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OfflineMuppet
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an age old question finally answered!
    #4738236 - 09/30/05 08:45 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I used to sit and ponder what sort of shit would drive a person to the brink of choosing death over this wonderful existance of ours...but that one I ponder no more

I have discovered the truth to this one...and the truth isn't pretty

to put it mildly - this place sux
plain and fucken simple

there is nothing in this worth that makes it worth the bullshit you have to go through while experiencing it - fucken nothing
and the only reason people continue doing so, is the same god damn reason women continue having children after their first - they forget the pain

time, it seems, truely does heal all wounds

just not for this fucker







I've lived the sort of life that the best of fairy tales can only hope to emulate...

- I spent my younger years looking up to a 'father' who later bailed out on me the second things got tough
- only to come face to face with a quote unquote real father that bailed out on me the second he realized I wasn't the proverbial 'perfect' son he always wished for
- and that was all after my mother split out on me (and the rest of our broken little family) for some douche bag she was currently infatuated with
- which, only lead to me being taken away by a government agency that didn't give a flying fuck about me, or my sisters
- and as (my) luck would have it - they all went to real fucken homes whilst I was left to fucken rot (cause apparently my old man thought I needed to be set straight...or some shit)
- and that bullshit didn't end until I got my damn self out by tracking down my step father (who had already moved since the last time I had any sorta contact with him) and who, I might add, I had only fucken stumbled upon by pure fucken chance alone (or spiritual guidance, if you choose to believe in that sort of thing)
- but none of that meant shit...because he kicked me back out onto the street midway through a spiritual revolution I was going through, where I was trying my damnest to figure out where the fuck I belonged in this god forsaken world of ours
- so I made my way back to an old relation of mine (my uber fucken christain ass grandmother...who hated the life I had supposedly 'chosen' for myself) and all I got from her was a whole fucken helluva lot of torment about how I wasn't sucking jesus's fucken cock, and how I needed to be broken the fuck down (or some shit)
- so that one ended
- and I wound up back with my step father
(the only person who legitimately wanted to help me get back on my feet...at that point in time anyway)
- and then I got my fucken teeth stomped the fuck out by some random asshole, who apparently was just trying to prove he was a fucken badass to some friend of his (possibly because he was trying to get himself into a gang...possibly because he was just fucken bored and needed something to fucken do)

in either case though

- I moved back in with my grandmother (cause apparently my step father was looking for any fucken excuse to drop my ass)
- and all she did was thoss me back out on the streets when I refused to enter her fucken church
- so I then made my own god damn way...I found myself a place to live, got hooked up with a coupla roomates that were needing someone like me at the time, and I kept on fucken truckin
- only to have them kick my ass out onto the streets when they damn near got us all thrown outta the apartment we were living in, and I took it upon myself to fix the fucken situation
- so they got to fucken stay there while my ass was tossed out back onto the mother fucken street
- and my entire life's accomplishments were all taken from me by a group of assholes that decided to raid the fuck outta my personal belongings and destroy the shit outta everything the didn't want for theirselves

(story of my fucken life)

after all that bullshit - I found myself wrapped up ina even more bizarre situation where I'm living with a family of retards that need my fucken help for every god damn thing that you could possibly think of

- the person that should be watchin over them is hiding away in her own god damn apartment (far away I might add)
- I'm fucken stuck taking on the god forsaken burden she was too much of a puss to handle her damn self
- the people I'm 'workin' with give me more god damn trouble that any single entitiy should ever havta deal with (no matter how high up there they may be)
- and I'm now stuck inna bullshit ass situation where this one fucken cunt I'm watchin over is raisin all kinds of cane (like callin the cops with false pedophilia charges (nevermind the fact her old man spent nine months in jail for the same god damn thing (before taking his own god damn life I might add)))

- and I have long fucken since been on my last leg









you wanna know what brings a person to the edge?

it's a bullshit ass life that's nothing but a continuous series of crap that never fucken seems to end













people like to claim that it's a permanent solution to a supposed 'temporary' problem...but I disagree...if you ask me - it's a mother fucken guaranteed solution to a never-ending set of fucken problerms

this life, it seems, ain't a fucken bed of roses for all of us  :mad2:


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


Edited by Muppet (10/02/05 05:54 PM)


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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4738408 - 09/30/05 09:23 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I'm sure you don't want to hear bible stories right now, but I'd just like to bring up the story of Job. Sometimes we've got to wade through a sea of shit before we reach the shore.

