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InvisibleThin White Duke
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
Loc: Flag
My life is a mess
    #5314289 - 02/18/06 06:52 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I want to sort it out, but I just don't have it in me.

My tutor was talking about some of his friends having awful dead-end jobs, and it's just frightened the fuck out of me.

I am far too lazy. I - KNOW - I am messing up my chances of passing college this year, but I just don't have it in me to do anything about it. EVERY lesson I sit down, say to myself 'Ok, do some work this time, you are way behind', but I just end up surfing the internet wasting time. I already fucked up back in school, getting awful grades when my friends all passed with flying colours. I'm paying for it now. I'm gonna be stuck here whilst they are all in university next year.

It's been a problem my entire life. My school teachers and college tutors have ALWAYS said I have big potential, but I just waste it.

I don't have a clue what I would do if I failed college. Try to get a job at some craphole maybe. That's not what I want to end up doing.

My personal attitude and social skills STINK. I do not feel comfortable talking to other people unless I am drunk. I spend all day on a fucking computer. At college, and as soon as I get home til when I go to bed.

I'm just sitting here wasting my life away, fucking up my chances for a decent future, and I feel powerless to do anything about it.

I WANT to do something about it, but I just can't. I just don't have the wilpower/energy/whatever.

I have thought about suicide lately, but that is something I would not like to put my loved ones through. They don't deserve that.

I know some of you will say 'Get out there and try new things' etc etc, but this just relates to the whole point of this thread. I CAN'T. I have ZERO motivation.

It pains me to say this. but I need help.




Edited by Phumfeinz (02/18/06 06:59 PM)


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5314299 - 02/18/06 06:57 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

forget the loved ones, that's not something you should put yourself through.

go smoke a huge huge dose of salvia and really think about what dying prematurely would do to your consciousness, becuase consciousness DOES persist during and after death.

maybe school isn't for you or maybe it's a valuable lesson in place to teach you about will-power, I don't know, but I have similar difficulties in getting on top of things.

it doesn't hurt my grades though usually.

Just find your will. You have a will to do something, you just need to nurture it. Maybe go do like a ton of situps until you feel like passing out and use the exercize buzz to pump yourself up and be like "yeah, i'm invincible!" and stuff and then set out trying to be a more willful person.

inactivity cripples the will and exercise can really remedy it.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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OfflineCherk
Fashionable
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5314319 - 02/18/06 07:06 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Maybe it's time you discover who you really are? You have the ability to create whatever life you want for yourself, you just need to find the energy. And maybe finding the energy requires being a bum for a few months straight until you really really want to change.


--------------------
I have considered such matters.

SIKE


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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Cherk]
    #5314868 - 02/18/06 10:33 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I want to sort it out, but I just don't have it in me.




I dont know ... what to say.. its your own life

Quote:

I know some of you will say 'Get out there and try new things' etc etc, but this just relates to the whole point of this thread. I CAN'T. I have ZERO motivation



HMMmmmm If you cant do anything how do you expect any of us to help you.
I mean, yea, you need to experience something like salvia, a near death experience..., or something close to realize how much good there is in front of you, to [size=3]APPRECIATE[/size] your life


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play



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Offlinerobmac9090
typical tadpole

Registered: 08/09/05
Posts: 81
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
Re: My life is a mess [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #5314899 - 02/18/06 10:44 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Man, I know how you feel. I can't seem to find anything/anyone that really 'connects' with me. I sit around alot, usually watching tv or on the computer doing something pointless and useless. In the past, I would have no problem putting a bullet in my head had it not been for the fear of embarrassing my family. It's not like anything is terribly wrong or difficult about life, it's just so damn boring and pointless.

I think I may have seen the light however. I know it sounds corny, but every evening I'll write out my goals for the next day. Today, I did 3/6 goals, but I spent extra time doing one of them which I do not regret, so I'm satisfied. It really forces me to evaluate the day, see where I went wrong. Normally I fuck up sitting around watching some bullshit on tv (seriously, watching curling at 2am is POINTLESS lol).

Anyways, I also have a backup plan...if I get so depressed that I feel like killing myself, I'm selling my car and buying a one way ticket to Jamaica. If I can't be happy in the sun and warmth all day, I probably wont ever be happy.


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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: robmac9090]
    #5315748 - 02/19/06 07:47 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

THats a nice idea, but usually they dont let you just come be a bum in their country in the carribean (think about how many people would be doing that now)


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play



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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #5316017 - 02/19/06 10:25 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/5312984/an/0/page/0

I think this would work for you. Your problem lies in the dogma that you have embraced that you truely can't do something. The best way to fix it is to in turn embrace the dogma that you can do something.

