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pumpkin sex
    #4876963 -

This was in the "Washington Post"... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever." This is pretty damn good. Drunk and horny, he still came up with this!

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4876971 -

lol nice story. i enjoyed it atleast


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Banez' PF Tek For Beginners

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877080 -

atleast he wasnt fucking a bat....:lol:

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Skunk420]
    #4877095 -

yea fucking a bat would be crazy, but this story has got me thinking cuz there is a pumpkin pach near my house and it is close to midnight so who knows i might be the next guy in the news

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877196 -

My God that is truely an incredible comeback. Really one for the books.

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Skunk420]
    #4877202 -

Hahaha! Thats funny as hell :grin:


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877218 -

I fuck hella pumpkins.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877251 -

ok so did you carve a hole in yours and fuck it on your front porch for everyone to see?

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877279 -

Yes.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877297 -

ok, just asking  :shrug:

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877342 -

He shoulda stuck to eggplant...

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4877385 -

I have sex with all kinds of things.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877388 -

Watermelons are my favorite.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877392 -

Broken glass is a close second.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877395 -

Then knives.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877422 -

I prefer the waste needle bags from hospitols myself.


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When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro.

-H. S. Thompson

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: hobbitxkillyou]
    #4877456 -

I prefer to plug those.

Sideways.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877611 -

who could get off in a punkin? self sex is much more pleasureable..then a vegetable....:lol:

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Skunk420]
    #4877616 -

skunk78395 said:
who could get off in a punkin? self sex is much more pleasureable..then a vegetable....:lol:


Obviously me.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4877646 -

wow








i prefer a vagina


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- - - T H E E N D - - -


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: FL_accciD]
    #4879057 -

i fucked a balloon

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: FL_accciD]
    #4879084 -

That's gay stuff, right there.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4879091 -

i also have a flesh light www.fleshlight.com

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4879102 -

That won't fit in my ass, what's so great about it?


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4879107 -

its not for your ass

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4879120 -

Oh, that's gay.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4879141 -

no puting things up your ass is gay

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4879171 -

Nice rating, gay hater.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4879244 -

hahaha that shit was funny! The cop was a chick too, she should have finished him off!


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:orly:


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4879927 -

HELLA_TIGHT said:
Watermelons are my favorite.

is that you on the left with the ponytail?



i hope this is allowed in the pub, btw  :blush:
i didn't see any rules saying 'no posting vids of HELLA_TIGHT fucking a melon'

:wink:


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buh

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: shirley knott]
    #4879939 -

hahahahah that is fucking funny as hell :rofl2:

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4880164 -

Quote:
BLAST_420 said:
Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.



just so everyone knows... this never happened, it's been floating around the net for years, the name and location has changed several times


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: shirley knott]
    #4880178 -

Fuck yeah, I was hoping someone would post that.

:lol:


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #4880189 -

thats nice to know guess i better call the Washington post

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4880203 -

/can't take joke


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4880210 -

BLAST_420 said:
thats nice to know guess i better call the Washington post


I was alittle disappointed myself since I lived in Gwinnett County and knew a patrick lawrence


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #4880219 -

Me too. He tried to go down on me once.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #4880223 -

i would so rag on him if it where true even more if he was the patrick lawrence who did it

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: BLAST_420]
    #4880246 -

I had to check the sex offender registry just to make sure he wasnt bullshitting
he still gets ragged on


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #4880313 -

im sorry but i dont get the punchline someone please explain.


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George Bush has all the symptoms of schizophrenia, dellusions, (WMD + Iraq's nuclear weapons program) vauge-impoverished speech, hearing voices (god told him to invade Iraq) paranoia and delusion of grandure. -some guy

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: scattass]
    #4880324 -

cinderella?


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buh

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: shirley knott]
    #4882142 -

i get it now. thanks.


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George Bush has all the symptoms of schizophrenia, dellusions, (WMD + Iraq's nuclear weapons program) vauge-impoverished speech, hearing voices (god told him to invade Iraq) paranoia and delusion of grandure. -some guy

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: scattass]
    #9145014 -

I just had to bump this,too funny!:tongue:The 2 guys fucking the watermelon made me laugh too.I wonder if their dicks were touching in there??:confused:


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: FL_accciD]
    #9145678 -

lol its funny it was a woman officer she would go up to a guy screwing a pumpkin


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"You all are just  puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain...""
you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #9145760 -

Urban Legend

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl-pumpkin-sex.htm

Larry, is that YUO?


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https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-for-renee-goods-wife-and-son

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Baby_Hitler]
    #9145776 -

dude people totally fuck pumkins the best i heard was like night this girl i know, knows a guy literally that fucked a VCR like in the family guy episode


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"You all are just  puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain...""
you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: thedudenj]
    #9145849 -

This was the greatest story i have heard in a long time! ty!


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~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Kada]
    #9145895 -

Cucumber Al taught me how you can fuck a cucumber.


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Multiplied

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: Dickhead]
    #11275864 -

bump for halloweeny pumpkin sex.


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"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: FL_accciD]
    #11275910 -

FL_accciD said:
wow








i prefer a vagina



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actually my posts suck but i have a funny sig


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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: FL_accciD]
    #11275975 -

That was nice story xD


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What is a mind, if not something to be messed with? What is consciousness, if not a state to be altered?

~I Feel
:mushroom2:
at Home~

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: dstark]
    #11281155 -

Opening scene for a porno? "Based on a true story"

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Re: pumpkin sex [Re: elfamale]
    #11288637 -

Look,it's the great PUMPkin Charlie Brown.



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