|
 leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
|
 Healing touch. Love. Connection 
#5261226 - 02/03/06 11:21 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I had a few moments to exchange energy with someone through this sort of group swaying (arms around each other moving left/right to the music) at a concert today, and it really made me feel right.
The dude said something to me like "This is as close as we'll get tonight" though and laughed and I shrugged and laughed, not sure exactly what he was saying (had earplugs in) and plus I was on LSA [still am on, one HBWR seed] so I was just like, you know, it feels good to have my arm around this dude, and he has his arm around me.... it feels good to be accepted like that and I won't put on my facade and be like "no, this isn't cool, it's not a manly thing to do" or whatever so I just went with it.
and even when he lost connection to some of the people he and I kept going and he didn't seem to mind, and I didn't mind... and he was like all laughing and getting the other people to hold back on to him and stuff.
What I'm trying to say is this kind of interaction, while it may seem trivial to many..... is something that is crucially missing in my life in all shapes and forms. It is almost completely and totally nonexistant.
It made my energy feel fixed.... all the drugs and yoga and tai chi I've done and just that 20 seconds of connection made me feel the best and most gentle energy flow I've ever felt really, but then it dissipated and left me with my own inadequate energy pools.
I have gone so long without intimate (not like sexual intimate, just like sharing yourself with someone) touch that ..... I have built a shell around me.
Underneath the skin and [not in my case ]jewelry
underneath her words and eyes
is a wall that's cold and ugly
cause she's scared as hell.
Trembling at the thought of feeling.
Wide awake and keeping distance.
This is like me..... this is me. Just a guy....... and it's a lot harder around women too like I wasn't afraid to bump into guys while going across the dance floor but all the girls had on like more revealing clothing and I deliberatley went out of my way to accidentally bump into them while moving around and like..... I don't know.
I'm not trying to say that I'm gay..... I seriously doubt I'd have sex with a man... but I'm saying that I have issues in particular much more so with being close to girls I guess.
I mean like if I were sober I wouldn't want to cuddle with a guy, but damn you know that was pretty nice......
I just... need this in my life. I need to be able to open up to people. It would stop the paranoia, as I realise that I am normal and worth loving and/or being intimate with ..... and it would stop the thoughtloops of overanalysis of humans...... it would really do a lot to heal me.
What do I do? I can go to more concerts and be more and more open and just let myself go and interact with other people....
but I don't know.
Does anyone relate to what I'm saying?
also hbwr really is so nice, you can just eat one seed and really just feel good and let loose... and mixed with a little smoke i was meditating like never before... it's like psychedelics tune you into like.... an external divine.... but weed tunes you into the internal, which is why its so easy to abuse, you kind of plant your own seeds in yourself.... weed introduces you to your ego, whereas psychedelics erode your ego.
I don't know. I centered myself in the solar plexus by touching my thumbs to my middle fingers and I just felt so absolutely amazingly clear in a whole new intersting way.....
Man I mean for real.... just one hbwr and a bowl is just such a wonderful evening... you don't even need to trip. It's therepeutic.
--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (02/03/06 11:23 PM)
|
 eligal
Noobie
Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: leery11]
#5261355 - 02/04/06 12:17 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
i didnt read everything, but i get the main point. im nto sure what exactly to do, but do go to concerts and open up (not too much now, might freak people out and get in trouble). theres nothin wrong with hugging or physical touching of other males. personally i do hug close friends and they hug back, and its all good. im not gay, my friends arent gay, and we know that. i also really enjoy friendly pats on the back or nudges and that kind of stuff, mainly because it gets rid of the barrier of stranger and shows a friendly connection (thats just me though, other peopel might be different). the problem with physical contact with strangers is that people dont know you and you dont know them, and you dont know when you might be making him uncomfortable by being to open. but sometimes its comforting to be accepted in such a close way by strangers. it is hard to explain. sometimes the best hug is when we get an ernest hug or deep emotional and physical contact from another stranger. with the opposite sex there will always be connotations or subconscious thoughts of attraction or sex or whatever. with the same sex, this doesnt happen, making that connection that much more honest.
basically do what feels good, do what feels right, but be a little bit careful so as to not make others feel uncomfortable.
and if im rambling about something totally unrelated, im sorry... lol. like i said i didnt actually read the whole thing, just skimmed it real fast...
and if i sound gay... then fuck it... lol.
