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Fucknuckle
Dog Lover
Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
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Hemmoroids and the Humor of God
#5189150 - 01/16/06 10:04 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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As I sit on the shitter and my turd cutter bleeds...I sometimes ask myself this question...................Hey God, why give me great love but you gave me a fucked up turd cutter ? I mean hey dude what the hell were you thinking ?
Isn't it funny that the life God gave us is full of pains and agony. But we still strive for closeness with God ? Yeah ok, hurt us, but you love us...........
So I conclude....
Hemmoroids are a pretty good reason to not believe in a "God"...of course, if the humor of God is your thing, then let the turd cutters of the world bleed.
A bleeding asshole can make a man think about things.
-------------------- What it is, is what it is my Brother. It is as it is, so suffer thru it.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides
Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5189297 - 01/16/06 10:58 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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God must have a sense of humor, as he created humans.
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GulGen
Old Bird
Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 307
Loc: I live in the Internet
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Le_Canard]
#5189394 - 01/16/06 11:44 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey, man, variety is the spice of life*. It'd be boring as fuck if we didn't all bleed out of our asses from time to time.
You've been blessed. Embrace it.
*IMPORTANT NOTE: Anal blood not intended for literal use as a spice. Any such use is at your own risk and neither God nor myself hold any responsibility for any results that may occur if you choose to ignore this warning.
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spud
I'm so fly.
Registered: 10/07/02
Posts: 44,410
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5189568 - 01/17/06 12:53 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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I like to believe G-d transcends beyond our anal cavity.
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Fospher
Crime FightingMaster Criminal
Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,033
Loc: The Netherlands
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5189915 - 01/17/06 02:53 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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If everything in life was good and positive, would you really grasp the contrast that it was actually there?
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5190577 - 01/17/06 10:37 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fucknuckle said: As I sit on the shitter and my turd cutter bleeds...I sometimes ask myself this question...................Hey God, why give me great love but you gave me a fucked up turd cutter ? I mean hey dude what the hell were you thinking ?
Who is this "God"? What makes you think that he has given you anything at all? Is it some Mexican dude down at the corner store? I'm having troubles conceptualizing such an entity as you describe... especially with absolutely nothing to go on.
So, like, yeah, what the fuck? Explain yourself and your terms.
Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5190594 - 01/17/06 10:43 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nearly everyone has hemorrhoids at some time. They can develop at any age, but the incidence increases after age 30. About 50% of people older than 50 have had hemorrhoids at some time in their life.
What causes hemorrhoids?
Excessive pressure on the veins in the pelvic and rectal area causes hemorrhoids. As pressure increases, blood pools in veins and causes them to swell, stretching the surrounding tissue and forming hemorrhoids. Increased pressure can come from rushing to complete a bowel movement or from constipation or persistent diarrhea, if either causes too much straining during bowel movements.
Being overweight also can contribute to developing hemorrhoids.
You can help prevent the irritating and painful symptoms of hemorrhoids.
Avoid constipation
Eat more fiber. Include foods such as whole-grain breads and cereals, raw vegetables, raw and dried fruits, and beans. Limit your intake of low- or no-fiber foods, such as ice cream, soft drinks, cheese, white bread, and red meat.
Drink 8 to 10 glasses of water each day. Fruit juices are another good choice. Avoid liquids that contain caffeine (such as coffee and tea) or alcohol. These liquids may cause dehydration, which can lead to constipation.
Stool softeners containing bran or psyllium can be helpful. You can save money by buying bran or psyllium (available in bulk at most health food stores) and sprinkling it on foods or stirring it into fruit juice. Avoid laxatives, another type of medication that affects the bowels, because they may cause diarrhea, which can irritate hemorrhoids.
Avoid foods and beverages that seem to make your symptoms worse. These may include nuts, spicy foods, coffee, and alcohol. Regular, moderate exercise, along with a high-fiber diet, promotes smooth, regular bowel movements.
Jesus says, EAT MORE FIBER!
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Booby
Agent Mulder
Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5190620 - 01/17/06 10:50 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sitting on hard surfaces for long periods of time can also form hemorrhoids. if this is the case the 'Stool Softener' = cushioning.
