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Offlineswiftrance
Let there be light

Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 449
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help
    #4800370 - 10/13/05 07:36 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Hey guys, id like to share whats been goin on with me lately. i consider myself an intellectual person. i always believed that having a dependence on anything was a huge sign of weakness, be it cigs, alcohol or antidepressants. but now i just dont know. im so tired of suffering.

Since i can remember (around 6th grade), every so often id fall into these depressive episodes for weeks or even a few months. everything in the world seemed so fruitless and pointless. like living took so much effort just to exist why even bother. i had a suicidal episode around that time but have never gotten that close to killing myself since. im not a lazy person, actually around this time i joined track/xc and became a very successful runner. running actually helped pull me out of alot of hard times id have. its strange but i think my ups and downs have alot to do with how my life would change every season getting back to the huge commitment that sport was.

every year, i could almost predict the month, id get so down and negative... god it sucked. but i'd beat it somehow or another through lots of meditation, talking about it with friends etc. this turned me into a very solid, chilled, introverted person.

well now im in my 3rd year in college and this just sucks. i quit my sport because instead of relieving stress like it used to it now made me more miserable. i truly have no interest in social interactions. my grades are slipping. lately ive been having trouble sleeping. This all started right before i got to college, during that summer. and has yet to go away.

i attributed my depression then to alot of things: broke up with 3year gf, losing my friends goin to college, sudden drop in drug use. these were all supposed to be temporary though. ive tried lots of things since then, increased meditation, supplements, hobbies, i even started smoking cigs to help deal with the stress but i dont want to do that anymore. im screwing up my life!

i feel like i cant handle this by myself anymore. lately ive been doing alot of research about depression and anxiety and want to see a doc soon to see what kind of help i can get. i absolutely loath psychiatrists and refuse to see one. i dont have a very addictive personality so im not That worried about becoming dependant on meds. i'd like to give em a try but theres just so much out there i dont know what to do. thanks alot if you read this far. this is my cry for help and much needed venting. i sure could use some knowledge about this stuff before i go see a doctor so i know i wont get screwed somehow.
im depressed... i need a temporary fix to get through this time in my life. help
-hunter


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Invisiblepeepeepottypants
Stranger
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Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 1,040
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4800459 - 10/13/05 08:00 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Goodness, SO MUCH of that I can relate to, dare I say it is nearly uncanny to my factors with my depression recently and even the time and age I felt it begin.

LAtely I've been feeling the complete despair subside, so I feel I cant talk to you from a slightly more hopeful place.

1- remember you are NOT alone. Depression is such a highly isolating feeling.

2- Remember that although it may not get better to the point of satisfaction, it always subsides like a wave.

I would recommend comedy. I've found that others comedy as well as comedy I have found in books has made me smile without realizing it at times, and once you catch yourself smiling it can really help the depression wave subsiding. Its almost like tricking yourself.

Also, you are NOT failing in life. Although I completly understand how you can feel that you are by your own standards...remember there are a lot more people digging deeper holes.

If you ever want to talk, I'm here to listen.

If you decide not to go on meds (which Im not in any position to tell you either way will work) remember that depression will subside, as hopeless and daunting as it is, the wave will recede.

I hope you begin to find solace within these dark days


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Invisiblecateyes
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Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 2,754
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: peepeepottypants]
    #4800605 - 10/13/05 08:26 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

hello swiftrance... all i can say to you is i understand your experience and i hope you can work your way through this... you seem cool

peace

cateyes


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4800846 - 10/13/05 09:16 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

You've taken a powerful step in deciding to see a doctor.  Good luck tomorrow.  :heart:


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OfflineCLUTCH
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Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 879
Last seen: 1 month, 6 days
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4801864 - 10/14/05 12:27 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

good luck bro.

You are doing the right things for yourself right now.

let us know how it goes.

CLUTCH


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OfflineSneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
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Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: CLUTCH]
    #4802032 - 10/14/05 01:03 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

smoking crack is a good remedy for depression.... atleast as good as any other drug out there, legal or illegal.

Im sure i will catch hell for this (cuz i always do!), and I first want to say good job on atleast becoming somewhat proactive towards controlling and "fixing" your life/emotional state.

