raining colors, i could see the web or rainbow energy linking this world to every other star in on the horizon. and at that moment i understood everything. or rather i knew where i fit into that web. time became nothing. i could speed it up and see the cliffs melting into the water. my part in this world is simple. i came to the conclusion that people often dramaticly overthink there place in the universe. all you have to do, is live sleep and die. and if our luky you will get to see somthing like that inbetween :smile:




this is a point of view i tend to adopt, and i had a similar experience last time i took LSD, about 2 weeks ago (though i wish i could've had an ocean to look at! wow!) when the come up started making itself known, i felt heavy and uncomfortable..my roommate said he felt the same way and wanted to go for a walk..our feelings paralleled eachother the entire night. right away we felt as though we were running from something..trying to escape something we couldn't explain. so we ended up hiking up this mountain on the edge of town as the sun went down. when we got near the top, we hiked off the trail and found a place to sit down. i leaned back and watched the stars shine and the night sky was filled with swirling colors. it became day and night countless times, and when i sat up and looked down on the valley, our town, all the moving cars and lights seemed to combine into one fluid motion. then on the horizion i saw this green glow, right where the sky met the ground on all sides, and had the feeling of being lifted from this side of consciousness...the changing of day and night started happening faster, the fluid motion in the valley became quicker and more connected, the stars swirled, i melted into the mountain we were sitting on, watched seasons change, years pass, trees die and grow, i watched my closest friends in my mind as they aged...then all of a sudden it stopped. we were still on the mountain, still looking down on the valley, but i was suddenly very aware that i was with my roommate/best friend and we were there and had both just experienced something. we looked at eachother and said "what the hell was that?", helped eachother up and hiked back down into town, feeling like we had just conquered every fear that our souls held and shed our insecurities and doubts. the rest of the trip was great, we saw some music, walked around, laughed, and had some very meaningful conversations. anyway, sorry for the long post....the point is, that question (who am i? why are we here?, etc), that "something" we are all searching for..is ultimately unknowable in this life. realizing that we are all part of a much bigger picture, and thinking not only why am i here, but why am i where i am in the world?, why do i know the people i do?..what is the meaning of our connections?...life is easy. asking these questions is hard. think about all the millions of decisions in your life that could have taken you down a different path..why is this the reality that unfolds and not another one? these are the questions i tend to get mixed up with, tripping or not. it's a heavy mind load...
:grin:


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Hendostan]
    #5323832 - 02/21/06 12:12 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Robot, hehehe fun stuff eh?

One of my most fun things to do is get someone else's opinion on ... anything.  I never want to be a closed minded ignorant person.  so for years I would "gather" all of this alternative thoughts and opinions of others.  However, ...I just kept gathering until I was asking the same question you are.  Thinking toooo broadly.

Finally, I had an epiphany... vacuuming.  Well if I want to know who I am, then I need to define it.  What do I think (for myself after gathering info), about X.  And started to make DECISIONS about who I was.  Then it all fell into place.

I had a horrible guilt issue.  My therapist said "You have nothing to feel guilty about, unless you are compromising your own morals."  and I then thought.. What are my morals?  I used to know, because they were defined by my parents and those I was "gathering" from.  I needed to DECIDE who I was, by my own intellect and emotions.

I always thought getting older and wiser just happens, but just like vacuuming you have a process of deliberate action.

They other key to this for me was to realize and ACCEPT that who I am today may not be who I am tomorrow, because we will become many different people through our life that builds on who I am now.

:heart: :heart: :heart:


--------------------
"Everything that limits us, we have to put aside."  Jonathan Livingston Seagull


Edited by annielicious (02/21/06 12:16 PM)


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InvisibleCherryBomM
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: annielicious]
    #5323839 - 02/21/06 12:15 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

...now, to me, that sounds like some great advice.  I'm a gatherer, too.  I don't speak up that often, but you can be sure that I am listening and observing.  Sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out where I stand.  Maybe I don't stand anywhere.  Should I?

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice...(Rush)

My gathering of information is a vast safe.  It comes in handy more often then not.  :heart:


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323900 - 02/21/06 12:35 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

There is no self. You are but a manifestation of something greater, as are we all.


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5323906 - 02/21/06 12:38 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah that's well and great and all but in the meantime, down here on earth, where I have a job and relationships and shit in my ass and food to put in my throat, there are many aspects of ME that do exist outside the one-ness that is everything. If you go through life saying to yourself "I am but one version of the eternal overmind manifesting itself in this realm of existence" it may help your mindset, but it's not going to ease everyone's anxiety about selfhood.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5323916 - 02/21/06 12:41 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

In the words of John Lennon, "Let it be."


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InvisibleCherryBomM
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5323919 - 02/21/06 12:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

:lol:

If only it were that easy.


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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5323921 - 02/21/06 12:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

^^^^might actually be a good song to play when you have the kind of trip you're describing.


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: CherryBom]
    #5323925 - 02/21/06 12:43 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

CherryBom said:
:lol:

If only it were that easy.



It is.


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5323939 - 02/21/06 12:45 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah but it takes a lot of time and practice and unlearning. It's very rare for someone to wake up one day and suddenly experience Satori or Nirvana, at least AFAIK.


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: dblaney]
    #5324273 - 02/21/06 02:26 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Moments of Satori have eluded me for far too long now.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5324300 - 02/21/06 02:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

If you put in the effort, it will come. :wink:


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: dblaney]
    #5324303 - 02/21/06 02:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Or, if I simply go with the flow...it will come...:crazy2:

SidenotE: I'd like some DMT.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #5324313 - 02/21/06 02:33 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

DMT...I've never had a breakthrough with it, I think the extraction was done poorly. From what I've read though...wow!

And yeah, flowing = key!


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: dblaney]
    #5324316 - 02/21/06 02:34 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

dblaney said:
If you put in the effort, it will come. :wink:



It doesn't involve effort.  It involves letting go.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5324319 - 02/21/06 02:35 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It involves a little of both...life without effort, will just pass you by.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibledblaney
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Re: I'm sick of the "Who Am I?" trip. [Re: Silversoul]
    #5324328 - 02/21/06 02:38 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

That's just semantics...I would say that for most people, letting go is not an easy thing to do, and it requires action (to break out of their normal patterns) to achieve fully. Thus it requires effort.

I do see what you are saying though, and indeed once achieved it will be clear that there was never any effort involved.


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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