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Registered: 01/01/05
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History lessons
    #4736101 - 09/30/05 12:36 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test in North Carolina (unknown school district).

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is a bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldnt have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advise. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: Tee hee, Brutus.

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah.

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

11. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeos last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hotee. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife dies and he wrote Paradise Regained.

14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

15. Abraham Lincoln became Americas greatest Precedent. Lincolns mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assassinator was John Wilkes booth, a supposing insane actor. This ruined Booths career.

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster that he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick (Danny Boy, was this one of the McCormicks from the Read area?) invented the McCormick rapper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.


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Re: History lessons [Re: Silversoul]
    #4736112 - 09/30/05 12:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Well, they are only about 11 or 12. Give them a break.

Oh wait...this looks like a joke. I guess I am the stupid one for falling for it.

Edited by RandalFlagg (09/30/05 12:41 PM)

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Re: History lessons [Re: Silversoul]
    #4736121 - 09/30/05 12:39 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Congratulations, you just proved yourself smarter than 6th graders! :yesnod:

Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Re: History lessons [Re: Silversoul]
    #4736131 - 09/30/05 12:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

could a sixth grader write that well?


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Re: History lessons [Re: XUL]
    #4736375 - 09/30/05 01:33 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)


XUL said:
could a sixth grader write that well?

I could when I was in 6th grade. And I knew a hell of a lot more about history too.


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Re: History lessons [Re: Silversoul]
    #4736730 - 09/30/05 02:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I only read up to #2 because I figured, Mount Cyanide is pretty good, the rest can't be that good.

Then I went back and started reading the rest, I guess I was right. :p


"It seemed to me culture is a shabby lie. Or at least this culture is a shabby lie. If you work like a dog, you get 260 channels of bad television and a German automobile. What kind of perfection is that?"-McKenna

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