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 Retired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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 Death...Feel Bad? 
#4776007 - 10/09/05 07:37 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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So My dad got remarried a few years back and my step-mother is pretty cool. Anyway my step-mothers mom just died and well I have no feelings towards the subject.
I knew her mother and had seen her on a number of occasions but honestly it will make no difference to me now she is dead...
Is that odd? Normal? Should you feel remorse for everyone that dies?
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 WoodsCall
own it
Registered: 12/06/04
Posts: 1,486
Loc: eye of the beerholder
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 Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776101 - 10/09/05 08:08 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why should you mourn her death? Even though many people consider step-relatives as family, it's not always the case. There are different degrees of relationships between people, and it seems this woman is someone you had a weak, if not nonexistant relationship with.
I feel the exact same about my stepmom's mother, though she's still alive and kickin. For instance, my stepmom tried to get me to call he mom Grandma, when the family first came together 10 years ago; i refused. When she dies, I will feel bad for my stpemom and her immediate family, knowing how much they love her, but I personally won't mourn for HER.
If you were to mourn the deaths of all the acqauintances you've ever met, you'd be one miserable person.
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Live free or die.
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Locus
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 3 years, 21 days
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776125 - 10/09/05 08:18 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think it's fine. In addition to just the plain not feeling so much for her, beliefs also may come into play when dealing with death, but it probably doesnt even go that far in this situation. With this person I guess you just weren't that close to her, so it's really quite alright. I think just the acknowledgement is well enough.
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe
~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~
*Check my profile to listen to my music* 
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ShroomOmatic
Ethno Apprentice
Registered: 10/14/04
Posts: 2,373
Loc: Sailing the Seas of Chees...
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776134 - 10/09/05 08:23 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Its normal to not feel bad. She wasnt family "as far as blood lines go". So she wasnt your grandmother and you wernt really close to her.
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Terantula
Spider
Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 54
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
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I just lost my father to cancer last year, and believe me, when its closer to home, it is very felt. IF this person wawsnt very close to you. Can see why you might not care "as much" as if it was someone closer... but that person has a high chance of almost being a total stranger relationaly...
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Retired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Terantula]
#4776326 - 10/09/05 09:35 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yeah I can see that. Just making sure I am not abnormal. A lot of my friends feel bad about everyone they have every met that have died.
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Tyrone_C
Stranger
Registered: 07/13/05
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776358 - 10/09/05 09:49 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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I had the same experience with my great aunt. I probably met her yearly, so we weren't that close, and when she died I didn't really feel bad at all. Ironically the fact that I wasn't very upset upset me though. So I guess it's a normal thing not to feel too bad if they aren't very close, but I'm sure some people are on the other side of the fence on this one.
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KungFu_Shaman
naive and lovingit
Registered: 02/23/05
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Loc: noitacaol cihpargoeg
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776433 - 10/09/05 10:12 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tradenmar said:
Is that odd? Normal? Should you feel remorse for everyone that dies?
To quote from an episode of Star Trek TNG:
"Shouldn't you mourn for any human that dies?"
"Perhaps if we did, human history would be a lot less bloody."
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Feel the wrath of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!
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absolute zero
The Hero
Registered: 11/04/01
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Loc: 127.0.0.1
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776473 - 10/09/05 10:20 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tradenmar said:
So My dad got remarried a few years back and my step-mother is pretty cool. Anyway my step-mothers mom just died and well I have no feelings towards the subject.
I knew her mother and had seen her on a number of occasions but honestly it will make no difference to me now she is dead...
Is that odd? Normal? Should you feel remorse for everyone that dies?
I think as we grow older and become more accepting of death, it affects us less. So, you knew who she was, and you'd met her a few times, but if there was no bond there... if you didn't feel a connection to her, then why should you mourn her? I mean, out of respect, or to console your step-mother, you may attend the funeral... Don't bottle up emotions inside if you have them, but if you truly aren't sad over the event, then don't try to force yourself to be... This doesn't make you a bad person... This doesn't mean that you have no emotion... This just means that you haven't suffered a loss from this death.
To answer your last question, yes and no.... I understand that death has an impact on the people who were close to the deceased, and so I wouldn't rub it in their face or anything... If you like your step-mother (I won't even start getting into my family situation, thankfully I moved out long ago), then be there for her if she needs your help, and treat the topic with the gentleness that it deserves.
Just the fact that you posted this concern shows me that you are a kind, caring person in some sense....
Either that, or YOU'RE AN EVIL MONSTER! 
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Locus
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 3 years, 21 days
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776480 - 10/09/05 10:23 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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And also, just that you asked the question is a good thing
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe
~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~
*Check my profile to listen to my music*
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Retired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Locus]
#4776489 - 10/09/05 10:27 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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Locus...I cannot PM you back!
Makes sence to me. And the star trek quote is a good one! I will have to remember that.
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Locus
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 3 years, 21 days
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Re: Death...Feel Bad? [Re: Retired]
#4776510 - 10/09/05 10:35 AM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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oh sorry, try it now dude
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe
~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~
*Check my profile to listen to my music*
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