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OfflineVulture
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Why does it still hurt so much?
    #4608871 - 09/01/05 04:59 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Ive definatly been through some shit with my ex as a lot of you know. We were seperated for a while and got back together (some of you know the immense story behind this) And then we parted ways once more.

I cannot bring myself to love anyone else...my love for her will not go away. I recently saw her for her b-day and gave her something nice. And i know she has been seeing this guy for a month or so now...and i pretty much accepted that.

I have accepted that all i really care about is her health and happiness.

But when i looked at her online journal today and i saw in writing I <3 Cory i almost cried. Why does it hurt so much? I should be over this bullshit!

i feel so inferior


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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OfflineSerioOria
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Registered: 07/23/05
Posts: 566
Loc: upstate, SC
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4608896 - 09/01/05 05:04 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

human nature is one of those things man, love to hate it


i try to transcend that, but ya know i get around the females and human nature takes over even in me


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Live every day like it is your first
or
Live every day like it is your last
My ArT!!


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InvisibleVeritas
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Registered: 04/15/05
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4608938 - 09/01/05 05:13 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Why does grieving a loss make you feel inferior?

You will be over it when you're over it, there is no timetable for the heart. If you can accept the end of the relationship, and accept that she has found someone new, why can't you accept your need to grieve?

IMO relaxing into the healing process will ease the pain.


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: SerioOria]
    #4608943 - 09/01/05 05:14 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

yeah ive always been the one not to get caught up in that mess....guess it was my time sooner or later.

fuck it sucks :frown:


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Veritas]
    #4608950 - 09/01/05 05:16 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Veritas said:
Why does grieving a loss make you feel inferior?

You will be over it when you're over it, there is no timetable for the heart. If you can accept the end of the relationship, and accept that she has found someone new, why can't you accept your need to grieve?

IMO relaxing into the healing process will ease the pain.




what makes me feel inferior is for her to choose that fucker over me. I know its not my fault and i know im not inferior...but htat doesent keep me from feeling like it.


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4609049 - 09/01/05 05:40 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Yes, being rejected in favor of someone else hurts.  I've been there. (Too many times.  :frown:)

Have you considered that, just because he is better for her does not mean he is better than you?


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Veritas]
    #4609109 - 09/01/05 05:54 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

im not worried about him being better than me...better for her is what hurts


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4609162 - 09/01/05 06:03 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Being left by someone you love hurts, there is no getting around that, I think.  But judging yourself based on their choices is adding insult to injury.  You need your own love and support right now, and telling yourself that you shouldn't feel the way you do, and that you are inferior because she left is not supportive.

Extend the love and concern for her happiness that you feel for her until it includes YOU, too!

:heart:


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Veritas]
    #4609265 - 09/01/05 06:33 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

amen sister!

thats what ive been striving to do. It seems to help...but man it was just shoved in my face today :frown:


edit: your a sister not a brother :smile:


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


Edited by Vulture (09/01/05 06:49 PM)


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4609271 - 09/01/05 06:35 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

It could be worse...I once had a boyfriend move his new 17-year-old girlfriend into our apartment, and then refuse to leave!

I finally found my own place and moved out, and they couldn't afford the rent, so they had to move to the trailer park with his mom & dad. :grin:


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Veritas]
    #4609300 - 09/01/05 06:44 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

holy shit thats fucked up!

yeah...its really hard to go from everything being so fucking perfect..everything seeming to work out in mysterious ways to join these soulmates. Moving in together...i almost proposed for gods sake...we talked about marriage and everything...and then it was just like she didnt like me anymore...

i really dont and probably never will understand it...thats another thing that hurts...seemingly no reason behind these change of feelings.


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4609356 - 09/01/05 06:56 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Would it really feel better to have it all explained?

Maybe your mind wouldn't be going around in circles about it, in addition to your heart feeling broken, but I'd bet it would still feel pretty bad.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I believe that we grow stronger, and learn to trust ourselves more, through hard times. That doesn't make them more fun to go through, but it does feel good to get to the other side of the pain.


