Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
OfflineFungi_x
Firekeeper of OTD
I'm a teapot User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/17/03
Posts: 8,960
Loc: Michigan Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
never felt this much pain
    #5257433 - 02/02/06 10:01 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

i just turned 21 on the 11th and have been getting drunk allot. I fucked up things between me and my girl and the drinking had allot to do with it. she is moving half the country away Saturday. We have been together for almost 3 years I lost my virginity to her. and when we were just young (15 and 14) she was the first girlfriend I ever told that I loved and meant it. I have been constantly getting 10mg Valiums fronted for 5 bucks each 3 at a time for the last few days and they aren't even getting the anxiety to go away. I'm breaking down constantly out of the blue into tears.

I can't do anything to get how much I lost off my mind. I can't even sleep to get away from it, all I do is dream about her. last night I had so many dreams with her in it. In one, me her and myroomate were on a road trip going some where. we stoped at some place to eat. when you walk into the place there is a counter top that you order your food at to the left of that is a door with a few stairs. down the stairs was a bar and some people were there asking me to drink with them. I told them no in the dream then picked up my girl and walked to the table were we were going to eat. I think it meant something because when I drink we don't get to spend time together because there are always people at my house who I spend time with.


I don't know. life sucks and I'm a retard.


Edited by Fungi_x (02/02/06 10:22 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5257489 - 02/02/06 10:24 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

I know what you're going through. I couldn't sleep for three months over a breakup. I'm not kidding, at most 45 min night on those lucky nights. I would walk the railroad tracks so far out of town that many was the time I didn't think I would make it back home. I didn't care. I cried and cried.

Here's how I think of it now. It was the ultimate bad trip. Just like the major shroom trip that goes real bad. But it just goes on. She cheated on me with a best friend and then said she thought she loved him. Those days forever changed me. One day after three long months I woke up from three hours of sleep and felt a calm peace. I felt love and compassion for myself and all of my suffering. And strangely enough I felt that same compassion for my ex and her new love. In fact I felt a deep empathy for all the suffering of this world in a deeper and more real way than I had ever before. And you know what? I am so deeply grateful for that experience now. But I don't expect you to hear that yet.

Now you need to suffer and to burn in the fire. Life wants to teach you something important about love. I wish you all the best.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFungi_x
Firekeeper of OTD
I'm a teapot User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/17/03
Posts: 8,960
Loc: Michigan Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Icelander]
    #5257647 - 02/02/06 11:14 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

thank you for the comments I really appreciate them. Why can't stop randomly shedding tears???? I can't Even watch TV or hear the word love. today I was watching E$everybody loves raymon and It sent me into a panic attract. i think I'm losing it i really need help I need it so bad I'm so scared


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedaimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
Last seen: 12 years, 19 hours
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5257674 - 02/02/06 11:24 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

You'll get over it. Or at least become numb to it. Gonna take a long time(months), but you'll be fine eventually. Just know that drugs, getting into debt over drugs, and feeling regretful aren't going to help.

You may not think it now, but you'll find someone else to love. Hell, might even experience all this again if you don't learn your lessons this time around.

Try and exercise, take walks in serene places, and don't be afraid of your emotions. You got attached to something, and now it's gone. It's normal to feel the way you do.


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineWillieTomg
If stemmer votedme 1, I'm doingSOMETHING right!
Registered: 04/09/05
Posts: 425
Loc: On the insides of your ey...
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5257883 - 02/03/06 12:16 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Fungi_x said:
thank you for the comments I really appreciate them. Why can't stop randomly shedding tears???? I can't Even watch TV or hear the word love. today I was watching E$everybody loves raymon and It sent me into a panic attract. i think I'm losing it i really need help I need it so bad I'm so scared




If you knew how similar your situation was to mine say... three years ago, then I think you'd get a sense of perspective. You wouldn't feel better by a damn sight, because your human, and your going through a very hard time right now (whenever you sever a romantic connection it's always hard) but you'd realize that believe it or not, this too shall pass.

Be strong man. It's hard losing the one you love. Especially if it's the first one. But the sun will rise tomorrow, and one day (even if that day seems far off) you'll realize that while the pain is still there, life has moved on and you need to move on with it.

A GIGANTIC reason why I love psychedelics so much is because they condition me to flow with traumatic events, and cope with them in the long run.

More people than you realize have felt your pain buddy. Do something that makes you happy--even if doing it doesn't give you the pleasure it used to-- and allow time to heal the wound. It'll get better.

