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OfflineLimelight
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Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again
    #4688254 - 09/21/05 12:17 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

*edit* make sure you read my next post after this one. i'm not deleting this even though its embarrasing, because after you read my other two posts.. you can pretty much see that its a great demonstration of success by sticking with it. mary jane really hsould be legalized.. i feel like 100000 lbs are off my shoulders.

Ok.. i'm not sure what the deal is and i need your help (irony alert!). anyone who visits shroomery regularly probably recognizes me as someone who's pretty questionable about drugs.. i mean out of the 350 posts i have i bet 200 of them are asking some sort of question, whether it be "will i be ok if..." or "what will happen if..."
Heres the story..
Last night i went to my friends house after a really shitty day, had a few glasses of wine, and smoked some really old/shitty bud that had the really 'cloudy' feeling. I also hadn't smoked in 3 weeks so it was especially ass-kicking. Anyway, I got in another horrible thoughtloop. my friend and i started talking about evolution (which sorta got my thoughtloop started). We then watched some stupid movie but i couldnt concentrate on it so i went home. There, i talked to my friend online who has reached the end of the universe on psychedelics. He's done like 10g of lab grown shrooms and shit. anyway, i noticed a lot talking to him.
In my conversation with him, i brought him INTO my thoughtloop. I looked at my aim log, and its HUGE.. its just me asking a question, then im explaining it, then me thinking of more questions about it.. and asking him more questions of the same type. it was pretty much 2 hours of me asking the samet hing and worrying.
Today however, i conquered my previous nights feelings and i got them all sorted out. Even though i question everything, my saving grace is that im an optimist so even if i question everything, i can usually figure it out later and be happy about it.

My problem is that i cant get my mind to stop interpreting the experience and just accept things for what they are. i have tried many tricks "let go" .. "ride the wave" .. "worrying wont help.." etc etc but my mind sorta gives me a big FUCK YOU and keeps on analyzing to its hearts content.

When im sober, this bad trait displays itself by the way i ask questions all the time about drugs (not really anything else). You can see when im sober posting on the shoroomery.. im always asking questions (like this entire thread, ironically)..
When im high, it presents itself in the fact that i have to analyze EVERYTHING about the experience. even if i tell myself just to flow with it, or try other methods for 'letting go', i cant seem to stop my mind from analyzing the situation and just accepting it. ie.. i cant 'ride the rollercoaster without interpreting it'
I'm pretty sure some of this one experience was because i hadnt smoked in a while, i was drunk, and it was horrible weed, but i still think a problem presented itself which i awlays have. so i take that with a grain of salt.
Anyway, today i made a great discovery :sun: as i was working out my problems.. i realized that the goal that im going to try and have for my upcoming dmt trip, and possibly on an 1/8 of shrooms, is to calm my mind and get it so that its not always in a constant state of searching.
When i talked to my friend online whose gone to the end and back, he told me that we are similar because we are always searching for something.. and that is true for me. just in this stupid post i am searching and searching (notice the length?).. no matter how hard i try though, i cant seem to help it. I'm not fucking crazy, im not a schitzo.. i have tons of friends and im happy with my life. but this one problem is getting under my skin because i cant solve it. my friend told me taht we are 'slowly developing souls' and that we are behind other souls who can 'let go' very easily. this was sort of depressing for me, but it seems true.
Now though, here are my questions...

1. do you think this is a good goal to have for a higher dose trip? i have only taken 3g of shrooms 3 times, and i loved it each time and dindt have a single bad time. but, the goal of my trip sort of contradicts having a good time. if i had to guess... im going to have a really shitty time, but i will also learn the most.

2. is a 'constantly searching mind' a bad thing to have on psychedelics? I have a feeling, based on this shitty weed experience, that it willb e ahrd for me to not interpret the experience when i do dmt.. thus making it hell.

I guess what im asking is, is it better or worse to have a constnatly searching mind in order to have a good (happy-vibed) trip?

Sorry.. im pretty embarrased about all this shit, but i dont really care.. its all in the name of trying to get this god-damned demon inside of me to leave.

Ps.. this IS just with marijuana it seems.. i loved shrooms, but then again the dose of shrooms i had wasnt enough to give me a "true" bad trip. Like is aid though.. this demon still does present itself in my real sober-life.. ie this post. Its funny how it only seems to do with drugs though. Anything else in my sober-life i dont question like this.. its so weird

Thanks  :tongue:


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (09/21/05 02:03 PM)


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OfflineCUBErt
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Registered: 08/24/05
Posts: 1,067
Loc: Southern CA
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: Limelight]
    #4688479 - 09/21/05 01:07 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Well for one, I know what you mean about thinking too much. Often drugs just make it worse. I could be wrong, but it might be a good idea to try and work your problems out more in a sober state of mind, and then you will hopefully have a more rewarding trip. For me personally, dropping some shrooms while I had too much goin on in the back of my mind could be recipe for disaster (The most intense "thought loops" I have had were with mushrooms). And DMT, well that is something way more intense and profound.. If your mind is unstatisfied, there is the likelyhood that it will be reflected in the DMT trip. However, this does not necessarily mean the DMT trip will cure that problem.. In fact, it could make you have a terrible time. I am not trying to discourage you from tripping right now, I am just saying that it might be a good idea to work things out while sober (perhaps meditation or dream-analysis) and then use these positive feelings you come out with to enhance your next trip. But to more directly answer your questions:
1. I guess to me that is a better goal to just have in your life, not necessarily for a trip. Often your goals for a trip begin to melt away once it actually starts.
2. A constantly searching mind (while sometimes being tiresome :P) is a great asset to someone tripping. Afterall, it is often a searching for something that leads one to trying psychedelics.

