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Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 368
Last seen: 16 years, 11 days
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Do you know what a death rattle sounds like?
#5261130 - 02/03/06 10:58 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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It's something of a mix between a snore and a gasp for breath and it's something that a lonely nine year old boy should never have to hear from his father when he comes home from school to find him dead in his own bedroom on his own bed with a needle in his hand dead. And I thought I was over this but as I get older I think about this more and more and now the sound, that sound, is starting to haunt me and it wakes me up in the middle of the night and it makes me afraid to be alone and it makes me afraid to be in the dark and it chills me to my fucking bones and I don't know what to do and I can't bear to talk about this with ANYONE, EVER, saying it is just too much so I put my thoughts here and hope that someone has some advice to give me. And sometimes when I'm in my room, the room where it happened I look over to where it happened and..... its just fucked up and as the years go by it gets worse.
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5261149 - 02/03/06 11:03 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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wow man I'm real sorry to hear that 
As hard as it is, the single best thing you can do for yourself would be to find someone you can talk to about it.....a friend, a loved one.... even a counselor if you have to dude.
No one should go through that alone...... 
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5261156 - 02/03/06 11:05 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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sorry to hear that man, thats horrible. i cant even imagine how you must be feeling. and it sounds like staying in that house isnt doing you any good. maybe move out and continue on with your life. its horrible what you went through, it really is, but you cant let it hold you back from all youre capable of accomplishing
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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Phoshaman
Litteringannnnddddd?


Registered: 06/01/99
Posts: 1,557
Loc: FLAHHHIDAAA
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: leery11]
#5261164 - 02/03/06 11:07 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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you think thats bad?
i overdosed on heroin twice.
try having that on your conscience... knowing you can relapse at anytime, because once an addict, always an addict.
it's not so bad.
--------------------
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Liz
Owl Lady



Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5261194 - 02/03/06 11:13 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, living in the same house can't help with getting on with your life and easing the grieving process. You're right, no 9 year old boy should have to hear that. Actually, noone of any age should have to experience what you experienced, but life can be cruel, and that's the card you happened to be dealt.
What you do with it is up to you. You can learn from his mistakes, and be a wonderful person, and maybe a better father someday? Or you can let it consume you. Good luck
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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KaptKid
Spaced Pirate


Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 6,252
Loc: Bright Side of the Sun
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: eligal]
#5261198 - 02/03/06 11:15 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
eligal said: sorry to hear that man, thats horrible. i cant even imagine how you must be feeling. and it sounds like staying in that house isnt doing you any good. maybe move out and continue on with your life. its horrible what you went through, it really is, but you cant let it hold you back from all youre capable of accomplishing
He's right find a new space.
I live in the house my father died in but it was from old age. Sleep in the same room with him the last 3 months of his life so I could take care of him.
Hopefuly you will pull through this Peace
-------------------- Child of the 60's, Tripping ever since.
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Hawkeye3
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 368
Last seen: 16 years, 11 days
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: Liz]
#5261206 - 02/03/06 11:16 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Thanks for the consolation guys. As shallow as it is it's nice to hear someone say how much it sucks to have been through that. Sometimes we just like validation and I just wanted some validation and some of your helpful advice. Whenever I feel shitty I dump my shit here and you people can make me feel better, even if it's just a little bit.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: Do you know what a death rattle sounds like? [Re: Hawkeye3]
#5261218 - 02/03/06 11:19 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Jesus, that's something no kid should have to go through. Keep working on it and you'll see the light of day soon.
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