-------------------- Let it not be remembered That mycelium eats detritus and dies But that life in all it's glory Counts mycelium to be on it's side.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Veritas]
#5190623 - 01/17/06 10:51 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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It is nice to see actual information be presented so that we all may increase in understanding and actually apply such information in our life that will actually benefit ourselves and our quality of life's experience.
THAT is spirituality.
Peace.
-------------------- If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Booby]
#5190633 - 01/17/06 10:55 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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More time sitting in hard, wooden church pews = hemorrhoids!!
Maybe God DOES give us hemorrhoids!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
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Tucks is more than just luck of the draw [Re: Veritas]
#5190707 - 01/17/06 11:10 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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this product has made many people come back to life after demoralizing experiences in private chambers http://shop.store.yahoo.com/buyinprivate/tucecsiz100p.html
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Tucks is more than just luck of the draw [Re: redgreenvines]
#5190742 - 01/17/06 11:20 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Cooling, soothing, ph balanced.
Ahhh, the sweet relief of a healing balm.
So, if spiritual hemorrhoids are the result of straining and forcing a natural process before we have digested the teachings we have devoured, or perhaps the result of swallowing teachings whole (dogma), without the mastication of critical thinking and the saliva of personal values, then...
perhaps Tucks medicated pads represent the cool relief of applying acceptance and love to one's sore and bleeding spiritual life?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
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Re: Tucks is more than just luck of the draw [Re: Veritas]
#5190750 - 01/17/06 11:22 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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just think of it as transcendental hygenics
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: Tucks is more than just luck of the draw [Re: redgreenvines]
#5190926 - 01/17/06 12:33 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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omfg... only in S&P...
So much wisdom in here! I'm proud of you all! Really!
btw, sometime when I get diarhea my butthole gets like raw and chapped. I put vasoline on it and it helps, but is there something better I can do?
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MushmanTheManic
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5190931 - 01/17/06 12:35 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just as car crashes are God's punishment for apathy, Hemmoroids are God's punishment for haste. Sinner.
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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So, in this case, haste doesn't make waste?
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Butt Seriously, folks [Re: dr0mni]
#5190941 - 01/17/06 12:39 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Is this metaphorical or literal? Literal butthole questions belong in P&M or OTD.
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MushmanTheManic
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Veritas]
#5190948 - 01/17/06 12:42 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Haste creates waste, which is bad enough. This is why the haste to excrete waste is punished by Hemmoroids or strokes.
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 28 days
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5191045 - 01/17/06 01:10 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fucknuckle said: As I sit on the shitter and my turd cutter bleeds...I sometimes ask myself this question...................Hey God, why give me great love but you gave me a fucked up turd cutter ? I mean hey dude what the hell were you thinking ?
Isn't it funny that the life God gave us is full of pains and agony. But we still strive for closeness with God ? Yeah ok, hurt us, but you love us...........
So I conclude....
Hemmoroids are a pretty good reason to not believe in a "God"...of course, if the humor of God is your thing, then let the turd cutters of the world bleed.
A bleeding asshole can make a man think about things.
what if one is a p?art of God?
[..as God, through God!] (etc.)
..and brought this on to oneself?
-------------------- -------------------- Disclaimer!?
Edited by Gomp (01/17/06 01:13 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
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the active ingredient in tucks is witchhazel which is also in Optrex
so this will help with aggravation from diarrhea too, and it is good for scuffs and scrapes.
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 28 days
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5191076 - 01/17/06 01:19 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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""Isn't it funny that the life God gave us is full of pains and agony. But we still strive for closeness with God ? Yeah ok, hurt us, but you love us...........""
Is it not funny that 'only' you can directly inflict pain on you, as the creator of yourself. (from one cell, to this .. ) and you strive to be the creator that you are? (thus, separating from it)
""Isn't it funny that the life the self give us, can be full of pains and agony. But we still strive for closeness with the self? (separating from it, AS IT!) ... ""
yeah.. Gomp: STFU! ..
hehe, 'It' will/would not ring.. maybe nex time...
-------------------- -------------------- Disclaimer!?
