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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic
    #5288118 - 02/11/06 08:45 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I went to hell.

I was at a party watching the last 4 episodes of Arrested development and a pipe is passed around. I hit it up but I've never used one of those real small spoon like pipes before and probably take like 3 or so hits on accident.

Well I'm like, that's fine, i'll be a bit stoned.

Well this shit is the most powerful bud I have ever had... ever. So kudos to the mod, it was such a clean high and everything.

But I proceeded to go to HELL for the next 2-3 hours. I mean it. My mind went to hell.

What happened was the television took complete control of mind and I went schizophrenic, for real... I went there. Each and every single entire thought I had was synched to that television.

I first started contemplating the most horrible acts of human suffering I could possibly imagine and how anyone who has to endure them would be stuck in ETERNAL thoughts because they just cannot deal with what is happening and they'd be thrust into a mental hell where what they were experiencing never ended.

It was so terrible I mean. I lived it out. I didn't feel it, but I felt the fear and was in the thoughtstate associated with it.

I prayed to each and every deity I knew, jesus the most. I tried to make sense of what I could do to just live a peaceful life where I wouldn't wind up in hell, because I was convinced I was going straight there.

And the TV man... the TV reaffirmed all this. I was TRIPPING on the background ambient music of the television, I'd hear it in the walls..... I could HEAR people's "thoughts" when they were interacting with their dog....... when someone was talking on a cell phone I could hear the entire conversation in the back of my mind and I became immersed it in without understanding much of it at all. I could hear them, and I could hear the person on the end they were talking to as clear as day.

Some fucking commercial came on with these Buddhist monks going "Ahhhhhhh" but it was misleading and deceptive and evil, because someone was pulled over by a cop and it was freaking me out. I trusted the  "Ah" sound because it gave me something to focus on, but basically this commercial told me that I was to be arrested if I drove that night. But the thing is information came in waves where by the time I saw the commercial at the end of the night, I realized the guy was just getting a warning, and it was a parody, the cop wanted his tight car and it was just a car sales commercial.

Then as I was truely descending into hell this girl gets a really really bad phone call right as I'm freaking out the most. Now I have to stress how absolutely SYNCHRONIZED everything was, in my head, this was 100% real to me, and every single that was going on was related to me, I was a medium for all these people, the television, and their dog.

So she gets a bad phone call.... someone was in an accident and they didn't know if he was going to die or not. Well okay, remember that I'm in hell? Well I start thinking, probably  humans never really die because they can't handle the stress of it, they just suddenly find their mental contents collapsing as they slip into a dreamstate and eventually dream about how they died.

I thought, this guy on the phone..... it was me. I was not CONNECTED to ANY human being the whole time, and I just looked at them as they were worried and it seemed like they were talking about me. But then they dropped the name, right, it wasn't me.

So I was like.... fuck. If this guy winds up dead, I am going to die.... I really hope this guy is okay. It turns out he was okay but it took a while to find it.

So while this is happening..... the television is sort of communicating with me about stuff..... relating to me dying.... through Arrested Development... like there are some things they say that indicated to me that I was fucked, but they also gave me a way to save myself.

Prior to getting high when I was on campus I saw a Free-ride table set up... and while I was really tripped out on this a commercial came on for a television show called free-ride.

I believed 100% that all television shows are created to reflect our internal states. It's called Arrested Development because I'm scared as hell of cops and the show was showing me how my karma was that maybe I could get arrested.... and like when the characters said things like "you're going to prison" it was so scary :frown: I could not tolerate the least bit of non-love on television... if something violent had come on I would have flipped man......

I was beyond normal sensory communication. I was rediscovering communication. I thought to myself, okay you know what, you're just learning in a language different than yours, this doesn't have to be bad.

and that's when Onyong showed up and he was speaking foreign languages to them.

But man time went on for eternity me sitting in my chair wondering if I'm dead and in hell. THIS is what happens when you die, this is what happens when you are an infant and are being born.

The fraitly of human existence is horrifying, but even moreso is the concepts of hell and the suffering that all beings can go through.

What do I do? Do I become a Christian, a Buddhist? Well I think Christianity and Buddhism work together, but that's neither here or there.