1)YOU ARE ONLY HELPLESS IF YOU THINK YOU ARE!
2) once you (if you) can stop feeling sorry for yourself, and attempt to see beyond yourself, try helping others out, volunteer somewhere, do something proactive to help improve the environment around you.
3) obesity isnt a disease, it is a lack of willpower and discipline. So is "depression".
4) happiness isnt found in a pill, only instant gratification is.
5) drugs will only mask the problems, like throwing newspaper on dog piss.

depression stems completely from being self-absorbed, which is easy to do in this society. Read the first post and see if it doesnt reek of self-absorbed thought.

maybe I am putting it too harsh, but the last thing you need is people giving you empathy/sympathy and pity, most other forms of attention are much healthier for the mind anyway.
I mean this in all sincerity, and it is something i do truly care about, im not just being an asshole, as a fellow shroomerite, i care about your well-being and only offer this as an alternative viewpoint, because if you look at the others that posted in here, they too are constantly struggling with the exact same thing, and have been (it seems) for years, giving you advice about the drugs that they have been on for years while still being depressed to this day.

good luck, i hope you take this atleast into consideration.


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InvisiblePyjamas
Stranger
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 48
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #4802867 - 10/14/05 09:31 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Are you honestly saying that one shouldn't seek attention and take up smoking crack because it can help deal with depression, yet at the same time drugs can mask the problem?

Depression *IS* a disease and it's rampant. Just because it can't spread like the flu doesn't mean that it isn't a "disease" as you might think it. Try telling someone with a chemical imbalance that their depression is as a result of lack of will power and motivation. It's a result of depression, not the cause.

The best advice i can offer you swift is to try and develop simple routines and stick to them as best you can for as long as possible. Having a plan of action is a great way to get through the day when you are so used to waking up and not really thinking about what's coming next. Eat as healthily as possible. Try and get plenty of fresh air and exercise when you can. Go for short 10-15 minute walks listening to some good music.
Don't get me wrong, your depression isn't just gonna vanish like that but the simplest little things help from what I've seen.

Try this for a few weeks and if you feel better, maybe then would be a good time to talk to someone anonymously about what help you can get to reduce this problem in the future.

Take my word for it, don't start taking stuff like crack. Maybe lay off the drugs altogether. You're young, there'll be plenty of time for that stuff later on. The sheer fact that you mentioned crack psilocyberin makes my blood boil. You idiot! The last thing someone with depression needs is a severe addiction that will only make more problems and at the same time not solve any.

Self absorbed my fucking ass.


--------------------
. . . Lime and limpid green, the sound surrounds the icy waters underground . . .


Edited by Pyjamas (10/14/05 09:32 AM)


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Pyjamas]
    #4803156 - 10/14/05 11:40 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Pyjamas said:
Are you honestly saying that one shouldn't seek attention and take up smoking crack because it can help deal with depression, yet at the same time drugs can mask the problem?






Er, yeah Psilocyberin. That's the worst advice ever....


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Offlineswiftrance
Let there be light

Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 449
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Pyjamas]
    #4803175 - 10/14/05 11:52 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you all for your support! Its so hard to tell other people that 'D' word once youve decided to get help. i really appreciate all of your suggestions/advice.

Well, i just got back from seeing a physician. i started by calling my schools health services and was transfered around at least 5 times before i found an actual doctor who was willing to see me asap. I went in an had my vitals checked etc, then spoke with the doc about my prob and depression for a good 30 minutes. She was very understanding and asked me sincerily if i was ok with taking taking meds to help my situation before laying it on me.

After answering questions about my sleep habits, anxiety, stresses and school she let me know which medication might work best. Her first suggestion and the one i did accept was Lexapro. She told me it was one of the newer antidepressants out there and that it had minimal side-effects. I asked her how it compared to other meds like Zoloft, Prozac, or Wellbutrin, and she said this new one had the least amount of side effects in her experience and is most similar to Wellbutrin. It's hopefully going to help me regain some motivation to start getting to class and keep going regularly as well as help regain my confidence to beat this thing. My prescription is for 20mg tablets but she told me i should go the first week with half tabs (10mg) and if thats all i need i could stay there or i can start taking the regular 20mg dose.

