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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #5263575 - 02/04/06 06:15 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I_was_the_walrus said:
Ide prescribe 300mg mescaline...and a walk in the woods.





I was thinking 35mg of thorazine myself


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #5264428 - 02/04/06 09:56 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

"At least some of them stayed up long enough to get a new buzz word going that brings laughter. "The veenoms". People are loosing their veenoms, looking for more veenoms. It sounds funny and makes me laugh." Actually that made me spit coffee all over my keyboard laughing. I was thinking about putting that on a t shirt. lol.


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Invisiblepsyka
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5264453 - 02/04/06 10:02 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Sounds like your trapped in the infinite loop, Dmonik.

We all feel it. The "I" can never be satisfied.


--------------------
As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.



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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: psyka]
    #5264478 - 02/04/06 10:12 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Where did you get that symbol, psyka? That is one of the best representations of god I have ever seen.


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Invisiblepsyka
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5264587 - 02/04/06 10:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I made it myself :smile:

What is all the knowledge of men (and women :P), but to make better music?


--------------------
As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.



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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
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Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5264652 - 02/04/06 10:57 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I can relate to some of the things you have said. There are some things in your posts I feel as well. But I think I feel them to a lesser extent. Just remember, if you can't see beauty around in front of you...look up, admire the sky, remember what it was like to want to be able to fly, and try to not let it get to you. I hope you find what you need.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: psyka]
    #5264654 - 02/04/06 10:58 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Actually it's wierd cuz my sun looked almost exactly like that except the edges of the rays were straight, I wonder where I got that from. Also mine was in black and white. Ahhh makes me think isn't that the star thing around the man that leonardo divinci drew? Seems so significant for some reason (err by that i mean the triangles).


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


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Invisiblepsyka
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5264693 - 02/04/06 11:09 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

That is the Pythagorean circle. It represents the mathematic ratio of harmony between tones.


--------------------
As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.



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OfflinePed
Interested In Your Brain
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: dr0mni]
    #5265097 - 02/05/06 01:40 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

>> Geez, Ped!

I wasn't attacking him, I was attacking his delusions.  I thought I'd managed to imply a clear distinction between the two, but I suppose not.  Apologies. 

Sometimes being compassionate isn't about being all love-dovey and smiles.  See:  Avatar.  :smile:


>> Ped I ain't trying to scare you, I am not a bad guy, in fact I am a very nice guy, it is the pain, that haunts me that is evil.

I'm glad you're making this distinction.  It seemed as though you weren't; that's what I was trying to help you with.


>> I have alot of love in my heart I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help, it's like I have so much hate but so much love at the same time.

>> These things you say are true, but both good and evil are reaching for power at the same time.

It seems to me like you have a lot of spiritual momentum, but not a lot of wisdom in directing it.  Some of that energy is going into excessive self-concern, while some of it is inclined toward empathy toward others.  All of the evil in the world arises from self-interest.  All of the good in the world arises from benefitting others.  If you're able to understand this clearly, you'll be able to aim your intensity in a positive, healthy, and happy direction.

At the end of the game, it's up to you to make the changes you know you need to make.  All you need to do is seek to understand why it is so important.  Nobody around here is capable of delivering you to that end.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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InvisibleLakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5265326 - 02/05/06 04:50 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for your honesty!
but be nice to yourself, especially from now on.


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Lakefingers]
    #5266924 - 02/05/06 05:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

PART 2

I'ts cool ped I knew what you meant man. I was never taught how to show love. My childhood was a horror show. My love seeps out in the help I ty to give. I'm kind of a Heretic Martyr. I have believed that it does not matter what one does as long as it is in love's name. The end has always justified the means. I am starting to doubt it now.