They hold a fucking raffle. They suddenly say to me "Hey what's your name?" and then they all say my name at once as they remember it. In my mind, if I win this raffle, I'm going to fucking die! And guess who wins it? I do. I knew I would. I won it. So how do I get home? How do I live? I thought to myself, man, you HAVE to be a warrior and just go drive home, being stoned isn't like being drunk. But I was tripping balls like I'd never tripped before on any other drug.

No way I could go.

Then.

I relive the first episode we watched of Arrested Development all over again, it's confusing as fuck as to why this is happening.

Then, we watch the news. Some girl there is actually wanting to get attached to their fear mongering bullshit. And this was some constructive emotion I felt. I learned it's okay to kill for survival, because you're a human....... but I also realized that because you're a human you have to try your damndest to never harm another living being, because you WANT to stay separated from survival and animalistic chaos.

This lead to some bad dreams where a snake was eating my heart tonight :/

but yeah so basically I was trying to get a willpower going... the news had this most fucking STUPID segment I'd ever heard of called "kid Killers" all they did was tell you about all the ways your children are in danger of dying.

Some say the end is near.
fucking learn to swim man!

So I had to deal with this... what is Tool? Well the only acceptable answer to my ego is that Tool is a Tool. They aren't God, the devil, or boddhisatvas.... but they're working on being enlightened and helping people.

So I had to learn to fucking swim through all this bullshit. And guess what..... Buster in Arrested development had to face his two biggest fears.... first of all, he fell into the water and had to swim. And second of all, a seal confronted him.

The way Arrested Development was edited was like it was made soley for people tripping or crazy to hear... because he'd do these voiceovers where he'd keep reminding you of certain things, one of them being Buster facing his "second biggest fear." and stuff like that.

So I don't know man. Then David Cross came on comedy central... some guy was about to leave so I asked him for a ride..... he was more than fine with giving me one. And I finally started talking. I tried to tell them how hard I was tripping... how the television was in my head.... and I had never been this high and right as I said it... David Cross said "Have you ever been, really..... really high?" and I was like "see look at that shit!" and they kind of laughed and looked at me a little weird.

Man it was so out there, and horrible.

I guess what Waking Life says sticks with me.... "In hell you fall to your lack of love, in heaven you rise to your levels of love." and I don't have love. I was sitting there dying inside, eternally dying, integrating all thoughts I've ever had about hell and contemplating against my will the notions of human suffering, and they were just sitting there making fun of the news and shit.

The only one that was there for me was their dog.... I realized how dogs noses work. They come to sniff you impersonally beause they want to know how intimate you will let them get.... if you don't fight them off they aren't going to molest your crotch, its just a ruse to see if you are open to them. And wherever their nose first goes can also indicate like where you have bad energy and stuff.

So I pet the dog a lot. Only one of the dogs really wanted to see me though. And it kind of makes me want to cry. I don't want people to have to be dogs, or animals, or in hell...... because I look at dogs and I see like, they are people exactly the same as us, just trapped in a less cognitively free body where they don't have comfort of having a peaceful moment.

The ego is here to keep you comfortable, that's both good and bad, but by and large we NEED the ego to function as sane beings.....

Man I don't know.

So I got home okay and I have to go find my car.........

this was so fucked up. I mean really, really, fucked up. I thought they had put LSD in my drink for a few seconds before being rational and saying that's a delusion if I'd ever heard one, but then I looked at the blinds and they were a huge glowing sheet of acid and I was like "then why do they have acid on their walls?" and I was like "wait no that's not acid... is it? it's just blinds...."

fucking man....

I was so tripping so badly. I don't know what to make of it in particular because it shows me that this is all MY fear... this was MY shadow... weed shows you to yourself and shows you what you have internazlied, and I have become fucking crazy and terrified and have let society take power over my mind through television.

But man television is either Satan or God or both..... I don't..... like what happened.... at all....

All I need is to just sit down with those humans. Hold their hands, and look into their eyes, and have a good conversation with them with the televisin and all music and noise off.

So that we can all float down the stream til we're back on the ground..... because..... I was alone, and humans aren't supposed to be alone, that's why they live in families and societies.

But TV is trying to send you to hell! Everything about it is fucking... hell. .... and I don't know....

man.

Can anyone help me out? has anyone been here? This isn't just tripping I mean it's like schziophrenia or something because every single entire thought I had was at the whim of the telly, my thoughts dictated what would be on the telly and the telly in turn reinforced my thoughts and dictated what I would think next.

ugh ugh ugh.