I have 2 more appointments. one a week later with the same doctor to see how the dosage is working for me. And another later in the month to see a psychiatrist (not counselor) who focuses mainly on the meds and who i can talk to about the antidepressants further.

Again thank you so much for your support. This is something ive been dealing with for a few years now and although ive tried just about everything to help myself get over this on my own, its still getting worse. Im still going to keep working out, taking meditating walks etc to beat this thing. 
thank you guys, youve all been such a great help.  :heart:
hunter


--------------------


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4803183 - 10/14/05 11:56 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Glad you're about to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, you're not alone in this.  :smile:


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InvisiblePyjamas
Stranger
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 48
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4803760 - 10/14/05 02:45 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Absolutely fantastic. Good job.


--------------------
. . . Lime and limpid green, the sound surrounds the icy waters underground . . .


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OfflineHB
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Registered: 04/06/01
Posts: 42,528
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Pyjamas]
    #4803933 - 10/14/05 03:36 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

im glad you are getting help, i deal with depression and anxiety more than i don't every day, and will be going back to therapy ...

i think it should be important to note, however, that antidepressants are a temporary relief, but they only make it easy so that you can then figure out what is wrong and fix it and then go off antidepressants ... they don't seem so safe for very long term usage, but until you get back on your feet they may help you

best of luck :smile:


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OfflineSneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
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Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Pyjamas]
    #4804749 - 10/14/05 07:29 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Pyjamas said:
Are you honestly saying that one shouldn't seek attention and take up smoking crack because it can help deal with depression, yet at the same time drugs can mask the problem?

Depression *IS* a disease and it's rampant. Just because it can't spread like the flu doesn't mean that it isn't a "disease" as you might think it. Try telling someone with a chemical imbalance that their depression is as a result of lack of will power and motivation. It's a result of depression, not the cause.

The best advice i can offer you swift is to try and develop simple routines and stick to them as best you can for as long as possible. Having a plan of action is a great way to get through the day when you are so used to waking up and not really thinking about what's coming next. Eat as healthily as possible. Try and get plenty of fresh air and exercise when you can. Go for short 10-15 minute walks listening to some good music.
Don't get me wrong, your depression isn't just gonna vanish like that but the simplest little things help from what I've seen.

Try this for a few weeks and if you feel better, maybe then would be a good time to talk to someone anonymously about what help you can get to reduce this problem in the future.

Take my word for it, don't start taking stuff like crack. Maybe lay off the drugs altogether. You're young, there'll be plenty of time for that stuff later on. The sheer fact that you mentioned crack psilocyberin makes my blood boil. <b>You idiot! </b>The last thing someone with depression needs is a severe addiction that will only make more problems and at the same time not solve any.

Self absorbed my fucking ass.




why do you so vehemently attack my viewpoint on this, going as far as flaming (reference-- "you idiot!" in above post)? would not a simple dissent have done the job?.......

I never gave any advice to go smoke crack. I dont wish for anyone to smoke crack, especially to "cure" their problems. I know it helps your rant/argument out to villify me, but lets try keep this as civil as possible while not losing the big picture that is "we have all posted within this forum to help swiftrance".

I urge all of you to go truly do some research about this subject...please. True unbiased research, think about it "logically and rationally", ask the simple questions like "what are the statistics and percentage of Americans with depression?".
I could go on and give you mounds of such info, but i dont want to derail this thread, i wish for the focus to remain on swiftrance and his problem.

Swiftrance, please dont just accept that you are a biological and genetical "victim", atleast go research and question exactly what proof there is out there, because i read pages upon pages of newsworthy articles from reputable sources, trying to find someone with concrete proof of the cause of depression.

You were given an easy way out, someone else justifying your misery for you, and you hopped on the answer, without ever questioning it.
Have you read reports, studies, findings current and old which talk about the cause or validity of "chemical imbalance"?

"chemical imbalance" is merely a theory to the cause of depression... why? because it hasnt been proven. There are plenty of other ideas and theories as to the cause of "depression" and i urge you to atleast entertain these other possibilities before trying to find happiness in a bottle, nor is it in a crack pipe.

***back to you pyjamas*** check out the addiction stats on anti-depressants, mood modifyers, amphetamines and anti-psychotics. Maybe even attempt to study some of this information yourself before you attempt to give life altering/scientific advice on a subject you arent learned on.