P.S. When I said "something that makes you happy" I didn't mean anything that involved substances. ESPECIALLY OPIATES AND ALCOHOL. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but the bliss that I feel on percocet/Jack Daniels is too easy, which makes it really likely that I'll fall into a cycle of addiction and habituation. Be sure that doesnt' happen to you.


--------------------
Battles of wits are impossible with the unarmed.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinegregorio
Too Damn Old
Male

Registered: 09/08/05
Posts: 2,831
Loc: Classified
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5258070 - 02/03/06 01:14 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Are you still on speaking terms with the girl? If so have that one last, long, talk with her before she leaves. And dont hold any feelings back. In the long run it will help you. And who knows, it might cause her to come back to you some day after a brief seperation.

And when you find another girl or get this one back--dont let the booze fuck up another relationship.

:goodluck:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5259302 - 02/03/06 01:27 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Fungi_x said:
thank you for the comments I really appreciate them. Why can't stop randomly shedding tears???? I can't Even watch TV or hear the word love. today I was watching E$everybody loves raymon and It sent me into a panic attract.  i think I'm losing it i really need help I need it so bad I'm so scared




Look you need to release some energy. I used the railroad tracks. Find some way to use up lots of your excess energy. Walking is excellent and that way you can let your mind wander. Don't get down on yourself for where you are at right now. It's good, but feels bad. If you don't resist what's happening you may find the truth of what this is really all about. Feel free to PM me. :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5259623 - 02/03/06 02:57 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Fungi_x said:
thank you for the comments I really appreciate them. Why can't stop randomly shedding tears???? I can't Even watch TV or hear the word love. today I was watching E$everybody loves raymon and It sent me into a panic attract.  i think I'm losing it i really need help I need it so bad I'm so scared



My sympathies man....... I deal with more of a dull pain but that has been flanging up and down for ..... many years I guess.... 5 to six? Jesus... I didn't realise it was that long.

But I get pains from things like that too... like sometimes seeing people happily in love will set off some sickness in my stomache, looking at a beautiful girl and imagining what it would be like for her to accept me and love me... to like just hold her in my arms, and for her to hold me... and for her to be okay with that. For it to be okay for me to feel connection to a human.... and for us to just let our emotions flow out and bond.

and then that makes me feel sick.

sometimes.

not all the time.

I had a breakup of sort but she was never really my GF because there were so many mixed signals and I was conditioned to never know what to do. To never know if it was okay or not to touch her, even as simple as just like patting her on the back...... and so I couldn't ever communicate my feelings to her becasue I felt rejected and confused, but then sometimes she'd do random fliratcious things to me....

I went through a huge suicidal bout during the relationship with her and put her through hell trying to get attention from her (though it wasn't "like" that, I mean, this is just me figuring it out now, I mean I wanted attention but.... I wasn't trying to hurt her or anything..... its confused and complicated)

I went on massive doses of anti-depressants to where I saw blue auras.... then I quit massive doses of anti-depressants after she "broke up" with me and went through a hellish month or so of crying or almost crying every single day and feeling like I was always shivering cold and on the verge of passing out.

And I haven't had any relationships with any girls since then, or before then either.

I've healed quite a bit but I still feel pain when I think of how beautiful and pure a relationship between two human beings can be, and how I can't have it.... but I can conceptualise it and understand what it's like.

I can have it of course.... I just have to wait and hope and have faith and be patient....

but I don't try. I don't try to seek out girls. And besides this one and only girl girls have not really ever tried to seek out me.

So here I am semi-done with college and I've missed out on all what life is about in terms of having close bonds with other humans in intimate and romantic ways.

Virgin, never been kissed.

I don't know that my situation could compare to yours, but I've been down roads of hurt from these things too.... but no matter how terrible they are , they teach you valuable lessons man.

Just wait. The pain is all in your head and in your biology, that doesn't mean to ignore it.... but you can almost just lie down and let it flow t hrough you and just acknowladge it, and there will be some beauty to it if you really look that will help you make it through.

If you ever can't take it, just lie down and breathe so deeply... and breathe all the pain through your body, breathe it in and out and let it wash over you.... it will run its course.....

and I may have made this seem kind of detached, but .... the pain I went through was unimaginable for me.... my first and only experience left me calloused, cynical, empty, and afraid. The lasting effects it had on my perception of myself and of others are extremely dramatic and I still can't shake a lot of them off.

Something as simple as a hug. I couldn't hug her. It has really thrown my intuition completely out of whack... I was innocent when I was with her...... my intentions may not have been right as they came from depression....

but I just wanted connection.

I didn't get it.....