I'm not unglad I did it since I lived and really, I must have burned up some bad karma right? But what if smoking weed sends you to hell?

I mean if i EVER EVER smoke again I have to smoke like I did like that, so it's a trip, so I can use it spiritually, and so that I only use it a few times a month if even that.

WEED IS NOT RECREATIONAL....

my god no.

I understand why the Buddhists abstain from intoxicants man. I don't know what to do though, I really want a religion to follow so that all the bad parts of dying are taken away from me and I can jsut rest in faith and love and make it through.

If you die with fear you go to hell. It's not like, not like the religions are real so much in a literal sense, but they are tuaght to you as a child so that your fear is taken away and so that when you die you can let your fear melt away and at the very least stay  human if not transcend.

and so in that light, Buddhism is in alignment with my ego and rational self, and Jesus is embedded in my inner child. But you know aLl the praying I did was just not helping.

I remembered when some preacher said you have to admit you beleive in Jesus in front of at least 3 people to be saved. But I was too afraid to speak up and unsure if I believed or not.

And then this crazy preacher that comes on campus says you have to SCREAM to God or he won't ever hear you.

I didn't do that either.

But all this is soley because I'm trying to pacify fear..... pacifying fear is not really a good hting to be doing... I want to rather just find a religion that is truely so beautiful that beliving in it is not a way to pacify, but rather to truely enlighten.

Which is why I want a soulmate so bad. I think if I just found ONE person to love and let me express myself without censorship to until we share our souls completely... that I would make it through all this. I also likewise need to love myself.

So that's one thing I really took away from while high, I need just one person to truely love.

But also...................

This fear. My God. the suffering. Why do I deserve a comfortable life? Is it even real? Are we all in hell right now and that's why this nationis overcoming us with fear? I mean, it's..... no answers, just fear.

Can anyone help?

I think without proper confidants we destroy ourselves internally because we do not have anywhere to release or understand our emotions.

This makes me sad. I have to live and figure out what life is.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/11/06 08:56 AM)


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OfflineGliders
Oh, hello!

Registered: 08/29/05
Posts: 284
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288195 - 02/11/06 09:25 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Wow. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. I've been there, which is why I don't enjoy weed at all. I like the insight you had about how it shows you what you've internalized. You may be on to something there.

And regarding what we have internalized as a people, I think you're absolutely right to be suspicious of TV. It has the potential to be a huge mind-control device, and I think much of it is. It pacifies us, keeps us asleep, and tells us how to be, act, and think. I don't think I could ever sit down and watch it while tripping, because being faced with the sad reality of our society and how far we've fallen would be too much to a tripping mind.

That's not to say everything on TV is like that, but you can bet most network television is controlled to the nth degree.

Now, back to what you experienced: you mentioned that the ego is here to make us comfortable, and that you felt sorry for dogs. I suspect you should rethink that and put it the other way around. Perhaps dogs can give as they do because their egos are not in the way, and our egos are what feel the fear. Fear (as you saw) is what keeps you apart from other people, and keeps you from dwelling in love. That's why TV is such a fear-mongering device: they know if they can separate us through fear, they can control us.

Other than that, I don't know what to tell you, but I would suggest NOT watching TV as much, now that you've seen the truth. If you do watch it, watch it sober, and look at it critically to see what it's trying to tell you about yourself and who you are. Because that's what it's doing-- attempting to define who you are to yourself.


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Invisiblegiz
daydreamer
Male

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 651
Loc: EU
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288201 - 02/11/06 09:27 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i hvae tried to figure out what advice to give you but i dont know. have you suffered from anxiety or depression before? have you been under medication? or any mental illness on yourself or in your family.? I hvae seen 2 people before getting a psycosis on cannabis and if this happens you should fpr sure be careful with any psycadelic\psycoactive substances either its cannabis or its mushrooms for a while. If you go over time with these thoughts you describe , then you should go to a psycatrist. This seems to me like a temporary psycosis wich you have problems with afterwards to understand and intergrate in your life wich is no wonder, a psycosis is a serious thing.. i dont think you are about to be schizoprenic but I wish you all the best. Try to think positive and keep your head up.


