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OfflineNosferatuMan
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Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 527
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: leery11]
    #4990582 - 11/28/05 04:52 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Heh, last guy I talked to about acid claimed it drains your spinal fluid...haha. It's a sad state of affairs when the majority of dealers are idiots pushing drugs they know nothing about. But if that's the case with your hookups there's probably a big chance it may not even be real anyways...

My new apartment will probably resemble yours in about a weeks time. =)

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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: NosferatuMan]
    #4990741 - 11/28/05 05:21 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

man take advantage of a fresh apartment and keep it nice.......

anyway i mean, this is just AFOAF type hookup thing, he said "i can get it" and he said who from, but this guy himself doesn't seem knowledgable about psychedelics..... but the guy he mentioned seemed a little sketchy to me, he seems like he might trip but I dunno if he's the kind of person I'd want to trip with.

(i want to trip with straight out peaceful and gentle hippies)


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
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Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: leery11]
    #4991153 - 11/28/05 06:27 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

(i want to trip with straight out peaceful and gentle hippies)




:thumbup:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna

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OfflineIdiot
I Am Moron!
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Registered: 11/27/05
Posts: 6,554
Loc: 41.90231, 12.45390 Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4992253 - 11/28/05 10:13 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Note: This post may be difficult to understand because of its randomness

i feel the same way, but also people expect things of me, but they never tell me what it is, or maybe - I - expect it and subconsciously make myself believe that its what other people want.

I'm still a young'n in the drug scene, mainly weed, and i just started experimenting with salvia. i have this underlying urge to not drink alcohol, i believe it stems from my dads drinking problem (the way he drinks is that he'll go through an entire bottle of vodka and then sit alone sulking for an entire night and do absolutely nothing). i took his way of drinking and inverted it, i do not drink what so ever (unless I'm sick of a friend asking me to), and go out as often as i can to try to make new friendships and what not. using this life style i ended up with a close nit group of friends (about 20 altogether), and i never make anymore, and we have a few people that enter and depart this group regularly. i, by nature, am not a social person i cant start or carry a conversation, i have no want to know anything about anyone, nor do i have anyone who wants to know about me, and i do not like talking about myself, and the only people i would feel comfortable telling about myself don't want to know. i know that when all is said and done its me who commands the parts of my body to do what they do, but i still feel like a puppet. a discarded puppet. a puppet without a puppeteer.

i'm in my first year of college, i live at home, and don't have a job. right now im responding to this thread instead of writing an English paper that is a week late. i try to attend classes but im not a morning person so i don't go to them, and i seem to think that morning ends at 3:00 PM. im 19 and need a job but don't know where to work or what i would like to work as at the moment, but i do have two carriers planed. one as an architect, or one as a game designer. i would like to move out but i dont have the money or a steady job (as mentioned), nor do i know where to look for a place to live. i dont spend money unless its on weed gas or food. my school and leisure schedules conflict and i dont want to leave school for my friends but i dont think i could go to school without friends. i could get some new "school" friends but that would mean pretty much leaving my regular friends, whom are all dropouts or....law breakers. i am non confrontational but i hang out with people that are confrontational. i would like to hang out with people that like to sit back chill and hang out, go to more than one place when they go out, go to beautiful places. i have a complete different thought process than everyone but yet everyone thinks the same as me (doesnt make sense, huh?). i think that all my feelings are original, but i know that everything im going through has happened before, in some way.

as far as drugs go, like i said earlier, i only smoke weed. like the thread starter i believe im more clear headed when im high. i cant stop rambling thoughts when im sober. i notice minor things and think about how it could "butterfly effect" through both the physical and mental worlds(when im sober). when im high, im normal, i dont have a thought process, i just do, and do well.

i cant remember anything, or at least i think so. when other people speak about past events it seems like their revisiting it. when i try to revisit the past i see nothing. am i over exposed to TVs way of remembering? where you tilt you head to the side and your vision blurs to a different realm where you can relive the past. is it that no one actually sees what their remembering, their just combining words to explain the past, like me?

i dont know where im going with this post, i could go on and on but i figure ill stop now.


