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OfflineBabyGrasshopper
Stranger
Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 11
Last seen: 18 years, 3 months
My first trip was scary and beautiful! Life changing event!
    #4893508 - 11/04/05 12:01 PM (18 years, 4 months ago)

Just a warning this is long...but I really want to share my first trip with people that understand. You see, I'm a Christian and very active in my community. This would make some of my friends completely freak out on me.

I am 34 years old. My husband, also a Christian, has been an avid shroomer for a few years. He even grew some in our back bedroom. I was okay with it as long as he didn't try to sell it. But I didn't want to have anything to do with it as the idea of hallucinogens made me a little nervous. He was always respectful and tripped with friends at their places and never pushed me to do it. I never felt it was wrong, but I was just naive to the whole idea of tripping. You fear what you don't know I guess.

So last weekend, my husband takes me camping for our anniversary. I had become closer to the idea of tripping without it scaring me. I trust my husband implicitly so that really helped me. So we take the dried mushies with us just in case the right opportunity arises. Saturday morning we wake up to a gorgeous day, cook breakfast by the fire, and then take a drive around the state park a bit. When we get back it's mid afternoon. We realize how empty the park is. The little tent site we're staying at has NO other tent campers around. About 300 yards away there is a trailer site with about 10 - 12 campers, but they're all pretty quiet and don't come near our area. So we're pretty isolated. My husband tells me with the weather, the isolation, and our moods, that if we're going to trip the conditions are pretty ideal. I finally have the peace and courage to try so I say okay.

I start a pot of water for some Lipton tea. I watch (a little nervously) as my husband grinds up the mushies in a coffee grinder. (He says there were an Ecuadorian strain?) The tea is brewed and I pour it into some cups. He gives me about two heaping teaspoons of ground mushrooms, I don't know what that comes to in grams. But I am 5' 2" and 100 lbs, so I know it wouldn't take much for me. And he stirs some into his cup. And then we sit down to drink our tea in the middle of our campsite.

It was about 3:30 in the afternoon. It was a beautiful day, but slightly chilly in the shade if the wind blew. I made sure to stir the tea frequently so I didn't have a big glob of mushies at the bottom of my tea. I was prepared for a little nauseasness, but the tea didn't taste bad at all, so it didn't bother me. The texture was a little odd. I also had not had anything to eat for a couple hours, so I had a nearly empty stomach. It took about 20 minutes for me to finish my cup of tea. I just remember feeling VERY relaxed, cozy, and a little sleepy. He looks at me and says, ?Now remember: you are here with me and it?s just us. No matter what you think, we?re here together.? I don?t remember really understanding his words, but I remember trusting it would come to me. At this point things get a little fuzzy for me. I was almost in a dreamlike state.

Around 4:00 I decided that I had to go to the bathroom from all the tea. So my husband walks with me to the bathroom facility, which was a little dark and not the neatest place. A little moldly, a few spiders settled in the corners. I don't remember being scared as I had just taken a shower there that morning. After that we walk to a huge meadow in the middle of the campground. The sun was shining, but it was breezy so I put on my sweater. I remember thinking that my legs felt like they were literally made of strawberry Jell-O. I giggled at the idea of putting whipped cream on them.

We lay down in the middle of the meadow next to some trees. I had our little dog with us on a leash, so she sat next to me and we just enjoyed the sun. I don't remember my husband and I talking much. Just being still and enjoying the beautiful day. I started to lose track of time around now. I realized as I lay on my back that I see everything around me in a bit of a kaleidoscope fashion. Everything is swirling and twirling and it's so beautiful! But the shapes and the movement just captivated me...so strange that the human eye could see like a children's kaleidoscope toy! I sat up and realized the trees leaves that were blowing in the wind were really kind of melting into each other, likes waves in an ocean. It was like they were alive and breathing on their own and I could see it. The picnic pavilion about 100 yards away had some strange mineral stains on the shingles and even they were moving, like waves on a beach. I then looked at my husband and he had all of this beautiful sunshine surrounding him. Bright sunshine, sparkling off his hair like a halo. He just smiled at me. I felt very close to him, loved by him, and without saying any words, I knew he loved me a lot too. We cuddled closer and I remember saying, "It feels like heaven out here in this grass. Heaven on earth." I lay down again and stared at the clouds. This is where things got a little stranger to me. The clouds were swirling into faces. Scary faces. They looked like devils with horns and skulls with jagged teeth. But I wasn't frightened. I just remember thinking, "Go away. This is my experience and you are not going to spoil it." So I quit looking at the clouds and went back to looking at the tree leaves melting. I looked at my hands and realized they were melting. All of my little wrinkles looked like they were trying to get off of my hands. I remember thinking, "You can't go anywhere wrinkles. I need you so my hands won't crack when I want to move them." I looked back at my husband and his face looked a little strange. Like it was getting older before my eyes. His skin kind of freaked me out, so I looked at the trees again. I remembered a friend telling me she saw the devil in her husband?s face on her first trip and she never looked at him the same after the trip. They divorced not too long afterwards. I didn?t see the devil, but his skin just looked strange?like it was melting and aging all at the same time. The last thing I wanted was for my husband's face to be scary to me. But still, I wasn't scared, just cautious. I WAS aware that I needed to tread carefully with anything that might scare me or I'd have a bad trip. I focused on his arms around my back and the gentle touch of his hand in mine.