Repeat the affirmation aloud for a very very long time, and it is almost like a meditation, eventually your mind is saturated with the notion that you CAN and the next time you want to do something, you'll have the knowledge that you can do it outweighing the knowledge that you can't.

It makes for a relaxing routine right before going to bed. Think about what you want to achieve and say it for like an hour straight, pay direct attention to any thoughts that come up on the issue that are relevant, as they give insight into why you believe you can't.

So for exmaple I may say "I am motivated to live my life happily."
also pay very close attention to any time your brain changes what you are saying via "freudian slip" like it changes a word around, use that word, you can let your brain change what you're saying until it sounds like you're speaking another language.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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Offlinedaimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
Last seen: 12 years, 18 hours
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5316380 - 02/19/06 12:40 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

If you do drugs, stop.  That will be the number one motivation booster once you overcome the mental lock they put on you.

If you don't do drugs, look into why you can't function normally in society.  Are you so ashamed of who you are you're embarassed?  Do you have a disorder and need some counseling?  Are you too addicted to the fantasy life the computer brings you to get out like a normal person?

Shit, maybe you need to eat 5 or 6 grams of cubes and lay in a dark room with a blunt or two :shrug:


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."


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Offlinemrsautoman
Don't DriveAngry
Female User Gallery

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 166
Loc: Dirty South
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: daimyo]
    #5316470 - 02/19/06 01:27 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

daimyo said:
If you do drugs, stop.

If you don't do drugs...




Start! (I like this advice).

I was gonna try and think up something inspirational to say. But I really can't.

So instead of inspiration, here's some empathy.

More often then not these days I feel a weight on me I cannot define or fight. I see the choices laid out ahead of me. I have a plan of action set in place. And then I sit down at start watching tv/reading a book/playing on the computer/staring at a wall and nothing ever happens.

Why don't I have more discipline?
Why don't I have more energy?
Why am I placated by 'less'?
Why do I allow my desire for instant gratification to destroy my chances for long-term satisfaction?
Why am I making this post right now instead of doing the dishes?

I'm going to sit here and think about it for a while.


--------------------

~I was born of a voice untimely,
the so-called echo of a man's ordure~


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OfflineVulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
Loc: SC
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: mrsautoman]
    #5316725 - 02/19/06 02:55 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

dont feel bad man...look at me

still heartbroken over the only one i ever truly loved

failed college cause of lazyness/potheadedness

moved out of the house...got evicted...moving in w/ gf...broke up now back a rents

i work in the kitchen at the bar

and i have no license from a DUI

i pay the governemnt $100 a month for probation in Georgia on a DUI of Marijuana i got while high on acid comoing home from a dead show and im supposed to do community service which i constantly put off.

but lets look at the bright side. I have a loving family & friends....all the things that really matter are right in my life...cept for the whole love thing. I dont pay rent...i get free food....free beer....goot pot....the occasional mushroom trip...and some video games to play....internet...all the music i could ever want....so im all good.


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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Offlinegluke bastid
Stinky Bum
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5317551 - 02/19/06 07:32 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Do you not have it in you to change?

Or are you unwilling to do the work that you need to do in order to change because it is to hard?

Instead of directing all the anger at yourself, direct it at your problems. Use the aggression you use to beat yourself up, and use it instead to beat up your problems. Wake up every day and do push ups and sit ups. Sit down and write down what you want. Get rid of your TV, your computer or any other distractions. FUCK EM.

Turn it around, switch modes. Don't argue with me. Just fucking do it and do it right now, and don't listen to that crappy voice that tells you that you can't. I know that voice. I have to tell him to go fuck himself dozens of times a day. Its a good habit to get into.


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
 
- Thomas Paine


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Female User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan Flag
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5318463 - 02/20/06 12:58 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Get rid of the computer till you get your grades up.

Just disconnect it. That's what I did, and it worked.


--------------------




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Invisiblekoppie
astral projectile
Male

Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 2,653
Loc: cloud hidden
Re: My life is a mess [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #5318744 - 02/20/06 06:00 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

My personal attitude and social skills STINK. I do not feel comfortable talking to other people unless I am drunk.

I used to have that problem, the remedy for me was to get one of those "shitty dead end jobs" in a store. This forces you to talk to strangers all day both in person and on the phone and after a couple of months you don't give a shit anymore about who you have in front of you and you are able to talk to anybody.
These jobs aren't anything to be frightened about or to look down upon. They are only dead end jobs if you allow yourself to stay in them, and they are only shitty if your attitude towards them is shitty. Even if you have to clean toilets, take pride in having the cleanest toilets in the country. Not for your boss or for your customers but for your own sense of self worth.
Just be frugal and make sure to save enough money (say a couple of months worth of wages) so you have the means to get out when the job really gets too much. In the end experiencing these shitty jobs first hand is the best motivation to find something better.


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