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Offlinecubeladd
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Registered: 08/21/05
Posts: 962
Loc: Sunny ol' England
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
Is my life worth living?
    #5151375 - 01/07/06 05:18 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I've just come back from a late Christmas party with my work collegues and the people who I was proud to have thought I had developed good relationships with seemed more interested in talking to others than me which has made me very depressed and upset.

I know that this is nothing to do with them not liking me, I have experinced the same serarios all my life where people who I get on with view me as nothing more than an aquantance. I have hearing problems and als have a very hard time following and understanding the context of social conversations (this is seperate to my hearing troubles). I have always been told all my life that I seem to be in a dream-world. I really hate myself for this and it has meant that I have never really meade any friendships my whole life.

Later on a few of us were supposed to go clubbing but I decided to pull out as I was already feel really down at this point and the reception I got when I said my goodbyes to everyone was not encouraging. I predicted that this whole situation may arise so I took some MDMA with me to ease me up for when I got to the club but ended up taking it to pull myself out of my misrable state on the walk home. I feel no anger and faustration now it has kicked it but I still feel very sad and upset. Right now I just want to cry and give up on life. Iam on anti-depressants but they won't change my personality and therefore I can never see my life becomming better.

Iam worried that it won't be long before I really crack under the pressure and develop nasty mental health problems or maybye even attempt suicide. I really need some help here if you have any to give.


--------------------
"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
-Marge Simpson

Edited by cubeladd (01/07/06 05:25 PM)

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InvisibleStonerguy
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Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 5,538
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151398 - 01/07/06 05:24 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I think you are just thinking about it to much. I know MDMA can really multiply emotions by 5000000000000000X.


--------------------
yawn...
SG

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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151407 - 01/07/06 05:26 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Ok. Hold on.

We're not going to even "go there."

Let's try this:
a. We do not need others in order to live. (Other people CAN add to our lives thru love, socializing, exchanging ideas, spending time, etc). But we don't need them to the point of no return.

....

Some people could strongly urge you to immediately go off all 'drugs' including mj, mdma, and particularly the anti-depressants.

We need a sound mind in life. Part of that is chemical, we all believe, but all of it is "logical" meaning its based on our logic, our response to our outter and inner environments. Obtain strength. That is your mission for the next year. OBtain physical strenght. Obtain emotional strength by broadening your experiences and touching your borders. Obtain mental strength by thinking out situations more clearly. Avoid situations that will jeapordize your integrity. MAINTAIN YOUR INTEGRITY, FRIEND!

Strenght to you.

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Offlinecubeladd
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Registered: 08/21/05
Posts: 962
Loc: Sunny ol' England
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: Stonerguy]
    #5151411 - 01/07/06 05:27 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Stonerguy said:
I think you are just thinking about it to much. I know MDMA can really multiply emotions by 5000000000000000X.




These are my real feelings I can promise you. The MDMA has taken away my anger and faustration but left me feeling very sad. I just don't know where to turn anymore...


--------------------
"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
-Marge Simpson

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Offlinecubeladd
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Registered: 08/21/05
Posts: 962
Loc: Sunny ol' England
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: World Spirit]
    #5151423 - 01/07/06 05:31 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Enter said:
Ok. Hold on.

We're not going to even "go there."

Let's try this:
a. We do not need others in order to live. (Other people CAN add to our lives thru love, socializing, exchanging ideas, spending time, etc). But we don't need them to the point of no return.

....

Some people could strongly urge you to immediately go off all 'drugs' including mj, mdma, and particularly the anti-depressants.

We need a sound mind in life. Part of that is chemical, we all believe, but all of it is "logical" meaning its based on our logic, our response to our outter and inner environments. Obtain strength. That is your mission for the next year. OBtain physical strenght. Obtain emotional strength by broadening your experiences and touching your borders. Obtain mental strength by thinking out situations more clearly. Avoid situations that will jeapordize your integrity. MAINTAIN YOUR INTEGRITY, FRIEND!

Strenght to you.




I understand that I really shouldn't take drugs right now but they are my only escape. Without them I would probably have a big mental breakdown and end up off worse. I know having friends aren't the be all and end all but I really have no-one except one close friend who is moving away next year, and no amount of solo activity will make me happy.

ALL my problems are due to my lonliness. No amount of solo activity will make up for it.


--------------------
"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
-Marge Simpson

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Offlinedr0mni
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Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151434 - 01/07/06 05:34 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

first thing I would do is re-examine whether you really need to be on anti-depressants. Chances are they are only making things worse.

I really know how you feel. I felt the same way when I was a teenager. I was very insecure about myself and felt unwanted in social situations. But I realized (after a traumatic relationship experience) that people did like me, and that they DID want to know me, but that I had to meet them half way.

I wasn't putting enough effort into making those intimate connections with people, and I also wasn't opening up to let people inside. I found that weed was a very easy way for me to socialize and meet people but i became very dependent on weed as a social crutch at an early age of 13. It's something I still struggle with, but at the same time I love the drug culture that I am a part of now. But honestly if I had a choice to change things, i would seriously have curtailed my pot smoking when it started to get out of control and become a hardened habit.

I also want to emphasize that you should avoid taking drugs to escape confronting your negative emotions. Ignoring your feelings and dulling the pain with drugs only causes these issues to fester underneath and possibly fuel a drug dependency/addiction.