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InvisibleDarkcloud
‮tiwkcuFtsilihiN
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Registered: 04/06/03
Posts: 1,331
Loc: USA
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288243 - 02/11/06 09:52 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Yes, I've had that happen before...several times.

It's basically a period right before a specific type of ego-loss. It's the type where you are pushed to release your ego by being crushed with negative thoughts. However, you didn't let go, so that's why it stuck with you. I'm positive of this.

Usually, this time of ego-loss doesn't occur with just any time of Cannabis. But with a strong Sativa, it definitely can happen.


--------------------
:poison: :poison: :poison:


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Offlinebeatnicknick
The Innovator
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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 1,074
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: Gliders]
    #5288246 - 02/11/06 09:53 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Gliders said:

And regarding what we have internalized as a people, I think you're absolutely right to be suspicious of TV. It has the potential to be a huge mind-control device, and I think much of it is. It pacifies us, keeps us asleep, and tells us how to be, act, and think. I don't think I could ever sit down and watch it while tripping, because being faced with the sad reality of our society and how far we've fallen would be too much to a tripping mind.





Right on, you're dead correct. It does tell us how to be, act, and think, because people stay inside and watch TV more than they go outside and be with the community. I wish things could go back to the way things were without TV, I think TV has an influence over soceity that makes us a lot colder. I mean if you see thats how people act on TV it seems thats the way things just really are and thats how humans interact. Kids start watching shows with older people in them and they begin to see how to act as they grow older, and, well, colder. If only the influence was gone, the love would be restored. Sure theres other influences, but TV is the most direct and the most watched. Video games are fictional and aren't based on reality, and the internet seems to be a counter to television as people can see how real people interact, just like me and you are right now.

Society used to be so helpful to one another, so much more loving. I quote that song by Handsome Boy Modeling School:
"The wooooooooorld's gone mad...
We've lost the love we had.
The woooooooorld's gone bad...
We've lost the love we had...."
The songs refering to the now most popular music GANGSTA RAP but you could look at it the same way with TV. What happened to "All you need is love, love, love is all you need."?

Sorry to go off a little bit, but what you said just triggered something in me I had to get out. Maybe I'll make a topic about this.


--------------------
I don't think for myself. I think as though I'm explaining my thoughts to someone else. I'm concerned only for those listening.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: Gliders]
    #5288250 - 02/11/06 09:55 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

giz said:
i hvae tried to figure out what advice to give you but i dont know. have you suffered from anxiety or depression before? have you been under medication? or any mental illness on yourself or in your family.?  I hvae seen 2 people before getting a psycosis on cannabis and if this happens you should fpr sure be careful with any psycadelic\psycoactive substances either its cannabis or its mushrooms for a while. If you go over time with these thoughts you describe , then you should go to a psycatrist. This seems to me like a temporary psycosis wich you have problems with afterwards to understand and intergrate in your life wich is no wonder, a psycosis is a serious thing.. i dont think you are about to be schizoprenic but I wish you all the best. Try to think positive and keep your head up.



I'm really okay and everything I mean, I knew it was the drugs, I just couldn't get the "psychosis" (and it was one, wasn't it?) away?

But you know what, the problem with "psychosis" is you believe the psychosis, what is the difference between me communing with the teleivsion and Mohammed communing with God? Except that the television is probably a far cry from God.

I don't know man. I'm fine really, I mean it's definitely going to impact me a lot and teach me respect for weed. I kind of really want to consume that much again because...... well, it was so profoundly ground-shaking. But certainly not for a while. Maybe not ever.

I don't know. I go to counseling some time but if I tell my counselor about this she may report me (because she may think I'm a threat to myself) and I don't want to be arrested, institutionalized, or medicated.

I'm too obssessed with Tool but it's starting to make sense. Marijuana is sort of an enema....... and while I was experiencing this stuff I realized the connection between enema and anima via their title AEnima and I tried to find my female side, I did.... but I couldn't hold onto it.

I guess really my distinction is that cannabis is more prone to making you delusional, taking you to hell, etc... psychedelics are more likely to let you be revitazlied with God. But I mean, there's something to be said for confronting fears.

I dunno. I don't believe in anything and all beliefs seem delusional to me, but I want to have religious security. This has created a complex where I put too much faith in musicians.
Quote:

Gliders said:
Wow.  I'm really sorry you had to go through all that.  I've been there, which is why I don't enjoy weed at all.