I looked down at the grass and on a tiny leaf blade there was a baby grasshopper about the size of a staple. It was so tiny and completely formed. So cute! I wondered where his mommy was and did she know he was out chilling with the humans in the meadow. If she knew he was hanging out while we were tripping he?d get in trouble. My husband watched the grasshopper with me. I remember hearing sounds off in the distance, like in a dream. I saw a few campers driving on the road leaving the camp. I was nervous that they knew we were "on drugs". So I just picked grass off my sweater and tried to look normal. I remember a tree squeaking while it moved in the wind. It sounded old, like it had arthritis in his throat. My husband I and giggled over it trying to talk to us. So I'm guessing for about 30 minutes or so we just laid in that meadow and soaked up the sun and enjoyed the scenery. Again, I felt very warm, cozy, and I felt like I could feel my husband's love for me without him even saying anything.

The next memory I have is of us sitting in our campsite again. I don't remember getting there. I remember feeling a little woozy and chilly. We were back in the shade and I had to pee again. So my husband asks me if I want him to go with me. I stood up and felt a little shaky, so I said yes. We started to walk to the bathroom again, but the closer we got, the more scared I got. In the middle of the road, I stopped and turned to him. I said, "We have to stop. I'm not sure why, but I know if we go there, I'm going to have a bad trip." The memory of the mold and spiders scared me. So we walked down to another bathroom facility that was for the trailer campers about 200 yards away. The memory of the scary bathroom faded away. I was a little nervous, as this new bathroom was closer to people. We didn?t want to be around anyone else, in case, they ruined our trip. But there weren?t any people by the bathrooms. So I focused on the sun and how beautiful it was and I just enjoyed the feeling of my husband's hand in mine. And I enjoyed watching my little dog walk in front of us.

My husband waited for me outside the camp bathroom facility, while I went to sit on the commode. Now I don't want to get terribly graphic about a potty incident, but this is where I realized I was tripping pretty hard. I remember sitting and not being able to go. And then I looked up and saw the tiles on the floor, dirty and grimy, all of a sudden get really clean. And then dirty and grimy and then clean. Strange. I then realized I was completely alone. I couldn't hear a peep of sound; the silence rang in my ears. I had a fleetingly scary moment that I would be alone for the rest of my life in that room. So I called my husband's name out in the silence. I heard him answer from outside. Whew! He was still here. I asked him to come into the bathroom. So he walked in with the dog on her leash and stood by the sink. Somehow he knew I was scared. I still couldn't pee. For some reason I was afraid I was about to wet my pants. I double-checked and I WAS sitting on a toilet with my pants down, so I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I thought maybe I was nervous because my husband could hear me pee, so I asked him to leave. He laughed and said okay. So I tried to pee again, but couldn't. I sat and tried to relax. I looked at my hands. They still looked like the wrinkles were trying to escape. Still couldn't pee. So I got up and walked out the door. Hubby was waiting for me with our dog. But I told him I had to pee really badly, so I went back into the bathroom. Again - couldn't pee. This happened about three times. Each time I was scared I would pee and then wake up and find I?d peed my pants. I walked out, walked back in and couldn't pee. Finally I got frustrated and decided to hold it in. I remember being nervous if anyone had seen me walking in and out of the bathroom. I asked my husband and he said that if they did, it just looked like a man who had a wife that had diarrhea or couldn't make up her mind. I remember thinking that was just the most hysterical thing I'd ever heard. My dog was looking at me funny, but she had a smile on her face like she understood the joke. The sun was shining bright on our backs and I loved the vision of our shadows walking hand in hand in front of me. I thought, "This is our Life. Taking a journey together. THIS is a trip ? Life is a trip." I turned to my husband and said, "I have to pee." He said, "I don't believe you" and laughed. We were walking back to the campsite.

At the campsite I remember putting my coat on. I was cold at this point. I remember my husband stretching and saying he was really tripping. I realized, like it was a new thought, I'm tripping too! Again, my dog was looking at me funny. I remember thinking I knew what she was thinking, and it was "What are you doing? Why are you acting funny?" I tried to pet her, but her fur felt weird...almost fake. I sat down on a lawn chair and looked at my hands again. I looked at my watch to see what time it was and it was about 5:15 at this point.