But anyways, YES! You're life is worth living! Trust me! I'm going to assume that you are a young person. You are still a growing personality, and you have to realize that you have the power to direct that growth and become whatever type of person you want to be! We may not be able to control our environment and the people in it, but we can control how we approach them.

I guarantee that if you learn to :heart:LOVE YOURSELF:heart: that others will find it easier to love you, and for you to love them as you love yourself.

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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151441 - 01/07/06 05:35 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Your project is this: Look not at the emptiness as an end. Look for strength. The social thing either will happen naturally or if it occurs unnaturally...

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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: World Spirit]
    #5151451 - 01/07/06 05:39 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Enter said:
We do not need others in order to live. (Other people CAN add to our lives thru love, socializing, exchanging ideas, spending time, etc). But we don't need them to the point of no return.





This is not true. The human machine is built for one purpose and one purpose ONLY! And that purpose require other humans to "love, socializing, exchanging ideas, spending time, etc". What else would life be if these things were not in it? If we did not grow up into a community with loved ones then we would cease to be human, IMO!

Humans come from families, and families are based in LOVE.

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OfflineBooby
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151452 - 01/07/06 05:39 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I usualy have something to say, but I'm at a loss for words.
So you're in sunny ol' England eh? I remember seeing humungous conker trees in England. Here they were prized for fence posts but some disease wiped 'em out and now we prefer locust if we can get it, and locust works well. In the woods one will occaisionaly run across a buckeye stump (that's what they call them over here, buckeyes)I forget the taxonomy name, Horse-Chestnut. So anyway which part of sunny ol' England are you from?


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: dr0mni]
    #5151461 - 01/07/06 05:41 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

It's a mode I'm referencing and trying to intiate. It's not a disposition to keep. Switching the gear from 2nd to 3rd is a must.

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Offlinedr0mni
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Posts: 2,921
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: World Spirit]
    #5151467 - 01/07/06 05:42 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Enter said:
It's a mode I'm referencing and trying to intiate. It's not a disposition to keep. Switching the gear from 2nd to 3rd is a must.




:what: :confused:

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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: dr0mni]
    #5151472 - 01/07/06 05:45 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Please read it again.

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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: World Spirit]
    #5151504 - 01/07/06 05:54 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

i read it dude, I still don't get it...

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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: dr0mni]
    #5151509 - 01/07/06 05:55 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

"It's not a disposition to keep"

then don't make such absolutist comments... sorry...

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Offlinecubeladd
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Posts: 962
Loc: Sunny ol' England
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: Booby]
    #5151511 - 01/07/06 05:55 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Booby said:
I usualy have something to say, but I'm at a loss for words.
So you're in sunny ol' England eh? I remember seeing humungous conker trees in England. Here they were prized for fence posts but some disease wiped 'em out and now we prefer locust if we can get it, and locust works well. In the woods one will occaisionaly run across a buckeye stump (that's what they call them over here, buckeyes)I forget the taxonomy name, Horse-Chestnut. So anyway which part of sunny ol' England are you from?




I live in a city in the Midalnds called Leicester.

Thanks for your words dr0mni. When you mention meeting people half-way what exactly do you mean?

I guess my biggest problem is getting the grip of social conversations. Most of the time I haven't got a clue what people are talking about and therefore I can't join in. My hearing troubles are a big part of this but even when I can hear what people are saying properly I can't follow a simple converversation. Iam sure that this is a mental illness and would love to find out about mental conditions where this occours so I can get an idea of what may be caausing it. Does anyone have any ideas?


--------------------
"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
-Marge Simpson

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OfflineBooby
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151525 - 01/07/06 05:59 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

I attended a half-ass boarding school near Reading. I forget if that was near leicester.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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Offlinedr0mni
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Posts: 2,921
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151538 - 01/07/06 06:02 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

well i basically mean that you have to be outgoing if you expect to meet people and become more than aquaintences with them. I used to sit around and wait for people to approach me, and I had only one or two friends. But once I had confidence in myself and started to approach new people I found out that most of the people I met really liked me (or at least never hated me).

If you have some kind of disability then don't let that hinder you. I've seen people in wheelchairs dancing real good like crazy, spinning and twirlin' and shit. So use you're disability to know yourself better. Tell people "yeah, I'm a fucking freak and have trouble following conversations because of my hearing, etc." and laugh about it! Maybe they will laugh with you and work past it to get to know you better.

Don't be afraid to do go out and do social things. Throw yourself over the edge! But at the same time be true to who you are.

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Offlinecubeladd
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Registered: 08/21/05
Posts: 962
Loc: Sunny ol' England
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: dr0mni]
    #5151557 - 01/07/06 06:08 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Iam the same at the moment. I never really go out much and so I can't expect to make new relationships. But how do I begin to start to become outgoing when I have nobody to meet and nowhere to go? Sorry if I sound a little dumb here but I genuinely don't even know where to begin.


--------------------
"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
-Marge Simpson

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OfflineBooby
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151559 - 01/07/06 06:09 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

You're an eligable bachelor.

You've got a job.

All you need is a wife.

Forget about the "scene" and concentrate on the wife; have two kids and be king of your castle.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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InvisibleFreeker
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Re: Is my life worth living? [Re: cubeladd]
    #5151562 - 01/07/06 06:10 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

drown your sadness in  :jackdaniels: ?

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