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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
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Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
How did I get myself into this again?
    #4624261 - 09/06/05 12:59 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

I feel like a total ass.

I almost made it a year without oxycontin.

About a month ago I started again. STUPID.

I'm fed up with it already. My lazy eye is getting lazier.

I'm afraid. Tomorrow I'm going to come clean with my parents and ask my boss for a week off. I'm going to try my hardest to quit cold turkey. It's only been a month and I've quit CT before after doing more than I'm doing now.

I have to quit. Not because it is expensive. Because I am unhealthy. I'm not eating right, sleeping right, I'm depressed. I feel like a total ass for getting back into it. I feel horrible for being a slave to the substance.

I am going to need all the support I can get. I am fearing 5 hours from now, when I will come clean. All I will have to do is say, Mom, look at my eyes. My lazy eye gets noticeable when I do opiates for long periods of time. I know this will hurt my mom a lot. I don't know how my dad will react, he is very stressed as it is.

I don't know how to deal with this. I do not want to go to a rehab, don't want to ask my parents to spend any more money on rehabs, detoxes, doctors, etc. I am going to try it cold turkey.

Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 02:02 PM)

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Invisibleeligal
Noobie

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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4624293 - 09/06/05 01:12 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

go for it man, you can do it. and im sure even though itll be hard on your parents, they will be very supportive.


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4624586 - 09/06/05 03:42 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

I am going to DO it cold turkey.*


The look in your mother's eyes should be enough for you to stop.


Best of luck, my friend.

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
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Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: Adden]
    #4624652 - 09/06/05 05:29 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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InvisibleTien
人民英雄
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Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 2,382
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4624704 - 09/06/05 06:51 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

All the power is with you man, I wish you good luck. You can do it.

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
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Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: poke smot!]
    #4625469 - 09/06/05 12:06 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4625659 - 09/06/05 01:04 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Hang in there though! You'll be glad you did.  :thumbup:

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OfflineSherman901
Stranger
Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 151
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: Le_Canard]
    #4625671 - 09/06/05 01:09 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

You've got some balls man. You can do it. Good luck.

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OfflineCubieman420
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: Sherman901]
    #4626031 - 09/06/05 03:04 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

I just got a taste of withdrawl recently, in fact I am just starting to feel better today after a week or so of feeling like shit. I would really suggest some kratom to help ease you through, it really worked for me until I ran out of it. Also, how much have you been using and how often? For the past few months I have been doing OC/morphine/hydro 1-3 times a week, and that was enough for me to get a taste of withdrawl, nasty stuff.


--------------------
"...now waters run free, no more fish in the sea..."
1983-2004

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
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Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: Cubieman420]
    #4626131 - 09/06/05 03:42 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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InvisibleDark_Star
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Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4626187 - 09/06/05 03:58 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

You can do it man, trust me...I've been there before; I've been off smack and oxy for about 2 months now. If you need to talk, feel free to PM or IM me. Good luck brother, the power is in you....you can do it!


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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: Dark_Star]
    #4626645 - 09/06/05 06:04 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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Offlinefreddurgan
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Registered: 01/11/04
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4627775 - 09/06/05 09:57 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Just don't get hooked on the Valiums.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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OfflineLocus
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4628241 - 09/06/05 11:39 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

nice going man. keep on!

i just went through 5 days of horrid withdrawal and i would have gone through a lot more before it was over because that was just the beginning. i got some kratom though today thank god. ive gone through so many withdrawals and im sick of this shit. im going to taper and use kratom and get it down to a more tolerable cold turkey and then im done and i mean it.

im with ya man! stand tough!


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: Locus]
    #4628915 - 09/07/05 06:41 AM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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OfflineTrippingAlpha
TrippingAndToking
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 5
Last seen: 18 years, 6 months
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4629823 - 09/07/05 12:34 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Good Luck man! Be strong and you will get through it.

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: How did I get myself into this again? *DELETED* [Re: TrippingAlpha]
    #4642368 - 09/10/05 01:52 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4642440 - 09/10/05 02:21 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

have any vague memory of what a natural high is?
like the feeling of a good stretch? fresh air and good weather floating in a lake in some national park - no wants or desires, nobody around to distract you, just being.... but if you can sweet talk some sexy thang to romp around in the nude in the woods all day with you, i bet they'll help with the restoration.
hmmm, the endorphins kicking when biking through a trail..
a massage?
sometimes just lookin' in the mirror and observing your posture with forgiveness and love can help one attend to see how tension manifests through the way one rigidly moves, paces, holds themselves.....

you have to maintain a natural high, any idle from it and you will feel disconnected, dull, tense, unattractive...... opiate addicts more often are trying to numb emotional pain than physical pain.

best of wishes to you
CJ


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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Offlineeris
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Registered: 11/17/98
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Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4643660 - 09/10/05 08:52 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

Damn, that's a tough situation. I hope the methadone and klonopin don't cause cross addictions. I know people who have to visit a methadone clinic every day of their lives or they will be in pain all day long (these are heroin IV addicts though).
I understand what you are going through, being formerly physically dependent on heroin for long periods of time myself. It took a bunch of tries to actually force myself to face the withdrawal. It will go away though. I know it seems like it takes forever. For me, it took a week or so for the severe sicknesses to pass but the bodily discomfort and mental stress lasted at least a month. I can remember sitting in my bed, weeks without using and being so uncomfortable that I wanted to just kill myself.
I won't even touch opiates anymore.. closest thing I come to it anymore would be kratom.
Hang in there and give it time, the withdrawal goes away. You can even look at it as an accomplishment. I do that to help prevent myself from falling back into it. I just think to myself that I've been through hell and back, beat the drug and lived to talk about it.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
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InvisibleMoonshoe
Blue Mantis
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Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
Re: How did I get myself into this again? [Re: poke smot!]
    #4692658 - 09/21/05 09:55 PM (18 years, 6 months ago)

your doing the right thing. Be strong.

peace  :thumbup:


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.

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