--------------------

Customize your Shroomery experience!
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: Idiot]
    #4992368 - 11/28/05 10:58 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

thanks for the response
Quote:

Idiot said:
Note:
i seem to think that morning ends at 3:00 PM.




me too.... I get up at 12 something and i'm not usually "awake" until 3 on my lazy days, but then i get tired again quickly.
Quote:


i am non confrontational but i hang out with people that are confrontational.



this is a HUGE problem for me.... I absolutely detest violence and consider the whole "hell yes let's start a fight" mentality abhorrent...... I cannot stand to be around those types of people and yet most of my male friends are those types of people. One has committed very grievous (too grievous to mention if what he has told me is true) felonies and is currently in the ARMY yeah.... you'd think they'd screen people like him out, but nope.... from his words they encourage that type of behavior, he said to me that once things settle down in Iraq, they'll be able to get away with a lot more "stuff" [read between the lines!]... and this isn't his speculation, it's what his commanding officers have told them..... why is he my friend? Well we go way back, before he was like this...... in HS we went through this angsty nu-metal phase, but he never grew out of it and it led him to pursue a life of crime for a while.... then he tried to straighten up (i think) but ended up in the army....

The other guys aren't nearly as bad (and dont' get me wrong i'm safe as hell around this guy, just.... other people aren't.........) but have a "i'll fight if it's provoked" attitude (led to a police encounter while i was unconscious from drinking and had hydrocodones on me, the cops didn't search me thankfully but thought I was pretending to be passed out........ I don't recall any of this) and yeah they're a bad crowd.

Then there is one friend that I'm just not sure about, he doesn't really do anything at all.... kind of like me... and he isn't open at all... kind of like me, except I try to be open to him moreso than he does to me..... I doubt he'd fight but ..... the last party I was at there was almost an altercation with some sketchy guys loitering the parking lot of one of my friends, and this mellow friend pretty much remarked that a fight would have been "fine" with him...... i don't know if he just said it to sound cool, or if he meant that he'd like to watch the army guy go psycho on them..... ermmm.... anyway.....

I need new friends, I don't want to lose these friends, but they aren't safe to be around.

Quote:


i would like to hang out with people that like to sit back chill and hang out, go to more than one place when they go out, go to beautiful places.


Definitely the same.

Quote:


i cant remember anything, or at least i think so. when other people speak about past events it seems like their revisiting it. when i try to revisit the past i see nothing. am i over exposed to TVs way of remembering? where you tilt you head to the side and your vision blurs to a different realm where you can relive the past. is it that no one actually sees what their remembering, their just combining words to explain the past, like me?

i dont know where im going with this post, i could go on and on but i figure ill stop now.



Okay well, I've always been really confused about what it means to "imagine" because I cannot SEE when I imagine (i kind of can now after lots of drug use) .... and people are always like "picture this in your head" and i'm like, wtf do you mean? See if I think of a tree.... I just think the WORD "tree" and maybe might get a generic "image" but I sure don't "see" it.............

I think MOST people are the same way, but there are a good chunk of people that can really truely see a tree if they want to... and that blows my mind. Lucky bastards.....

I think most people just tell long elaborate stories about their memories though without really seeing stuff.... and honeslty if you're smoking weed, I don't get why you don't remember ! I mean, it kills short term memory a bit, but since I started smoking my long term memory has SKYROCKETED just the most ... obscure stuff from childhood will come up to me.

Like .... okay like in my first post I talked about the Jafarr staff I got for my birthday, well I'll try to describe how the memory is constructed... first of all right now I see a glimpse of Aladdin riding on a carpet while trying to think of how to type this, the vision is completely transparent and at no point ever becomes conrete or mixes with reality, however it's "there" all the same... a very odd phenomena that i have no idea how to explain to people (just take my word it's not very vivid at all)....

but then the memory itself, from this point in time as of writing, I can "see" the package that the staff came in, but just as a general blurb.... it was purple (to my recollection) and you know, it had a story written on the back about what Aladdin wished for.... can I remember what it said? No. But from this memory I can tell you that I was sitting in a chair, and I believe I was facing .... towards a certain area of the house, and I can "see" [again NONE of this is vivid] the VERY generaly layout of the house... and kind of place where my parents would be, though I don't remember where they were per se.....

and from here as I'm opening the present (i don't remember opening it but obviously I infer that I did) they warn me not to read the text because I have not yet seen the movie and it would ruin the plot for me.