We decided to get something to eat. He grabbed a Tupperware of cut vegetables in our cooler. I remember thinking cucumbers sounded really good. And they were. They were really cold and crispy and I felt like they were the coolest texture of anything I'd ever eaten. I felt like I'd never eaten anything before this moment. We drank a little water and Gatorade, ate a few more vegetables, just enjoying the crunchy coldness. I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember it being hysterical. Silly things that would just send us into reels of laughter. I remember looking around to see if anyone could hear or see us. I remember looking around a lot, worried about onlookers. Of course, nobody was ever there.

I looked at my watch again. It was melting on my wrist, but I tugged at it and liked feeling the strength of the metal. It was about 6:15 at this point, but I didn't know what that meant. And I couldn't remember when we started. I felt like the memory of sitting in that meadow with the talking tree was about 500 years ago. I said so to my husband and he said that was common on a trip. We had done very little conversing on this trip. It seemed like we could talk without talking. I knew what he was thinking. Very strange. At this point I was very aware that my husband was tripping. His movements were a little jagged. Like a movie where every other frame was missing...fluidity wasn't in his bones. I felt like were both in our own little trips, but our trips kept bumping into each other like bumper cars in an enclosed area. It was comforting to me to know he was there. Several times we looked at each other and our eyes just started tearing up. I felt very close to him. I remember him saying, "Trips are really emotional sometimes." I nodded. He came over and hugged me. I remember lots of hugs.

At this point I started to go into a mental spiral. My eyes were closed, but I was dreaming while I was awake. At least that's what it felt like. I watched my husband try to build a fire and felt like I'd seen him in that very moment a dozen times in the past. I remember wondering how was I ever going to go back to my job in this mental state. My boss would realize I?m tripping! How would I function? I remember seeing other faces of friends and family back home, but having a hard time remembering who they were. How was I going to church ever again? I can?t focus on my thoughts, let alone a sermon. I couldn't remember my parents? faces. It was as if that was a different person in a different lifetime. I thought where I was birthed and who birthed me didn?t matter. I was HERE. NOW. That?s all that mattered, but I wondered if those people would wonder where I was. I remember thinking I was in a time warp and that I'd be at this campsite tripping for the rest of my life. That scared me a little. Like, "What did I do? How could I let my husband let me take this stuff? I'm never getting out of here." I was beginning to panic. I turned to my husband who was sitting down again. I said in a whisper, "Is this ever going to end?" He whispered back, "Yes. It will. Just be patient." I remember saying that several more times as I sat in that chair. And every time my husband responded the same way. With lots of patience and love in his voice. I focused on his eyes and face. It no longer melted, but it was focused on me. His eyes were asking me to believe him. So I did. I trusted him and the panic went away. I kept remembering his words at the beginning of the trip: ?Now remember: you are here with me and it?s just us. No matter what you think, we?re here together.? I pulled comfort from that.

At some point I got up and went to the tent. I felt a little scared (it was getting dark) and I wanted to be someplace safe. I remember the feeling of the zipper on the tent was a strange sensation. But my husband followed me in there. We took off our coats and snuggled in the sleeping bags. He put his arms around me and held me on our blankets. Even though I trusted him, I was scared of feeling like I would never leave the trip. He continued holding me in his arms, not saying much.

I know this sounds strange, but I started to have visions of me peeing (I still hadn't done it yet and really had to go!), giving birth to a child, and having orgasms all at the same time. The visions morphed into one another. I knew I was imagining it, but I felt those "moments" of life swirling around me. Almost like they were beckoning me to experience them. I felt like I had experienced them before and would never do it again. (Although in real life, I have never given birth.) I remember feeling like crying over never experiencing sex with my husband again. I remember being frightened over childbirth pains. I felt like I had lived several lifetimes in the last few hours and I was a fool for not having had sex or giving birth while I could. I told my husband, ?I?m ready to have a child with you.? (We had been discussing when would a good time to start a family in the last several months. He?s been ready for awhile, I?ve not been.) He smiled and said, ?Good. Good.? I felt relieved at his response.

I remember having a hard time distinguishing between my visions and reality, but I didn't want to say anything because it would make it real. But I finally said it to my husband, "I'm having a hard time with what's real in my mind and what's not. Please tell me this ends. I want it to be over now." He said, "It will end. Just be patient." I said, ?You keep saying that, but it won?t end.? He just hugged me tighter and continued to hold me while I continued to fight the fearful visions of childbirth and fight the sadness of never having sex again. I really felt like it was a FIGHT going on in my soul and my husband?s arms were containing it. I felt like I was asleep, but still awake. The warmth and strength of my husband?s arms was so comforting.