You're still young, and you've only gone through a small portion of your life. You are still miserable because things haven't settled down for you.

Maybe you've made some bad decisions regarding who you chose to live with. Maybe there are things you could change about yourself. Life sucks (and especially for you it seems) but you have to believe that you have the strength to change things, and that change starts inside you.

We can't always control our surroundings, and often we have to bend with them. Sometimes we have to break. Remember to leave the past behind you...

But you know, there are some people who are a LOT worse off than you. Some folks manage to live in conditions of war, famine, disease, without shelter or food. And they still manage to have the will to live because they SEE that their suffering HAS to end eventually.

Don't expect the world to change. Only you can do that.

And if I read your post right, and you are seriously thinking about suicide, then I really suggest you reconsider. There is a whole community right hear that will listen to you and try to help you, and apparently you know that, because why else would you post this here?

"...this too shall pass..."


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4738481 - 09/30/05 09:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Save some money, get a passport, leave the country (third world is where you money goes farthest.) and start again. If the same thing happens then consider that you might have a hand in your troubles. If things are different, I hope you have fun and a great life. :thumbup: :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Invisiblepops
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4738524 - 09/30/05 09:50 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Sounds like you've been dealt a weak hand in life Muppet. Most of the people who achieved the most in this world had tough times coming up. It made them that much stronger. It's like if a plant is growing in a windy location it's gonna grow a thicker stem see.
Maybe that sounds like corny cliches to your jaded ears. I don't know. Sorry I don't have anything better to offer.


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OfflineBooby
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: pops]
    #4738683 - 09/30/05 10:44 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

my stupid 2 cents in answer to the original post is that God agrees with you (or that you agree with God) that life isn't worth it.

As such, I'd think life would make a turn for the better for you; Let's hope so.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


Edited by Booby (09/30/05 10:46 PM)


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4738760 - 09/30/05 11:06 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

If your going to kill yourself then quit trolling forums for sympathy and get on with it. As for me, self pity only elicits disgust...not empathy. It is just a cheap trick. If you can't rise above such petty discomforts and injustices then, by all means end it. I would guess that you are more into getting sympathy than death. Seeking symapathy only feeds your demons and makes them stronger. Drop the pity act and assume some responsibility before the pity monster consumes you.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4738775 - 09/30/05 11:10 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Huehuecoyotl said:
If your going to kill yourself then quit trolling forums for sympathy and get on with it. As for me, self pity only elicits disgust...not empathy. It is just a cheap trick. If you can't rise above such petty discomforts and injustices then, by all means end it. I would guess that you are more into getting sympathy than death. Seeking symapathy only feeds your demons and makes them stronger. Drop the pity act and assume some responsibility before the pity monster consumes you.




basically the same thing I said, but a lot more cruel and unsympathetic...

tomAto tomAHto... whatever... :shrug:


Edited by dr0mni (09/30/05 11:11 PM)


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: dr0mni]
    #4738806 - 09/30/05 11:23 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I have been from the pinnacle of ecstacy to the edge of despair in this life. I have been in the pity seat before threatening suicide. I just grew up and got over it. In the end it is the highs...and the lows...that make it worth it. Intensity is not boring but engaging.

"Warriors do not win victories by beating their heads against walls, but by overtaking the walls. Warriors jump over walls; they don?t demolish them."
--Castaneda


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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Invisiblebukkake
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4738812 - 09/30/05 11:24 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

You didn't answer anything for me. All you told me is ending your life is justified because of the bad experiences one has endured. You are to learn from your experiences and mistakes, not commit suicide. But if you choose to, that is always your choice as a person.


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OfflineBooby
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: bukkake]
    #4739397 - 10/01/05 01:37 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Sometimes we are pushed to extremes as in the book of Job.