From here we go see Aladdin. I get a general "readout" of the gist of things, I don't recall what the theater looks like, but I do recall the movie content and the context of "this is the first time i've seen it" .... I quite enjoyed the first few songs...... then.... in the middle of the film, perhaps where Jasmine gets trapped by sand (does this happen? it had a lot of gold coins in it) the movie DIES and they have a maintenance problem... everyone is irked.... and so we have to go see it again another day, but they refunded our tickets.

NOW this segues into a completely new memory of being at a garage sale..... I wanted to buy this swamp thing toy (not necessarily sure about this, it was some kind of toy) and we went to this restaurant.... but we waited for upwards of an hour and never got our food... I think I wanted a grilled cheese..... now this did not necessarily happen on the same day, I think it may have.... but the memories are directly tied like this....

and now reflecting on this takes me to a time when I had this ghostbusters toy that ... was like this monster that had this giant tongue, and if you press on it it clamps its mouth shut on you... and I was playing with this at a restaurant, and this ..... THIS segues into me playing with toys in the car and dropping one out the window.... if I recall my parents actually went back and we found it .... but I'm not sure on this because logically it doesn't at all seem safe to do....

and now this reminds me of sticking my hand out the window and that I thought it was very neat how quickly cars "whir" by .... they are stationary in the distance but the moment they pass you is so quick... and they produce a gust of wind.

-------- okay see this could go on and on.......... it's all from early childhood, less than 8, greater than 4....... and all these memories are directly tied to each other.

Why? Why not... memories have to tie to each other in some way.

So does that help explain how people construct memories? I don't really see this too much... I mean I think of the car memory and I get a "visual" of the old car, again, not vivid, not a hallucination, not intermingled with reality in any way shape or form... but there nonetheless, in our driveway.... and i get the impression of me sticking my hand out the window.... kind of from third person...

but what are the memories made of? I have no idea.... it would be mind boggling to consider just what the essence of memory is and how the memory is "saved".....

hummmmmmm. Free writing is very neat.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (11/28/05 10:59 PM)

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InvisibleSimisu
taken by gravity
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Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in Flag
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: leery11]
    #4993239 - 11/29/05 07:46 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

yeah free writing is neat indeed...
i was just reading another post i made about climbing trees and des wrote she got 12 stiches last time she went up a tree and WHAME i'm at second/third grade summer vacation at my schools summer camp sitting on a tree and the branch i'm on cracks and i drop to the growned... i can't remember anything about that except there was another kid up there with me and one of the teachers came to help me... i felt ashamed
there's a specific teacher i remember from that summer camp but i can't see a face a name or anything... i just know who she was!
i can also recall some of the feelings/smells about that?

weed does help to bring up old memories... you're simply more concentrated on a single thought (the memory) and you can kinda keep digging if you want...

i don't know if i can say i have a visual memory but just thinking about anything i see it in my minds eye... as soon as i think about anything alse it disappears.
the best i can explain it is the stuff that goes on in the head befor you go to sleep... you can start a train of thought that suddenly gets real... you SEE it and FEEL it... did you ever doze off infront of the TV or something and then had a falling sensetion or just tried walking somewhere and moved the body only to realize it's still on the sopha? that's kinda how it is...

gotta ramble on... sing my song... dodododdoodododododo.....


--------------------
:mushdance::sanpedro::peyote::mushroom2: :heart: Shr:supershroom::supershroom:mery :heart: :mushroom2::peyote::sanpedro::mushdance:
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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: Simisu]
    #5036017 - 12/08/05 08:33 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

okay so..... things seem to be better overall... but i just don't care about school!

I tell myself "I should study" but I don't. It's the day before an exam, I looked over stuff for 20 minutes and considered that to be "enough". While true I cannot possibly vividly understand all this material in one night if I tried..... if I
A) payed more attention in school
B) just briefly studied maybe a few days a week to keep the material fresh in my mind and focus on things I don't understand.