Have you actually had reality synch with thought so much? I mean, winning a raffle, the cell phone call..... all of it happened because I got high. Which is to say if it had happened while I was sober I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Which is to say I had a firm conviction that all such things related to me. It's hard to put it but its dumbfounding! Have you actually had THAT happen?
Quote:


And regarding what we have internalized as a people, I think you're absolutely right to be suspicious of TV.  It has the potential to be a huge mind-control device, and I think much of it is.  It pacifies us, keeps us asleep, and tells us how to be, act, and think.  I don't think I could ever sit down and watch it while tripping, because being faced with the sad reality of our society and how far we've fallen would be too much to a tripping mind.




yeah :frown: I don't know what to do because my family is attached 100% to this world and if it sent me to hell I know it's sending them there too. I don't know what to do except tell them "Look it's time to stop the indiscretion... I tripped out of my mind and I can tell you 100% that television is absolute bullshit and you are destroying your lives by watching it.

But they don't understand the psychedeli experience, would they trust me? They would worry about me and think I am delusional, and while I may be, I am not delusioned about television..... anything that can take control of your brain like that is NOT good! I mean I really got some good insights into Hitler too, I realized that we are supposed to show Hitler our love, because people like him are actually really kind of "devils" we project ALL OF OUR ENTIRE SPECTRUM OF HATE AND FEAR ONTO THEM and we send them to hell, gladfully... and guess what if you enjoy hating someone, you're going to hell for it ... not literally but I mean.

Hitler is a shadow of humanity, people like Hitler, Bush, Saddam, any polarized political figure, they are created and propogandized by the media to FIRMLY drive hate into our VERY CORE.

I saw Hitler in hell completely miserable and attempted to lift him up out of it. I don't care what he did, no one deserves hell. No one deserves what he allegedly did to the Jews either.... but why did he do it? We're all capable of it if we let the television program us into accepting everything our nation does. We're no better than he. We just don't have the opportunity to directly commit a genocide, but we are already sitting back and saying it's okay with us if one happens (just look at the fucking war on terror!)

Quote:


Now, back to what you experienced:  you mentioned that the ego is here to make us comfortable, and that you felt sorry for dogs.  I suspect you should rethink that and put it the other way around.  Perhaps dogs can give as they do because their egos are not in the way, and our egos are what feel the fear.  Fear (as you saw) is what keeps you apart from other people, and keeps you from dwelling in love.  That's why TV is such a fear-mongering device:  they know if they can separate us through fear, they can control us.



I don't know. I don't think dogs have it very well. I smelled the essence of one of the dogs, and I mean it was an uncritical things, dogs will love just about anybody, but it was also really primitive feeling like you don't want to actually be on that level.

But they are here to help us I think...... but not to say that they are better off than us. I'm not sure about that, my dog freaked out for an entire night barking at a coat because it had coyote fur on it [my mom ordered coyote fur on accident] that sounds a lot like me tripping out to the television.

I mean for all intents and purposes I was a dog..... I had the superhuman hearing (really superhuman) and I was certainly more on level with those dogs in the room than I was the humans. Dogs trip out kind of like being stoned a bit I think, but they're used to it though. So I don't know.

Its a mess. All that experience and I still feel like I'm the same person, what will I change in myself now? I want to be a vegetarian because I have deeply contemplated what it is to be destroyed by another living being and it isn't pretty. Hmm. I guess I'd have to wean myself off meat.

It feels like my family is a crucial backbone and until I am able to express myself to them, I will not be able to change myself...... it's only through being bold enough to mute the tv and tell them that news is fucking stupid that I've really helped solidify my repressed beliefs about TV, but there's so much more I need to assert.

I need a will
And here is that Maynard again.
I am my will so no longer
will I lay down
play dead
play your doe in the headlights shot down and horrified
This self destructive dance that never would have mattered till I rose, I roared (or smoked pot) aloud here.

That's what hit me. While stoned. That last line. I wouldn't be going through this if I didn't do drugs, but ..... I can use this terror to build myself into a strong willed individual, can't I? I'm second guessing myself constantly. and again, Tool influences this... i've done the math enough to know the dangers of my second guessing.