One of my greatest hatreds is from when I was 15. I matched (I put in and he put in except I put in double what he did) this east indian guy and we were smokin and he ran away with all the weed (there was 5 of us a friend of mine and two of his. I would have let that go but then he yells back You better not fuck with the ********** which enraged me. So I watched him leave, then I followed him. Waited til they were about to smoke then I pulled my knife and demanded my shit back. He laughed and mocked me, but of course he gave it back. Then I left and he tried to creep on me and tried to mace me but I turned my head in time. Of course his big brother turned out to be a coke dealer and sent an awful lot of people my way, who beat me up quite a few times and terrorised me, for 4 years. It's a whole new kind of fear to walk around a corner and see a hundred people waiting for you. They followed me everywhere I went, people I don't know and have never met. They made my life miserable enough that I left the town, ironically to a much worse one. Now I come back to this town with my heart like a rock remembering all their names. Wanting very much to kill them, knowing I'd mow through that whole crew like nothing.

How can I let this go? How can I forgive someone who is evil and is unrepentant? I either let it go, or I kill them. How can I get rid of this hate? I want to do the right thing, but all I thought of was what I was going to do to them, not what it was going to do to me.
It feels like righteous vengeance, but I know this is destroying me.


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


Edited by Dmonikal (02/08/06 02:48 PM)


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OfflinePed
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5268898 - 02/06/06 09:53 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

>> How can I let this go? How can I forgive someone who is evil and is unrepentant?

When you conceive others as being intrinsically evil and unrepentant beings, it is inevitable that you will start to conceive yourself the same way as well. These people who harmed you: they did so because of their clouded and unhappy minds. You are afflicted by the same minds. When you start to look at others' behavior as coming from bad qualities which are intrinsic to their being, it is not long before you start to recognize the same things as being intrinsic in yourself. That is the trap.

The key here is to realize that people do not possess intrinsic qualities. Just as we would not blame a mental patient for banging his or her head against the wall, saying that he is the cause of his own pain, so too we should not blame living beings for the suffering they cause when they act on their confused and destructive thinking. Nobody wants to suffer. Everybody wants to be happy. The only thing blocking us all from becoming happy is a wrong understanding of how that is to be achieved.

People do of course need to be held accountable for their actions. This can be done with compassion and forgiveness just as well as it can be done with anger and vengeance. It is only a matter of perspective. When we create this dichotomy between ourself and others, viewing them as instrinically bad and ourself as undeserving of their harmful actions, we necessarily become angry and seek vengeance. However, if we're able to consider that others are essentially the same as ourself, in that we are all trying to be happy and free, but because of our ignorance we create only suffering for ourself and others: from this more realistic point of view compassion fills our heart and we can't help but to extend forgiveness.


>> How can I get rid of this hate?

>> It feels like righteous vengeance, but I know this is destroying me.

Don't give these minds so much power. They are small, weak minds by their very nature. They're petty and childish, and have no real power over people. You can consider how hatred and vengeance are small, weak minds by considering the place of weakness you've arrived at through their guidance. Hatred and the desire for vengeance made you feel powerful for a short time, but in the end they undermined all of your confidence and delivered you to a place of emotional and spiritual paralysis. If you continue entertaining them, these minds will only continue to deceive you. Abandon them as you would abandon an old, crumbling house.

Hatred and the desire for vengeance promised you a sense of strength, security, and thereby happiness, but in the end they completely robbed you of all these things. It's these minds which are your real enemy, not those unhappy people you've spoken of. If you're to direct your anger in any direction, direct it toward those minds which deceived you, robbed you, and left you alone in the cold.

The only reason people are controlled by hatred and the desire for vengeance is that they allow these minds to guide their actions, believing that this will deliver them to a place of security and happiness. In reality these minds only destroy our happiness and lead us into darkness and confusion. If we contemplate this deeply and with patience over a long period of time, we shall come to realize at a profound level that such minds are useless and serve absolutely no helpful purpose. Soon, our thinking will naturally tend away from them. These harmful minds will gradually lose their power over us, and we will be liberated from their destructive influence. We shall realize that such minds have always been utterly powerless and weak, and in conquering them we shall become confident, strong, and at peace. From this state, everything we do will be powerfully transformative, and everything we do shall create the cause for incredible happiness.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


Edited by Ped (02/06/06 10:31 AM)


