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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Where do these feelings come from?
    #5313248 - 02/18/06 12:23 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I have this problem that has been going on for as long as i can remember: Whenever i meet someone, i automatically try not to show any interest in them whatsoever. It's like this feeling that i'm too good for them and they have to prove themself to be valuable to me for me to admit that they interest me as person. If they don't show that they are interested in me first, i distrust them completely and will act aloof and distant, even if they really interest me. I'm talking about both guys and girls here. This tends to leave me with very few friends since it takes me months of knowing someone before i can begin to consider them a friend. Basically i'm really paranoid that once i get to know someone they will reject me.

I'm also very paranoid that once i've become good friends with someone, that if i don't act how they expect me to act, they're going to stop hanging around me. I know that no friendship lasts forever, and i end up thinking constantly what i can do to keep this person as my friend, rather than simply enjoying their company.

How can i overcome these feelings?


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: moog]
    #5318416 - 02/20/06 12:30 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Maybe you are afraid of what they will think of you for showing emotion.

I have no psychobabble advice. What I know is: Your intentions in the conversation matter. Just focus and keep yourself open to their ideas. Relax and participate. Don't forget yourself, but put them first.

It may seem akward at first. That's usually how it goes. Just realize that if you try, good things will happen. Just keep it real and don't go way off the tracks. You need to build a repore. Some people can handle anything, but I feel that most people need to make a tapestry with you. You need to work together on the same project. At first it is more general ideas, but as your project develops, it will become more complex so the possibilities open up.

I know that it feels weird to lay yourself bare, but it's cool when you can find a connection.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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OfflineMitchnast
Toadmonger
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Registered: 10/27/99
Posts: 8,656
Loc: Okanagan Flag
Last seen: 16 days, 12 hours
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5320136 - 02/20/06 02:21 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

heh, i get that too. but only when im high,
im thinking of one poopr bastard who has onlymet me twice and i was high both times, he must think im such a prick since i dont even make eye contact with him.
heres the insanity of it, its so bad that if he says something to the group and i have the answer, i will address the person nearest to him, and if i try to speak directly to him, my eyes will avert passed him to the next person over.
yah, theres something really wrong with my head, but its ONLY if i smoke pot.

one of these days im gonna have to be the only one in the group to abstain.


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OfflineGliders
Oh, hello!

Registered: 08/29/05
Posts: 284
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: moog]
    #5321810 - 02/20/06 09:14 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I've consciously developed that ability over the years. Reason why? Because many people are like boogers that you can't flick off your fingers, and you never know who those folks are till it's too late. Better to observe them first. Remember, making friends is easy. Getting rid of people is hard.


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5321816 - 02/20/06 09:15 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It's more than that, though. I often don't even see any value in starting or participating in any conversations. I often rationalize it something like, "If i talk to this person we could become friends, but after a few weeks or months or years we probably won't be friends anymore, so in the end what would i get out of it? Nothing. So there's no point in starting anything at all." It's like i rationalize the result before anything even happens.

I've also been reading around and i have all the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder. Usually I would just rather totally avoid and ignore people than to deal with the negative aspects of social interaction. It's so bad sometimes it's ridiculous. There have been times where i've been walking down the street and a person would try to stop me to ask for something, and i would just pretend they weren't there and would just ignore them and not react to them whatsoever, even after they call me out several times. That is just plain fucked up and not normal, i know.

There are other times when i become so desperate for attention that i'll try to make eye contact with everyone in a public place. I'll stare people down until they look at me. But most people tend to sense my obnoxious desperation and ignore me, which just reinforces my desire to ignore and avoid them.

I really don't know what to do. I'm really distrustful of psychiatry but i'm seriously considering seeing a psycho-therapist. Can anyone here relate or am i some sort of sociopath?


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OfflineGliders
Oh, hello!

Registered: 08/29/05
Posts: 284
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: moog]
    #5321845 - 02/20/06 09:20 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

No, I don't believe that's sociopathy. Sounds like it could be a mild form of Austism known as Asperger's Syndrome. There are a host of criteria besides difficulties with socialization. Do a google search and see if the info you find matches you.


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: Gliders]
    #5321896 - 02/20/06 09:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for the replies Gilders. I don't think it's Asperger's syndrome though. I'm pretty familiar with the symptoms of autism, and, although i did think it might have been that for a while, i'm certain that's not it. I don't have a problem being social, it's just that i have a problem being social with people i don't know, and thus don't trust.

Found this article just now and it describes me to a T: http://open-mind.org/SP/Articles/1c.htm


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Invisibletoad857
President of theUnited States

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 283
Re: Where do these feelings come from? [Re: moog]
    #5322033 - 02/20/06 10:02 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i do the same sometimes--especially with women. the ol' playing hard to get routine (it never really works).

how to stop? discipline my friend! that's how any difficult change happens. the best you can do is correct yourself when you catch yourself in the act.

you can change anything about yourself, although it may take time. patience is a virtue.


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