--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/
"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"
"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"
"tactik said:
respect the can."
|
PDU
travel kid vs.amerika
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: eligal]
#5261448 - 02/04/06 01:10 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Right on man - you gotta enjoy physical contact.
I hug all my good friends, lots - its ALOT better for your energy and your healthy (germs) than handshakes. My friends will pick me off the ground, or we'll do a huddle hug at parties. Its ridiculous and great, guys and girls its mutual - its all about the connection, good chest to chest, heart to heart, hand on back, tight squeeze hugging! without sexual overtones... and ive definately jammed out good hugs on strangers on the dance floor at festivals...
You need to read the person to know that its mutual that you both know your going to share the physical contact (without sexual overtones) - and after thats settled unconsciously, just enjoy each other.
This is obviously easier once your comfortable with your sexuality and sex or lack of sex and arnt looking at people as objects, but as mutuals..
Anyways, thats pretty disjointed.. also going on a rant. Goodluck. hug people more, but learn to make sure its mutual.
--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.
|
leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: PDU]
#5262147 - 02/04/06 10:42 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks guys. It's hard to "read" people because even that requires a lot of intimacy and some confidence that I generally don't have.
I'd love to go to some sort of festival though where this kind of behavior seems way encouraged.
drugs have taught me how to read people though, i just haven't mustered up the confidence to apply the teachings to my sober life.
also everyone was so nice at that show.... man local bands are what it's about...... just normal people letting go and having a good time.... it's good to have some positive happy music around.....
--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (02/04/06 10:47 AM)
|
The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: leery11]
#5262876 - 02/04/06 02:53 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I'd love to go to some sort of festival though where this kind of behavior seems way encouraged.
Ever heard of a rave. =D
--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
|
PDU
travel kid vs.amerika
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5263169 - 02/04/06 04:10 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Man, Moshpit! Small town bands, with the kids you grew up with going fucking nuts.
I go nuts and its what i do.. with all my friends, blood, skin, sweat, hard knocks, jumping = bonding on the most intimate level.
Different from most people here but... its still the same thing, that feeling of connection.
--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.
|
gluke bastid
Stinky Bum
Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: PDU]
#5266594 - 02/05/06 03:12 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
PDU said:
Man, Moshpit! Small town bands, with the kids you grew up with going fucking nuts.
I go nuts and its what i do.. with all my friends, blood, skin, sweat, hard knocks, jumping = bonding on the most intimate level.
Different from most people here but... its still the same thing, that feeling of connection.
I agree! I'm down with all kinds of touching and agree its important. But I love the moshpit most of all because it is both loving and angry. Hard to explain. But I love jumping around to exciting music with my fellow human beings, getting all worked up over the pain and the sweetness of it all, grabbing each other in a sort of desperate hug and holding each other up.
Try touching people on the shoulder when you talk to them. I do it all the time, and I guess some people don't like it, but they will let you know with their body language. Most people appreciate it and crave it just as much as you do.
--------------------
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
- Thomas Paine
|
leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: gluke bastid]
#5269730 - 02/06/06 02:44 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I don't know what to do about this really.... it eats a hole deep into my stomache and just leaves me feeling so sick and sad and completely pessimistic.
I have created a never ending cycle of reinforced negative thoughts and it has in turn only made me further isolated, but I can't help that I feel this way and that I find it so hard if not impossible to even understand what it is I'm looking for and how to set pieces into motion to get it.