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OfflineTheGus
The Walrus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 387
Last seen: 15 years, 11 months
Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Ped]
    #5270058 - 02/06/06 04:02 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

you are intriuging

holy shit you are more off than the craziest guy ive met, and you cant imagine...

the lines have begun to blur for me as well, im sorry it this seems more jumbled than you type, but alas i have little experience with your kind, god damit you've gone far that way

like its hard for me to imagine

how about this, try remembering this

Everything is a dream, dont worry where you go, it will end good, i know thats alot to remember coming from a complete 'stranger' but it has to be like this

i think i look at it from a more straight on point of view where as you look at it from both above and below (hence the amazing abilities of both intellect as well as 'prowess')

but try to remember its a dream, thats what is most important, it will point you in the right direction either way...


--------------------
"It is easier to teach a computer to play chess than to build a mudpie."Sherry Turkle Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts"-Einstein
:mrt: I pity the fool who break traffic laws with $870,000 of drugs in the car.      -mo0nlite_sonata
Psythos


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: TheGus]
    #5271797 - 02/06/06 10:48 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

It is hard for me to imagine someone getting off on cruelty. I can see where you guys are coming from. I do not know what hand life dealt him, maybe I am not in a position to judge. Well anything that makes me question my hatred is good. I do not enjoy violence it is my last resort. I guess you guys are right. Even if I did take revenge I would hate myself for it. It is so hard for me to believe that he is the weak one. I have always thought myself weak for not taking vengeance when vengeance was due. I suppose I thought it was the only option I had to end this. I will try to forgive. Not a path I have been down much. I have such trouble forgiving myself for the things I do, let alone someone else. This is probably the problem. I imagine there are people gunning for me for things I have done as well. "Sigh" I will try. Perhaps this is my test. Thanks all for your support.


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5273618 - 02/07/06 02:05 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

PART 3

I suppose here is my BIGGEST problem. I cannot grasp a concept unless the WHY is explained. All my teachers throughout my education have always remarked at my brilliance at, well everything. I am not trying to blow my own horn here just stating facts. The problem is well unnecessary complication makes me crazy. My biggest and ONLY stumbling block into higher education is I am better at math then my teachers are. I find shortcuts everywhere and can't explain them or show my work, cuz it was all done in my head. Which has totally ended my advancement in math, because they teach ridiculously complicated concepts based on ridiculously complicated concepts, and to know those concepts you need to know the ones before infinitum. It makes me wonder what the purpose of all these computations is, but they are never explained. If I saw the end I could work backwards to the beginning, I don't need all the damn charts, multiplication tables etc. This really sucks because every profession I want to be needs advanced math. I can't understand the advanced concepts because I can't see the point of the less advanced problems. I guess what I do is something like reading the first page and last page of a book and then writing the story between them. This has put me in front of a huge obstacle. To advance further I would have to go back and learn my math the "proper" way. It is so frustrating. The way I learn is completely the opposite of how the school system works. I bet alot of you think I am crazy and don't know the answer and I get mocked WITH the basics, because obviously if I don't know the basics I am full of shit (least to them anyway). Since you guys have been so helpful to me (much love) perhaps you may know a solution to my problem. I have been sitting here my entire life with no clear "path" to being the scientist I have wished to be my entire life. It really hurts me because that a scientist is all I could ever be and be true to my heart. This is the lovely monkey wrench that stirred up all the rest of my problems into much deeper problems. I guess what I'm saying is
knowing that you are just as good as any paleontologist or arachnologist out there but no path towards either, but many years
of my life wasted. Now I am (ironically) wasting my life trying to figure out a path to get there. I am always talking about my veenoms and mycology, but I have never in my life found acceptance. So many people have laughed at my ideas and called me crazy over the years that I deeply believed that EVERYONE couldn't be wrong, so I must be the problem.