See I mean, I thought schism was about what I was going through. Because I lit the fuel, and the fire burned a hole between "us" .... and i was tripping out with fundamental differences between how I view the world and how everyone else does. And to fix it I just had to get my throat chakra working (throat chakra = communicator = rediscover communication) because my throat was COMPLETELY blocked out.

I mean completely and totally. My throat and heart chakra were dead, and probably from too much smoking, but yet this smoke session seems to have energy working better, if I don't smoke ever again for at least a month maybe they will restore properly now.

See I mean, doesn't this sound delusional? Maybe Tool just gets really high and writes their music that way so that they can communicate what is otherwise incommunicable, which is why I've become drawn to them.

I dunno. I'm going to go see my family and I'd like to tell them about this because I feel like I have a lot of wisdom I could help them with.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288260 - 02/11/06 10:03 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

beatnicknick said:

Right on, you're dead correct. It does tell us how to be, act, and think, because people stay inside and watch TV more than they go outside and be with the community.



See that's why I think we're in hell. I mean, everything in the world is fake right. How is this society different than a dream? We spend our entire lives getting mass entertainment that is not only fake, but completely repeats itself on loop over and over again. How much clearer of a sign do you need to say that "You are in hell[asleep], wake up!" I think maybe you start out at the brink of "armageddon" and reincarnate back into the past, into more pleasant times, as you become more and more enlightened and can live in peace. I dunno. That's what I thought that night. ah shit no, maybe we are about to collapse and fall back to the beginning of humanity if we don't push through with love and stabilize this world? Hmmm. Learn to swim.

Quote:

and the internet seems to be a counter to television as people can see how real people interact, just like me and you are right now.



Absolutely. We cannot let them control the internet. It is really humanities only hope if you think about it. You can't communicate about tripping with strangers, but if you post on the internet you can put all these ideas together without being persecuted. If USA had their way all information we had access to would be controlled and restricted.
Quote:


The songs refering to the now most popular music GANGSTA RAP but you could look at it the same way with TV. What happened to "All you need is love, love, love is all you need."?



I dunno I mean I think in many ways the rap is really good .... not the mainstreamed bullshit, but the intelligent well thought out stuff. It says to you, hey, society isn't right and we're not afraid to express it as we see it. But at the same time the mainstreamed rap culture is destroying people very badly.
Quote:


Sorry to go off a little bit, but what you said just triggered something in me I had to get out. Maybe I'll make a topic about this.


Please do.

I'm glad I have people to relate to. I wanted to just go up to one of them and force a conversation that night. Because when you're that high you KNOW how to "make" people pay attention to you, you are communicating from a place beyond words and you just set your pure intention forth like "I want to be open with this guy and him to be open with me" and he pretty much has to. I think. I haven't tried it.

They were nice enough to me though, they even had an alex grey poster and weren't afraid to leave their bong sitting right by the front door. If they weren't so caught up in media they might be ideal trippers perhaps. I might try and get back in contact with them.

I was really trying so hard to send that girl my understandings of how she let the knews [look at that typo, that's a really neat concept.... "knews" it's all just repeated bullshit that you already "know"] control her mind though, she was all like "I want to wait and listen to see what the story is." and I was like, that's exactly what they want from you, don't be afraid of it and don't listen to that bullshit.

I tried to send it to her but I don't think I succeeded. But the guy right next to her pretty much said generally what I was thinking and set her "straight".

Quote:

Lunatik said:
Yes, I've had that happen before...several times.

It's basically a period right before a specific type of ego-loss. It's the type where you are pushed to release your ego by being crushed with negative thoughts. However, you didn't let go, so that's why it stuck with you. I'm positive of this.

Usually, this time of ego-loss doesn't occur with just any time of Cannabis. But with a strong Sativa, it definitely can happen.



funny thing is I had a dream the day before where ground collapsed beneath me and I completely lost my ego and understood just how life was a "dream"

and I was in a strange house during part of the dream.

Well I lost my grounding but I didn't lose my ego last night. But it was directly related to the dream and I know this for certain.

also I mean this trip is related directly to two dreams I have just had:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/5285077/an/0/page/0
I didn't talk much about the DMT one in that thread but I learned something about a dog, or my dog, and it made me really sad for the dog after coming down from the "DMT" high.