.... I would not have these test problems..... but honestly I don't care. I don't care much about Pearson's R... or statistics.... I don't like this class. The teacher is great, the material isn't too hard, and even with the minimal studying I did I should at least get a C on this exam.... but I need a good GPA... I need As, and sometimes Bs.... but do I care? No I really don't.

I mean even in the class I'm in that is interesting and relating to my major... I don't even read the text...... I don't study much either. I do well on the tests though.... but all in all.

I don't know. It stems from a clear lack of vision regarding the future. Do I really want to grow up? NO! Do I want to get a job? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Does a career in psychology pay well? Hell no. Does it require way too much work considering the low pay benefits? Hell yes. But does it interest me? Absolutely. Drugs, Meditation, altereted states, the body, the mind.... mood..... all this stuff.... it's my interest. But...... I just.... rather loathe the schooling process.

My courses aren't particularly hard right now, but what if they eventually become demanding enough to the point that I truely have to stay on top of things? Will I be able to? If I have the will to I suppose. But where is the will hiding?

I worry that I am wasting my time and setting myself up for failure. The more I learn, the more I realize that school isn't that important. Buying things isn't important. Survival is important, sure, but how much do you need to survive? What is important is..... LIVING LIFE.... establishing great relationships with amazing human beings..... mastering ... arts.... martial arts.... meditation... anything. But what's so rewarding about having some prestigious career? The only thing I can think, is that if I pursue my degree... I'm going to have to find a way to use it to make people's lives genuinely better...... use it as a service to mankind. It can't be about the money, all the commercial bullshit.

But....... if it's not about the money, why on earth do you have to work so tremendously hard and jump through so many ridiculous hoops to make it? Fucking GRE..... all this nonsense.....


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (12/08/05 08:36 PM)

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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
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Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: leery11]
    #5036307 - 12/08/05 09:25 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

My courses aren't particularly hard right now, but what if they eventually become demanding enough to the point that I truly have to stay on top of things? Will I be able to? If I have the will to I suppose. But where is the will hiding?




Maybe this is the problem.  You're just bored with the BS basic courses.  When they get more in tune with what you're striving for, they will get harder, but it will pertain directly to what you want to do with your life and you'll get into them because they will intrigue you.

The problem is that you do have to put up with a bunch of bullshit at first to get to where you want to be so that you don't have to put up with it for the rest of your life working for a series of pricks whose Wives, Husbands, kids or whoever make their lives a living Hell and they end up taking it out on you.  It's basically like putting up with the BS in High School to get to College.  But once you're out in the real world, your in control for the most part and don't have to follow any more paths that someone else dictates to you.  Then you can tell everyone to fuck off and still fall back one your degree if that doesn't pan out! :blush:

Hang in there and keep trying to see the big picture.  I have a job I hate because all I did was party in College and now I'm pretty much stuck in it at this stage of my life because of responsibilities and so forth.  Unlike mine, your Bullshit will end when you get out and start helping people with your degree.  Then you'll be saying the same things that I am to someone who feels just like you do right now!  :cool:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna

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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: VirgilKane]
    #5039477 - 12/09/05 01:18 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

hmm. Well I actually think I did real well on those tests for hardly studying....

Hopefully you're right.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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InvisibleSimisu
taken by gravity
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Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
Re: I don't have priorities. [Re: leery11]
    #5045254 - 12/10/05 05:44 PM (18 years, 2 months ago)

you remind me of "talking shit about a pretty sunset" by Modest Mouse

Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I'm not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
and pinpoint where i am
By the time I get things figured out
I've change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that i'll probably reget soon
I've changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself


you gotta trust your self to know whats right for you and what's not
gotta figure out some kind of priorety...
money is a big issue in life and i can't say i'm free of the same worries but i'm hoping that as long as i'm true to my self and follow what's right for me the issue of money will resolve it self in some way (maybe i'm naive but fuck it i rather live then serve this crazy consumer society for no apparent reason!)


--------------------
:mushdance::sanpedro::peyote::mushroom2: :heart: Shr:supershroom::supershroom:mery :heart: :mushroom2::peyote::sanpedro::mushdance:
      Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth
      :sun: Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum :sun:


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