After awhile I became lucid, feeling like I was waking from a dream. I sat up. My husband just watched as I found my earrings by my blanket and put them back on. The "snap" of the clasp felt good to me. I put my watch on and the "snap" of that felt good to me. Familiar. It proved to me that I was awake and not dreaming. It was about 7:45 by now. My husband was watching me like while I had been sleeping and I felt like I just caught him watching. I realized then that his whole trip was about taking care of me and wanting me to have a good trip. My love for him just ballooned ten times over.

I stepped out of the tent into the chilly night and took a deep breath. I looked at the tent and realized it was a womb...that had just given birth to me. I was awake, cold, and AWAKE like I'd never been awake before. AND I HAD TO PEE!!! Since it was dark I went behind a tree and finally let go. I swear it was almost orgasmic to finally empty my bladder!

I went back to the site and helped my husband build a fire to get warm. I had the clearest feeling in my head. Like I was so at peace and in control of every fiber of my being...even my hair. I felt spiritually calm and still. I had no fear. I felt no hostility or anger. I felt loved and loving. My ears felt awake, like I could hear sounds for the first time. My lungs felt extra big, like I could breathe in more air than ever before. The cold air felt good in them.

We shared our trip memories with each other around the campfire. It felt so good to converse with my husband. He was more animated than I've ever seen him. (He's rather reserved.) I loved hearing his perspective of me while he tripped. I felt closer to him than anyone I've ever been to. When they say tripping together can be emotional and bonding, they mean it!

Before we know it, it's almost 11:00 pm. My husband is getting sleepy, so we crawl back into the tent and fall asleep in each other's arms. I wake up about 1:30 wide-awake and decide to do my bible study I'd been putting off that day. I turn on a flashlight and read under my sleeping bag, like a little kid. It was the BEST bible study I've ever had! The words and the meanings of Ephesians just jumped out at me, like a movie. I learned so much!

The clear feeling has lasted almost all week. I?ve felt rejuvenated and alive like I haven?t ever felt in my life. Last night (Thursday) was the first night I started feeling frustrated and muddled again about Life. But the memory of that clear-headed feeling really puts my difficult moments back in perspective. I feel I have a new perspective on Life. My God. My marriage. My husband. My friends. My mission in Life. All of it is new and exciting! Again, it felt like I had lived several lifetimes in a few hours and I was given a second chance to live again.

I must say that my mushroom trip was a Life changing event for me. It was terrifying and beautiful and definitely eye opening. I'm so grateful to my husband for taking me there.

A

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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
Re: My first trip was scary and beautiful! Life changing event! [Re: BabyGrasshopper]
    #4893687 - 11/04/05 12:45 PM (18 years, 4 months ago)

Awesome! You had a good guide, but I think maybe he should have given you a *little* less for your first time. Tripping in nature is always the best. Thanks for a great report, it was a very good read. :smile:


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."

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Offlinerobmac9090
typical tadpole

Registered: 08/09/05
Posts: 81
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
Re: My first trip was scary and beautiful! Life changing event! [Re: BabyGrasshopper]
    #4897486 - 11/05/05 02:22 PM (18 years, 4 months ago)

A very good read indeed. Thanx for sharing it with us.

Do you think that you will ever try tripping again, or was that one time enough for you?

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OfflineBabyGrasshopper
Stranger
Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 11
Last seen: 18 years, 3 months
Re: My first trip was scary and beautiful! Life changing event! [Re: robmac9090]
    #4908213 - 11/08/05 08:00 AM (18 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks Divided Sky and robmac. I know it's a long post, but I partly wrote it for my own diary, not just for others reading pleasure. :-)

robmac, you asked:

"Do you think that you will ever try tripping again, or was that one time enough for you?"

As of right now I don't know the answer to that. It has definitely changed my viewpoint on my life. I feel less stress...more "going with the flow" attitude. Things don't bother me like normal. I'm a pretty "high anxiety" type of person.

A part of me is scared to take another trip, for fear it will be bad and then ruin the first one. But a part of me is leaving myself open to another trip for further spiritual enlightenment. Who knows? *shrug*

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OfflineBooby
Agent Mulder
 User Gallery
Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
Re: My first trip was scary and beautiful! Life changing event! [Re: BabyGrasshopper]
    #4908725 - 11/08/05 11:06 AM (18 years, 4 months ago)

I've only tried shrooms a few times and each time it's been like this:
Quote:

BabyGrasshopper said:
I had the clearest feeling in my head. Like I was so at peace and in control of every fiber of my being...even my hair. I felt spiritually calm and still. I had no fear. I felt no hostility or anger. I felt loved and loving.



for the entire trip, but then I only took a little. The Peace and the love and the incredible awareness is what I look for, and so I probably wont ever take more than one spoonfull.

Nice trip-report. I remember feeling 'lucid' for about a month after my experiences. Please post on this thread if you try it again so we can compare your experiences. Very interesting, thanks.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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