Suicide is a sin, I believe, to a devout Christian, but not to a Buddhist's sense of compassion.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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Offlineqhr0me
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: dr0mni]
    #4739429 - 10/01/05 01:51 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

dr0mni said:
tomAto tomAHto... whatever... :shrug:




no disrespect whatsoever and very much thread derailing (modgods please don't banish me into oblivion), but you know you wanna buy this t-shirt!-)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: qhr0me]
    #4740289 - 10/01/05 09:14 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

yes it is a good start

sounds like 25 years of anger to unwind
we need more of the smart from it
in the fabric of society's bloody t-shirt
so as to prevent abandonment of children
here and there and everywhere it happens


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OfflineMuppet
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4740580 - 10/01/05 12:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

a recap of last night:

I polished off half a dozen bottles of god knows what, that I stole from the one broad I'm living with (like 80 or so pills total)
I then went on to slit both of my wrists...and shortly there after - passed the fuck out
I woke up this morning with a coupla gnarly scars and a bit of a stomach ache...but wake up I did
and now I'm sitting here getting the same sort of 'advice' I always fucken get when I wind up going down this route - quit being a bitch / grow the fuck up / or do it fucken right next time

I shoulda seen this commin  :nonono:


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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OfflineMuppet
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4740585 - 10/01/05 12:43 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

BTW



you guys could probably move this crap to OTD or somethin...
ain't no reason it should be wastin space in one of the more respectable forums


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4740614 - 10/01/05 12:52 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"I polished off half a dozen bottles of god knows what, that I stole from the one broad I'm living with (like 80 or so pills total)
I then went on to slit both of my wrists...and shortly there after - passed the fuck out
I woke up this morning with a coupla gnarly scars and a bit of a stomach ache...but wake up I did
and now I'm sitting here getting the same sort of 'advice' I always fucken get when I wind up going down this route - quit being a bitch / grow the fuck up / or do it fucken right next time."

Well here is more. Quit engaging in useless drama, and quit associating with those who feed off of it. Quit doing stupid things to hurt your body. Quit blaming other people for YOUR problems. If you are in a bad life situation...just walk away from it. Such drama has a way of being self perpetuating. It creates a cycle of bad feelings that slowly wear you down and rob you of your humanity. Control your input and your output will be clear. Just reading what you wrote here should be a frightening wake up call.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4740661 - 10/01/05 01:11 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I have to agree, and I doubt you will be listening because that's exactaly what you don't want to hear.

Shit or get off the pot.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineBlueCoyote
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4740713 - 10/01/05 01:32 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I feel with you


--------------------
Though lovers be lost love shall not  And death shall have no dominion
........................................................
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."Martin Luther King, Jr.
'Acceptance is the absolute key - at that moment you gain freedom and you gain power and you gain courage'


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Offlinedr0mni
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: Muppet]
    #4741274 - 10/01/05 04:30 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Muppet said:
a recap of last night:

I polished off half a dozen bottles of god knows what, that I stole from the one broad I'm living with (like 80 or so pills total)
I then went on to slit both of my wrists...and shortly there after - passed the fuck out
I woke up this morning with a coupla gnarly scars and a bit of a stomach ache...but wake up I did
and now I'm sitting here getting the same sort of 'advice' I always fucken get when I wind up going down this route - quit being a bitch / grow the fuck up / or do it fucken right next time

I shoulda seen this commin  :nonono:




Please note that I never gave that advice. You seem to be focusing more on the negative advice you recieved than the positive advice. Could this parallel your current attitude towards life? I'd bet so.

what advice DO you want to hear? Do you want people to tell you that everything will be alright? That killing yourself is not the answer? What would you do differently if you did hear this advice?

Don't ask for help if you don't want to accept it when it is offered.

I really hope that waking up this morning has given you a fresh perspective. You should live this day like you were dead, and all your problems have been left behind...

Start new. Make the effort to make things better, and quit settling for the crappy hand you've been given in life.

You've been given another chance that you probably don't deserve. Be grateful for it and try to stay off the path you've been walking down...


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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: dr0mni]
    #4741318 - 10/01/05 04:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)



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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: an age old question finally answered! [Re: dr0mni]
    #4741514 - 10/01/05 05:34 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"Don't ask for help if you don't want to accept it when it is offered."

All of the advice offered was sound advice. Don't take it personally, but realize that the people who post that sort of shit don't want help...they want sympathy in return for their persecution bit. Misery loves company. While working as security at a manufacturing facility we had an abusive husband come on site and commence to strangle his wife who was an employee. Our guys stopped the assault. The next day she begged the management not to prosecute her husband. A week later she was sporting two black eyes and bellyaching about the abuse she suffered. My supervisor and myself confronted her directly about why she did not leave her husband. She just tried to blow us off with some cheap martyr bit, but we persisted. She became angry and put off and walked off. It was obvious she tolerated the abuse so she could gain sympathy. When she complained to her peers she glowed with joy at the attention and "understanding" she recieved. She was a person who thrived on drama...there was no helping her.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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