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


Edited by Dmonikal (02/08/06 02:49 PM)


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5273725 - 02/07/06 02:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

(deleted that post as it was pointless anger)

PART 4

My high school took 12 years. I got kicked out of every school in the district (including MR Christian academy) and had to go to night school then i got expelled from that and went to another night school and mellowed out knowing this was my last chance. So I repeated the same grade over and over and over, because of that, and was in 10th grade when I was 18. I cleaned my ass up and got to the end of grade 11 then I got kicked out of the house ran the streets for awhile, learned a few lessons then came back to school and graduated 2 years ago. So basically I went to (by the school rankings) the worst schools in the province in the highest drug abuse town in Canada. Maple Ridge is in the middle of nowhere, has no jobs, no arcades anymore (which all got shut down for openly selling coke or acid), 1 really overpriced pool hall ($10 an hour), nowhere to shop, overpriced food and necessities, huge property crime, the meth and pot capital of Canada (pot capital of the world) lots of drive bys, huge organized crime influence, like 10 cops or so for a 70 000 population, not even a movie theater or any other forms of standard entertainment. For fun we basically walk around beating each other up and openly smoking weed or what have you because the cops can't be bothered arresting someone for something that minor. Long story short for my last job I applied to every single restaurant, convenience store etc. and the only 2 interview I got was at Zellers working the 4am-11:30am shift for $9.00 an hour. Where I do the receiving unload the delivery trucks and then do every other piece of physical labor in the entire store because I am the only man there and all the others are mostly old women. In spite of that wicked job and my saved up cash, I didn't notice that I had been payed 3 times in 1 month and had made $600 over my max earnings (the government having my bank records), which the government took, knowing god damn fucking well that I wouldn't be able to eat or have a roof over my head for a month and if I didn't have parents I would be living at the homeless shelters standing for hours in a line for a handout from the soup kitchens. Oh and the closest thing to "the projects" (which would be so nice to have) is living in a tent by the river. The cheapest "decent" housing starts at $600 and anything cheaper is in "the ghetto" (the run down apartments by the river)which means rodents and cock roaches and goddam meth heads going off 24 7 and carefully reinforcing your front door so someone doesn't kick it in and do a little home invasion. Which also means you have to be armed with at least bear mace all the time.



--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


Edited by Dmonikal (02/08/06 02:52 PM)


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: For those that don't understand me [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5277918 - 02/08/06 02:53 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Check my jourrnal for more of my "life"

I am actually quite a good writer and this is starting to sound like a pretty cool movie. Maybe I'll call it THUG LIFE, or something. Didn't really sound that interesting in my head. Would have to change alot of names and events so that I don't go to prison for writing it :p


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


Edited by Dmonikal (02/08/06 03:03 PM)


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Terminus of Totus [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5279533 - 02/08/06 09:45 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

One of my deepest darkest secrets is I have no illusions at all. I see the world for what it really is I " lost my ignorance, security and pride"

My eyes are unveiled, I lost all my illusions, my innocence, the things most treasured by men. All I want to do is block out what I see and hear. It is traumatizing, my third eye is wide open and sees through everything and I can't turn it off. The freedom of thought I so desired like many others is Terminus of Totus (the end of all). Perhaps I just do not have the skills to deal with this. The simple fact is: I believe in absolutely nothing at all. I have no trust and am unable to trust any opinion of anything whatsoever. That alone would drive many a man mad, as one has no foundation at all for any beliefs. This is not a good thing to have. Our opinions and beliefs shield us from the truth, that is what keeps our minds safe and sane. It leaves ones heart open to EVERYTHING and shielded from nothing. If you saw all of the pain in the entire world all at once, would there be anything left of your mind? Hang onto your beliefs and do not wish to have none.

I HAVE NO FAITH


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


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InvisibleDmonikal
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Re: Terminus of Totus [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5279810 - 02/08/06 10:33 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

This is a little hard to explain. Imagine a brilliant mind with a photographic memory that learned as much as it could about everything (and i mean everything) and realized that it all conflicted so much that hardly any of it could be true, then decided that it wasn't true then threw out all it's beliefs about everything it had ever learned. What would happen then?


--------------------
Give your money or your life
Take 'em both for all I care
Dump your bullets right here


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Offlinefresh313
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Re: Terminus of Totus [Re: Dmonikal]
    #5279878 - 02/08/06 10:44 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

dmonikal i can picture u jammin out to soul asylum with a veenom speaker


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