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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
closure
    #4578646 - 08/25/05 11:50 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

i called my father for the first time in about a year in a half yesterday with the intent of apologizing to him.

i despised him my entire preteen/teen/preadult/adult life.

i couldn't stand him.  he was no father.  he was everything i hated about men.  he is why i am so feminine.  HE is the reason.  because he is so overtly male, i cant stand it.  hes a pig and an asshole to women, and not responsible for his first two born children, how utterly MALE.

but i called and left a message that i wanted to speak to him.

he called me this morning, and i apologized.  i said i was sorry for being such an asshole and so arrogant towards him.  i never wanted to do anything with him except when i needed to use him.  i told him this.  i told him i understand that he was just doing his best, but i apologize because i didn't even know what my best really was when i harbored such horrible feelings for him.  i was an angry young man with no mother and what i felt like was no father.  but i was just young and unaware of the great and secret show that everyone is acting in.  i love my dad.  we are so similar it used to hurt.  now when i realizes something about myself that reminds me of my dad... i smile.

he said he would accept my apology, as long as i accept his.  he apologized for all the things that i hated him for.  for the first time ever.  closure is the name of my twenty-fourth year.

cheers you fuckers, and if i ever cross you, tell me and i will bow to your bodies temple, step aside and smile.  why not?  we are all brothers!  we are all children!  we all need credit for what we do.

its not easy being human, though its always worth it <3

~Anthony :todcasil:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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InvisibleBoom
just a tester
Male
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578665 - 08/25/05 11:53 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

That's really cool, I bet you feel like a weight has been lifted :thumbup: :todcasil:

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OfflineGillette
Jaded
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/10/99
Posts: 4,058
Last seen: 23 days, 17 hours
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578668 - 08/25/05 11:53 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

good stuff <3


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578670 - 08/25/05 11:54 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:smile: :heart:  I need to do something similar with my father. Except, instead of apologizing for hating him, I need to tell him I don't love him and have hated him for a long time.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: closure [Re: Boom]
    #4578672 - 08/25/05 11:54 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

man this whole past two weeks since i turned 24 since the 8th of this month, this has happened in almost every area of my life... its so bizzare yet so wonderful :smile:

let sme believe that i am free...

i am a free spirit!

:heart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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Invisiblemantis
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 5,235
Loc: Bunker Alpha, GMC Flag
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578675 - 08/25/05 11:55 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:hug:
^ that's a masculine hug btw


--------------------

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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: closure [Re: mantis]
    #4578680 - 08/25/05 11:55 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:wink:

/me hugs the shroomery

time to get to werk boys!!

peace

:dancing:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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InvisibleTYL3R
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,493
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578682 - 08/25/05 11:56 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

That deserves a dance

:dancing:

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InvisibleBoom
just a tester
Male
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
Re: closure [Re: TYL3R]
    #4578684 - 08/25/05 11:56 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:hitlerdance:

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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: closure [Re: Boom]
    #4578687 - 08/25/05 11:58 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:toadkart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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InvisibleTYL3R
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,493
Re: closure [Re: Boom]
    #4578690 - 08/25/05 11:58 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

:toomuchacid: :dancinghitler: :villagepeople: :discodance: :hairmetal: :toast:

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InvisibleTYL3R
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,493
Re: closure [Re: TYL3R]
    #4578691 - 08/25/05 11:59 AM (18 years, 7 months ago)

FOUR HUNDRED POST I GOTTA GO

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OfflineOrganic
Lloyd

Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 5,774
Loc: Overlook
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578702 - 08/25/05 12:02 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

Thats awesome man, thats all I can say :todcasil: :race:


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578718 - 08/25/05 12:05 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

That's powerfull and deserves  :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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InvisibleIn(di)go
People of the sun.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4578761 - 08/25/05 12:17 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

that is really good to hear... and i have had a very similar experience the months after i turned 24 (may this year)... i never hated my dad, but ever since i moved to germany we have been pretty distant... so when i went to ecuador in april we had a talk and i told him all i have been yearning to tell him all these years... now whenever i think of him i think of this verse of Lord of the Rings...

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not touched by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

my dad has been working his ass off all this years when everything he deserves is a nice and peaceful retirement... but he can't afford it... and this makes me so sad... it is good to hear that you cleared things with your dad... and yes, you are free... a free soul...  :heart:


--------------------

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Offlinepeeper
Even stranger
Female User Gallery

Registered: 01/07/05
Posts: 1,424
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: closure [Re: Icelander]
    #4578773 - 08/25/05 12:19 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

That sounds great! I am so happy for you!

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InvisibleColonel Kurtz Ph.D
What What?
Male User Gallery
Registered: 07/22/04
Posts: 11,113
Loc: Shadow Moses
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4579984 - 08/25/05 02:48 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

You're an amazing human being, I wish I could meet you in real life. Congratulations from deep within :heart:


--------------------
:whatwhat:

There's no better way to rock out than with your cock out!!

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InvisibleIn(di)go
People of the sun.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
Re: closure [Re: Colonel Kurtz Ph.D]
    #4580005 - 08/25/05 02:53 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Deepman said:
You're an amazing human being, I wish I could meet you in real life. Congratulations from deep within :heart:




:yesnod:  :thumbup:  :sun:


--------------------

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Invisibleafoaf
CEO DBK?
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/08/02
Posts: 32,665
Loc: Ripple's Heart
Re: closure [Re: Todcasil]
    #4580036 - 08/25/05 02:59 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

feels good


--------------------
All I know is The Growery is a place where losers who get banned here go.

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InvisibleCowgold
Bullshit

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 12,486
Loc: .
Re: closure [Re: afoaf]
    #4580069 - 08/25/05 03:05 PM (18 years, 7 months ago)

ahmen brother!

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