And now for me to try to connect to others....... its an obstacle.... when I think about how most of the girls in college have probably had lots of sex.... I find it depressing because to me.... I don't want to be with someone that doesn't view sex as sacred...

I view something as simple as cuddling to be really important.

It's really hard to explain.... but yeah it has left me messed up and confused.

:heart: Good luck  :heart:


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


Edited by leery11 (02/03/06 03:00 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinegluke bastid
Stinky Bum
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Fungi_x]
    #5266649 - 02/05/06 03:38 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Fungi_x said:
thank you for the comments I really appreciate them. Why can't stop randomly shedding tears???? I can't Even watch TV or hear the word love. today I was watching E$everybody loves raymon and It sent me into a panic attract. i think I'm losing it i really need help I need it so bad I'm so scared




It's hell. You cry and cry and cry. You break down over and over.
All you want to do is sleep because you are exhausted but your dreams are terrible nightmares. You go deep into your own pain and everything begins to haunt you.

Just like with a trip, you have to believe all of us who have been there when we say that it will get better, with time. You will get better. You will be happy again. And if you want to fall in love again you will. But only after you are finally ready to let go.

The best advice I can give you...don't ignore the pain, but don't let it cripple you either. Try and make some motions of a normal life. Go out, spend as much time as you can in the world with the living, especially your friends. Be with people who you can break down in front of, and who can reassure you. Ask for help everytime you need it, even here if it helps, feel free to PM me if you want.
I know how hard this is to do, but try. Dig deep, find hope. Don't beat yourself up over what you are going through. It happens to the very best of us, bro.

I just broke up with my girlfriend from college of 3+1/2 years. Only woman I've ever loved and had a life with. Wanted to die. I got over it. Best thing for me was spending a couple weeks with two of my close friends in a house in the woods. We'd go hiking. I'd come back and sob like a baby in my bedroom. Get up, dust myself off, and then we'd go and hike some more. Just being around trusted friends and nature worked wonders for me. Maybe something like that could help.


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
 
- Thomas Paine


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSilverwolf
sandtrout
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/06/03
Posts: 1,108
Loc: Darkover
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: gluke bastid]
    #5276390 - 02/08/06 06:55 AM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Oooh man that hurts , but there are so many beautiful people out there who never get looked at twice (and are too scared to look at each other). I've taken two like you "right on the chin" as it were but I'm coming back for more (although not with them); as A. Crowley once said "don't just lie there sobbing like a fifth rate pugilist, get up and hit him again!" or as the Zen masters say (perhaps less controversially) "fall down seven get up eight".


--------------------
"Odrade read the word silently and then aloud.
"Arafel."
She knew this word.Reverend Mothers of the tyrants time had impressed it into the Bene Gesserit consciousness,tracing it's roots to the most ancient sources.
"Arafel:the cloud darkness at the end of the universe.""


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDfekt
Your mother wouldn't approve...
Male

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 586
Loc: UK
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
Re: never felt this much pain [Re: Silverwolf]
    #5279013 - 02/08/06 07:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago)

Excellent reply Silverwolf :rofl:

Leery i can relate to a lot of what you are saying... sounds like you feel exactly how i was feeling about 2 years ago. Trust me bro your time will come... and when it does you'll look back on this post and smile. Things will change whether you like it or not, and when they do you'll feel you've gained so much from going through all those difficult times and learning from them. It just takes time...


--------------------
"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit." ~Oscar Wilde


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* heart pains? FurrySheep 4,365 18 01/01/06 02:33 AM
by Pirate_Patrick
* THe pain..the pain..
( 1 2 all )
ShroomismM 5,454 39 08/08/03 07:31 PM
by Grav
* Why do we have so much pain in life? Anonymous 2,653 19 05/20/03 02:41 PM
by Strumpling
* Intense abdominal pain after insuflated Ketamine use
( 1 2 all )
trendalM 16,879 27 03/09/11 06:46 PM
by PDU
* worn down by chronic pain...
( 1 2 all )
lucid 2,323 20 06/14/22 03:43 PM
by Rache2020
* Back pain-help nancy1 888 13 06/17/05 10:44 AM
by Vvellum
* painful post-trip trauma ... seriously affecting me HB 2,211 10 07/31/05 01:54 AM
by wrestler_az
* hey everybody, im back.... phishytrip 1,143 9 06/10/03 10:25 PM
by phishytrip

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, Rose, mndfreeze, yogabunny, feevers, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
1,525 topic views. 0 members, 2 guests and 6 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.022 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 15 queries.