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Veritas]
    #4609414 - 09/01/05 07:09 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

yeah...it just blows my mind how something so fucking perfect can turn out like it did. Ive never had a problem with my intuition...its always done me good. And now when everyone seemed to think everything was so perfect..and it turned out not to be. How do i know anything about anhything anymore?


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4609421 - 09/01/05 07:12 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

When it comes to other people's true feelings, we really don't know anything! They can choose to share all the feelings they are aware of (and that much honesty is very rare) but you still wouldn't get the full story.

I find it helpful to remind myself that everything is my "best guess" and not a certainty.


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InvisibleVirgilKane
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4610114 - 09/01/05 10:08 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

But when i looked at her online journal today




Man, it's the same everywhere. Either we're doing drive-by's and seeing them in someone else's arms or reading their on-line journals. I don't know what it is that makes guys punish themselves so much, but it's like we HAVE to make ourselves feel like shit even it the break-up wasn't our fault. I've clung many times too until I just realized that a part of me(her) had died and I just needed to grieve it like any other death instead of putting myself in positions to make me feel bad about myself and then trying to deny the loss.

It helped me to finally start FULLY feeling the loss instead of torturing myself with little pieces every day. I'd fully feel it, cry my ass off and feel better(or at least be tired enough to sleep). Each day I would cry a little less until it was finally cried dry. THEN you can start to remember the good stuff and how you're happy that at least you knew real love once in your life.. that's a lot more than some people get a chance to experience.

I also found out after many experiences that if your REALLY loved them, after the hurt wears off there's a place somewhere inside you after a while that is happy for them because THEY are happy.


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


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OfflineVulture
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4610318 - 09/01/05 11:01 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

yes i realize this and i have been past that point really. i am happy for her. but its the feeling as if part of me has died that gets to me. i dont cry anymore...that was over a long time ago...i just dont feel like a complete person anymore.


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleLouiseLouise
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4610421 - 09/01/05 11:28 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Hey vulture, haven't seen ya in a while.
Maybe I can offer some advice, first let me identify by saying look at some of my shit here. Ask my girl, it's all spawned from a break up 15 some years ago. My girl says that she's in competition with a ghost :crazy:
I tried to drink myself to death over it, been though many a sessions over it, and (since this girl came along) I still tought about her everyday.
It's not fun, it's very painful. But I must face the facts, if we were meant to be together, we still would be.
You have to break this down for yourself, that has helped me to deal with the truth of it. Write your feelings down (that goes a long way) Try to identify your feelings and then next to those feelings, try to list reasons for why you feel this way.
Work with it a bit and see if it doesn't help ease the pain.

:peace:


--------------------
"That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC


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InvisibleVirgilKane
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4610445 - 09/01/05 11:35 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

I know, it really sucks to feel that way, but it seems as though your not giving yourself a real chance to be a complete person if you don't let her go more.  It's so fucking hard to cut lose, but by keeping her in your life by reading her journal and seeing her and making that a part of who YOU are, it seems as though your not giving yourself that chance to be you OWN complete person.

I really feel for ya' Man.  I've been there many times and I know these things are easier said than done.  Looking back on my experiences, I try to remember what I did to get over it and the truth is that I can't really remember.  It definitely wasn't someone else to make me feel better.  Like you, I didn't EVEN want to be with anyone else, that felt too much like betrayal to me.  I just know that cutting the ties made the hurt stop coming back and slapping me in the face.  When they're not constantly being refreshed, the old bad feelings fade after a while.

Hang in there, Man.  I'll be thinking of ya'. :thumbup:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


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OfflineVulture
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Registered: 06/18/02
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4610485 - 09/01/05 11:44 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

man...i dont even know what to say.

I love you guys


--------------------
Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisibleVirgilKane
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Re: Why does it still hurt so much? [Re: Vulture]
    #4610505 - 09/01/05 11:48 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

Back atcha, Man!! :cool:

You're definitely not alone!
:heartpump: :sunny: :heartpump:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


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