My dreams are synching with reality for real. I mean even today I dreamed I was taking a bath in my parents upstairs bathroom, and that I splashed water down the "second" drain (you know the one to keep you from overfilling the tub) and I was worried it would cause a leak, because of how the plumbing is broken. But I just talked to my mom and she said my dad fixed the plumbing on that shower.

It makes me wish I could remember more of the dream, because a lot of it involved talking to my brother. His dreams synch up with reality like this too.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/11/06 10:20 AM)


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Invisiblejmg5
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288290 - 02/11/06 10:20 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Arrested development sucks, and don't blame the weed. You obviously have problems.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: jmg5]
    #5288297 - 02/11/06 10:25 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I do not appreciate that type of response. Have you ever been that high? If you have I don't see how you would be making that kind of post.

I had never smoked anything that strong in my entire life, if that counts as "blaming" weed then fine, but I find your post meaningless and completely unconstructive.

And yes, I do have problems, and the weed put me directly face to face with them.

no disrespect though, I do have problems to work through and you're more than right about that.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/11/06 11:16 AM)


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OfflineGliders
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288300 - 02/11/06 10:28 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

leery11 said:


Have you actually had reality synch with thought so much? I mean, winning a raffle, the cell phone call..... all of it happened because I got high. Which is to say if it had happened while I was sober I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Which is to say I had a firm conviction that all such things related to me. It's hard to put it but its dumbfounding! Have you actually had THAT happen?





LOL-- yes, it happens to me all the time when I'm sober. It happens so often that even other people see it happen with me. I just take synchronicity as part of life, and understand that the more you pay attention to it, the more it happens.


--------------------


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Offlineleery11
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: Gliders]
    #5288419 - 02/11/06 11:22 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Gliders said:
LOL-- yes, it happens to me all the time when I'm sober. It happens so often that even other people see it happen with me. I just take synchronicity as part of life, and understand that the more you pay attention to it, the more it happens.



Hmm see some things now and then happen to me like that sober but to spend 3 hours in synchronicity with whatever it was that I was tuned in to was a novel experience for me.

I've rationalized it as that I was projecting perhaps to a lower astral plane. And also that when we die we can go to such places depending on how our chakras are functioning.

The thing that gets to me is I want to smoke more, I even kind of half-heartedly want to smoke right now. But this makes me wonder if I'm in tune with some sort of self-destructive drive where I want to mess my lungs up and just trip out and go crazy. I feel like last night will in the long run help me sort things out, and that GOOD bud is the kind of stuff to be doing, that that plant had a better "energy" to it than mine does. But I dunno.

The other thing I'm rationalizing is that I may have ADD. I find it very hard to focus when there are distractions around, television being a prime example. I couldn't focus on meditating or anything else for the life of me, maybe this trip was showing me how much external noise fucks up my focus. Really more than anything it's just important to have SILENCE, both internal and external. I guess I had been using weed in a non-respectful way by watching cartoons while stoned too much and just using it casually....

then this gave me a good contrast, because everyone there was just using to watch the show, whereas I was merging with a much deeper realm of cannabis and realized that I should NOT be using cannabis this way, to watch tv and shut off my mind. Because I do use cannabis to watch TV and shut off my mind, to unwind and just have a good time and escape.

I dunno. I can't help but see the entire nite as nothing more than a look into a very dark mirror, all this stuff has been inside me for a long time, and I put walls around it.

The problem is instead of transmuting it, I think I may have built up a new set of walls around all these issues. I'm not sure. Its going to take a while to sort out.

Does it sort out? Maybe I'm not supposed to care about any of this at all and just accept my position in the world...... and use that to become more aligned with the more mystic and spiritual things.

Who knows.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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Invisiblejmg5
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288550 - 02/11/06 12:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Sorry, didn't mean to disrespect. When I'm pissed off myself it kind of comes through in my posts. Obviously I've never been that high on pot, crazy shit.

peace


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Invisiblekake
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: jmg5]
    #5288585 - 02/11/06 12:43 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I've felt similar in respect to watching TV while tripping.  It's reality man...no not the TV, your unbiased perception of how it was stimulating your mind is REALITY and not just a trip.  You opened your third eye, and sometimes what lies out there can be frightening.  Whenever I've had these sort of trips, I always end up feeling like I need to write down some solutions to problems of the world.  I think this is one of the most powerful things about psychedelics, they can show you whats wrong so you can begin to fix them.  Unfortunately, TV being such a powerful entity, it can be very haunting.

rest assured, the TV was not made for the tripping mind, but the mind that has been sober for too long and does not ask the types of questions you probed.  in fact, you should feel priveledged.  there are many of us who understand what you went through.  hope you can piece it all together and not get too down about it.  theres always more to learn as well :wink:


--------------------
The answer to 1984 is 1776.