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Gomp]
#5192527 - 01/17/06 08:07 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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we need to create a new language for Gomp so that each word can have several meanings without having to string together a bunch of words... You don't even speak english as a first language do you? If so then I am impressed!
Quote:
Yeah ok, hurt us, but you love us..........
They say that negative attention is better than now attention.
All emotions and experiences are just different transformations of love...
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Fucknuckle
Dog Lover
Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: fireworks_god]
#5192733 - 01/17/06 08:57 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
Quote:
Fucknuckle said: As I sit on the shitter and my turd cutter bleeds...I sometimes ask myself this question...................Hey God, why give me great love but you gave me a fucked up turd cutter ? I mean hey dude what the hell were you thinking ?
Who is this "God"? What makes you think that he has given you anything at all? Is it some Mexican dude down at the corner store? I'm having troubles conceptualizing such an entity as you describe... especially with absolutely nothing to go on.
So, like, yeah, what the fuck? Explain yourself and your terms.
Peace.
My terms were quite simple..............If you are a person believing in God, then understanding how love and pain in our world work toghter can be diffucult
IF, you don't believe in a " God" then trying to understand the complexities bewtween the good and bad in life can be hard.
Point being that the good and the bad in life are a web of humor or can be.
The USEFULLNESS of this point is great ! and deep in spirit. The spirituality of the original post is there but one must see it, past all the shit.............. ...pun intended
The point in my thread is not to dispute whether a " God" exisits but,to discuss the possiable humor in trials, errors, pains and bad times. Get it ? And the fact that bad things in life make a man THINK about teh best ways to handle it. TO THINK THRU THE HARD TIMES AND APPROACH THEM WITH HUMOR is a powerful spiritual concept and lesson.
Life is a bowl of shit and blood mixed with jello and roses.Funny hun ?
-------------------- What it is, is what it is my Brother. It is as it is, so suffer thru it.
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5194210 - 01/18/06 06:56 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think that "negative" types of humor are always the funniest...
"What did the blind, deaf, mute girl get for Christmas? Cancer."
This joke has turned suffering INTO the punchline... it happens with a lot of jokes!
Suffering is indeed a joke played on us and by us... what else can we do but laugh at it?
I liked the quote in someone's sig that used to say "The world does not stop being funny when people are serious, just as it does not stop being serious when people laugh."
Edited by dr0mni (01/18/06 06:57 AM)
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Booby
Agent Mulder
Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: dr0mni]
#5194221 - 01/18/06 07:11 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
dr0mni said: "What did the blind, deaf, mute girl get for Christmas? Cancer."
Suffering is indeed a joke played on us and by us... what else can we do but laugh at it?
Laughing at the antics of comedians is one thing but actualy playing the same tricks on each other is different. I think we all understand that the actions of Larry, Curly & Moe are fictional, no one is actualy getting hurt.
-------------------- Let it not be remembered That mycelium eats detritus and dies But that life in all it's glory Counts mycelium to be on it's side.
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Booby]
#5195866 - 01/18/06 05:42 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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Of course!
It's like someone said, the slip-on-the-banana-peel gag is only funny when the person gets back up...
We impose our own suffering upon ourselves and then cry out for salvation... we are playing the joke on ourselves... irony..
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: dr0mni]
#5196813 - 01/18/06 09:36 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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that's true I hate it when I slip on my heelys on the way to the washroom at work. while sitting at the computer it is easy to forget I have these half rollerblades on. walking is ridiculous. but i can't afford to get stoned there so i just get a bit slippery.
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: redgreenvines]
#5197991 - 01/19/06 06:40 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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HAHA! Doesn't the wheel like pop back up inside?
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Fucknuckle
Dog Lover
Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: dr0mni]
#5200571 - 01/19/06 09:26 PM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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His heelys have hemmoroids and hemmoroids hang down
-------------------- What it is, is what it is my Brother. It is as it is, so suffer thru it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
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Re: Hemmoroids and the Humor of God [Re: Fucknuckle]
#5201614 - 01/20/06 04:21 AM (18 years, 2 months ago) |
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if it gets too slippery or wet they pop out and then little domed things tuck in so that yuck from the street wont get stuck in the void of the sole. almost sounds related to your situation.
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