I want a girlfriend so much, but right now I"d just want her so that I could like lay my head on her and just maybe cry or something or just rest..... just fucking rest for a while in someone elses arms.
That's being needy................. but at the same time needy is a bullshit useless label, all people want that don't they? How can you be human and NOT have that? We didn't become human to be isolated....
it fucking hurts .... I'm thinking of tripping today to see if I can't make something right but I know you shouldn't trip when you're in a bad mood... and sleepy.
What can I do though? Don't say things like "go talk to a new person" or whatever, I'm thinking long and hard about adopting that philosophy.... but I mean .... what can I do to get myself out of this rut of thinking? I"m not even sure what the source of it is aside from two traumatic periods in my life.... but its' like I can't sever it....
Like you know if my legs fall asleep I can just deep breathe and ignore the pain until it goes away but this pain I cannot either ignore or FIX ... I can't seem to get at the root of it.
But I'm creating all this dogma by saying "can't" and even legitimising the feelings in the first place.
I want to be whole, but the word "whole" has "hole" in it... and a hole is exactly what I have in me sometimes.
--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (02/06/06 02:45 PM)
|
gluke bastid
Stinky Bum
Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
|
Re: Healing touch. Love. Connection [Re: leery11]
#5270808 - 02/06/06 06:43 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
leery11 said:
I don't know what to do about this really.... it eats a hole deep into my stomache and just leaves me feeling so sick and sad and completely pessimistic.
I have created a never ending cycle of reinforced negative thoughts and it has in turn only made me further isolated, but I can't help that I feel this way and that I find it so hard if not impossible to even understand what it is I'm looking for and how to set pieces into motion to get it.
I want a girlfriend so much, but right now I"d just want her so that I could like lay my head on her and just maybe cry or something or just rest..... just fucking rest for a while in someone elses arms.
That's being needy................. but at the same time needy is a bullshit useless label, all people want that don't they? How can you be human and NOT have that? We didn't become human to be isolated....
it fucking hurts .... I'm thinking of tripping today to see if I can't make something right but I know you shouldn't trip when you're in a bad mood... and sleepy.
What can I do though? Don't say things like "go talk to a new person" or whatever, I'm thinking long and hard about adopting that philosophy.... but I mean .... what can I do to get myself out of this rut of thinking? I"m not even sure what the source of it is aside from two traumatic periods in my life.... but its' like I can't sever it....
Like you know if my legs fall asleep I can just deep breathe and ignore the pain until it goes away but this pain I cannot either ignore or FIX ... I can't seem to get at the root of it.
But I'm creating all this dogma by saying "can't" and even legitimising the feelings in the first place.
I want to be whole, but the word "whole" has "hole" in it... and a hole is exactly what I have in me sometimes.
I know how you feel. I feel that way myself a lot of the time.
I think that you haven't let go of your last girlfriend. I think it is time. I think until you do you are going to feel like you are unable of standing on your own two feet. And let me tell you...it is much worse to be sitting there telling yourself you can't stand on your own two feet than to put yourself out there in a position where you have to.
If you are really looking for human contact do what I do. Just go and get it. Like I said, go to a show with a moshpit, or go to a rave and dance with other people. Touch your friends. Hug guys. People who tell you it is weird to hug other guys are repressed idiots who are wasting their lives.
I think one way that women have it easier is that society doesn't treat them funny for touching each other. Girls get to touch other people and be touched more often. It makes them happier and less needy.
It's time to come out of your shell. Do it immediately. Don't be timid with the world. Make it yours. Make it a safe and loving place. Get your ass out there and try over and over again until you get it right.
--------------------
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
- Thomas Paine
|
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order 
Red Vein Kratom 
Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds
Edit 
Reply 
1 2 3 4 5 6 all )
Yeti_009
Delyrium
Viaggio
Shroomism
SlapnutRob
lucid
Penroc3
daba