I am not doing this for fun, nor to be an asshole, nor to stir up shit, nor to argue. I simply feel that there are alternative solutions and various ways of getting at the root of depression, and I want it to be heard because I care just as much as the rest of the people on this thread about "depression" and the people whom are affected by it.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #4804891 - 10/14/05 08:13 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Well, you DID write in your very first sentence; "smoking crack is a good remedy for depression.... atleast as good as any other drug out there, legal or illegal" so we just assumed that's what you were recommending. :shrug:

Anyway, the chemical imbalance theory of depression seems to hold water, as I've battled with depresion and other mental health issues for a long time, and SSRI's have really helped me. Of course, as HB said and I'm sure Swiftrance knows, they are only a temporary solution, and the best course of action is some sort of psychotherapy.....


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OfflinePoopShooter
Escape Artist

Registered: 01/03/03
Posts: 163
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4805240 - 10/14/05 09:55 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

My doctor actually told me that if a person takes anti-depressants for atleast 9 months, their chance of relapsing into a deppresive state is lowered by quite a bit. I'm not sure if he was trying to plant a seed in my head, or actually telling the truth, but it's nice to think that this temporary solution may lead to a long term one.


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Offlineswiftrance
Let there be light

Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 449
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #4805282 - 10/14/05 10:11 PM (18 years, 3 months ago)

hey guys, i totally respect both of your opinions. no need to debate here. :smile2: Here's an answer to some questions..

Quote:

psilocyberin said:
You were given an easy way out, someone else justifying your misery for you, and you hopped on the answer, without ever questioning it.
Have you read reports, studies, findings current and old which talk about the cause or validity of "chemical imbalance"?




I know thats what it seems like as thats the position i took, i used to see it that way when i would see people decide to take antidepressants. But truly, i didnt just hop onto meds as the answer to my problems without question. Most of my life ive believed antidepressants to be a sign of weakness (in my ignorance), and have tried many many methods of treament that did not include a prescription. I was actually able to defeat depression on my own before. But this is different. Its just not subsiding.

And during these 2years ive read lots of articles and self help chapters. I actually asked the doc if they can test to see if its chemical or not for sure, she shook her head and she kind of implied that its still almost impossible to know for sure. I believe you that its still tough to determine if a chemical imbalance is the culprit but why not treat it as a last resort?


Quote:

psilocyberin said:
I am not doing this for fun, nor to be an asshole, nor to stir up shit, nor to argue. I simply feel that there are alternative solutions and various ways of getting at the root of depression, and I want it to be heard because I care just as much as the rest of the people on this thread about "depression" and the people whom are affected by it.



:heart: thank you psilocyberin, i understand completely.

im really trying to be proactive about this. im going to keep working out like usual, but start running every day as well. i used to find great joy in that activity, i want to make it fun again.

Ive riddin this out long enough. Its time to recover and become productive again.
-hunter


--------------------


Edited by swiftrance (10/14/05 10:18 PM)


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OfflineSneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
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Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4806391 - 10/15/05 02:43 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

swiftrance, thank you for not making me the villain on this topic yet again. All I ask is that drugs be the very last resort, or atleast multiple alternatives be exhausted before medication.
IMO, being proactive is the best possible thing in this situation, my words and statements may seem harsh/rude, but when dealing with something as drastic as depression i feel one shouldnt mince words or ideas.
I truly hope that you find what it is you are looking for in life which completes you, and if medication becomes a reality, i do hope that it can subside the problems long enough for you to fix your life.

good luck.


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InvisiblePyjamas
Stranger
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 48
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #4806633 - 10/15/05 07:44 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

psilocyberin said:why do you so vehemently attack my viewpoint on this, going as far as flaming (reference-- "you idiot!" in above post)? would not a simple dissent have done the job?.......




Because you recommended smoking crack! It was your first sentence! NO! a simple dissent would not have done the job!

Quote:

psilocyberin said:I never gave any advice to go smoke crack. I dont wish for anyone to smoke crack, especially to "cure" their problems. I know it helps your rant/argument out to villify me, but lets try keep this as civil as possible while not losing the big picture that is "we have all posted within this forum to help swiftrance".




Yes you did!! It was your first sentence!