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Offlinedubbyah
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: kake]
    #5288587 - 02/11/06 12:44 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

just the basic things...

you sure it was weed??
you sure it wasnt laced??

how many times had you smoked weed before?

thanks


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InvisibleDisco Cat
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5288881 - 02/11/06 02:25 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I've had these painful experiences too, too many times, on weed, but the worst and strongest on LSD, and even on cocaine. It isn't relevent what the drugs is, but different drugs will bring it out in different degrees. I've been brought to the pitts, and lef there. It feels like I have a giant decayed hole carved out in my heart, and I agree with what Lunatik says

Quote:

Yes, I've had that happen before...several times.

It's basically a period right before a specific type of ego-loss. It's the type where you are pushed to release your ego by being crushed with negative thoughts. However, you didn't let go, so that's why it stuck with you. I'm positive of this.




I've had times where's I've just let go, which is the most frightening thing to do, but the moment you do is the moment you soar and become spiritually filled. Unfortunately I've been way to afraid to do so, or can't understand how to do so, and am thus hurt for it. You can equally experience this while sober, but you're not as understanding of things to be able to have them go either way when sober.

I really need instruction on letting go, it is my biggest fear and I think it is because I'm afraid I won't be conscious if I let go, like I won't be able to make decisions, I'll just act, like I won't fully be present. Someone help me clairify these things, please.


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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: leery11]
    #5289340 - 02/11/06 04:36 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It is obvious the poster doesn't smoke much weed.

I do not see why you divide pot and psychedelics so sharply. That pot is  "the devil?" and psychedelics are "God." Sorry, buddy, but you sound like the momma outta Water Boy. Cmon now, you seem to be letting reality control you instead of taking out what you put in. Reality can be molded, like surfing. Surf you life in the way you want it to be. Don't get hung up on things controlling you mind, the devil, and all this other stuff that is just off the wall. I know you may feel very synchronous. That is what psychedelic drugs do. And weed is a psychedelic drug, too, whether you want to agree or not. And not all psychedelic drugs are light and fun. In fact, real self discovery is not the most fun thing to do, from your ego's perspective, but what the hell does your ego want to aside from running around in the same old circles day after day, ad nauseum. You would have only had a much more powerful version of your mind control, devil box paranoia trip on a psychedelic like LSD or mushrooms. I think you should go and re-read things about psychedelics. Sounds like you need to slow down as well. :thumbup:


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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InvisibleGratos
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: mecreateme]
    #5289440 - 02/11/06 04:58 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I would just like to point out that marijuana is not a psychedelic drug and does not induce a 'trip'.

Quote:

You would have only had a much more powerful version of your mind control, devil box paranoia trip on a psychedelic like LSD or mushrooms.




Meh, I myself cant stand to smoke anymore because of the anxiety that came with it after years of using and stresses in my life but Ive always found psychedelics to be my friend and show me some things clearly while also being very enjoyable. Who knows how an individual will react to a certain substance.


Edited by Gratos (02/11/06 05:02 PM)


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OfflineLysergicRide
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: Gratos]
    #5289457 - 02/11/06 05:05 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It is just a trip. Only a temporay moment of insanity to build your self strength for the future.

What is hard makes you stronger. Enjoy it as a lesson learned.


--------------------
The fool on the hill sees the sun going down... And the eyes in his head see the world spinning around

"I can't tell if I'm coming up or down"


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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: Gratos]
    #5289469 - 02/11/06 05:10 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

lol, where the fuck did you get that?


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InvisibleGratos
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Re: Worst trip of my life, really bad.... almost Schizophrenic [Re: new_to_shrooms]
    #5289586 - 02/11/06 06:07 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Which part. The first is my opinion based on personal experience comparing THC to psychedelic substances. The second is the way I react to each drug.

Maybe I just grew up in an earlier time and am disconnected


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