I hope that helped in some way


--------------------
-CUBErt
:cubie::levitate::cubie:


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OfflineLimelight
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Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: CUBErt]
    #4689084 - 09/21/05 04:02 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

i just smoked a shitload again, and i figured my entire problem out :sun:

I feel like a completley new born person.

i realized
i needed to grow up
drugs wont take care of your problems
go actually hang out with people instead of just having 1000 acquaintences and staying in all day on the shroomery

i feel like ive grown up by 3 years. i honestly see what he said now about a 'slow soul' . i also really feel like ive grown up.. like i was in a thundercloud and just rose above it.

My thought patters are running a lot different now.. they aren't anxious like before. and i realized all if it started from when iw as 14 and my coworker offered me weed. i thought id try it and took like 10 hits before it worked. i was so stoned at work it completely blew my mind and i couldnt talk/comprehend shit. since then ive been obsessed with it, but i was to young to realize it wasnt a good idea at that time.
i was in that whole loop the entire time being obsessed with drugs up until today. I'm going otmorrow to ask this girl out ive been dating, cause i realize i should be doing that stuff instead. :sun:
i also am not interested in drugs now to an obsession. i just see them as a tool to make things interesting, not as some thing to solve your problems of your life (even though in the end it did.. now im comfused)


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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InvisibleLand_Crab
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Registered: 08/29/04
Posts: 2,194
Loc: U.S.
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: Limelight]
    #4689138 - 09/21/05 05:16 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

deleted for now


Edited by Land_Crab (09/21/05 05:33 AM)


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Invisibledblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: Limelight]
    #4689175 - 09/21/05 06:11 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

:thumbup:

Maturity can come over the course of years or minutes. Glad to see you're working out your problems!


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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OfflineLimelight
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Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 791
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: dblaney]
    #4689974 - 09/21/05 01:47 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

This is absurd. today i went through my life just as i explained above. i honestly feel like a different person... ive been in this slump for 5 years (from the first time i smoked till now when im 20).. it seirously is amazing. i can talk to people without being nervous, every single problem i had stemmed from that, and after 5 years my brain finally figured it out. it was crazy.. last night when i was lying there RIGHT before making the revalation, my brain was thinking at a mile a minute, and in my head it was tinted red.
all the sudden, my thoughts suddenly came up with the answer and they stopped dead cold... and it was silent, and i had the asnwer. teh color inside my head turned to blue.. and i was so stunned i was fucking happy as hell. Ill never forget this expierence... the only advice i have, is dont let your kids smoke when they're really young, thats what fucked me up in the head in the first place. i think iw as too young and it intruged me too much, hence the obsession.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineLysergic_Milkman
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Registered: 10/21/04
Posts: 1,676
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Last seen: 21 hours, 3 minutes
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: Limelight]
    #4690118 - 09/21/05 02:18 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Wow. That's absolutely wonderful!
It's those sudden, life-changing appiphanies that make my job great (like a teacher who sees that "Ahah!" look on a students face).
Too bad i had nothing to do with this one, and, strangely, neither did shrooms.
I don't really know you at all, but i can still [somehow] honestly say that i'm proud for you.


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OfflineTheDoctor
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Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 50
Last seen: 6 years, 5 days
Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: Lysergic_Milkman]
    #4691990 - 09/21/05 09:44 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

That's awesome
glad to hear it.


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OfflineTangerines
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Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,906
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Re: I keep having reoccuring shitty times.. i need shroomery advice again [Re: TheDoctor]
    #4692273 - 09/21/05 10:48 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

What you described is exactly how i feel. Well at least your first post. I can never not feel nervous when talking to people unless they are my close friends. I just stumble on my words when i do talk at all. I have been trying to slow down lately and just take life slowly but its hard cause I too analyze everything. When I trip I just feel that I should always think like that and feel like that cause I can talk to anyone without a worry in the world. This is what I strive for but its hard especcially in a weed haze. I know deep down high school relationships really do not matter and that everyone is just one together but i can't bring that out into my personality. I am getting better it just is taking some work. I wish I could go back to the days when peoples opinions about me did not matter because that is who i want to be. I always get this thought that people are judging me so i think too much about what im going to say and htink about their reaction and the whole 9 yeards. People always told me think before you act but I just do not think that works for me. Sorry for the rant I just had to let it out.


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