Quote:

psilocyberin said:I urge all of you to go truly do some research about this subject...please. True unbiased research, think about it "logically and rationally", ask the simple questions like "what are the statistics and percentage of Americans with depression?".
I could go on and give you mounds of such info, but i dont want to derail this thread, i wish for the focus to remain on swiftrance and his problem.

Swiftrance, please dont just accept that you are a biological and genetical "victim", atleast go research and question exactly what proof there is out there, because i read pages upon pages of newsworthy articles from reputable sources, trying to find someone with concrete proof of the cause of depression.

You were given an easy way out, someone else justifying your misery for you, and you hopped on the answer, without ever questioning it.
Have you read reports, studies, findings current and old which talk about the cause or validity of "chemical imbalance"?




As a matter of fact I have. There is a strong relationship between chemical imbalances and serious psychological conditions such as schizophrenia, OCD, Psychosis, bi-polar depression and clinical depression. I have a book about it if you want to buy it off me. I don't need it anymore.

Quote:

psilocyberin said:"chemical imbalance" is merely a theory to the cause of depression... why? because it hasnt been proven. There are plenty of other ideas and theories as to the cause of "depression" and i urge you to atleast entertain these other possibilities before trying to find happiness in a bottle, nor is it in a crack pipe.




There are other CAUSES of depression, social circumstances like domestic violence, poverty, drug abuse and what not, but that doesn't mean chemical imbalances/interactions isn't a cause of depression, well drug abuse yes but in terms of genetics and inheritance, It is and it has been proven. Psychological conditions CAN and DO run in the family.


Quote:

psilocyberin said:***back to you pyjamas*** check out the addiction stats on anti-depressants, mood modifyers, amphetamines and anti-psychotics. Maybe even attempt to study some of this information yourself before you attempt to give life altering/scientific advice on a subject you arent learned on.




Unfortunately I have. I'm studying Psychology and Sociology at university. I never suggested anti-depressants to swift because they aren't necessarily the best cure over the long run for some people. I've only suggested simple behavioural steps, I've seen worse cases than swift. It's not like I've written him a prescription for Christ's sake!
I fear YOU know less about this than you make out. Searching google doesn't count.

(Does anyone else see the irony of this? Posting in a Magic mushroom forum!?)

Quote:

psilocyberin said:I am not doing this for fun, nor to be an asshole, nor to stir up shit, nor to argue. I simply feel that there are alternative solutions and various ways of getting at the root of depression, and I want it to be heard because I care just as much as the rest of the people on this thread about "depression" and the people whom are affected by it.




That's exactly why I'm posting here. I don't want to argue and make enemies but your first post isn't helpful. It's as clear as day light.


--------------------
. . . Lime and limpid green, the sound surrounds the icy waters underground . . .


Edited by Pyjamas (10/15/05 07:57 AM)


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Offlineswiftrance
Let there be light

Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 449
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: Pyjamas]
    #4806867 - 10/15/05 10:10 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

:nonono:


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Offlineart
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 331
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
Re: depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help [Re: swiftrance]
    #4810509 - 10/16/05 10:53 AM (18 years, 3 months ago)

i am on lexapro too, and it has helped me a lot. I really hope it will be able to help you out. I know exactly what you are going through. Make sure to really give the meds a chance, i didn't really start seeing a difference until after month of using them. Even then it was the subtle things that really showed they were working

I have to disagree psilocyberin, maybe i do not really comprehend what you are saying so this might be kind of off the subject but oh well.

I would say for most of my life i have been depressed, but i had no idea that i was, i remember talking to people with depression and being so grateful that i did not have it. So i never felt sorry for myself, i did use alternative ways to deal with being depressed. Exercise being the main thing. I thought the way i was feeling was all normal and that if just learned to get over it i would be fine. Now i feel like just learning to deal with depression is actually just covering it up, and medication is the cure. Sure you can use alternative methods to help cope with some symptoms, but what about the apathy, lethargy, tiredness, or social problems? Do you know of any ways to deal with those problems? (I am not trying to attack you at all, i really want to know some techniques if you have any.)

I really hope you find something to help you, remember that if lexapro does not help you it does not mean that no medicine will. Just hang in there, you will find something that works.


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dr_gonz 10,396 57 03/12/05 09:46 AM
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